


It's Just Us

by WinchesterSixx



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Anal, Anal Fingering, Anal Sex, Angst, Awesome Bobby Singer, Double Penetration, Double Vaginal Penetration, F/F, F/M, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Major Character Injury, Making Love, Masterbation, Medical Procedures, Multi, Oral Sex, Other Additional Tags to Be Added, Protective Dean Winchester, Protective Sam Winchester, Salty sam, Smut, Threesome - F/M/M, Vaginal Fingering
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-10
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2018-11-03 15:42:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 33
Words: 114,225
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10970346
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/WinchesterSixx/pseuds/WinchesterSixx
Summary: A career as a Trauma Nurse was all you had dreamed of, but after the day to day violence, pain and loss, you just couldn't anymore. A knee-jerk decision leaves you with no possessions except those that would fit in your truck.  Taking a road trip across the country should have been the solitude and recharge that you needed. And it was until that injured, giant of a man needed your help.





	1. Road Trip

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I got really frustrated with where this going. So with a lot of thinking and soul searching, I decided to clean up. Please excuse our dust during construction. I'll get the rest up soon, I promise.

A six year old boy had been accidentally shot by his older sister while she played with daddy's gun. The bullet wound was through and through, but his lung had collapsed. The ER attending's voice boomed over the beeping monitors. The room was ripe with the copper penny smell of blood. You were the one that assisted the resident with the chest tube that saved the boy. 

That's when you knew. The organized panic, a team of people coming together for one mission. To save a life. To fix what was broken. People worked under pressure all the time, sure. No matter what the job was, there was gonna be stress. But for you it was the choreography of a level one trauma center. Everyone knew their jobs. Like double dutch on the playground, you just jumped in where you were needed.

This had led to an eight year stint in Atlanta, Georgia. Before that, four years in Baltimore, Maryland. Before that, three years in St. Louis, Missouri. Fifteen years all together. That's a lot of blood. A lot of stabbings, shootings and beatings. A constant stream of patients. Names forgotten, but faces you could see every time you closed your eyes. The work was rewarding. You poured yourself into it. Every last bit of energy and dedication you had.

Your friends understood, but you felt them growing distant, but not because of anything you did wrong, just due to your absence. Romantic relationships were a joke. Sure, you dated. Even tried exclusivity. But they knew they came second to the job and they pulled away, too.

Eventually the breakdown came. You stopped feeling. Stopped mourning. It became just a job. That, coupled with the feeling of being isolated from everything but human violence and frailty winning out. You gave a months notice, cashed out your 401k, sold off most of your stuff and left. Driving northwest. It seemed as good a direction as any. 

**********

You stayed in roadside motels. Staying in a town till you got bored then packing your truck and taking off again. It had been 3 months since you left your job, your life and the only skill you knew behind.  It was while staying at an extended stay hole in the wall, just outside Boise, that you heard the noises in the hallway. Just before dawn on a Thursday morning, you were awoken by two men talking, one grunting in pain. 

When you opened the door to peek out, you saw one leaning heavily against a shorter man. There were obviously injuries involved and your second nature took over. "You guys need some help?" You were already making your way towards them. The taller of the two looked your way, eyes trying to focus through the hair that fell in his face. 

The man supporting him took a short glance at you, trying to dig his room key out. "We're good. Don't worry about it." His tone was clipped. Not rude, but dismissive none the less. It was obvious they weren't going to seek medical attention or they would have already. 

"I'm a nurse. I can help."

Taking an apprehensive look at you after he opened the door. "Fine. But no questions, OK?" You nodded in agreement and rushed over to help get the injured man in the door. After laying him on the bed, you started peeling away layers. He was bleeding from his side. Several deep lacerations were there. Some still had glass glittering from inside. He was fighting to stay conscious. "Hey, big guy. Stay awake for me. My name is ____. What's yours?" 

"Sam. That's my brother Dean. Thank you for helping us, you didn't have to. It's bad huh? Dean, I think this is more than we can handle here." "Nah. You'll live. Nothing a little bubblegum and duct tape can't fix. Dean, I do need your help though. Can you go to my room and grab the green bag from the closet? It's got first aid supplies in there. I'm gonna get your big brother prepped."

Sam exhaled a laughed and immediately groaned in pain. "He's my big brother." 

"Well you're bigger so we can call him your little brother." While you were keeping Sam distracted, Dean had returned with your bag. Like any good nurse you had a mini field medic kit with you at all times. You pulled out the scissors and cut away the fabric from Sam's side . Dean was hurrying around the room turning on the lights. 

"Sam, I'm gonna need you to roll on your side. Your leg is gonna be bent and your arm will be over your head. Dean, I need you to help so we can do this in one movement. That way it only hurts once." Dean moved to the bed next to you, in one movement the two of you rolled Sam into the position you needed him in. With grunts and curses, Sam tried to hold still but it was nearly impossible. 

Dean moved about their room, gathering the items you needed. Towels, hot water and whiskey. The alcohol swabs you had would work on the isolated areas, but you needed the booze to clean the big area first. Sam came wide awake when you poured the whiskey over his side.  "Here, Sammy. Take the edge off." Dean moved to grab the bottle,  you snatched it away from him. 

"I don't need his blood thinned when I'm trying to get it to stop. Hold the towel and put steady pressure on the wound." You pulled the suture kit and tweezers from the bag, along with a vial of Morphine you'd 'procured' from the hospital. "Any allergies to any medication? This is all I've got. So it's this or nothing."

Dean answered, the concern he showed for his brother seemed paternal, but it felt right. Like it was just what he did. "No. He's not allergic to anything that we know of." After the injection of pain meds, you set to work. Sam fell into a drugged stupor and didn't move as you stitched up the clean wounds before removing the shards and slivers from the others, adding stitches to them as well.

Once the bandages were in place and Dean had covered his brother with a blanket, you relaxed in the arm chair in the corner. "In my room, in the mini fridge, there's orange juice. He needs the sugar after the blood loss. Can you grab it please?" He didn't answer, just left the room to fetch the juice. When be returned you were trying to get the blood out from under your nails. He brought a clean wet rag to help. 

"You were amazing tonight, _____. Thank you. I could have done it, but not as good as you did." He offered you a beer that you took gratefully. "So, where'd you learn all that?" Dean sat in the chair next to you and rolled his neck, trying to stretch out his kinks. 

"I worked in the ER for a long time. But I guess I'm what you would call retired now. I chose to travel. Do something different, but it seems I'm still needed for this kind of stuff." 

"You're gifted. You should keep at it. We travel a lot for work and could someone like you on the road to help.  Don't think Sam would mind if you hung out for a while. I mean since you're traveling and all, you could head off in out direction."

"Someone like me to help with your work? All I can do is fix boo-boos. What kind of 'work' do you do that I can help with? Did Sam end up like THIS because of your 'work'!? 'Cause that's a little sketchy, Dean."

He set his jaw and stared down at the bottle in his hand. "Well, sweetheart. You probably saved my brother from a nasty infection. So, I'll tell you the sad, sad tale of the Winchester brothers."

After a couple of hours of Dean talking, your fourth beer was drained and you were staring at him wide eyed. You found yourself actually weighing the options. Why were you even considering this? It was totally out of character for you. But you'd seen the evil that humans could do. Things that were more twisted than any scary movie could ever try and portray. But you'd left to escape all that. This WAS this road trip you were on. Fuck it. It would be an adventure.

You stayed in their room that night. Taking turns watching Sam. The biggest worry through the night was tearing the stitches. He was so big, his feet hung off the edge of the bed. Using the pillows from the second bed, you were able to keep his arm braced so the wounds didn't pull. In three hour shifts, the two of you rotating who was watching Sam. Neither of you really slept. You, because of years of twelve hour shifts. Dean, because, well, he was Dean. 

During the early morning hours Sam finally stirred. He muttered Dean's name and looked around confused. "Hey, _____. You stayed?"

"I had to monitor my patient. How ya feeling, big guy?"

"Like I got thrown through a plate glass window."

"Well, that would be expected." Helping him raise his head and offering the orange juice to him, you gave him a quick once over. "No fever. A little deydrated and your dressings need changed. Dean, can you do that? I'll go pack and we can get going."

Sam looked to his brother who was rubbing the back of his neck. "Yeah, Sammy. I need to talk to you about that."

**********

The three of you loaded up your vehicals and stood next to your truck. Dean gave it a quick once over. "It's straight? Lights and signals work? We can't afford for you to get pulled over for something stupid."

"Oh, honey, he's good." Running your hand over his fender, you could almost feel Waylon purr against your finger tips. "I'm gonna follow you guys. You have my cell number if you need it."

"Do you have protection? A weapon in reach?"

"I have a nine millimeter in the center console and a buck knife in the door panel. Is that sufficient, sir?"

"Yeah, actually." He did this cute little shrug, head tilt thing that showed a little boy charm you hadn't seen yet. "It's pretty fucking impressive, if you ask me. Look, we're gonna drive through to the town that the case is in. It's about fourteen hours."

"Well, you best stop talking so we can start moving." This earned a laugh from Sam and a dimple you'd never noticed before popped out on his cheek. Between those and Dean's candy apple green eyes,  you decided their gene pool was blessed.

**********

Following the guys down the highway, you kept thinking how beautiful their car was. Dean drove it like an extension of himself. Completely relaxed behind the wheel. As big as the classic muscle car was, Sam still looked cramped. If they hit a speed bump, he was gonna knock his head. Somewhere, in that part of your brain that was always focused on the patient, you worried that the position he was in couldn't be comfortable on his wounds. When the Impala suddenly pulled over by the side of the road, you followed and parked behind them. "What's up, boys?" Hanging out the window showed more of your country ass than you'd like. 

Dean called out over his shoulder as he and Sam headed for a bank of trees. "Pee break. Be right back."

"Sounds like a plan." Grabbing some napkins from the glove box and jumped out to get to the passenger side. You pulled down your pants and squatted on the running board of your truck and of course, they came back to the road side right when you were wiping. Sam turned away and Dean shielded his eyes in surprise. 

"Whoa! _____, you can't warn a guy!?"

"Dean, it's just a vagina. I'm sure you've seen at least one before." Pulling up your pants and grabbing the hand sanitizer before motioning to Sam. "C'mere, big guy. Wound check time."

Sam turned and let you pull up his shirt. He hissed when you pressed the bruising around the bandages. "Dean, I'm worried about the pressure on his side if he's folded up in your car for this long. I'd like to put Sam in the truck with me. You OK driving alone?"

"He'll be fine by himself, believe me. I'd like to stretch out a bit of we're telling the truth." Sam looked like he was going to pass out if you didn't get him sitting down again. 

Dean turned to walk to the car. Somehow, you were just noticing his bow legged swagger. He stopped and turned enough to point a finger gun at you. "_____, no funny stuff with Sam. Let him heal first." He winked and pulled the "trigger" with his thumb. Sam looked at his feet with a blush rising to his cheeks and ears. When he looked up through his hair and smiled, his eyes were soft. His awkwardness faded and his dimples popped. Those fucking dimples.

**********

Sam had pushed his bucket seat back as far as it would go. He was in a semi sitting position with the seat leaned back. "_____, thank you so much. This feels so much better already."

"Of course! Sooner you heal, sooner you go kill the boogeyman, right?" Sam fiddled with a stray thread on his sleeve. "What? Did I say something wrong?"

"No, not at all. It's just weird. We don't usually tell people what we do. My brother said he made the decision based on how you acted last night. He said you never asked questions until y'all were done taking care of me and that you stayed all night. Thank you, again, for that by the way."

"Well, all I knew was you needed help. And I couldn't just walk away from that. How's it feeling anyway?"

"Hurts. Feels kind of stiff."

Sam took the handbag you'd pulled from behind his seat. "Inside zipper pocket. There's Advil. I'll get you something stronger when we stop for gas."

**********

At the second gas stop Sam was passed out in the truck. "Big guy has no tolerance to pain meds does he? He's been snoring the last 100 miles, and no amount of blaring music shuts him up."

"Hey. You invited him, he's your problem now. I, however, am enjoying the ride in peace and quiet." His eyes were so green and the dusting of freckles stood out on his cheeks under the florescent lights above the pumps. He was just so...pretty. "Are you gonna say anything, 'cause I'm feeling kinda awkward here." That's when you realized you were staring at him. Not saying a word, just staring. "Your pump shut off. You gonna get it or just leave it there till we get to the hotel?" 

"Oh, yeah. Sorry. Um, so how long till we stop? If I don't wake the baby up he won't sleep tonight. And I'm not staying up with him all night again."

Dean was giving you a curious stare. There was something on his face that looked comfortable there. Dissapointment? Why would that look at home there. "We should be there in a few hours. You sure you're gonna be OK? No change of heart or anything?"

Dean had stepped closer to you. So close that you could smell the gum he was chewing. "Yeah. I'm OK. No second thoughts. I'm still in shock, you know? What you guys have told me. That I'd even think to come along. All of that. But it's an adventure, right?"

"Just keep thinking that, kiddo. You'll be fine."

You have him awkward finger guns like he's given you earlier, only he'd looked WAY cooler doing it.

**********

That night at the motel you showered and got into the big bed of your single room. Having one of your patented debates with yourself, you weighed the pros and cons of the situation. Every doubt was outweighed by the plain old excitement of what was going on. 

Tomorrow the guys would be going out to ask questions to figure out what tied the missing people together. When they got back, they'd be researching and promised to let you sit in. Good. This was going to be good. Adventure time. With two incredibly hot brothers. Brothers?! Dumb move. Stupid, stupid dumb.

**********

Someone was banging on your door. There was no way this place had housekeeping, so you couldn't imagine who would have the balls to bang on a random motel door like that. Flinging back the covers and stomping to the door, you completely forgot you were only wearing panties and a tight baby tee.

Eyes squinted tight, you flung open the door. "This better be good." You didn't have to squint anymore because Sam's hulk-like shoulders blocked out most of the sun. 

"Good morning to you, too. I've got coffee and donuts. Will that get me past the gates?" Sam was standing there in a suit. A fucking suit. Stupid dumb stupid.

"Shit. Sorry. Come on in. Lemme just put some pants on." He turned his back, giving you a sliver of privacy. 

"So, Dean and I are heading to the police station. If we look over the missing persons reports we may find a connection. You have our numbers if you need us."

"Monster killers AND you play dress up? Cool gig." Coffee in one hand and a donut in the other kept you from shooting finger guns at the other Winchester brother. 

Dean walked in wearing a matching suit. Seriously? This was becoming more unfair by the second. "Yeah, well it's easier to get information if we say we're feds. We should only be gone a couple few hours. Want us to call so you can meet us for lunch?" The guy had a maple bar coming at his face and he was planning out food for later. 

"That would be nice. I'll be out anyway. Gotta hit a drugstore and restock the med kit after Sam about cleaned me out. , So, g'bye boys. Have fun storming the castle." With awkward nods and waves, they made it to the door that you closed behind them. Shaking off the filthy, filthy thoughts that the image of them in suits had triggered in your brain, you pulled your duffle out of the corner and started pulling out your clothes for the day.

**********

The drug store was tiny, but it was the only one in town. Grabbing a cart and heading for the pharmacy department, you took in the bandages, gauze and antiseptic. This was like being a kid in a candy store to you. Noting to yourself that you only had a couple suture kits left, and based on what they had told you and what you'd seen so far, that was going to need to be a staple. You remembered reading somewhere that boiling unwaxed dental floss was a fine substitute for suture material. You'd just have to boil it as needed. 

The hardware would be different. A package of plastic bowls and every bottle of betadine  in the place gave you a way to sanitize the equipment. Bottles of hydrogen peroxide and rubbing alcohol joined the rest your treasures. The lady at the register kept looking from your items to you as they beeped across the counter. Smiling and taking advantage of the small town you'd be leaving soon, you checked over both shoulders. With an ominous wink, you crooked your finger at her to bring her closer. "It's for the clean up after." She chuckled nervously and all but tossed your bags in the cart. 

You were still giggling when your phone rang.  You answered without thinking and Dean's deep tenor gave you chills.

"Hey, _____.  We still on for lunch?" Why, oh why, must he make it sound like a date?

"Yeah! I've got one more stop to make as soon as I find a sporting good store to get fly fishing hooks. Then I'm all yours." All yours. Nice one, why don't you just set yourself on a silver platter.

"Alright. I'll call you once we spot a place, so you know where you go. You finding what you need?"

"I am! I'm a crazed woman with medical supplies."

There was a short chuckle then a hushed voice told you he needed to go and hung up quickly.

**********

Not surprisingly, the sporting goods store was about three times the size of the drug store. With a basket slung over your arm, you passed by the employees who tried to approach you. Fly-fishing hooks with the barbs snipped off could be used for suture needles in a pinch. They were accessible everywhere and didn't draw attention if you needed to buy in bulk. Tossing a dozen in your basket along with a LeatherMan pocket tool that included wire cutters in next to them, you headed for the check-out. Stopping in your tracks in front of the tackle boxes, a light bulb went off in your head. You grabbed two. One with a dozen little drawers and one with a flip top and a sectioned off tray. The little first aid box just wasn't gonna cut it anymore. 

**********

It was almost 2 by the time you got the call for lunch. The boys were at a diner across town and it took you all of 15 minutes to get there. You found them quickly in a booth towards the back.

Both of them scooted to make room for you and it took a second to decide who to sit with. "Move your butt, Dean. I spent the day sitting next to sleepy over there yesterday." 

Dean's burger was almost gone and he was powering through his fries. Sam had some kind of chicken salad. Polar opposites. Mind wandering, you wondered how deep those differences ran. 

The waitress came to the table, obviously annoyed that you'd joined the men. "I'll take a BLT, salad and an iced tea. No fries." Without a word she walked away. "Which one of you was she flirting with. She's not happy I'm here. She better not spit in my food."

"I just think she's off put by guys in suits. She's been weird the whole time. I'm sure it's not you, _____." Sam was playing it off like it wasn't a big deal, but Dean seemed amused.

"What if she was flirting? Which one if us would you hope it was?" While you laughed uncomfortably, the food was delivered to the table. You thanked her brightly, making it awkward for her to be rude to you anymore.

"I dunno yet. I'm still trying to decide." Sam and Dean exchanged a curious glance but quickly changed the subject.

Sam grabbed the files from his bag and looked at you hopefully. "You interested in what we found? Another set of eyes might help."

You'd just taken a big bite of salad and had to talk around it. "Shoot. I'd be happy to help."

**********

That night you all hung out in the guys room. You'd brought your gun and knife and set to cleaning them alongside Dean while he cleaned their arsenal. 

Sam was sitting at the little table with his laptop and files spread out. "OK, get this. All of the vics were between twenty-one and twenty-five. All went to the same school. All jocks and cheerleaders except for one. This girl was a bookworm. Honor roll, chess club and mathleats. Why the different one?"

"Did you talk to her parents? Maybe they'll know the connection. She has to know them somehow." Immediately regretting the decision to speak up, you went back to using their wet stone to sharpen the blade on your knife. You didn't have any business giving them your input on their work. 

"Look at the big brain on _____!" Dean smiled brightly at how fast you were catching on.  
"We're going there tomorrow. I'm thinking it's a bullying thing. There are too many differences. I just wish they had a body, even one. That would give us a direction about what's doing this." Dean never stopped cleaning guns while he talked. His big hands moved fluidly, familiar with the process each needed.

"Well, I need to restock my kit. Go play with my treasures. G'night guys." While you made your way to the door Dean announced he needed to help you "set up your room". Catching his eye when he held the door open for you, your pulse sped up and teenager giddiness flooded your thoughts.

**********

"So, make a salt line on each window sill and put one by the door after I'm gone. Keep your gun and knife in reach all night. You aren't a hunter, but you're running with them. Gotta learn to protect yourself."

He handed you the bag of salt and you held it to your chest. There was an awkward moment between you as you both stood there just looking at each other. "Alright, so, I'm gonna leave you to it. Goodnight, _____."

"Yeah. Thanks Dean." He left the room and you let out a breath you didn't know you were holding. It had been a long time since you'd been with a man. But these two got the old juices flowing. Laying out a line of salt in the doorway, you spoke out loud what you'd been thinking all day. 

"I am so fucked."

**********

After tossing and turning for an hour, the heat between your legs refused to be ignored. Rolling onto your back you began to rub yourself through your panties. Humming at the sensation and sliding your hands under the waistband you felt the arousal that had been there since they showed up in suits.

Flashes of each of them went through your mind while your middle and ring finger circled your clit. Dean's eyes. Sam's dimples. The way Sam pushed his hair off his face when he was concentrating. The way the muscles of Dean's forearms moved when he cleaned the guns. 

The heat was growing in your belly as your breath quickened. Sam's muscles when you checked his stitches. Dean's tongue darting over his bottom lip.

Your back arched as you came. The sound of both of them saying your name buzzing in your ears. As you tried to catch your breath the same mantra ran through your head. 'I'm so fucked.'


	2. Moments

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> If you've just started this story, check the notes at the start of each chapter to make sure it's the edited chapter.
> 
> And guys... Dee Dee saved us ALL. Somehow, my dumb ass deleted all of chapter 2. They had the ENTIRE unedited work on flash drive and were able to send it to me. Round of applause. Take your bow, rock star. 
> 
> Now, this thing has been a monstrous pain in the ass. Maybe that's why I love it so much? I have had unstoppable event after even challenging me the ENTIRE time. But...here we are.

The next morning, medical supplies were spread out across the bedspread in your room. Organizing everything into the two tackle boxes, you were pretty proud of what you had amassed from this little bitty town. There wasn't much you were low on anymore, but it wasn't going to be easy getting that stuff. Pain killers, injection medication and syringes couldn't be picked up the corner store. There's always a market for controlled items. Where there's a market, there's a supply. You just had to figure out how to work that supply to your advantage. Last thing anyone needed was you going to jail for buying drugs to fix a werewolf bite.

When your phone rang, it startled you out of the process of taking inventory. "Suzie's whore house. If you've got a buck, we've got a fuck."

"Um, OK. Not what I was expecting. Hi, _____."

"Awe. Come on, Sam! Just trying to make you laugh. What's up?"

"Couple of things. Dean got a call from the the coroner's office. Sheriff found a body, one of the cheerleaders, early this morning. He's there now and I'm at the bookworms house with her mom. Look, _____, I can't get her to crack. Can you come help?"

"You do realize I have zero experience with this right?"

"That's not true. _____, how many times did you talk to parents to find out what really happened to land their kids in the ER? Please. I've hit a roadblock. I'm gonna tell the mom you're a counselor from a hospital in the next town over. No fed suits. Dress like you're on your day off, yeah?"

He had a point actually. With your charms, this would be another day at the office.

**********  
When you pulled up to the modest house, Sam came down the walk to greet you. "I told her your name is Susan, and you can help her put the pieces together to find her daughter. She doesn't know about the body yet. Her name is Mrs. Flannigan and the girl is Sarah."

With a hand on the small of your back, he led you to the porch. There was a warm tingle where it rested. Like it belonged there. Once inside, he directed you to the family room where a middle aged woman sat on a obscenely flower patterned couch by the window. Her eyes were puffy with tears and her nose was red from the constant wiping at it.

"Hi, Mrs. Flannigan. My name is Susan. I've been brought up to date on what's been going on and I'd like to help. I'll do everything I can to put pieces into place. Would you like to tell me about Sarah? What was she like in High School?"

Your eyes flicked up to meet Sam's, who's eyebrows were raised in encouragement. The woman was tearing a tissue into shreds in her lap. Taking her shaking hands into yours, that "you can talk to me" look seemed to work.

"She's smart. So very smart. Always an A student. Shy though. Didn't really have friends. You know, one of her teachers even called me once. Told me Sarah was getting picked on by the popular kids. When I asked her about it she wouldn't talk. Just said every thing was fine, that was no big deal."

Taking the box of tissues from Sam, you offered her another before getting her to open up more. "She sounds very strong. What can you think of after school. Did it get better after graduation?"

"Not really. She refused to apply to a single college. Just took online classes instead. Kept to herself for years. She finally met a boy about three months ago. He's a lot like her. You know, quiet and smart, but he seemed dark. Like he was hiding something. I only met him once, but he didn't come inside and I didn't offer."

Her description sounded like an episode of Buffy. The young, dashing stranger and the I know better mom.

"Mrs Flannigan, can I take a look in her room. It'll give me a better idea of who she is. And maybe tell us where to start. Is that OK with you? The last thing we want to do is overstep a boundary."

"Thank you for being so kind. If it helps, I guess that would be alright. Sarah's room is down the hall to the right."

"Ma'am, we're going to do all we can to bring her home to you. Agent, would you come with me?"

**********  
Sarah's room was sterile. A twin bed was pushed up against one of the plain white walls. A brown comforter and tan, patternless pillows. A functional bedside lamp and cheap, pressed wood, assembly required desk. "This isn't a young woman's room Sam. It's bare. No pictures, no knicknacks, no posters, nothing. Girl's personalize their rooms. Look for journals. Maybe she wrote down secrets? Wrote down what she couldn't say out loud."

Setting about searching the room. Sam was hung up in searching the bare desk and under the bed. He was careful not to upset things to the point it would be obvious someone had been there. When he moved something, it was placed back where he found it. Sliding open the closet door, the clothes reflected the feel of the room. Plain and functional. Looking to the top shelf, you spotted a box that looked out of place. "Sam, a little help?"

He didn't even have to stretch to reach it even though you couldn't see past the ledge. When his jacket moved, the smell of him swirled into your space. Like soap. Just clean. Sam held the box while you pulled the flaps open. Inside were maybe 2 dozen composition books. Each one had a beginning and end date. Even her handwriting showed how plain and functional she thought she was 

"_____? Where did you go? You're spacing out on me here."

Your mouth engaged before your brain had a chance to shut you up. "You smell good. Been a while since I've been this close to a man. It's a little distracting."

"Winner winner chicken dinner. We've got journals." Sam smiled at the sight of your happy dance. "Journals for the win! Lots o' them. Most recent is on the top. This is the box we need right?"

"Yep! Nice one, _____. We need to get this out of the house." Sam opened the window and softly dropped the box to the ground outside." I have to call Dean. So I'll step outside and grab it. Give your contact info to mom to keep her distracted. I'll meet you in the truck."

**********  
Back at the hotel the three of you poured over Sarah's journal. Dean had described the body that had been found. Throat ripped out and completely drained. He thought for sure this was a vampire case. Your Buffy idea had been on the nose, even if you were still in disbelief. "You gotta be fucking kidding me. Actual vampires?"

Dean put down the book in his hand. "I thought you understood what we did, _____."

"I do! Really. Just a little surprised I guess. Sorry."

Sam gestured to the journal in his hand. "This kid was tormented in school. She fantasized about the deaths these kids endured. She names them. It's the other missing kids."

"I've got a description of them attacking her during senior year. The girls pushed her to the ground and the guys pissed on her. Who the fuck does that to a person?" Dean rubbed his hands over his face in disgust. "Anything recent, _____?"

"She met this guy, Blaine, online. Told him all her secrets. Gave up the V card. Snuck out with him every night. Here's the thing, he told her she could finally have her revenge. He's got a cabin off Turnstile Road. Their secret place. Then it just stops. Stops the day before her mom reported her missing."

Dean and Sam stood up in unison, grabbing guns and knives and stowing them in jackets. "Where are you going?! You can't possibly going to that cabin."

Dean stood in front of you with his arms spread out. "Can't kill a vamp unless we find a vamp. You stay here. Fix the salt line after we're gone."

"Will you call when you're on your way back?" There was a desperate tone in your voice that you quickly tried to cover. "Just in case I need to prep here."

Dean slid his hand around to the back of your head and pulled you in to kiss your forehead. "Sweetheart, it's gonna be fine. Keep looking through the journals in case we strike out. Be back soon."

Sam stood awkwardly at the door, eyes narrowed at you. "We shouldn't be gone long. Keep your phone on."

"Yeah. I'll be here." After the door shut you fixed the salt line and sat on one of the beds, surrounded by journals of a sad young lady. You kept getting distracted by the thoughts in your head. Dean had kissed your head and Sam didn't seem to like it. 

**********  
The phone rang about three hours later. Dean's name lit up your phone. "Hey. You on your way back?"

"In a bit. We found Sarah and we're gonna take her home. She's got her runaway story down pat." Instant relief filled your chest. You didn't realize you'd been so worried about them.

"What about Blaine and the others, Dean?"

"Blaine the douche is dead. We cut the three kids loose. They're walking home so they can think about what they did. I kinda got thrown around though. I think I pulled my back or something."

"Christ on a cracker, Dean. I wouldn't have taken you for a crybaby. I'll check it out when you get here."

**********  
They were both standing there when you opened the door. Dean was smiling his cocky 'how you doin' grin and Sam was covered in what could only be described as gack. "Honey, we're home!"

"Shut up, Dean. Sam, are you alright?"

"Yeah, just dirty. I'm gonna take a shower and head to bed, but I wanted to see if you and I could have breakfast in the morning? You know we will be up before Dean."

"Absolutely! Come get me and we can go to breakfast, just me and you." Sam nodded with his sweet eyes cast down then went to his room. Dean looked at you, waiting for an invitation. "Come on, ya big wimp. Lemme look at your back.

**********  
Dean was spread out, face down on your bed. After taking off his shirt and working the pressure points it was obvious his back was in spasm. He'd taken his belt off and unbuttoned his pants. They were pulled down enough so you could get to his lower back. Just above the line of his underwear were a pair of dimples that were begging to be kissed. After sitting down next to him, you had to scoot closer to try and get a decent angle.

The expanse of skin was stretched over slopes and valleys of muscle that flexed and relaxed under the weight of your fingers. His cheek was laid against his forearm, facing you so he could watch your face. After a few really awkward seconds you told him to turn his head so you could work on his other shoulder. Pulling his bottom lip between his teeth, he did as he was told. Slowly.

"Ya know, it feels like most of the pain is in the middle of my back. Can you work on me there?" There was no way you were going to get the angle right sitting next to him and he new it. Kneeling on the bed and throwing one leg over his waist, he squirmed a little as you settled in. Straddling his ass and rubbing over the tight muscle, the fight to stay professional was a losing battle with the sexy noises he was making. "Fuck me, your hands are amazing, _____. Hands of a healer."

"Yeah, well, I'm a nurse. Not a masseuse. Don't get used to this. Ya know what? I'm almost done here. I'm gonna give you a muscle relaxer and send you to bed."

"I'm already in bed. Why don't you get in with me?" Taking that as your cue to get up, you went to receive the med box.

"Wow! You think pretty highly of yourself doncha? What makes you think I'm even interested?" Turning your back hid the blush on your cheeks, but your voice was too high pitched when you continued. "I mean, have you ever thought it might be Sam I'm into?" Oh, nice. Squeeky teenager voice crack. Smooth.

"See, that's the thing. I catch you looking at him and he catches you looking at me. Am I out of line?" He sat up on the edge of the bed and pulled his shirt over his head.

There was a couple beats where you stood, worrying the corner of your mouth with your teeth. Finally, with a big gulp of air,, your plowed through it. "No. 'Cause I'm crushing on both of you and it's fucking with my brain. Fuck! Please don't tell Sam I said that. K?"

Dean stood and gathered his things, not wanting to make you feel anything but respected. "Last think we want if for things to get weird. Look, ____, I'm just down to have fun. You go to breakfast with Sam. Figure that out and fill me in. I'll see you tomorrow." With one finger, he tilted your chin and kissed you the softest kiss in the history of kisses. His lips were there and then gone before you even realized it. Standing in the middle of the room in shock, you watched him walk out. Before the door closed behind him, he called out over his shoulder. "Fix the salt."

**********

Sam sat across from you at the diner. He wasn't really eating, just pushing food around on his plate. "It's like this, I think you're into me and I'm good with that. But then, I dunno, you and Dean..." His voice trailed off with a shrug.

"Sam, look at me. Please?" He sat back in the booth and raised his eyes to yours. His feelings were obviously hurt you felt like shit for it. "You aren't wrong, ok? And Dean and I? That's what's so fucked up. I've got a thing for both of you and it's fucking with my head. I can see this is causing nothing but trouble for everyone involved. Honestly, I think I'll just take off on my own from here."

"No. Please don't do that. You're a big help. In more ways than one. We can just shove this crap aside and work together. We're adults. We shouldn't have a problem with that, right?"

"I don't know that I can or want to shove this aside, and therein lies the problem. The last thing I want to do is be a problem for you and your brother."

He breathed a heavy sigh and picked up his fork again. "Look, think on it OK? 'Cause whatever you choose to do, we will respect it. It won't be a problem." Sam flinched when you lobbed a chunk of hash browns at his head.

"God dammit, Sam. Do I need to write this down? Draw you a picture? Sam! I. Don't. Want. To choose. And THAT is what's going to cause a problem. I can see more than one guy at a time. But brothers?! Who live and work and spend every fucking moment together? That's not going to end well."

Sam nodded his defeated nod before looking up through his lashes as you. "Just don't go. Please. Let's go back and talk to Dean. Lay it all out. Tell him how you feel and figure it out from there. Can we do that?"

"Well, this is gonna be awkward. But yeah, I can try."

**********  
Sliding into the Impala next to Sam you pulled his hand away from the ignition. "Wait. We gotta make this square before we go any further. Dean kissed me last night. I'm not letting this go until I've kissed both Winchester brothers."

Without a second to process what was happening, Sam pulled your face to his. His kiss was hard and full of purpose. Even his shoulders worked to kiss you the way he wanted to. One hand in your hair and the other at your waist, he slid you effortlessly across the leather seat. Heat came off him in waves that took your breath away and made you moan involuntarily.

When he pulled away, your chest was heaving and you couldn't tear your eyes away from his. The car rumbled to life and snapped you out of your thoughts. As she made her way down the road, you leaned your side against the door, resting your head on the window. It took a couple of blocks to realize that your fingertips were still resting against your lips, trying to hold on to the passion the seemingly shy man had pressed into you. For brothers, they were total polar opposites in more and more ways everyday.

**********

Back at the motel, you had the boys in chairs next to each other, facing the bed you sat on. Dean sat on your right, a big ball of fidget. "Do we have to sit like this, _____? I feel like I'm in the principal's office."

"We're sitting like this so I can see you both, Dean. Ok, here goes." Pulling yourself up into a crossed legged position and squaring your shoulders, you addressed Dean first. "It's obvious we three have some tension here, and we need to figure it out before we go any further. If this isn't something that's not gonna work, then I'm thinking about heading out on my own..."

"No!" Dean cleared his throat suddenly aware of how loud he'd just spoke.

Sam pelted Dean's shoulder with the back of his hand. "Right?! That's what I told her."

"UNLESS...unless we can work this out. I'm hung up on both of you. Sam says we will figure it out, but I can't even begin to figure out the logistics of it." They looked at each other before turning back to you.

Dean raised his hand high in the air, like an anxious kid who knows the answer and wants to share.

"Jesus, Dean. What are you? Four? I take it you have an idea here."

"Why yes, _____, I do. We both date you, not talk about it." He waved his hands, palms down over his thighs, like his suggestion solved everything.

"Yeah, Dean." Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes. "'Cause keeping secrets has always worked so well for us in the past. There's only three ways I see this turning out. One, nothing happens and we just keep working together. Two, _____ decides she can't do that and leaves. We would have to let her go if she decided that's what she needs to do. Or...we try it." Sam leveled his gaze directly at you with a crooked smile. Biting your lip and looking back at him, you couldn't help but to think it's always the quiet ones that were freaks.

Dean sat up straight when he caught up with you and Sam. "Wait. So we alternate weekends and holidays then flip a coin during the week? I don't want that. Sorry guys, I can't do that. Not with Sam."

"No, Dean. I don't think you're getting it. It's called a trouple. Like a couple, but with three people. There's no limits on time. No 'turns'. Just together. Not you guys though. Unless you want that." The thought of being with both of them heightened every one of your senses and seemed to be awakening new ones.

Both boys rang out in unison. "NO!"

"OK, see? There's boundary number one. This is healthy! There can't be any jealousy. No possessiveness. Anything or anytime someone's uncomfortable we promise to speak up and we all respect it." Waiting on a response and getting none, you pushed further. "So, sex. First, I'm on birth control, so that's not an issue. But no bareback until we all get tested. Sex doesn't always have to be a trouple, but no monopolizing time. And I promise to not play favorites. But no one can get butt hurt if someone really needs time alone. And sometimes things get started that don't include everyone. Assume you can join. It's up to the ones alone to secure their space if they don't want a joiner."

"Well, seems you've got this all laid out perfectly. Sounds like it would be fun to explore it at least, right? Um, Sam you're cool with this? I may be crazy here, but I think this might work."

"Why not? Anyone either of us has ever dated became a problem for the other one. We got jealous spending time apart."

"_____, how do we even start something like this?" This was the first time you'd had the pleasure of seeing Dean unnerved. Sam looked like the cat that ate the canary. A very large cat with eyes that changed color with his mood.

Rising to your knees, you shuffled to the end of the bed. "C'mere, boys." You held out a hand to each of them and pulled them to you. Dean visibly swallowed while Sam looked completely at ease.

Still holding their hands loosely, you smiled at Dean. "Kiss me." Dean looked from his little brother and back to you. His jaw clenched before he leaned in and barely pressed his lips to yours.

Pulling away, you turned to Sam. Knowing what you wanted, he didn't wait for you to speak. He kissed you softer than he had in the car, but still not as soft as Dean. Sam's forehead was laid against your cheek when you turned back to his brother. "So? Show me what's next Winchester."

Dean's hand let go of yours and slid around your waist, pulling you close to him, staring at your mouth for a second before finally kissing you in earnest. His lips stayed soft, but it was frantic. Sucking on your bottom lip until you moaned, then catching the sound in his mouth. When his tongue slid along yours you could taste the beer he'd been nursing.

Sam's hand, still laced in yours, squeezed slightly. Pulling him to you, you tilted your head exposing your neck to him. His mouth went directly to the spot where your neck met your shoulder. With open mouthed kisses and bites he worked his way to the strap of your tank top, then repeated every move on the way back up.

When your face turned to Sam's, Dean moved to the tender skin under your ear he sucked it gently. Sam's mouth was crashing into yours. His fist tangled in your hair while the other man's was still around your waist. The contrast of sensations was confusing your brain, making it all the more exciting.

They worked together to lay you down on your back before stretching out on with side of you. Every took a moment and stared at each other. No one was really sure what to do next. Dean the most shaken of the three of you. Sensing how uncomfortable he was, Sam picked up your wrist, the one closest to him, and guided your hand to Dean's cheek. Brows furrowed above green eyes, questioningly, until your fingers slid to pull a little on his neck. This was the moment that you learned what kissing Dean was going to be like. Like a freight train through fog. All soft around the edges and strong in the center. Every time you broke away to catch your breath, he chased you. Letting your teeth scrape along his bottom lip just to see what he'd do, it was like a reward when he RUMBLED. Sam was propped up on an elbow so that he was above your face when Dean finally moved to your collarbone. Instantly changing the flow. From foggy to blazing lightning across a quiet sky. He kissed you like he was dying and you had the cure for every disease. Raising your chin gave you enough leverage to get under his jaw. The muscles in his neck jumped and tensed when your mouth closed on his neck. The little happy sigh that escaped you only spurred them on more. Hands losing. Tongues licking. Clothes still on. Just making out was enough. For hours it went on like this. You were always in the middle, wrapped in the brothers Winchester.


	3. Day To Day

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Things were going surprisingly well! Hunts and research. Movies and Chinese food. 
> 
> But is getting to be distracting being around them. Just a little push is all any of you need.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi guys! Since this is turning into a Series, I'm making some changes.
> 
> Writing around a writer's block as they say. And this monstrosity of a chapter is what we get. 
> 
> Y'all are awesome for stickin around or coming in for the first time. 
> 
> Kudos and comments fuel my dark, twisty soul.

The monsters you feared were under your bed when you were little were real. Boiling water was not just for dental floss to stitch up wounds. The boys taught you that putting a rosary in the pot made holy water. 

Getting creative, you offered to buy an autoclave from a tattoo shop. They were so happy with the amount, they threw in pouches for your materials and even hooked you up with a vendor for replacements.

You still had your connections at the hospitals you'd worked at. Vials of lidocaine were overnighted to you. The health care industry was wasteful to drive up costs. If a 30 ml bottle was used for a 5 ml shot, the remaining 25 mls were tossed. Those were being sent to you. 

Major cities you passed through got you opiates for the bad injuries. Luckily, the boys were tough. They rarely needed or asked for it.

Even with all of this, your 401K was sitting pretty. For the most part you left it alone. Using money hustled from pool by the boys, and from darts by you. 

*********

The relationship was still new and hadn't gotten really physical yet. The make out sessions had turned into heavy petting. Really heavy petting. And that was ok. Boundries were still being explored and set. Both were getting better about accidental touches when they were both there. Everyone was into what was happening, but no one was sure how to go forward. 

You were getting frustrated. Really, really, reallyreallyreally frustrated. There was never a detachable shower head in the rooms. You had the privacy when they were gone on hunts or pretending to be law enforcement somewhere. But the little earthquakes that came with masturbating weren't nearly as satisfying as sex.

Over takeout in the motel one night, the crack in you patience turned into a canyon. Giving Dean a beer and hearing Sam's teasing comment, 'Aww. I don't get any?' snapped any restraint you still had.

"Yeah, well, I'm not getting any either. So why should you be special?" Both men stared back, shocked at the bitchy tone in your voice.

"Sweetheart? Something wrong?" Sam spoke cautious and slow. Treading lightly while Dean sat rock solid. His beer halfway to his mouth following you with only his eyes, neck not moving at all.

"Ya know what? No, I'm not. I can't sleep, I'm twitching and I'm constantly turned on. I get the boundaries, but I've got needs. I can't just beat off in the shower and go on about my day cool as a cucumber like y'all do."

Blink blink. That was it for about five seconds. Dean set his beer down in slow motion. "We were waiting on you. We've never done this before and didn't want to feel obliged to do, well, anything."

Now you just felt like a jerk. It wasn't their fault. Chewing on your bottom lip and looking to Sam for confirmation, every bit of your skin woke up joyously when he simply shrugged slightly and nodded. 

Dean turned in his chair so his knees faced into the room. He held out one hand, beckoning you to come closer. Heavy, bare feet padded to stand between his knees. His thumb rubbed back and forth over the back of the hand you placed in his. His eyes were dark, but gentle. 

Sam stood up and moved in behind you. Close enough to feel the static in the space between your bodies but not touching. Finally breaking eye contact with Dean, your eyes closed heavily when Sam breathed into your ear. Three words broke the wall holding back all control. 

"So, you're ready?"

Words wouldn't come so you did the next best thing. Sam's hands rested on your hips and pulled you in close when you spun around, lacing your fingers behind his neck. A little grunt vibrated against your lips when you pulled him down for a kiss. 

Immediately, Dean was up and wrapped his hands around your ribs. Arching your back, you pushed your ass against his crotch to encourage him to get closer. Sam's mouth was taking yours when fingers laced into your hair, gently pulling back your head to expose your neck. There wasn't even time to figure out who's hand was who's.

Whining, you gave over every ounce of self control that was left, and the boys took over. 

Sam's teeth drug against the column of your neck. Dean's tongue traced the shell of your ear. Your left hand was firmly tangled in Sam's hair. The other hanging on to Dean's neck, finger tips barely reaching under the collar of his light cotton, plaid shirt. 

Dean guided your hands above your head to allow his brother to pull off your oversized tank. You'd been topless in front of them before, but this was different. 

Sam tossed your shirt in a corner before pulling his tee over his head. Every time this man disrobed, it was breathtaking. All 6 foot 4 of him was tight. Going beyond fit due to his incessant need to eat right and daily runs. And right now, his discipline was paying off nicely. 

At the same time that Dean unhooked your bra, with one hand mind you, Sam's slender finders slid the straps down your arms exposing you. While Sam took in the sight of you flushed and shaking, Dean's hands palmed your breasts and squeezed your nipples. With the slightest of nods from Sam, Dean spun you in place to face him. 

Before you could press up against him, he leaned away and pulled off his shirt then quickly made work of his under shirt. With a hand to the back of your neck, he pulled you to his chest. Dean made to kiss you but was beaten to the punch when your lips and teeth latched into the meat of his chest. Worshiping every freckle and scar. 

Sam's fingers flicked open the button and pulled down the zipper of the cut offs you'd chosen for a day in the room. He must have lowered to his knees because he mouthed every inch of skin he exposed, hot breath warmed your cheeks still covered by the soft cotton of the bright pink boy shorts.

Your fingers, shaking and impatient, clumsily yanked at Dean's belt. When his hands smacked yours away, you looked up to a crooked grin and eyes wide open, just the thinnest rim of mossy green around black pupils. 

It was Sam's turn to spin you back. He was indeed on his knees and working your panties down your hips a painfully languid inch at a time. Every bit of skin, every muscle, every sinew was on fire. 

Over the sound of blood pounding in your ears, the sound of a belt buckle bouncing off the floor told you Dean had undone his jeans. The denim pressure against your lower back told you he hadn't pulled them down.

Sam's hands took each knee in turn. Lifting it so your feet could be pulled from the legs of your underpants. His hands traced the backs of your thighs while his mouth ghosted over the front. The top of his nose traced the crease where thigh met hip, inhaling so deeply you could feel cool air tracing over your skin.

Dean's hands were heavy on your waist, holding you steady while Sam lifted one leg then the other over his shoulders. "I got you, baby doll. Just relax." And you did.

The last thing you saw before your head fell back to rest on Dean's shoulder was Sam's face before it buried itself in between your legs. Enough of a smile on his face to pop that dimple, the pink tip of his tongue pushing past his teeth. 

When his mouth opened, he groaned tasting you spill against him. It would usually have been embarrassing to be this turned on. Full on sloppy, but the sounds rumbling from him said he liked it. For leverage, there was a hand splayed wide over each thigh. Between that and Dean's forearms over your waist you felt completely grounded.

A flat kitten kick from taint to clit made your hips buck. Sam groaned. Dean chucked. "You sure do sing pretty. Fuck, those noises are gonna make me come." Thanks to his praise, you became acutely aware that you'd been moaning for a while now. Sam was keeping you just this side of orgasm. Backing off every time your sighs increased in pitch.

Sam's big hand lifted your butt enough to let him slide even closer between your legs. The angle made your thighs slide further over his shoulders and your pelvis to tilt a bit. The new angle leaned your pussy harder against his face. The seal of his lips brought your clit out from under its hood and Sam's tongue flicked against it. 

A sharp hiss between your teeth gave breath to moan of his name. It felt good on your lips. The last letter drawing out with a hum. One hand still gripped the back of Dean's neck, the other was fisted into Sam's hair. Just pulling and twisting made him groan. You'd learned that during hours long make out sessions. However, with you about to come on his face, the pulling had gotten harder. And every yank made him nod and go in even harder.

"Oh! Jesus. Sam? Please? Mmm'cant wait anymmm'oh! Right there! Dean?"

"I got you, pretty girl. You're ok."

Looking down at Sam took your breath away. His eyes were bright hazel. There was a sheen of sweat over his forehead that made locks of hair cling. His nose crinkled and you felt him sucking you in making the dam holding back to brake hard. Your head fell back with zero control. Jaw flexed open and gasping sighs bounced off the walls covered in cheap paneling. Every clench released more and more wetness for Sam, who groaned and swallowed down most of it.

"There she is." Dean's rumble against your back have one last aftershock that clamped your thighs around Sam's head. His shocked 'humph' made you giggle before you relaxed your hips and worked your fingers out of his hair. 

Sam set your feet on the floor and stood up, accomplished smirk on his face. Grabbing at his face and clutching his chin between your thumb and forefinger, your tongue peeked out and danced through the trails of shine around his mouth. 

"Oh fuck."

"Jesus."

Both of them stood in awe when you cleaned your juices off Sam's face. Dean hummed against your mouth when you pulled his mouth close, craning over your shoulder. Taking back control and pushing Sam backwards toward the bed, you pulled Dean along behind you.

Raking eyes over each of their bodies in turn and giggling a bit when they looked at each other and back to you. Sam's face was serious and predatory. Dean's was soft and seductive.

"Pants."

Both hopped from from foot to foot, pulling off one shoe and pant leg before the other. You'd felt their cocks pressed to you through denim or cotton boxers before, so the size didn't surprise you. However, the notches of hip bones and veins in their bellys that led up from their groins showed their power under the surface.

Sam crawled up sit at the head of the bed, back against the headboard. Dean swooped you up bridal style and laid you down with your back against Sam's stomach. The nuzzling into the soft spot behind your ear almost distracted you from Dean crawling up to settle between your legs. 

Still sensitive from Sam's enthusiastic eating you out, Dean caught your hips in strong fingers when you jumped at his hot breath against your slick lips. 

"Shush, sweetheart. Just relax." Wide palms and long fingers gripped and kneaded your tits while Dean opened your legs and used his face to spread you open. When he sucked your clit into his mouth and flicked at it with the tip of his tongue, Sam bit down almost too hard on the muscle of your shoulder.

The softness of Dean and the flat out ferocity of Sam made your core muscles tense and release quickly, spilling out into the mouth against your pussy and grind against the dick at your back. Calling out wordless cries that burned in your throat.

While trying desperately to catch your breath, you didn't notice Sam fish a condom out of the bedside drawer and pass it to his brother. Sitting back on his heels and rolling it down his length. Leaning forward to kiss you and pressing himself against your opening. Just like you'd done with Sam, open mouthed, sloppy kisses let you chase your own flavor. 

"You sure you're ready?" Opening your eyes, you saw Dean had pulled far enough away to let you focus on his face. Emerald eyes searched yours for the tiniest hint of unsurity, but fluttered shut when he felt your hands on his ass. Pulling him into you, his face went soft, jaw relaxed, trembling exhale warming your face.

He was big, wide and curved. Once he was balls deep, everyone stopped. His cock twitched with his pulse. Mouth pressed into a thin line, you took a deep breath before rolling your hips up and against him. Hands on either side of Sam's hips and his forehead pressed against your neck he started to grind in rhythm with you. 

Sam wrapped his arms over yours that were straining to hold onto as much of Dean's shoulders as you could. Every time Dean rolled into you, your back slid over Sam's cock. 

The noises the three of you were making were filthy. Sam's liteny of profanity punctuated with drawn out groans. Dean grunted with gasping breaths between. Any you? Your shouts and sighs increased in register and volume the closer to climax you got. All of these meshed together with the sound of creaking bed frames and skin on skin.

"Jesus, Dean?! Come with me, honey. Look at me."

His head hung slack from his shoulders...Christ, those shoulders, but at your request he raised it to look you in the eye. One hard snap of his hips followed by another had you coming so quickly it startled you. Dean grabbed one leg and lifted it over his shoulder while you wrapped the other around his waist. In this new, braced position he was able to pound harder and faster while you fucked him through his orgasm. 

One hand snaked between your crotches to be sure the condom came with when he pulled out before he rolled away and collapsed next to you on the bed. "You want some water, sweetheart?"

"Water would be perfection. Just hurry back, ok?" In a little coiling move, you ended up facing Sam with your tits in his lap. "Hey there, handsome." He actually looked surprised when you started crawling your way up his body. 

"Oh. Ok. I figured, ya know, cause..."

"Sam?"

"I mean that was a LOT. If you dont want..."

"Sam. Is there another condom in there?"

Finally realizing you weren't playing around, Sam grabbed the condom he had tucked in between the pillows next to him. He was rolling it down his impressive dick with one hand and pulling you up to straddle his lap with his other. 

The position he'd been in this whole time hadn't changed. His back was still against the headboard, but instead of his legs splayed out straight, they were bent at the knee, giving you something to lean back against. That gave you the perfect angle to move in circles while Sam fucked up and into you. 

Dean's fingers were a soft ghosting touch on your outer thigh. He was laying on his side, propped up on his elbow, intently watching his baby brother fuck the shit out of the woman he'd just fucked the shit out of. And it seemed like he liked it.

Sam had waited a really, really long time tonight and it didn't fell like this was going to last long. However, you wanted him to just relax and let this happen. Taking his wrists, you pulled the death grip he had on your hips away and placed his hands on either side of your face. 

"Watch me." Sam just nodded two quick times before you slid up, almost off of him, and slammed back down. You were now hanging on to his wrists for dear life. Your foreheads were pressed together, but you never lost eye contact. 

"I'm gonna..Sam?"

"Right there with ya. Go ahead." 

"Harder? Fuck. Yeah, like that! Sammy, now. Comeformenow!" The end of the sentence was punched out of your gut over and over. Sam was growling. Eyes screwed tight and jaw flexed.

At the same time, both of you stopped moving. You because your entire body was sensitive and any friction was too much. 

Dean was pulling you off of Sam's lap gently. You were thankful for the support. You felt like a semi conscious rag doll. He had cool, damp washcloths that he used to clean you up a bit. 

They were talking in hushed tones over the top of you. Rolling on to your belly to fall asleep, your last thought was how happy you were and how safe you felt. Like nothing bad in the world could touch you. 

Jinx.


	4. Stop!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Stop. Go no further. 
> 
> This work is under construction.
> 
> Please excuse our dust.

This chapter is a notice really. I'm doing some editing so the following chapters aren't ready.

This one will follow each chapter as I post it.


	7. Sherlock & Watson

"So. Why is Sam so keen on me taking the truck anyway? He knows how I feel about driving other people's-_____, what are you doing?"

You'd already moved the console out of the way and had climbed on your knees next to him. "Showing you why Sam wanted you to take the truck." You nuzzled against his jaw before kissing your way to his collar. "Take the long way."

There was a red light where he took the opportunity to turn and kiss you. He pulled back and licked his lips. Not in the seductive way he usually did, but like he was tasting them. "Did you give Sam...?"

"Road head? Yeah, and now it's your turn. Light's green, honey."

"Good Lord, woman. You're a horrible influence on us."

"Mhmmm, I know. And you love it don't you?" 

Dean's hand was already unzipping his pants. "Fuck, yeah, I do." Quickly slipping into the same position you were in with Sam, you pulled his cock into your mouth. Dean liked tongue. Lots and lots of tongue. Wrapping your fingers around the base and starting the sloppy, wet blow job he always begged for. Wet and loose on the way down, sucking hard in the way up. With each pull his belly twitched and his hips bucked like they were chasing you. 

"Like this, sweetheart? Want me to finish like this?" Nothing was going to make you take his dick out of your mouth. A little whine and a squeeze of his balls told him you were ready. Dean rarely, if ever, said anything when he came. The sounds he made were low and deep until he reached his climax, then they became breathy and higher than his normal speaking voice. When you went down on him, his hands were always in your hair. Not to hold you there, but just to touch you. 

When the last swell and twitch pulsed his salty come into your mouth, you felt the truck turn off the road and the unmistakable sound of gravel under the tires. Sitting up and looking around, you had no idea where you were. "Dean?"

"You gave road head... Twice. I believe in returning favors. You drive." He'd already closed the door and was jogging past the nose of the truck. He opened the passenger side, but you hadn't moved. "Scoot!"

"Honey, I know you've been up close and personal with my anatomy. Road head ain't happening."

"Fuckin' scoot, woman! Jeeze." He climbed in so fast that you had to scramble to get out of his way. 

"Dean, honey, I don't know what it is you're planning-"

"Start the truck." Shaking your head and turning the key, you started to ask another question, but he cut you off again. "Drive." Putting her in gear, and pulling out, heading the way you'd come, Dean scooted closer to you. He had one arm over the back of the seat behind your head and the other on your thigh. His face was in your hair, breath on your ear. 

"You think it's easy to come while you drive, _____? Can't see. Can't focus. Can't control your body. When all you can think about is how good someone is making you feel." His hand had slid up your thigh and cupped you through your jeans. "I can feel how hot you are. You need to come don't you?"

God, but he did know how to get you going. His hand was at your belt and fly. Once he had them undone he yanked them to the sides. "No panties? Since when do you not wear panties?"

"I-ahem-I had to toss 'em at the tattoo place."

"'Cause you made a mess when we got you off. I'm gonna let you fuck up these jeans, too." When his finger slid between your lips, your eyes started to involuntary close. "Eyes open. Watch the road." 

You had to take a deep breath and steady yourself. The pad of his middle finger was circling your entrance. "You're so wet, _____. You haven't come since the tattoo, huh?" When you opened your mouth to answer, he slid his finger two knuckles deep into you. Your foot pressed the accelerator involuntarily. "Hey now. Don't get pulled over."

"Honey, I can't. I gotta pull over. Please?" 

Adding a second finger and using the heel of his hand to rub your clit, he didn't even slow down, let alone stop. "If I can do it, you can do it. C'mon now, _____. Come for me."

There was no going back now. He had you right where he wanted you and he knew it. Your hips were grinding against his hand, your knuckles white on the steering wheel. 

He could always read you. He'd know right when you were about to come and crooked his fingers, causing your orgasm to rip through you like a freight train. 

Not running off the road was all you could manage. The truck weaved and the breaks jerked a little, but you'd both survived the adventure. 

**********  
Getting back to the motel with a case of beer and sitting down to the sandwiches, the three of you laughed and carried on like the family you'd become. Playfully teasing each other, sharing coy glances and smiles. Everything was calm until Dean's phone rang.

"Hello? Yes, this is Mr. Snyderson." Dean sat up straight in his chair. "What?" He looked from you to Sam with desperation and fear in his eyes. You and Sam exchanged a worried look before looking back at him. "Where?"

**********  
The three of you had never moved so fast, packing your things and loading the cars. Driving into the night and headed for Pittsburgh. Bobby was in a coma. Hotel house keeping had found him in his bed. That was all the information Dean had given before he shut down. 

Sam was riding with Dean, they needed to be together. The windows were down in your truck, cool wind helping to keep you alert. You silently prayed, to whoever was listening, that Bobby would be OK. You didn't think the guys could handle the loss.

**********  
Bobby was lying in a bed in a cold hospital. The brothers flanked you at his bedside and let you talk to the doctor. Once he knew you were a nurse he visibly relaxed and spoke honestly with you.

"So, what's the diagnosis?" Sam's voice trembled with worry, but he stayed stoic and strong.

"We've tested everything we can think to test. He seems perfectly healthy. No obvious head trauma. No signs of an aneurysm or stroke. No signs of a recent seizure. Hearts fine, in fact all organs are fine."

"Except that he's comatose." You squeezed Dean's hand. Trying to silently reassure him.

"Mr. Snyderson, you're his emergency contact. Anything we should know? Any illnesses?"

"No, he-he never gets sick. I mean, he doesn't even catch cold." Dean squeezed your hand in return and glanced at Bobby's face before looking away quickly.

"Doctor, is there anything you can do?" Your Sammy was always the hopeful one of the brothers. He had a need to make everything OK.

"Look, I'm sorry, but we don't know what's causing it... so we don't know how to treat it. He just... went to sleep, and didn't wake up." You knew the doctor's words were true. Medicine was not an exact science and the human body was an enigma. Each one hiding secrets. 

Dean nodded solemnly before you all took in the site of Bobby lying on the bed as if he was asleep.

**********  
Basics of Solving a Mystery 101: If you want to know what happened you have to go to where it happened. Knowing this, you didn't argue when you all went to the room where Bobby had been found.

Bobby was a long way from home. The tension had been thick and the brothers were visibly distraught with the situation. You needed some way to connect with them and let them know you were right here with them. "So, what was Bobby doing in Pittsburgh?"

Dean was taking in the room, looking for anything out of place."Unless he's taking an extremely lame vacation..."

Sam closed the door behind him after moving aside to let you enter. "I mean, he must have been working a job, right?"

They continued to walk around the room. Searching for anything. "Well, you think there'd be some sort of sign of something, you know?"

Sam opened a drawer, but it was. empty. Dean did the same, and that one was empty too. The room looked completely clean. Dean shrugged, wishing for anything that would help. "There should be something. Research, news clippings...Or a frigging pizza box or a beer can."

Dean walked away from the dresser he was looking in, and Sam walked over to the closet. Bobby's clothes were still hanging there. He turned on the light and motioned you both over.

"How 'bout this?" He moved the clothes out of the way and on the wall behind them hung all of the news clippings, maps and pictures you'd been looking for. There were pictures of roots, mushrooms, seeds and a map where Bobby had written "Pittsburgh" in big letters and underlined it. There were post-its with addresses and numbers. There was a piece of paper that stuck out, information about an unknown plant on it.

Dean smiled with pride in his eyes. "Good old Bobby, always covering up his tracks."

You were looking through the information and not making any connections. "Dean? Can you make heads or tails of any of this?"

He took a couple of the pages from your hands, reading about the plants. "Silene capensis, which of course means absolutely nothing to me."

Sam continued rooting around in the closet. "Here. Obit." He took a newspaper clipping from the wall, reading aloud as he skimmed it over. "Dr. Walter Gregg, 64, university neurologist."

Dean tried to read the clipping over Sam's shoulder. "How'd he bite it?"

"Um.. actually, they don't know. They say he just went to sleep and didn't wake up." Your heart dropped to your stomach thinking Bobby was facing the same fate.

Dean took the clipping from him, reading it to himself. "That sound familiar to you?"

Sam spoke aloud, trying to put the pieces together. "All right, um... So let's say Bobby was looking into the doc's death. You know, hunting after something-"

Dean looked up at him, eyes wide. "–that started hunting him." Sam dropped his hands to his sides and nodded. "All right, you two stay here. See if you can make heads or tails of this."

You couldn't help but follow him to the door. When Dean was personally involved in the case he got reckless. "What are you gonna do?"

"I'm gonna look into the good doctor myself. I'll be careful, _____. I promise." He put his hand to your neck and kissed you before resting his forehead on yours. "Sammy? If you go anywhere drop her at the hospital with Bobby."

Turning away from the door and leaning against it, you looked hopefully to Sam. "C'mon Sherlock, I'll be your Watson."

**********

After trying to sort out the information for an hour, you were so frustrated that you were getting cranky. Sam caught you staring at the empty bed with rumpled sheets where Bobby had fallen asleep. "You alright over there, _____? Need to make a coffee run to let you focus."

"Shut up. I'm doin' the best I can here. Gimme a friggin break."

He stood and started gathering papers an files, slipping them into his satchel. "Look, there's no sense in trying to get anything done here. Wanna go do this at the hospital so you can be close to Bobby?"

Tears fell from you eyes and you shivered with relief and exhaustion. "Jesus, Sam. I'm sorry. You're so sweet to me and I pay you back by being a total bitch to you. I'm just worried they aren't doing what their supposed to be doing. What if we lose him because someone's incompetent? What if something's wrong with his meds? Sam, what if they missed something?" 

He wrapped you in his arms and tried to soothe you before delving into complete hysterics. "Ok, it's ok. Let's go. You can supervise, ok? If that's where you need to be, let's go. I'll let Dean know were to find us." Melting into his chest as your last sobs turned into hiccups. 

**********

Both of you kept shooting sideways glances at Bobby lying in the bed peacefully. Every few minutes you checked the numbers on the monitors, keeping track of his vitals. The old guy had the heart of a mule. As it turned out, it was a good hospital with an excellent staff. Yrou were honestly doing more harm than good. Nurses were always leery of other nurses watching over their every move. 

Halfway through the online listings on the plants Bobby had taken note of, Dean walked in and kissed the top of your head. "Any changes?"

"I'm sorry, honey. Still the same. Find anything?" Shutting the laptop and grabbing a pen, you waited for him to speak. Dean liked to think out loud and you found it easier to follow him if you took notes.

Dr Gregg had a female assistant that he was able to question. The doctor was studying sleep disorders and dreams. When he pressed her for more info, she mentioned she'd already spoken to another detective. "A nice older gentleman with a beard."

Sam stood up and started pacing the room. "So Bobby was investigating the doc's death and obviously started getting too close."

"Yeah. Assistant said that Dr Gregg was conducting experiments, but she didn't know about them until she was cleaning out his files. These were all unsanctioned by the university and she was worried about getting tied into the investigation. So, with my sparkling personality and winning good looks, I got her to turn over all of his research." He dropped the file box he'd been holding on the floor. "There's five more like these in the car."

"Honey, we don't have time to pour over this stuff. We've got to get on this before it's too late." 

"I know. So, you and Sam find us a hotel, I'll interview his last test subject, Jeremy Frost. See if I can dig up anything there." The box Dean had brought in was the most recent one, so you decided to only move that one.

***********  
When you checked into the motel that day you booked two single rooms. You had a gut feeling that said you needed it, but you didn't know why. You convinced Sam you needed a room to sleep in and a room to research in, just because of the volumes of information you'd be looking at. Sam mentioned that when Bobby got discharged from the hospital, he'd need a room anyway. He was hanging on to every shred of hope he had. 

He was on the floor laying out the reports in chronological order. You squatted next to him and he pulled you into his lap. "Where's your head at, honey? You've been to quiet for too long." He pulled back and let you see his face. His nose went red around the edges like it did when he was trying not to cry. 

"Dean's got two months. Two months and here we are with this shit. It's like an evil distraction to keep us from finding a way, ya know. Now, facing losing Bobby too? I can't. I won't make it, _____."

Pulling his head against your shoulder you ran your fingers through his hair, scratching lightly with your nails. "Yes you will. Cause I'm gonna do it with you. We can't keep doing this with out food. We're no good if blood sugars start dropping.   Dean's gonna be back soon and you know that man is always hungry. Fried chicken sound good? I'll make a food run while you take a shower. You stink like hospital."

**********  
Dean was already there when you got back with dinner. He was explaining the trip to Jeremy's house and you were able to get the gist of it. 

"The guy was a burn out. But pretty cool, I guess. Even shared a beer with the hippie. Doc had figured out the kid had something called 'Charcot-Wilbrand syndrome' Which means..."

"Means he can't dream. Usually caused by head trauma and can lead to psychosis."

Dean looked at you confused and then shrugged and nodded. "Yeah. I forget you're a nurse sometimes. Guy fell off his bike when he was a kid. Banged his head up pretty good. Didn't dream again until the study."

Sam was setting out the take out containers on a clean spot on the floor. "Did the doctor give him something?"

"Yeah. Some kind of yellow tea. Said it smelled awful, tasted worse. Guess he just passed right out. And uh, had the most vivid, super-intense dream. Like a bad acid trip. That was it. He dropped out of the study right after that. He didn't... like it. To tell you the truth, he said it scared him." 

"Well, shit. I'd be scared too! Your mind's been blank for over a decade, making you insane. Then you've got what ever sick shit stuck in your head all that time coming out at once? Fuck that!" Dean didn't respond to you at all. He was fussing with the button on his flannel and looked completely closed off. "Dean, honey? What's wrong?" 

His head snapped up like he'd woken up from a trance. "What...me? No, I'm fine."

Sharing a concerned look with you, it was obvious that Sam didn't believe him either.

**********

When Sam led you into Bobby's room with his hand on the small of your back, Dean was already there standing vigil. He hadn't been in bed when you woke up and didn't answer your phone when you called.

"Hey, stranger. Missed you this morning." His arms wrapped around your waist when you tiptoed to kiss him. "You can't answer your phone?"

"Nah, couldn't sleep and didn't want to attack that mess of paperwork again. Left my phone down in the car. Guess I forgot."

Sam placed a file on the bedside tray and pulled out the information he'd brought to your attention earlier. "Well, considering what you told me about the doc's experiment...Bobby's wall is starting to make a hell of a lot more sense."

"How so?" Dean had pulled you into his chest and the baritone of his voice was soothing the headache that two cups of coffee had yet to fix.

Sam held up a picture of the mystery plant from the folder. "This plant, 'Silene capensis', is also known as African Dream Root. It's been used by shaman and medicine men for centuries."

"Let me guess. They dose up, bust out the didjeridus, start kicking around the hackey?"

"No time for jokes, honey. Let Sam finish." His arms tightened a little before they let you go. 

Sam shook his head and turned down the corners of his mouth. "Not quite. If you believe the legends, it's used for dreamwalking. I mean, entering another person's dreams, poking around in their heads." Dean looked at you, face full of questions.

"I take it we believe the legends?"

Sam scoffed at Dean and shook his head. "When don't we, man? Anyway, dreamwalking is just the tip of the iceberg." 

Getting serious again, Dean squared his shoulders studied the sheet in his hand, running his finger over the drawing of the root. "What do you mean? What's it do."

You were checking on Bobby while the boys talked. His vitals were still pounding away. His IV lines were good. Straightening his blanket and brushing back his hair, you placed a light kiss on his forehead. "C'mon Bobby. Your boys need you. And I miss you, ya old coot."

Sam was still explaining the plant to Dean when you turned. "I mean, this Dream Root is some serious mojo. You take enough of it, with practice, you can become a regular Freddy Krueger. You can control anything. You could turn bad dreams good, you could turn good dreams bad."

"And killing people in their sleep?" Dean was standing next to Bobby again.

"Yeah, for example. So let's say uh, let's say this doc was testing this stuff on his patients, Tim Leary-style."

"Somebody gets pissed at him, decides to give him a little dream visit, he goes nighty-night."

Jumping into a conversation with these two still felt like double dutch on the playground, although you were getting better at it. "But what about Bobby, guys. That doesn't explain this. I mean, if the killer came after him, how come he's still alive?"

Dean shoved his hands in his front pockets. "I don't know."

**********  
The three of you were making your way through the maze of hospital hallways. The information was still turning over and over in your heads.

You stayed quiet, letting the boys banter back and forth, thinking out loud. As usual, Dean was set on finding the monster. "So how do we find our homicidal sandman?"

"Could be anyone."

"Yeah? Anyone who knew the doctor, had access to his dream shrooms."

"Maybe one of his test subjects or something?"

Dean shook his head and let out a frustrated sigh. "Possible. But his research was pretty sketchy. I mean.. I don't know how many subjects he had, or who all of them were."

Sam stopped in his tracks causing you to almost run into the back of him.

Dean turned and looked at Sam expectancy. "What?"

"It's just...In any other case, we'd be calling Bobby and asking him for help right now."

Dean had that sparkle of an idea in his eyes. "You know what? You're right. Let's go talk to him."

That suggestion had you confused. "Sure. But we might find the conversation a bit one-sided."

"Not if we're tripping on some Dream Root." Dean wiggled his eyebrows at you.

"What? Honey, that can't be a good idea."

"You heard me, _____. That's the only way I can see this working."

"You wanna go dreamwalking inside Bobby's head?" Sam looked completely put off by the idea.

"Yeah. Why not? Maybe we could help."

"We have no idea what's crawling around in there."

"Aww, come on, Sammy. How bad could it be?"

"Bad. We have no clue."

"Dude, it's Bobby."

Sam seemed to consider the options for a moment. "Yeah, you're right. One problem though. We're fresh out of African Dream Root, so unless you know someone who can score some ..."

Rolling his eyes and tilting his head at Sam, Dean waited for the pieces to click. Sam still looked confused. "Bela."

"Bela? Crap." Sam looked like he had taken a swallow of rotten milk when he said her name.

"What's a Bela?" You were looking back and forth between them, but they'd gone into that Winchester zone where nothing else existed.

"Dean, you're actually suggesting we ask her a favor?"

"I'm feeling dirty just thinking about it, but yeah." They took off walking again and you hurried after them. 

"Guys? Hey! What the fuck is a Bela?!"

**********

Sam had fallen asleep in front of his computer and you'd convinced Dean to just let him be. You were all tired and cranky and needed to catch sleep where you could. Dean's fingers were running through your hair while your head was in his lap. 

The two of you relaxed on the bed while he filled you in about Bela. "What a bitch. Can't wait to meet her! I'm sure we'll be fast friends." 

"Oh, I'm sure you will. You have so much in common! You fuck the Winchesters. She fucks the Winchesters over. You could be twinsies!" 

**********  
Sam walked out of the bathroom after his nap looking anything but refreshed. "You guys coulda had me lay down. My back is killing me."

"No, because you wouldn't have let yourself go back to sleep, honey." 

"You didn't miss much, Sammy. I called Bela."

"And? Is she gonna help us?"

"Shockingly, no, which puts us back to square one. I've been trying to decipher the doctor's notes. Unfortunately, he has worse handwriting than you do."

"Come sit next to me, Sam. Be my leaning post." Sam leaned back against the headboard and lifted his arm, letting you lean into his side.

Dean was bringing you all beers when there was a knock at the door. The look of 'who the hell is that' passed between you. Dean went and opened the door an inch or two, looking out before he groaned and opened it wide.

"Bela. As I live and breathe."

Sam pulled you in close to him when he felt you tense. Dean didn't say she was tall, or curvy, or blonde or beautiful.

"You called me. Remember?" He didn't say she was British either.

"I remember you turning me down."

"Well, I'm just full of surprises. And so is Sam, apparently. Is this the little Mrs?"

Dean started to speak for you, but you stood from the bed and introduced yourself. Her handshake felt like a dead fish. She might have been trying to be charming, but it felt douchey. 

"So, I brought you your African Dream Root. Nasty stuff, and not easy to come by." 

She turned her back to you and handed the wrapped jar to Dean. Rolling your eyes at the back of her head, you settled back into Sam. He kissed your temple and whispered in your ear. "I know. She's an unbearable bitch."

Dean narrowed his eyes at her, shifting the weight of the jar from hand to hand. "Why the sudden change of heart?"

"What? I can't do you a little favor every now and again?"

"No. You can't. I don't trust you, Bela. Never will. Come on, I wanna know what the strings are before you attach them."

"Well, you said this was for Bobby Singer, right?"

Dean frowned at the British skank. She was really rubbing you the wrong way. "Yeah. So?"

"Well, I'm doing it for him. Not you."

"Bobby? Why? He thinks you're a bitch, too."

"He saved my life once, Dean. In Flagstaff."

Dean threw a look at you and Sam. You both just shrugged. He looked back at her, still not responding to her statement. Waiting on an explanation.

"I screwed up and he saved me, okay? You satisfied?"

"Maybe. But we still don't trust you, Bella." Sam had his arm slung possessively over your shoulder and it seemed to piss her off. 

"So when do we go on this little magical mystery tour?"

"Oh, you're not going anywhere. I don't trust you enough to let you in my car, much less Bobby's head. No offense."

Dean walked over to the closet and turned on the lights. He opened up the safe, where the Colt was, and he puts in the jar of Dream Root with it. The boys had explained the uses for the Colt and how precious it was. Bela's eyes went wide when she saw it.

Dean closed the safe, locking it. He walked into the room again, where Bela was looking a bit annoyed now.

"It's 2 am. Where am I supposed to go?"

"Get a room. Ah, they got the Magic Fingers, a little Casa Erotica on pay-per-view. You'll love it."

"You...what about her?!" Bela was pointing at you on the bed. "What's she going to do?"

It was Sam's turn to knock Bela down a peg. "Whatever she wants. Good night, Bela."

She took her bag in a huff and walked to the door, retrieving her coat on the way. She slammed the door behind her, ignoring the giggle you shared with your boys.


	8. Screwed, Blued and Tattooed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Doing this writing thing again is scary! The kudos and bookmarks are like little fluff balls of encouragement. Thank you guys!

'Was that FEELINGS? Did we just admit feelings?!' The thought ran through your head over and over on the ride back to the motel. It was true. They both had admitted feelings, although vague. They said they were yours. What did that mean? You knew you were theirs. What the fuck did THAT mean? 

You were laying down in the back of the Impala, trying to make the world stop spinning. The guys always took the front seat because Dean insisted on driving and Sam was honestly too long legged to sit comfortably in the back. They started talking when they thought you'd fallen asleep. When you realized it was about you, you stayed quiet. 

"Do you think she's gonna be OK? Ya know, after I'm gone?"

"Dean, neither of us are gonna be OK. We're just gonna have to do our best. She's stronger than we realize or give her credit for."

"I know, Sam. We walk around with the weight of the world on our shoulders. But, _____? She walks around with the weight of us on hers. And we just keep piling shit on."

"Do you think she cares? I mean, about us? I think she does. But I don't think she's ready to let her guard down and say it. Especially with the stuff with you."

"You gonna ask her? I don't think I should."

"I dunno. Maybe. But not yet."

If they'd only ask, they'd know. But you weren't ready to offer the information. Not yet. You were losing Dean. That, well, you were coming to terms with that. Sam was a wild card. There was no way to know what he'd do without Dean. He kept asking you to stay, but what if he changed his mind? What if the two of you together made him miss his brother too much?

**********  
"Hey, _____. You awake? Sam can carry you if you wanna." Dean was leaning over the front seat, shaking your shoulder gently. You hadn't realized you'd fallen asleep and the whiskey in your system had gotten stronger

"Honey, I'm good." The drunken giggles were making themselves known. "But you gotta help me. Seems I've had a little too mush to drink." Sam pulled you up to lean against him and you reached up and cupped your palm over his mouth. "Shh! Don' tell Deeean. He can be soooo bossy!"

"Yes, _____, I know that. He's short too. C'mon, drunky. You need to sleep."

The boys helped you get undressed and into bed before stripping down and joining you. There wasn't any sexy time. Just comfortable closeness that led to rest. Between the brothers Winchester. Between your boys.

**********  
Waking up to hands on your body was quickly becoming one of your favorite things. Tonight those hands were opening your legs and there was hot breath against your naked pussy. Keeping your eyes closed, you reached down to the head between your legs. It was Dean. His short hair tickling your palm.

He sucked your clit between his lips when you pulled his face closer. You could feel Sam's body to your right and, judging from his breathing, he was sleeping deeply. Dean slipped a finger into you making you moan softly. 

"Shh. If he wakes up fine. But not right now." He tongued you slowly and softly when you smiled and bit your bottom lip. He went down on you long enough to get you good and wet. There was no way you could be quiet when they made you come this way, and he knew it. Dean crawled up your body as you scooted away from Sam making room for Dean's arms to rest on either side of your head.

Not entering you yet, he slid his cock between your folds. Letting the ridges of veins drag against your clit. With each forward tip of his hips, his lips brushed yours. You could taste yourself on them. Taking his face in your hands you used open mouthed kisses to clean it away, knowing it drove him crazy. 

Without a sound he rolled with you, holding you close to him. When you opened and took him inside, he opened his mouth and took your tongue inside. The two of you started a lazy uneven rhythm, changing tempos and angles to make the other feel good.

Sam's hand was on your back before you realized he was awake. His hair grazed your shoulders when he kissed across them. Dean pulled one arm up to rest above his head, giving Sam better access to that side of your body. 

"Both. I want you both. Same time." This was going to be a first and you didn't know if they'd be down for it. The two of them looked at each other and shared an almost unseen nod.

"Where? You're driving the bus, sweetheart." Dean had stopped moving and had his hands at your hips.

"Sam? I have lube in my bag. Get behind me. And take your time prepping me." When Sam came back, he knelt in the space Dean had made for him. Still inside you, he watched you as Sam bit and sucked your neck. With his head propped on his arm he watched Sam touch you. 

Sam's hand was covered in cold lube when it slid between your cheeks. "Lean to forward a little. Open that ass to me." Resting your hand on Dean's chest, you could feel the long slender fingers on your hole. "Dean, this might be close quarters. You alright with that?"

Dean was letting you rest your neck on his calloused hand. "Don't worry about it. It's all about _____." One finger was sliding in while Dean talked, making your pussy quiver around him. "Like that, sweetheart? Want us to fill you up?"

All you could do was sigh and nod. The sensation of Sam pumping his added second finger in out of you making it impossible to make words. "Want more? He's gotta prep you right if you're gonna take it." Nodding again, you felt a stretching burn when the third finger entered. Sam was slowly twisting his wrist with his rhythm. Your breath was erratic and the arm bracing against Dean was threatening to give out.  
Sam leaned close to your ear and whispered making goosebumps cover your body. "You feel like you're ready? I'm ready. So fucking hard right now. She's not talking, Dean. Is she ready?"

"Oh, she's ready. So flushed. Sweat running down her face. Take it slow though." Sam lined up with you and pressed the head of his cock against your relaxed entrance. The head passing the tight ring of muscle made you grit your teeth and hang your head. "Give her a minute. C'mere, sweetheart." Dean gathered you to his chest, letting your body go lax against him. "Just breathe. We got you. Keep going Sam."

With his long arms planted on either side of Dean's torso, Sam pushed slowly and gently. The sensation of being filled to capacity was unbelievable. Your other senses dulled and you could only feel. Sam started a slow stroke, in and out of you while Dean held his spot and gyrated inside your pussy. 

"Fuck, Dean. Is that you? Shit, I can feel you and her. Jesus it feels so...I dunno what to call it." 

Finally able to find your voice, you mumbled against Dean's chest. "Connected. So fucking connected. Keep going Sam. Lean on me. I want to be surrounded." He did as you asked, pressing you further into Dean. The change of angle made you all moan lowly. "Go, Sam. I can't take it much more. Make me come, boys."

Dean braced himself and pushed up against you. Sam's movement pushed your clit against Dean's pelvis. The friction was what you needed. Dean's face was at your ear and Sam's was at your opposite cheek. Their breath was quickening with grunts getting caught between gasps. 

Dean's cock swelled and twitched like it always did when he was about to come. When it did, it made Sam moan and curse. His cock lifted toward his belly, his tell tale sign. You could feel your own climax coming, but your body was jelly, lost in the feeling and idea of what was happening. You came in quick succession. Sam's body tightening. Your body quivering. Dean's body tensing and releasing with each wave of come that filled you.

Laying in a jumbled pile on the bed, you finally gave in. "Guys? I'm yours too. Just so we're clear." Gently and in tandem, their arms and bodies pulled you impossibly closer to them. This was really happening. This went deeper than you thought it would.

**********  
The next day started weird and wasn't any better by lunch. Touches when you passed had become natural, but today they were hesitant. It wasn't a big deal to have one of them hold your hand casually, but today you were lucky to get a brush of fingers against yours.

The last straw was when Sam stiffened in the booth next you you when you laid your hand on his knee. "Ugh. Did I do something wrong? Why are things so tense today?"

Dean cleared his throat and took a drink of his water. "Do you remember what we did last night? What you said last night?"

"I remember everything from last night, guys. I'd slept the booze off. And ya know what? I thought it was amazing and honest. Was I wrong?"

Sam finally touched you and took your hand in his. "Dean and I are fine with last night. We're happy about it even. It feels like this all got deeper, better. Was what you said because the moment or did you mean it?"

"The moment gave me the courage to say what I wanted to say. I meant it. This is something big. I think bigger than we realized. Last night changed things. For the better, but changed none the less.

Dean stood and pulled you into a deep kiss, right in the middle of the tiny diner. "I'm glad you said it. We were wondering."

Sam turned you around and kissed you himself. "Me too. It is deeper. C'mon we gotta pack."

**********  
Apparently the boys had a surprise for you. Sam was driving your truck, with Dean following in 'Baby'. After being scolded for calling it "the Impala" one too many times, you'd given in to the car having a name. 

Every chance he got, Dean suggested names for your truck. You had picked one out, but didn't say anything. Dean kept coming up with more and more outrageous ideas. It was amusing watching him laugh at his own crazy ideas and then try to explain them. 

You reached up and touched the blindfold covering your eyes, but Sam swatted your hand away. "Hey! I told you to leave it alone."

"Seriously, Sam? I'm getting car sick! I don't wanna puke."

"We'll be there in five minutes. Stop whining."

**********  
"Hey, sweetheart? You ready?" You were leaning on Dean's shoulders when he helped you climb down out of your truck. 

"I don't know if I'm ready 'cause I don't know what we're doing. Can I take this off yet?" Each of them had taken one of your hands and we're guiding you along. 

"Almost. Dean? Get the door."

The smell of antiseptic assaulted your nose. "Are we at an urgent care or something? What are we doing, guys?" With a flourish, Dean pulled the bandanna away from your eyes. The florescent lights blinded you for a moment until you could blink the glare away. "A tattoo shop? Dean, I'm proud of you! Finally getting your tramp stamp?"

Sam laughed and clapped his brother's shoulder. "Maybe next time. We're all getting one tonight. Two reasons." Dean pulled a page he'd taken from his father's journal from his coat pocket and handed it to you. 

You'd poured over that journal enough to know what he was showing you. It was an anti-possession symbol.

"It's to protect us. Ya know, gates of hell being open and all. But, uhm, 'cause they match we'll always kinda be together. Even after..."

"...even after you've gone. You guys thought of this? I love it." Pulling them both into your arms and kissing each of their cheeks, they clung to you just a moment too long. "Let's do this. I bet a dollar that Dean pukes and passes out."

"Double or nothing says he cries."

**********

 

Sam sat in the chair first. The stencil had been placed on his left chest. You'd all worked with Josh, the artist, and agreed on the placement. Sam took a deep breath and closed his eyes. His brows furrowed when the machine touched skin. You were sitting on a stool at his feet. "You OK, honey." 

"Yeah. It's not too bad. Well, not as bad as I thought." 

The skinny, long haired artist shook his head and smiled. "Ladies always do better. The guys are usually pusses. You go last, darlin'. Show 'em how it's done?" 

"Ha! I'm showing them all kinds of things! It's quite the learning experience for everyone. I'll go last. It's weird, but watching this is turning me on."

Dean, who was leaning against the counter with his arms crossed at his chest, raised his eyebrows at you. "THIS turns you on? The fact that Sam's being stabbed a million times turns you on?"

"It's pretty intimate, Dean. I get what she's saying." Looking back at Sam, you couldn't help but notice the growing bulge in his pants. 

The artist shook his head and smiled. "Happens all the time with couples. I've had women so turned on watching their boyfriend get tats that they come soon as I touch 'em."

"And I get to watch both of mine." Sam picked his head up from the chair and looked down his body at you. Sharing a secret smile that was mirrored when you turned to Dean.

Josh leaned back and grabbed a paper towel and the green soap. Getting it good and wet he rubbed the completed ink on Sam's chest. "Different strokes, y'all. Whatever floats your boat. Your turn, buddy. Strip."

Dean took Sam's place in the chair, adjusting his shoulders until he was comfortable. His eyes followed every move Josh made. He was trying to play it cool, but his eyes were wide with fear of what was about to happen. "You OK, honey? Need me to hold your hand?"

"No! It's just a tattoo. People get 'em all the time, right?" His voice cracked a little on the end of his question. Josh hit the foot pedal a couple times to test the tension. As soon as the buzzing started, Dean reached out for you. "OK. OK. Please, hold my hand." 

Josh kicked a bucket to you. "Just in case."

Dean made it through like a champ. A big sweaty, whiny champ. "Neither of you won the bet, so there." Dean stood, went pale and hit the ground.

Josh grabbed his ammonia tab and tossed it to Sam. "You deal with him while I work on your lady. Don't let him puke on my floor." Sam had helped Dean up and onto a stool and set the bucket between his feet. He hadn't gotten sick, but was a little green around the gills.

"Alright, darlin'. Now I get to do you. Titties out." You pulled the Harley tank over your head. Since you weren't wearing a bra, you were standing topless in front of them. Laying back in the chair, you realized how turned on you actually were. You couldn't help but wonder if this could really get you off.

The boys watched as Josh's hands, covered in black gloves, rubbed your skin clean. Stencil placed, he did the tension test on his machine. At the first buzz you jumped a little, rubbing your thighs together in anticipation. "You ready for me, darlin'?"

Answering Josh but never looking away from your boys, you bit your lip and nodded. When the needle pierced your skin and started to drag the outline, your eyes closed and your head fell back. Your nipples were instantly hard and Josh's breath on your skin was giving you chills. "I know it feels good, darlin', but you gotta slow your breathing."

Thinking that looking to your boys would help you center your thoughts, you licked your lips and slowly looked their way. They looked just as wrecked as you felt and their lust blown eyes did nothing to distract you. The pleasure-pain line was gone; stomped on and kicked to the side.

Keeping your eyes on them, your teeth clenched and you felt an evil grin spread across your face. A low moan rumbled from your belly. Sam elbowed Dean in the ribs. "Seriously. Dude, it's gonna happen."Dean's eyes were glazed over, his lips were parted and he barely nodded in return. 

Each time Josh's hands shifted or he reloaded his machine with ink, you felt yourself getting closer. "Alright, darlin'. You say when and I'll pull away. Don't wanna fuck up your lines. Got me?

"Yeah. Holy hell, boys. C'mere. When I tell him to stop, you help me finish, kay?" Immediately they were at your side. Sam's was brushing back the hair stuck to your forehead while Dean had his hand on your thigh. "Almost. Almost. Don't stop. Aww, fuck! Kay, stop!"

In one motion you grabbed Sam's collar, pulling his mouth to yours and pulled Dean's hand to your crotch. Sam kissed you rough and frantic, the way he knew you loved to be kissed by him. Dean pressed his thumb against the seam of your jeans, rubbing it between your quivering lips. Crying out between gulps of air, you were aware of nothing but the feeling of their hands and lips and the burning on your left chest.

Catching your breath and turning to face a smiling Josh you let him know he could finish. He nodded enthusiastically. "That'll be in my spank bank for awhile."

**********

You and Sam were on your way back to the motel while Dean went to get food. "You look good driving my truck, honey. Real good. Good enough to eat, or suck anyway."

The blush crept up his neck to his ears like it always did when you got really forward with him. Sam was a softy until he got the green light. When that happened, all bets were off. 

"Do I now? Guess that wasn't enough for you back there?"

Raising to your knees, you lifted the center console out of the way and crept closer. Tucking his hair behind his ear, you growled softly, lips barely brushing against it. "Honey, I can never get enough of you. I wanna suck you off while you drive my truck. Want some road head?"

He tried to form words, but the tip of your tongue against the shell of his ear choked him off and he could only nod. "Good boy."

Your hand trailed from his cheek to his chest, brushing against the covered tattoo, following his belly to his cock that strained against his jeans. "You've been hard for a while, haven't you? Sammy? Want to paint the back of my throat with your come?"

"Jesus, you seriously talk too fucking much. You gonna do this or what?"

You made quick work of his belt and fly. He lifted his hips enough to help you pull his pants down past his ass. Face down and ass up, you stroked his cock a few times before sucking the head into your mouth then quickly taking him deep. "Holy shit, _____."

Sam was long enough to present a problem during head. Even when you deep throated him, there was still length to spare. He didn't like a grip at the base of his cock, like Dean did. He liked fingernails grazing over his skin matching the rhythm and pressure of your mouth. 

"You're killing me, baby. Christ. I wanna come so bad. But we need to wait until the road straightens out again. Slow down, _____." You knew that he was worried about killing you both if you made him come on a curve. Bracing yourself with one arm on his thigh, you broke the suction enough to let you mumble around your mouthful of Sam.

"Ok. Tell me when. I know how to flip your switch quick." Hollowing your cheeks and creating a new vacuum and rolling your tongue enough to keep him engaged. 

"God damn. What the hell did we do to deserve you?" The motions of the truck let you know you were coming out of a curve before Sam even told you it was safe. "Ok, _____, you've got maybe a quarter mile befffFUCK!" With a swallow and a pull on his sac, Sam was trowing ropes of hot come down your throat. 

**********

Sam slid the truck into the spot next to Baby. The engine was still ticking when you walked passed, so Dean hadn't been there long. The food was set out on the tables. Deli subs with extra pickles.

"Bout time you guys got here. You feelin' OK, _____? You're a little flushed."

"I'm ok, Dean. I gotta hit the ladies though." You were going to walk past him to the tiny bathroom, but stopped right in front of him. "Dean, did you get beer? Let's go get beer. Wanna drive my truck?"

"We have enough for tonight. Why would I drive that beast anyway when I could...what?"

You were standing in the middle of the room with your hands on your hips, tapping your foot at him.

Sam looked from you to Dean and tossed him your keys. "Dude, take her truck."


	9. Walkin' After Midnight

Dean and Sam were sitting on opposite corners of the bed. They looked up at you nervously when you brought the cups of tea to them. "OK, guys. This smells like garbage and ass. So, have fun with that." 

"Uh, should we dim the lights and synch up Wizard of Oz to Dark Side of the Moon?" While you and Dean shared nod and a laugh, Sam looked utterly confused.

"What? Why?"

Dean had a shocked, disappointed look on his face. "What did you do during college?"

Sam gave him an indignant bitch face and shook his head. Both raising the cups their lips, you rushed to stop them.

"Wait, wait, wait. Whew. Can't forget this."

They pull the cups away from their lips and glance at each other before looking to you. Taking a little envelope from your pocket and pulling out the contents, you held some out for each of them. They took some in their hands and stared down at it. 

Dean wrinkled his nose and looked at his palm in disgust. "What the hell is that?"

"Bobby's hair."

Sam's face snapped up to look at you. "We have to drink Bobby's hair?"

"That's how you control whose dream you're entering. You gotta ... drink some of their uh... some of their body."

"Well, guess the hair of the dog is better than other parts of the body." Dean shrugged and they both added the last ingredient.

They clinked their glasses together and reluctantly emptied the contents. They both grunted, trying to swallow, which seem to be a little hard. 

Almost immediately, they passed out and lay back on the bed. Pulling a chair over and settling in between them, all you could do is watch over them. You were completely useless to them right now. 

**********  
There was the occasional fist clench or grunt. Their heads would even turn suddenly to one side or another. Other than that, they just looked like they were sleeping.

You didn't have a chance to say anything to them before the root took effect. Your mind wandered while you sat there. What if they didn't wake up? What if they ran into the killer in Bobby's dream? What if they ended up like Bobby?

The thought of losing them made you feel like there was a fist wrapping its fingers around your guts. Where would you go? Continue on your little road trip? Stay and wait? What were you supposed to do if they died? Jesus, what would you do?

Suddenly, they both woke up at the same time. Sitting up and trying to catch their breath. You fell to your knees between them, clutching one of their hands in each of yours. "Oh, thank God. I was so scared! What happened? What did you see?"

Dean looked at Sam and they stood up in unison. "Hospital, now."

Sam helped you stand and the three of you headed to the door.

**********  
The ride to the hospital was filled with you begging for information and getting one sentence answers. The pieces were put together one at a time. Dean was with Bobby in the dream. His late wife was there, in Bobby's house. She seemed possessed and the man was terrified. Dean was able to convince his it was a dream and got him to wake up.

Sam had separated from Dean at some point and he ran into the Jeremy kid. The kid told him that since he wasn't able to dream, he hijacked other people's and terrorized them with their worst fears and memories.

**********  
You and Dean were sitting in the hospital room with Bobby. They were going over the files while you plugged away on the laptop. 

Suddenly Dean cleared his throat and spoke almost timidly. "Bobby? Hey, Bobby. That, uh... That stuff, all that stuff with your wife?" Bobby put the papers that he'd been studying down on his hospital tray and waited for Dean to get to his point "That actually happen?"

"Everybody got into hunting somehow."

"I'm sorry."

"Don't be sorry. If it weren't for you, I'd still be lost in there. Or dead. So...uh...well, thank you." Dean responded with a twitch of his lips. 

Sam came in, breaking the awkward silence between them. "So, uh, stoner boy wasn't in his dorm. My guess is he's long gone by now."

Bobby picked up the picture of Jeremy. And shook his head slowly. "He ain't much of a stoner." He held up the picture to Sam. "The kid is a genius. Hundred-and-sixty IQ. Which is sayin' something, considering his dad took a baseball bat to his head." 

Your stomach dropped to your knees. "Dean, you said he fell off his bike."

"That's what he told me, _____. But that's not what's in his file."

Bobby passed Sam another piece of paper from the pile. "Here's Father of the Year. He died before Jeremy was 10. Injury gave him Charcot-Wilbrand. He hasn't dreamt since."

"Till he started dosing the dream drug?" Bobby looked at you with pride in his eyes.

"Yep. Look at _____ over here. She's catching on quick!" You stuck your tongue out at Bobby and he blew you a kiss.

Dean rubbed a hand over the back of his neck. "How'd he know how to dig up your worst nightmare and throw it at you?"

"Hey, he was rooting around in my skull. God knows what he saw in there."

Sam looked at Bobby, still trying to put the pieces together. "Yeah. How'd he get in there in the first place? Isn't he supposed to have some of your hair, your DNA, or something?"

"Yeahhhh. 'Fore I knew it was him, he offered me a beer. I drank it. Dumbest frigging thing."

Sitting up in your chair you could see the realization in Dean's eyes. "Honey?" 

"Oh fuck." Sam knew it too.

Bobby saw the looks on your faces and caught on too. "Dean, you didn't."

All Dean wanted was to make light of the situation. "I was thirsty?"

Slamming the laptop shut and tossing it to the bed, you gestured to both Dean and Bobby. "It isn't funny! Now he can come after either one of you."

"Well, now we just have to find him first. We better work fast ... and coffee up. Because the one thing we cannot do – is fall asleep." How could Bobby sound so calm right now?!

**********  
Two days later you and Bobby were trying to find anything on Jeremy. Bela had shown up to "help". Still not trusting her, you kept your back in the corner to keep track of her skinny ass. 

The guys had taken off looking for the kid, but hadn't been in contact for a while. Bobby asked you to call them and check in. The phone rang a few times before Dean answered. His voice was loud and strained.

"Tell me you got something!"

You flinched and pulled the phone away from your ear before responding. "Strip club was a bust, huh?"

"Yeah."

You sighed and ran a hand through your hair. "That was our last lead, honey."

"What the hell, _____! I mean, this Jeremy guy's not a friggin' ghost. Where the hell could he be?"

"Dean, you sure you don't want Sam to drive? You seem a little... caffeinated."

That pissed Dean off and it came through the phone. "Well, thanks for the news flash, Edison!"

"Hey! Who the fuck do you think you're talking to? Don't yell at me, Dean!"

"Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm just.. I'm-I'm-I'm tired."

Bela looked up from using her spirit board and tarot cards to shoot you a snarky smile. It took everything you had to not tell her to fuck off.

"Well, who isn't."

"What's Bela got?" You didn't even like the sound of her name on his tongue.

"Bela?" You didn't like the taste of it on yours. "Got anything?"

"Sorry. Sometimes the spirit world is in a chatty mood, and sometimes it isn't."

"She's got nothing."

"Great! Well, I'm just gonna go blow my brains out now! Alright, that's it. I'm done."

You didn't realize you could hear the rumble of the Impala until it turned off. "Dean? What are you doing?" You could hear Sam's voice asking the same thing. There was some rustling and shifting before Dean let out a relaxed breath.

"Taking myself a long-overdue nap."

"Dean, no!"

Again, Sam's voice came through the phone. It was panicked and strained. "What?! Dean, Jeremy can come after you!"

"That's the idea."

"Excuse me? Dean, you aren't being rational!" There was a shifting noise before Sam's voice was on the phone.

"_____? It's me."

"Sammy, what the hell is he doing?"

"He's being stupid!"

Now, it was Dean's voice you could hear, even though he wasn't on the phone. "Come on man, we can't find him, so let him come to me."

You stayed quiet now. If anyone could talk sense into Dean, it was Sam. "On his own turf? Where he's basically a god?"

"I can handle it."

"Not alone, you can't." This time Sam's voice sounded confident and determined.

"Ow! What are you doing?" Dean's voice sounded high pitched and offended.

"Comin' in with you."

"Sam? Honey, what did you do?"

"I've got some of Dean's hair. I'm going into his dream."

Dean was indignant in the background. "No, you're not."

"Why not? At least then it'll be two against one."

"'Cause I don't want you digging around in my head."

"Too bad. I'll call you back, _____." The line went dead. 

"God dammit!" You tossed the phone on the bed and pressed the heels of your hands to your eyes.

Bobby came and sat next to you, the moment his arm wrapped around your shoulder you were wracked with sobs. "Hey now, girl. What are those ijits doin'?"

Through tears and hiccups, you explained everything to him.

"Dammit, boys. OK. Why don't you lay back for a while." He pressed a kiss to your forehead when you turned your face up to his. His beard tickled your nose. "Bela and I are gonna keep working. We'll keep you in the loop if we find anything."

You were so exhausted, mentally and physically, that you felt yourself relax into the pillows with your cell phone gripped tight in your fist.

**********  
You sat up, startled awake by your phone ringing. "Sam?! Dean?!" You were desperately trying to shake the sleepy cobwebs away.

"It's Sam. We're done and on our way back now."

"You guys are ok though?"

"I think so. I'll fill you guys in when we get there."

"I'm glad you're OK."

"Yeah. Me too"

**********  
Sam and Bobby had left earlier to get food while Dean told you what had happened, what they'd seen. You could tell he was holding back. Censoring himself.

He scooted closer to you and took your hand in his. "_____?"

Pressing your  free hand against his cheek and brushing your thumb across his bottom lip, you could see sadness in his eyes. "Talk to me, honey."

Dean looked down at your hand in his. "I've been doing some thinking, and... Well, the thing is... I don't wanna die. I don't wanna go to hell."

Your throat tightened and tears threatened to spill. "All right. Yeah. We'll find a way to save you."

Dean looked up at you with a sad smile. His voice was shaking when he spoke again. "Okay, good." He looked away again, whatever he'd seen in that dream was etched in fear on his face.

**********  
When Sam and Bobby got back you hung up your phone and looked at them hopefully. "Hey, have you guys seen Bela? She's not in her room and she's not answering her phone."

They closed the door behind them and set the bags of food down. "She must've taken off or something."

Dean started pulling burgers out and setting them on the table. "Just like that? It's a little weird." 

Bobby pulled out his chair and set a burger in front of him. "Yeah well, if you ask me what's weird is why she helped us in the first place."

You paused with an unopened beer in your hand. "I thought you saved her life."

"What the hell are you talking about?"

Dean spoke before you could. "The thing in Flagstaff."

"That thing in Flagstaff was an amulet. I gave her a good deal, that's all. You boys better check your pockets."

They reached into their pockets.

Bobby rolled his eyes at them. "Not literally."

Dean stopped what he's doing and slowly looked up at Sam. He turned to the safe in the closet. When he started walking towards it, you felt a pit of dread in your stomach.

"No, no, no, no." when he opened the safe, it was empty.

"The Colt. She stole the Colt." Sam tossed his sandwich on the table in disgust.

Dean was already shoving his things in a bag. "Pack your crap. We're gonna go hunt the bitch down."

**********

Sam was driving Bobby back to his house while you rode with Dean to pick up your truck. You sat in the middle of the seat, next to him. His arm was draped over the seat behind you while you fed him peanut M&M's. 

Your bare feet danced on the dashboard to the beat of the music on the radio. You were determined to make him love Waylon and Willie and they boys if it killed you. "Dean, this might be country, but it's outlaw country. Next truck stop, I'm getting a Johnny Cash tape. If they have tapes."

"Fine. Fine. Ugh, woman, why do I put up with you?"

"'Cause my ass is perky and I give great head?"

"You forgot humble. And ladylike. You haven't slept, _____. How are you gonna make the drive to Bobby's?" He was talking around the mouthful of candy you'd just shoved in.

"Honey, you haven't slept either. I figured we'd stay the night and head out tomorrow. Unless, you're afraid to spend the night alone with me. We never have, ya know?"

He frowned and tilted his head to the left. "I guess we haven't spent a night alone. I wonder why?"

"Probably cause I'm too much woman for you. Wouldn't be able to handle me all by yours-Jesus, Dean!" He'd slammed on the breaks and in the process slid you off the seat and onto the floor. Your feet were in the air and M&M's were everywhere. "What the actual fuck is wrong with you!?"

He'd thrown Baby in park and climbed out the driver's door, slamming it behind him. "Dean? Dean! Now I know why Sam always buckles up with you driving. C'mon! Honey? I'm stuck!"

He opened the passenger door and chuckled at the sight of you. "Wow. You're bendy." He was untangling your limbs and pulling you from the car. "I spent a bendy weekend with a yoga instructor once. She ended up being a über bitch."

Once you were upright and on your feet, you looked around and realized you were just parked on the side of a two laned road. Before you could ask a question he had you pressed against the passenger door. 

He glared down at you, trying to look angry, but failing miserably. "Never, ever, challenge a Winchester." His hands were in your hair tipping your face up to his. Dean's body weight was holding you in place, giving him complete control. 

Your hands fisted into his shirt at his waist when he kissed you. His tongue hungrily parted your lips and letting your jaw fall open, you let it slide in over yours. He tasted like the chocolate candy you'd been feeding him. When he started lift your shirt up, your arms clamped down to your sides. 

"Honey, someone might see!"

"Good." Dean pulled his face back and his green eyes glinted. He pulled your arms away from your sides and lifted your shirt, exposing your breasts. He smiled his crooked grin and lifted you, wrapping your legs around his waist. 

As he walked around the side of the car, he sucked and bit at your neck. One hand was hanging on to his shoulder and the other was on the back of his head. "Oh fuck. Dean. What are you..shit...doing? You gonna fuck me on the trunk of your car?"

He set you on your feet and spun you around. Using a hand on your hip and one on your upper back, he bent you until your cheek was against the cool metal. You could feel your nipples hardening against the trunk. "Nope." He pulled your pants and panties down past your ass. "Gonna fuck you BENT OVER the trunk of my car."

He was sliding two fingers between your lips, spreading the wetness there. You could hear his pants coming undone behind you. "Fuck me, honey. Fuck me hard." No sooner had you registered the pressure of cock against you, he was sliding inside. He didn't pause or wait or waste a moment on formalities. He set a brutal, pounding pace in fucking you. His hips slapped hard against your ass, making your breasts pull against the metal with each thrust. "My clit. You need to touch my clit." 

One hand snaked around your waist and down between your legs. When he made contact and circled around it, you tightened around him. His rhythm stuttered a bit before he reached up with his free hand and wrapped your hair around his fist. "Fuck. Yes. Gonna. Come." Each word was punctuated by a slap of his hips.

"Holy shit! Holy shit! So fucking good. Now. Come now, Dean." There was a rumble on the road behind you and headlights in the window. You could see Dean's outline, back-lit and reflected. His head had fallen back and his shoulders were thick and squared with effort. 

You felt him come, his orgasm matching yours. But you couldn't hear him over the wind and air horn of the passing semi. When they were long gone, Dean slid free from you. He pulled your pants back up before he tucked himself away. 

"Need help back in the car?" You took his offered hand and let him lead you to your seat. He shut the door and walked back to his side. "Call Sam. Tell him we will be there tomorrow. _____, you OK over there?"

"Yeah. I'm good, honey. You always make me feel good." You slid back to the middle and snuggled into his shoulder. Sam picked up on the second ring.

**********  
Sam agreed that sleeping tonight was a good idea. "I'm gonna miss you though. Don't know if I can sleep alone. Haven't had to in a while."

"I'll have my phone close so can call if you need me to help. Read you a bedtime story or something."

"Maybe something dirty?"

"Usually, I'm always up for something dirty. But not tonight, Sammy." Dean's arm squeezed a fraction tighter around you. 

"Oh, sorry. I didn't think...ya know? First time for everything I guess."

"It's OK, honey. How's Bobby doin'?"

"Good actually. He seems tired though, even though he just slept for a few days."

"Try and get him to eat and rest, OK? He needs to."

"Oh yeah! He's always so open to suggestions. How's Dean, _____? He was spooked after his dream walk."

"Distracted. He hasn't said anything. But I'll fill you in if he does. Now go take care of Bobby so you can rest too."

**********  
Dean got a room for the night in the same motel that you'd left your truck. The two of you were kissing slowly in the tiny shower, hands slipping over each others soapy skin. When you placed your hands against his chest and pushed him away enough to see his face, he looked at you like he was seeing you for the first time.

"Do you want to know what I thought about you that first night, after you took care of Sam?"

Your eyes narrowed, wondering what he was going to say. With your hands sliding up to his shoulders and neck, you gave a short and tentative nod. 

"I thought you were pretty bad assed. Brave. Talented and smart. Not to mention beautiful. And that, if I'd met you anywhere else, you wouldn't have even talked you me."

"Honey, you don't think that's true do you?"

"Yeah, I do. Big, dumb, clumsy guy like me? I'd use some tired pick up line and you woulda laughed me off. And don't say it's not true. 'Cause you don't know." He reached behind you to turn off the water. You took the towel he handed you and watched him wrap one of his own around his waist.

His words turned over and over in your head. You watched him wrap the towel around his waist and bend over the sink to brush his teeth. Why did he do this to himself? He'd beat himself up whenever the opportunity arose. How could a man like him, so caring, sensitive, strong, smart and beautiful, ever doubt himself. Why did he hate himself so much? He put everything first, except himself.

**********  
You stopped him when he reached into his bag for his boxers. "Hey, lay down in bed. On your belly. I'm giving you a proper massage. I think a little pampering will do you some good."

"_____, you don't have to do that. I'm ok. Let's just go to sleep-" He looked at you standing there, arms crossed over your naked chest and panty clad hip pushed out to the side. "Arguing won't help will it?"

"Nope."

He sighed in defeat and pulled the bedspread back and laid down on the sheet. "Ok. Do your worst." Getting the baby lotion from your bag, you watched him watch you move across the room.

"Dean, can I ask you something?" He shrugged and raised his eyebrows at you. "What did you see in your dream walk? What flipped this whole going to hell thing for you?"

His arms were crossed and his chin rested on them. He was staring at the headboard, not looking at you. "Just-uh. Part of me I didn't know was there. Brought up old shit for me."

You climbed up his body, kissing each of the dimples above his butt before straddling his waist. Just like you thought about doing the first night he kissed you. "What kinda old shit, honey?" You rubbed a dollop of lotion between your hands to warm it before smoothing it over his shoulders. 

You brought his hands to his sides and turned his head gently to the left. He couldn't see your face from where he was, so he had the illusion of privacy to continue. 

Once you started in around his right shoulder blade his eyes fell shut and he kept talking. "Sometimes, I don't know, I feel worthless. I look into a mirror... and hate what I see." It was absolutely devastating to hear him talk like this, but if you said one word he'd stop talking.

"I mean, I'm going to hell, and until yesterday I wouldn't lift a finger to stop it. Talk about low self-esteem, huh? Then again, I guess it hasn't been much of a life worth saving." This was horrible. This amazing man thought nothing of himself. To keep from crying you concentrated on the slope of his neck. The vibrations of his voice tickled at your fingertips.

"I mean, before you I had nothing outside of Sam. _____, do you know what it's like. To feel like you're nothing? Like you're as mindless and obedient as an attack dog?"

You leaned forward and pressed your lips against his temple. "Turn your head, honey." Once he'd repositioned himself, you smoothed more lotion over his left side.

"I mean, my car? That's Dad's. My favorite leather jacket? Dad's. My music? Dad's. I wonder if I even have an original thought. It's always been 'Watch out for Sammy. Look out for your little brother.' I can still hear my Dad's voice in my head."

It made your stomach turn to hear this. But he was on a roll now. Your hands on his body seemed to keep him grounded, so you kept them moving. The feel of muscle beneath skin gave you something to focus on so you could let him keep going without totally losing your shit. 

"I mean, sometimes, if i think about it...it's like, all he ever did was train me, boss me around.  
But Sam .... Sam he doted on. Sam, he loved. Dad knew who I really was. A good soldier and nothing else. Daddy's blunt little instrument. My own father didn't care whether I lived or died. Why should I?"

That was it. That was enough. Leaning forward, you rested your cheek on his back and rubbed his arms softly. "Honey, don't-"

"But I know, my father was an obsessed bastard. All that crap he dumped on me, about protecting Sam? That was his crap. He's the one who couldn't protect his family. He-he's the one who let Mom die. He wasn't there for Sam. I always was. I raised him. I didn't deserve what he put on me. I was just a kid. And I don't deserve to go to Hell."

"No. No you don't." You knew he could feel your tears on his back, but he didn't react. "That's why we're gonna sort through this. If there's a way, we're gonna find it."

"I know we will, sweetheart. Lay down. Please? I just need you to be close to me." You slid over his body and rested next to him on your side. He pushed himself up on his elbow and used his other hand to wipe at the tears on your face. "That was some heavy shit. I'm sorry."

"Don't ever be sorry for saying how you feel. It may hurt when I hear these things, but you have to be able to say them. And I'm glad I can be the person that can listen."

Dean rolled you over, pressing you into the bed. "You're somethin' else, you know that?"

"Honey, I'm just a decent human being."

"Yeah. But there's not a lot of those." He pulled the blankets up and laid his head on your chest. "You give me hope, _____." He fell asleep, wrapped in your arms, while you hummed a song against his head. 

**********  
The smell of coffee woke you. You stretched lazily, feeling the sheets slide to your waist. "Good morning _____. Good morning _____'s boobies." You opened your eyes and smiled at the sound of his voice.

"Mmmm. Hi. You got me coffee? You're my hero!" 

"I got us donuts and coffee. Easy breakfast to eat and drive. You ready to wake up? Gotta get to Bobby's and hunt Bela down."

"Honey, I'll do anything to find that cunt." Complete shock at your vulgarity painted across his face. "Don't look at me like that! She's British. It's a proper British insult."

"_____. You need to tell me how you really feel."

"Dean, pack the cars. Let's get going. I'll let Sam know we're leaving. Here, take Waylon's keys."

"Waylon? I thought she was a girl truck."

"She is. And her name is Waylon." 

Shaking his head and grabbing the bags, he headed for the door. He stopped with his hand on the doorknob. "Umm...so. Last night. Thank you, _____."

"Don't thank me, Dean. Please? It's what people like us are supposed to do."

"People like us?"

After sliding into your sandals, you grabbed your purse and walked to stand toe to toe with him. "Yeah. People who care about each other." With a bag in each of his hands, he didn't touch you when you tipped toed to kiss his cheek. "Ya know? Friends." You kissed his other cheek. "Lovers. It's what we do."

Dean's eyes flicked back and forth to each of yours. "I-ah-I have something to say, _____."

"Don't. Don't you dare say it. I know what you're gonna say. I don't want you to say it, but just know that I do too." Saying it or hearing it wasn't something you were prepared to do. Not yet.


	10. Bobby Approves

Bobby and Dean were out working on Waylon in the yard. She had a suspension issue that was effecting the steering. Their absence from the house left you and Sam alone in the living room. He was stretched out, his legs hanging over the arm of the couch, with his head in your lap. Every time your nails ran over his scalp he gave a little shiver.

"He really said all that? That's how he feels?" You'd spent the last fifteen minutes filling him on the admission Dean had made. There was no secrets between the three of you, everyone was in this together.

"It's what he says. What about you? Does it sound like him?" 

"Yeah, especially about Dad. But for me, Dean was always the favorite. Dad's mini me. I wanted out and that pissed Dad off. It was because of me that mom was killed. Sometimes I felt like he couldn't even look at me."

The fact that they both felt exactly the same about themselves spoke volumes for how they grew up. Part of you knew that John had done the best he'd known how to do. But your blood boiled at mess he'd left behind. 

"Do you think we could go lay down upstairs? I really missed you, _____. I get it. You and Dean had some alone time. And it's ok, I'm not jealous. That's not where this is coming from."

Sam needed the same attention Dean did. He needed to know he had someone in his corner. Someone who supported him no matter what. "Honey, you don't have to explain yourself. You go upstairs and I'll go let the guys know we're gonna nap." 

**********

As was always the case, Bobby shot you the sweetest smile when you walked to the truck. "Hey, Girlie. How you doin'?" 

"I'm doin' alright, Bobby. But hey, Sam and I are gonna lay down for a bit. I'll be up in time to make dinner. I believe I promised you some chicken and dumplings next time I was here." The grizzly expression flashed away for a split second, and suddenly Bobby was a ball of sunshine in a baseball cap.

"Hey, grease monkey. Gimme kiss." Dean kept his hands away from you so he wouldn't get you dirty but leaned over and pressed a sweet kiss to your lips before rubbing his nose against yours. 

"I'll see you guys in a bit, _____. Get some rest."

**********  
Sam was next to the bed in just his underpants. "I don't know what side you want. You're always in the middle."

"I'll take the wall, honey. That way you can't push me off the bed." You shimmied out of your jeans and caught him staring in awe when you pulled your bra through the arm of your tank. "Don't ask, Sam. Girls have to take a special class to learn how to do this."

"It's like seeing a unicorn! It's magical." Laying down and opening your arms, you motioned for him to join you. He smiled shyly when he laid his head on your chest. "Mmmm. You feel good. Ya know, if I didn't say it before, I'm glad you were there for him."

"Me too. And I'm glad I'm here for you now. Need to talk about anything?" Sam's lifted himself on one arm and stared down at your face. "Sam?"

"I just need you. To be close to you." His big hand slid over the side of your face. Stopping just inches from your lips, his eyes closed and he took a deep breath and closed his eyes."_____, I think...well, I dunno if you...but, i-"

"Sam, no. I mean, yeah, me too. But no. We're not going to say that out loud, alright? For the sake of transparency though, Dean tried to say it too."

He pulled back and stared at you long enough to make you think you'd hurt him. "OK, I can do that. I can work with that." He leaned back in and kissed you like he would starve if he didn't taste you. His hand slipped from your neck to the swell of your breast straining against the ribbed cotton of your white tank. His thumb brushed across your nipple, pulling a whine from you. "_____, you gotta quiet. 'Cause, ya know, Bobby."

You bit your lip to keep from moaning when he rutted his cock against your thigh. When you whispered assurances against his mouth and nodded, he slid his hand down your belly. While he was running his fingers under the seam of your shirt painfully slow, your arms wrapped his neck. Pulling him closer to you before one hand slipped to his upper arm and pushed him down to your panties. 

He whispered, equally quiet, his lips dancing over yours. "_____. Tell me to touch you."

"Mmmm. Please, honey. Please touch me." With your tongue sliding against his, you could only draw a breath through your nose when his fingers slid under your panties.

"You turn on quick, don't you?" Just one finger slid between your lips, making your legs fall apart automatically. He dipped his finger into you and slid it out slowly, making your chest arch up into him. Your fingers squeezed into his forearm feeling the muscles flex and coil with the movement of his hand. "I want you on my tongue. Scoot up for me."

When you tried to slide yourself up to the headboard, he effortlessly slid you to where he wanted you to be. Rocking back to his heels he pulled your panties down your legs before stopping and sliding his eyes over your body. "You're something else. You know that?" His hands slid up your thighs slowly while he spoke, gradually leaning closer to you. He peppered kisses against your inner thigh between each word. "Smart. Strong. Tough. Caring. Talented. Gifted. Loyal. Sexy. Beautiful. Delicious." 

The last word was cut off when his mouth pressed against you. His tongue slid flat from your entrance to the cleft of your lips, curling and flicking over your clit. The sudden, firm stimulation made you gasp and clamp your thighs against the sides of his head. "Sam. You know I can't be quiet like this."

He crawled up to your face, moving like a panther stalking it's prey. "Usually, _____, you're pretty vocal no matter how you come." He reached down and lined his cock up before sliding into you at a glacial pace, prolonging the feeling as long as he could. 

"Jesus, Sam."

"Yeah, I know." Pulling a leg around his waist, he buried his face against your neck. "Just hang on to me OK? Lemme do the work." His body pressed you further against the sheets making it impossible to move anything but your hands. One hand fisted into his hair while the other clamped one ass cheek, urging him to move. 

All Sam did was rock his hips against yours, moving the pressure deep inside you. With every grind of his pelvis against your hips, the slightest puff of breath washed over your neck, making goosebumps break out over you skin. The arm not bracing himself slid under your waist, pulling you down on him with every thrust.

"Sam? What if they hear. You're gonna make me come."

"I always make you come, don't I?"

A breathy 'yes' was all you could trust yourself to say. Sam's mouth clamped over your yours, catching your sighs of his name. With three sharp snaps of his hips he had you coming undone. He moaned low, vibrations tickling your lips. He kissed you harder when he came, body stilling against you. 

"Good girl, almost no noise at all." He slid to lay next to you. "I like when you behave. Do what you're told."

"Why Sam Winchester, are you getting all dom on me?"

"Heh. Yeah, sorry."

"No! God, no! Don't apologize, honey." Curling into his chest, the smell of him and you and sweat and sex was everything that the two of you were becoming. "I'm down. We can absolutely talk about that later. But I gotta go get dinner started.. Natives get restless when they don't get fed. You gonna sleep for a bit?"

"Maybe. Come get me when it's almost ready?"

"You got it." You kissed him soft and quick before climbing over him to head down stairs.

**********  
"I sure hope you washed your hands before you started in on that chicken." Bobby sat down heavily in the chair at the table. 

"Umm, yeah? How ya doin', Bobby? Hope you're hungry."

"Always. Haven't had home cooked food in a while. Makin' me feel special, girlie."

Grabbing a bowl to mix the eggs and flour in, you smiled at him over your shoulder. "You are special, Bobby. More than you know."

"Yeah, well. C'mere for a minute. I wanna talk a spell."

You dried off your hands and grabbed a couple beers from the fridge on your way to sit across the table from him. "What's up, darlin'?"

"Well, it's about you and my boys. Now, I'm not going to pretend I get it, and it's not my place to approve. But they care about you, a lot. And this is the first time I've seen them like this. And I mean ever. And I know it's got everything to do with you." He leaned forward one arm on the table, the other pointing a finger at you. "That being said, you do anything stupid to them... I don't care if you are a woman. I'll bust your ass. You got me?"

"Yessir. I'll make sure I take care of them." Reaching out and grabbing the finger had been pointed at your nose, you used it to pull your self to up and kiss the old man's nose. "Now, you want salad with dinner or not? 'Cause I gotta feed my boys. And their Bobby."

His grizzled face broke into a soft smile that crinkled his eyes. "None for me. Sam will though."

**********  
Everyone sat around the table, bellies happy and too full. "_____, you've been holding out on us. That was damn good." The brothers agreed enthusiastically with Bobby's sentiment before standing to clear the table.

"Leave leftovers for me and Bobby please. But make sure you guys take some." They told you earlier that they'd caught Bela's scent and would be heading out tonight. You'd offered to stay and keep an eye on Bobby since he hadn't been home from the hospital for long.

The replied in unison. "Yes, ma'am." Bobby chuckled and shook his head.

"You've got them trained, _____. Or whipped."

Both men shot bitch faces at him before smiling at you. Dean put a container of salad in the fridge. "You should be so lucky, old man. But find your own." 

Sam pointed at you from the sink with a wet wooden spoon. "This one's spoken for."

"Shit, this old man wouldn't know what to do with a woman like her." They had let you in to their secret circle. You saw the good, bad and ugly in all of them. And all of that made them perfect to you.

**********

The boys left that night and it tore at your heart to let them go. Time was short with Dean. Really fucking short. And one dumb move and he was gone for good. If anything happened to Dean while they were gone, Sam would be alone. That in itself presented it's own problems.

"I'm just gonna hang back a day or two OK? Make sure Bobby's doin alright. I'll catch up." Dean was standing behind you with his chin on your shoulder while you nuzzled into Sam's chest.

Sam cupped your jaw and turned his face up to yours. "Are you trying to convince us or yourself?" Dean chucked against your neck.

"You guys are assholes. Go. If you don't go now I'll keep you here." Once Sam had kissed you goodbye, Dean turned you to face him and pressed you back against his brother, taking his turn for the attention.

"_____, take care of Bobby, k?"

"Only if you take care of each other."

Their doors closed at the same time, as was usually the case, and they tooted the horn before pulling away. "You gonna come in, _____? 'Cause staring off after them ain't gonna bring 'em back."

"Yeah, Bobby, I'm comin' in." you took his hand when he offered to help you up the stairs. "I hid some pie from Dean so I could eat my feelings when they left. Join me?" He slung his arm heavy over your shoulders and led you inside.

**********  
The two of you spent the hours with Bobby teaching you how to connect lore and legends.

"See, the trick is to understand how things run parallel to each other. There may be versions of stuff that seem the same, but die in different ways."

"Has Sam ever thought of a spreadsheet, Bobby? It would make this a whole lot easier."

"I'm sure he has. Probably even has one started. That doesn't mean you can't work on something. You're a smart girl. You'll do good."

The two of you figured out how to cross reference the most comprehensive books so you weren't taking the entire library with you. 

**********  
After breakfast the next day, Bobby introduced you to some "friends" that could help you get medical supplies and prescription medications. They promised to help you keep in their network so you wouldn't have to resort to street thugs. 

While the brothers kept you close and made sure you were safe, Bobby made sure you had the resources to keep them safe and healthy.

**********  
It was two days later, early Thursday morning, when the phone rang at Bobby's. You had heard it from outside where you packed last of your things into Waylon. Bobby called out for you, letting you know Sam was on the phone. 

"Hi, honey! How's my boys?"

"OK I guess. Been a rough couple days. I'll fill you in when we meet up."

"Where we going? I'm ready to head out."

"We've got intel that Bela is in Monument, Colorado. Head that way. We'll meet you there. Drive safe, ok?"

"Nope. Gonna drive really fast with my eyes closed. Bye, Sam." The hand set back in it's cradle before he could scold your poor attempt at humor. "Bobby? I gotta go."

**********  
Bobby gave you the biggest hug you'd had gotten in a while before threatening to 'show ya what for' if you didn't stop talking and get moving. 

"Thank you, darlin'. For everything. You're a good man. You need to know that."

"Whatever. I'm just a crochety old fart with too much time on my hands. Keep in touch, OK?"

"Yeah, you too." 

Once you turned Waylon around and made your way back to the main road, you dared to look in the mirror. It did your heart good to see that he was still there, watching you go.

**********

"Hey! Where's my girl?"

"Dean, I'm a hundred miles from where I was last time you called. Impatient much?"

"Maybe. I just prefer your company to the Sasquatch. He gets cranky."

"Sure. 'Cause you're a fucking walk in the park. I'll be there tomorrow, honey. What's the plan when we get there?"

"We're headed out now to the hotel Bela's supposed to be at. I'll call you back in a couple hours, k?"

"Kick her in the twat for me."

**********

"Goddammit! Answer your fucking phones!" The only time they didn't answer was if something was wrong. You threw your phone onto the passenger seat and beat the heel of your hand on the steering wheel. "Fuck. Fuckfuckfuckfuck! I swear to Christ if that limey bitch did something... Ugh!"

Trying to keep calm enough to drive somewhat safely, you realized the gas light had come on. "FUCK!"

**********  
"Hey, lady? You feeling alright?" It took you a second to realize that the kid behind the counter was talking to you.

"What? Oh yeah. Sorry." He looked from the pile of energy drinks and sugar on the counter and back to you. "I've got a, uh, family emergency I gotta get to."

"Be safe out there. Hope everything's OK."

"Yeah, me too." The sun had started to set and it would be hours before you got to town. Trying each of their cells again and getting voicemail on the first ring on both, you climbed back into the truck. Waylon started on cue and you pulled away from the station. "C'mon guys. Hang in there. I'm on my way."

**********  
It was long after dark when you crested the last ridge before heading down into the valley. Monument was a little town nestled in the bowl of a few mountains. They should be easy enough to find. Couldn't be more than twenty-five hundred people in town.

You had wound your way through every side street before you saw the explosion. It was outside the police station. A helicopter had exploded in the parking lot. If that wasn't enough, you saw a man zombie walk out of the bushes and kill the last surviving cop outside. 

Instincts kicking into overdrive, you went to the motel you'd passed earlier and checked in. While you warded the room, you could hear Dean's voice barking instructions in your head. 'Thick lines on the sills. Don't forget the bathroom window. Cover the threshold of the door from frame to frame.' 

Out of breath, you stood in the middle of the room. And checked off all you'd needed to do. Absently touching the tattoo on your chest, you pulled out your phone to call Bobby. Before he could answer, the lights all went out and your phone beeped with no signal.

Pulling the drapes apart and peeking between them, the streets were empty. Not in a 'we're a small town that rolls up when the sun goes down' kind of way. More of a 'where the fuck did everybody go' kind of way. There was no light other than the moon. The town was entirely blacked out. 

With the electric hum that people lived everyday not hearing gone, the silence was heavy and deafening. You spoke out loud, trying to keep your nerves in check. "What the hell is going on? This isn't a Bela thing. This is bigger. Way bigger."

There was a cloud hovering and expanding over the town. It was so dark! The inky blackness of it seem to absorb any light from the stars. And it was moving, churning in on itself. Your heart was pounding in your ears and your mouth had gone dry. "Oh, well, there's no way this isn't gonna end shitty."

Tendrils had started peeling away from the center of the cloud. The moonlight reflected off them in deep purples and blues. When you leaned your forehead against the glass to try and get a different angle and felt the vibrations before you heard the noise. It was stuck between a freight train and an eagle's screech. Everything seemed to be centered around the parking lot where the explosion happened.

And there was nothing you could do but wait.

**********  
It seemed like hours later and your nails are chewed to ragged shreds. You'd pulled a chair to the window and had been there since the cloud had disappeared. There's been no more noise, no more movement, nothing. As quickly as all of this started, it seemed to have stopped.

"Come on, guys. Find me. Know I did what you taught me. First motel in town. You've got this." The last sentence you spoke for the evening came out as a whisper. "I don't want to do this without you."

Something that sounded like a sonic boom rattled the windows, sending you to the floor and covering you head. The room lit up like it was daytime and everything fell silent again. Rising to your knees and peeking out the window, you saw the smoky tendrils raising into the sky and making that cloud again. It churned and folded in on itself before dissipating like steam. 

"Jesus fucking Christ." The lights flickered and the familiar hum of power through wires returned. The ring of your phone brought you out of your shocked state.

"Yeah?"

"_____? Where are you? Are you alright?!"

"Sam! Oh thank God. What the fuck just happened?"

"You saw it? You're here?" You could hear Dean's frantic voice in the background before Sam answered. "Yeah. I think she's OK. Tell me where you are."

"Knotty Pine motel. Room 18. I warded the room, Sam. I did what you taught me." After the adrenaline rush, your whole body was shaking. 

"Good girl. Leave it that way until we get there. _____? You did good."

"You taught me well, honey. Please hurry?"

"We will."

You fell to the floor with your forehead on the ratty carpet and let yourself cry. Really cry. Your body went lax and you fell on your side, laying in a fetal position. They were OK. For today they were OK.

**********  
After kisses and hugs and checking to make sure they were real, you examined Dean's shoulder. "It's a patch job, but it's through and through. Couple of stitches and a round of antibiotics and I think you'll live." 

You set to work on Dean's bullet wound, cleaning it thoroughly before stitching the edges together. Together, they tried to explain what happened. "So, demons came for you? Why? What did they want?"

Sam sat on the bed and rubbed his hand roughly over his face. He shrugged absently and stared at the floor. A knock at the door made you jump out of your skin. Your hand grabbed onto Dean's uninjured shoulder. He placed a hand on the gun in front of him and nodded curtly at Sam.

A blonde in a leather jacket walked in the door and passed Sam. She eyed you curiously before jerking her chin at the TV. "Turn on the news."

Dean was still tense under your hand and you thought better of asking questions. Something big was happening. Sam used the remote to turn the TV on and raised the volume high enough that you could all hear.

'The community is still reeling from the tragedy that happened just a few hours ago. Authorities believe a gas main ruptured...'

"Dean? C'mere." He stood and went to sit next to Sam. Your hands fell to the back of the chair, keeping it between you and the woman, now standing with her arms crossed over her chest. You tried to keep your bravado up while she eyed you curiously. The reporter's next words pulled your attention away from her.

'...causing the massive explosion that ripped apart the police station and claimed the lives of everyone inside. Among the deceased, at least six police officers and staff, including sheriff Melvin Dodd, deputy Phil Amici, and secretary Nancy Fitzgerald as well as three FBI agents, identified as Steven Groves, Calvin Reidy, and Victor Henriksen. Two fugitives in custody were also killed. We'll continue to follow the story here at the scene, but for now, back to you, Jim.'

Sam's shoulders were slumped in defeat, the weight of the world on them again. "Must have happened right after we left."

"Hey, guys? Sorry to interrupt, but who-"

"How rude of me, not introducing myself during a catastrophe. I'm Ruby." She held out her hand to you, but you ignored it. Opting to stare her down instead. This was your room, your family and your rules.

Shrugging and turning back to the boys, she tossed them each a hex bag. Dean held the bag up and shook it at Ruby. "What's in these?"

"Something that'll protect you...for the time being, at least."

"The time being?" Dean seemed to feel as out of the loop at you did.

"You didn't tell Dean?" Ruby looked smugly between them. Oh, I'm surprised."

"Tell me what?"

"I'm really surprised at you, Sam. See, there's a big new up and comer. Real pied piper."

The register of Dean's voice got lower. "Who is he?"

"Not he. Her. Her name is Lilith. And she really, really wants Sam's intestines on a stick. 'Cause she sees him as competition."

"Sam, you knew about this?" Sam's eyes were trained in on the wall over Dean's shoulder and he didn't answer. "Well, gee, Sam. Is there anything else I should know?!"

Ruby held her hands, palms out, in front of her. "How about the two of you talk about this later? We'll need the Colt." She looked at Sam, who turned away, before she closed her eyes and balled her fists to her sides. "Where's the Colt?"

Sam finally looked at her. "It got stolen."

"I'm sorry? I must have blood in my ear! I thought I just heard you say that you were stupid enough to let the Colt get grabbed out of your thick, clumsy, idiotic hands. Fantastic. This is just peachy..."

Sam tried talking , desperate to explain. "Ruby..."

"Shut up. And don't thank me for the bags. Lilith killed everyone. She slaughtered a half a dozen people. So after your big speech about humanity and war, turns out YOUR plan was the one with the body count. Do you know how to run a battle? You strike fast and you don't leave any survivors. So no one can go running to tell the boss. So next time... we go with my plan."

Ruby spun on her heel and left the room, slamming the door behind her.

Dean spun on his younger brother and unloaded. Knowing that bystanders of their fights could end up casualties, you slowly sat in the chair you'd been leaning on.

"The fuck, Sam?! You keep doing this! I gotta know everything so we're fighting the same fight. You keep pulling this shit and someone's gonna get hurt, dammit!"

Sam squared his shoulders and pulling himself to his full height. He towered over Dean and glared at him. The calm in his voice contradicted the anger in his face. "And you're so fucking honest?"

Lightening fast, Dean had Sam by the shirt and shoved him against the wall. "Don't you dare. Don't you DARE put this back on me. What are you gonna do when someone gets killed, huh? Me? Bobby? _____!?"

Sam knocked Dean's hands off his chest and stepped forward, bumping chests with him. "YOU don't have to worry about her, because I'M the one who's gonna still be here!"

That was it. They were in another pissing match over shit that can't be changed. "Hey! I'm standing right fucking here." Both heads turned your way, eyes wide as if they had forgotten you were in the room. "I was fine before I met you and I'll be fine after you're gone. I don't NEED to be with you, I WANT to be with you. And I swear on my tits, it you to EVER use me against each other again, I will flip the fuck outta some tables. Now quit acting like a couple of bitches and tell me who that blonde whore was and what she was talking about."  
Your chest was heaving , trying to catch your breath and calm the shaking in your hands.

Dean had one hand on his hip and gestured to you. "Tell her, Sammy. Explain yourself." 

Sam's head fell forward in defeat. "Her name is Ruby."

"So that's her? That's the she-devil that's been playing you guys. Beautiful. And Bela? Where the fuck is she?"

Dean ran his hand over the back of his neck before holding his hands out to the sides. "We lost her."

**********  
Sam's fingers were laced through yours when you walked across the square to meet Dean. "Why is it always so cold and wet in the Midwest? I can't feel my nose, Sam! And humidity and your hair? They are not friends."

His free hand raked through the floppy hair over his ears where the ends were curling up. "Hey! I like my hair. Haven't heard you complain before."

Bumping your shoulder into his arm, you smiled up at him. "That's 'cause I like the way it tickles in...places." 

Sam's blush was in full effect when Dean waved you over. He was hanging up his phone and sliding it back in his jacket. "Wow. Whadja do to get Sam all flustered? You're blushing like a virgin on prom night, dude."

"Dean, honey, we know you never saw a virgin on a prom night. Ever. Who's on the phone?"

"That was Bobby. Pack your panties, Sammy, we're hitting the road. Some banker guy blew his head off in Ohio and he thinks there's a spirit involved."

Sam looked like he was listening to Dean speak in a different language. "So you two were talking about a case." Sam's hand fell away from yours and you instinctively stepped into Dean's space.

"No, we were actually talking about our feelings. And then our favourite boy bands. Yeah, we were talking a case!"

He could be so dismissive when it came to Sam's concerns. But as close as you three were, it felt like an insult to you as well. "You don't have to be an ass, Dean."

"Yeah, we'll I'm tired of explaining myself. To both of you."

'He's deflecting. He's not really mad at you. Just lashing out is all.' The words sounded hollow in your head.

"So a spirit, what?" Sam was placating his brother. Trying to keep the peace.

"Yeah, the banker was talking about some sort of electrical problems at his pad for like a week. Phone was going haywire, computer was flipping on and off."

"Huh..." There was an accusatory tone in Sam's voice.

"This is not ringing your bell?"

"Well, sure, yeah. But, Dean, we're already on a case."

"Whose?"

"Yours, honey."

Dean looked down at you and rolled his eyes. "Right. Yeah. Well, you coulda fooled me."

Sam stood back an spread his arms out to the sides. "What the hell else have we been doing lately other than trying to break your deal?"

"Chasing our tails, that's what. Sam, we've talked to every professor, witch, soothsayer and two bit carny act in the lower 48. Nobody knows squat! And we can't find Bela, we can't find the Colt. So until we actually find something, I'd like to do my job."

The situation was becoming painfully uncomfortable. You tried desperately to push Sam's idea. "Well there's one thing we haven't tried yet..."

"Sam, _____, no."

Sam kept trying. "We should summon Ruby."

"I'm not gunna have this fight with you two again."

"Honey, she said she knows how to save you." Your hand was on his arm trying to keep his attention.

"Well, _____, she can't."

With his best bitch face, Sam stepped closer into your space."Oh really, you know that for sure?"

"I do."

"How?" If the curt answers kept going, this conversation was going to turn into grunts and chest beating. 

"Because she told me, okay!? She told me. Flat out. She can't save me, nobody can."

"And you just somehow neglected to mention this to me?"

"Well, I really don't care what that bitch thinks and neither should you, so..."

"So what, now you're keeping secrets from me, Dean?"

"Guys, come on. We're rehashing old shit at this point." 

You were standing between them now and Dean was talking over the top of your head. "You really wanna talk about who's keeping secrets from who?"

They stared at each other for a long moment before Sam turned away.

"Now where's he going?"

"I guess we're going to Ohio, Dean."


	11. On the Line

"Ohio. Land of the really fucking cold. And me in a skirt. I gotta act professional while I freeze my tits off. Why is it so cold in late spring anyway?"

"_____, if you don't stop whining I'm taking you back to the motel. Sam, remind me why she's here." Dean smiled at you through the rearview mirror when you stuck your tongue out at the back of his head.

The case included interviewing a widow who'd found her husband's body after an apparent suicide. With all the tension between the brothers Winchester, you didn't think the sympathy was going to be flowing. So, for today, you got to play dress up with them. 

**********

Mrs. Waters led you into her husband's study and gestured to the blood stained carpet. "I found him there."

"Why don't you tell us everything you saw, Mrs Waters." Dean's tone was flat and professional, not an ounce of sympathy.

"You mean besides my dead husband?"

Shooting Dean a stink eye before placing a light hand on the woman's shoulder, you gave her a soft smile and tried a different approach. "I know this must be terrible for you, Mrs. Waters. Just everything else you saw. Please."

You felt her body relax under your hand when she took a shuddering breath before continuing. "Blood. Everywhere. The phone was ripped from the wall, his favorite scotch on the desk, what else could you possibly want to know?"

"Why was the phone ripped from the wall?" Even Sam's voice was tight.

"I don't know. Why would I? Look, I already went over this with the other detectives."

"We'll be out of your hair in no time, ma'am. Mrs. Waters, what time did your husband die?" You were working double time, trying to keep her from shutting down.

She crossed her arms across her chest and continued. "Sometime after 11."

Looking to Sam, he nodded and tapped the display on the desk phone's caller ID. You nodded and continued pressing her gently. "What about strange phone calls? Receive any of those lately, weird interference, static, anything like that?"

She looked between you and Sam before answering defensively. "No." She looked to Dean who raised his eyebrows at her. "No!"

Dean took on his 'bad cop' stance he used when he was trying to intimidate someone with the position he was pretending to hold. "Mrs Waters, withholding information from the police is a capital offense." Both you and Sam cleared your throats at him. "In some parts of the world I'm sure."

Surprisingly she continued. "A couple of weeks ago, uh....there was this...I woke up one morning, I heard Ben in his study. I thought he was talking to a woman."

You stepped between Mrs. Waters and Dean, trying to get her to focus on you again. "What made you think that?"

"Because he kept calling her Linda. The thing is, I picked up the other line and nobody was there, Ben was talking to nobody."

"The line was dead?"

"There was just static."

Over her shoulder you could see Sam nodding at you to continue.

"Did you ever speak to Ben about this phone call?"

She wiped away tears with the heel of her hand and shook her head. "No. I should have but...no."

"Did he ever say who Linda was?"

"What difference does it make, there was nobody on the other end!" That was it. She sat in a chair in the study and dissolved into tears.

**********  
When you got to the motel where you'd checked in, you grabbed your duffle from Waylon. "I call shower! I can't warm up, guys!"

"It's ok, _____. I'm gonna look for something on that Linda chick and I'm sure Sam will find something to do. Right Sam?"

Sam had wrapped his coat around you and pulled you against his chest. "Yeah. Go get warmed up. I'll make us coffee. We're gonna need it."

**********

You were sitting cross legged on the bed with your laptop in front of you. Snuggled into your flannel sleep pants and fuzzy socks with Sam's hoodie over your tank. Sam was looking through news articles while Dean was hunched over the other laptop on the kitchenette table. "I've got nothing, guys. Dean?"

"Linda's a babe. Or, was."

Sam put the newspaper down and walked to stand beside Dean. "Did you find her?"

"Yeah, Linda Bateman. She and Ben Waters were high school sweethearts."

It struck you as funny that Dean's baby brother was so tall. Sam towered over him. "So what happened?"

"Drunk driver hit them head on. Ben walked away."

"So, what then? Dead flame calls to chat? Bitches can be desperate, ya know?" Both men raised their eyes to you in disbelief. "What? It's true. Women are crazy and don't know when to let go. Maybe she was haunting him."

"You would think, but Linda was cremated. So why's she still floating around? What about that, uh, caller I.D. Did anything come up, _____?"

"Turns out, it's a phone number."

"No phone number we've ever seen."

"Yeah, 'cause it's about a century old, back from when phones had cranks."

"So why use that number to reach out and touch someone?" Sam sat next to you and handed you a fresh cup of coffee before running his hand over your hair.

"Got me there too, but we should put a trace on it."

"Well how the hell are we going to put a trace on something that's over 100 years old? Can't just call the phone company about that."

Dean shut his laptop and stood smiling down at you. "We can go bully the phone company though. Little Miss Sensitivity here has to stay behind this time."

**********  
You were watching 'The 40 Year Old Virgin' on your laptop, for the seventieth time, while you waited for their clothes to dry in the laundry room at the motel. The least you could do was try and keep them clean while all this shit was going on. They tried, they really did try, to keep you distracted from what was coming. But it was always right there. Like a splinter. Didn't keep you from doing what you needed to do, but it was always still right under the surface.

While Dean and Sam tried to find away to get the deal broken, you'd resolved to start making a plan for what you'd come to refer to as 'after'. Breaking it down to brass tacks, it was like having a terminally ill loved one. You knew what was coming and hoped desperately you could change it, but you still had to see beyond the inevitable. There would be a time of mourning, but you'd still have Sam. Sam was going to lose it. How he lost it was another story. That was the wild card. There was no way you'd be able to prepare for every scenario, but you had to have a basic idea. He wouldn't leave though. He knew you'd need him too.

The dryer buzzed, signaling the clothes were done. After piling them into the basket, you made your way back to the room. 

The Impala pulled into the lot just as you opened the door. Sam looked from the basket to your face and smiled the dimpled smile you loved, but hadn't seen in awhile. "Hey there, little woman! You get your chores done while your men were out workin'?" 

"Sam Winchester! And here I thought it was Dean that objectified women."

Dean took the laundry basket from your hands and nodded at Sam who threw you over his shoulder and kicked the door the rest of the way open. "I only objectify you, _____. You should feel lucky. Dean, you comin'?"

"Sammy, I got a feeling everybody's gonna be comin'."

They hadn't been playful like this in a long time. Not wanting to look a gift horse in the mouth, you weren't gonna question it right now. Hanging over Sam's shoulder and reaching out to Dean, you pulled him to you by his tie. "You know I love these suits right? Makes you look like you could control any situation."

Dean leaned into your mouth when you kissed him and Sam rubbed a huge hand over your ass. "Dean, I think she wants us to take control."

Dean spoke to his brother around your kisses. "Well put 'er down so we can both control her." And, but hell, didn't that sound hot.

Sam lowered you to your feet. You were out of breath from laughing and saw that the smile hadn't left his eyes. He tucked a stray piece of hair behind your ear and leaned into you. "Hi."

Your voice came out as a whisper. "Hi yourself."

Dean pressed into your back, pushing you harder into Sam. He was already hard under his dress pants. He nuzzled into your hair that fell around your shoulders. "Hey." His deep voice sent shivers through you, making your breath hitch and your eyelids flutter. 

"_____, remember when you asked if I was dom. Back when we were at Bobby's?" Your eyes had fallen shut and Dean pushed against your ass harder, making your hips grind further into Sam who was growing hard too. "Hey, stay with me for a minute. You remember that?"

You bit your lip and nodded, making Dean chuckle his response against your neck. "Use your words, sweetheart."

"Yeah, I remember."

"See, I told Dean all about it. Turns out he likes to play too. You want that? Try it out a little?" 

Inside your head the words 'holyshitholyshitholyshit' were repeating over and over. But, looking up at Sam through your lashes and deciding to play along, you gave him a submissive 'Yes, sir' as an answer.

Dean's hands were pulling at the zipper of your hoodie. "I like that. That's how you'll respond to us; yes, sir and no, sir. But you don't get to speak unless spoken to. That'll keep you from talking so damn much."

Dean was pulling the sweatshirt off your shoulders and Sam had stepped back, leaving you cold where his body had been. He took off his blazer and laid it carefully over the chair by the table. "You know the color system?"

"Red, yellow, green." Your knees buckled a little when Dean's hands cupped your breasts, his thumbs circling your nipples.

Sam had removed his shirt, tie and belt. His slacks hung low on his hips and you could see how turned on he was from across the room. "Dean, take her clothes off." While he pulled your tank over your head, Sam continued to undress. The contrast of Sam, now naked and Dean, fully dressed behind you made all this seem surreal. It was always the contrasts with these two.

Dean hooked his thumbs under the waistband of your pants and pulled them and your cotton thong down so you could step out of them. Sam walked to you, slowly stroking his cock, and took in the sight of you. "Dean, come around here. You gotta see her like this, being such a good girl."

The feel of fabric was replaced by skin when they traded places. Dean walked backwards, away from you, and let out a low whistle. He undressed with more purpose than Sam, tossing his jacket and tie aside before unbuttoning his shirt and pulling it away from his shoulders. After opening his belt and dropping his pants to the floor, he walked to his leather jacket and pulled a bandana from the pocket, carefully folding it into thirds.

Sam felt you lean back against him, tensing a little. "Where's your color at?"

Dean held the bandana, now folded into a blindfold, in front of your face, waiting on an answer. "Green...sir." The last word was deliberately purred at Dean, making him grin a half smile before covering your eyes with the soft cotton.

He took your face in his hands while Sam tied the blindfold behind your head. Warm breath danced across your cheeks when he spoke again. "Sammy and I are going to run this. You just lay back and enjoy the ride." Dean walked you backwards to the bed and lowered you down to a corner at the foot, where he helped you sit.

You could hear them moving around you. The occasional brush of a finger tip on your shoulder or brush of a leg against your knee was almost startling. With your vision gone every other sense seemed to be piqued.

You could smell Dean when he stood in front of you, using his leg to open yours. His breath was hot against your lips when he leaned down, running his hands up your thighs. Your hands instinctively reached out for him, but Sam's voice from next to you froze you in place. "No. Hands at your sides. Lay her back, Dean."

His soft lips led his nudge against you, making you lay against the bed. His hands kept your thighs against the bedspread before pulling them open further. When his hands were gone, yours fisted in the sheets in reaction to the absence of touch. 

You were gulping air, trying without success to locate them by sound. They were taking their time with you, working you up without ever touching you. 

"_____, color?" Dean's low tone was palpable and ran in waves over your skin. 

"Green. So very green, sir." There was shifting between your legs then hands, under each of your knees, lifting your legs. Your back arched off the bed when lips brushed each of your thighs at the same time. 'Both? They're both gonna do this?' Biting your lip was the only thing that kept you from talking out loud.

Your right leg settled on a hard, sculpted shoulder that you knew was Sam's before you felt his hair tickle your skin. Your left was lifted over Dean's, who rested his cheek against you while he spoke out loud. "Just relax. We've got you. It's us and you."

Long fingers, that you knew to be Sam's, lightly grazed over your sex before spreading your lips. Thicker fingers traced along the lines of your inner lips, causing your hips to shake and your legs to tense. The arms connected to their supporting shoulders wrapped around your thighs, holding you steady. 

Your mouth was dry from the gasps that escaped from you. They were taking their time with this. Letting your body calm between touches. You were dripping with arousal, literally. You could feel it running down between your cheeks. The feel of full lips proceeded the flat tongue that lapped it away. 'Dean' His name crossed your mind when you felt the features your knew to be his against you.

'How close is Sam? Is he watching?' His fingers tightening around your hip answered your silent question. The warmth of Dean's face was gone, but the firm line of Sam's tongue dipped into your entrance before you could register the loss. 

With fists tangled in the blankets, you used their shoulders to rut against his face. Sam didn't stop fucking you with his mouth when Dean spoke. "Sweetheart, you gotta hold still. Someone's gonna lose an eye down here." The whine that came from your exertion to hold still was almost embarrassing. "You're doing good. It's all about you right now. You ready for more?"

Your mind was racing trying so hard to concentrate when your non-restrained senses were in overdrive. "Ye-yes, sir." 

Sam's tongue was suddenly absent from your pussy, but was replaced by, what felt like, a dozen fingers. All of them were sliding and stroking, fluttering and pinching at the same time. You felt a cheek rest on each thigh before you were spread even wider. Your body went rigid and still when two distinctly tongues ran from your ass to your clit at the same time.

'Holy fucking shit.' One rigid and flat the other soft and pliable. 'Their tongues are touching. Do they realize their tongues are touching?!' Swirling and flicking, the sensation was so intense you couldn't tell who was who any more. Two fingers, each from a different hand, penetrated you and softly stroked your walls.

"You guys are gonna - fuck, that's intense - please, don't st- yes! Right there."

Deep moans vibrated against your tender flesh making the contact almost unbearable. Their fingers picked up speed while their mouths danced over your clit. The feeling was unreal. When they crooked their fingers and pulled towards your pelvic bone your eyes flew open behind your blindfold, but there was nothing but darkness.

Your neck flexed, pushing your shoulders off the mattress, while your cries echoed off the thin motel walls. Their mouths chased your writhing pelvis, helping you ride out a seemingly endless orgasm that left you covered in sweat and sobbing breaths.

After a few gentle licks that made aftershocks run through your body, rough hands gently lowered and closed your legs. Long arms scooped you up off the bed and held you against their chest. *Sam* You were laid on the bed again, but with more area beneath you. You were rolled and held against a warm smooth chest. *Dean* Sam pressed in behind you, long cock leaking against your ass. *Sam*

"She OK?" *Sam*

"Yeah. I think she needs a break though." *Dean* 

You wanted to protest, but your body refused to respond. 

"Then we'll wait." *Sam?* Everything was getting foggy, their voices started melding together.

When your eyes refused to open and your body melted between their bodies. "She fallin' asleep?" "Yeah." "Let her nap." *Them*

**********

You woke up at the difficulty you had swallowing. The sides of your throat seemed to be stuck together from the dryness in your mouth. As soon as you stirred there were arms around you. One pair of lips on your shoulder and another on your ear. 

"_____? You passed out. We're both right here with you." The sensation of both Winchester mouths making you come at the same time came rushing back so hard you felt your pussy get warmer and more slick at the same time. "Blindfold is still on. You need it off?"

You rotated your hips, feeling a cock slide between your cheeks and another press against your clit. "No, sir. I'm still green. Thirsty, but green." Someone tipped an open bottle of water to your lips. 

"Gotcha this, sweetheart. Drink something." *Dean?*

"You OK to keep goin?" *Maybe Sam?* 

"Oh, please, Sir. Until you're finished with me. Please don't stop. Just go. Don't ask me questions, I'll let you know if I'm not green...sirs."

There was a growl and a pull in front of you and a push and a moan behind you. One leg was rested over the hips behind you before fingers dipped into you, gathering the moisture that was filling you. The rough knuckles of their hands slid against your skin when they spread your juices over their cocks for lube. 

You drew a sharp breath when the feel of both of their dicks sliding between your folds. Their bodies were flush against you, the hands on your hips and thighs tightened and you could feel them sliding against each other. 

"We still ok, man? We can switch this up if you ne-"

"Yeah, no. It's gotta be like this. It won't matter otherwise."

"Ok. Me too."

What they were saying made no sense but the words were still filled with emotion and tenderness. You were completely lost between them. You had stopped trying to figure out who was who, you soaked in the feeling of the three of you all sliding together in the most intimate way. Your head fell back against the shoulder behind you and you pulled the face of the man in front of you against your chest. 

"Somebody, please...I need someone..." Someone breached your opening and everyone froze for a split second until you pushed down, sliding that pressure deeper inside you. "Holy Hell. Whatever it is you two are trying to do, it's good." You deliberately dropped the 'sir' off the end of your sentence. This wasn't about dominance or submission anymore. This was about the connection the three of you had. The blindfold kept you from seeing which man was doing what. Letting you get lost.

Then the cock inside you pulled away, the other pressed in. 'They're both making love to me. At the same time.' There were a few failed attempts before they found a rhythm that worked. Pressing into you at this proximity meant that they...well, they were touching. And that made this even more erotic. Anytime the three of you were together there was friendly fire, sure. Sometimes hands touched fingers or legs. It never seemed to affect anyone, it just happened. This though, this was deliberate.

You'd started to tremble and writhe between them, feeling your orgasm pulling hard. 

"She's close."

"Yeah, so am I."

"Me too. You ready?"

"Fuck yeah."

You were suddenly smothered in skin, everyone's breath mingled in the confined space between huge shoulders. The feel of hot release inside you, on your legs and around your lips flared your own climax. Lips and tongues. Teeth and breath. Skin and sweat. Every sensation, but the sight of them, was erotic and sensual. 

When your collective breaths had been caught, the boys rolled away from you, leaving you on your side. The only sound you could hear was your pulse in your ears. Gentle hands parted your legs and wiped away for drying mess that was starting to get sticky. 

The blindfold was softly lifted and you had to blink a couple times to clear your vision. Dean. Dean was there, kneeling beside you with his hand on your face. His green eyes glinted in the low light coming from the bathroom. "Sam? Grab that water over there." Dean gathered you into his chest and piled the pillows behind your head to prop you up. 

Sam pressed a fresh bottle into your hand and passed another to his brother. Sam's eyes were soft when he looked at you. Tilting your chin up and silently asking for a kiss, you reached out and took Dean's hand at the same time. 

Firm lips pressed against yours. Sam was putting every thing he had behind the kiss. Dean responded to the pull of your hand, leaning in and kissing from your jaw to your temple. When you turned your head to catch his mouth, Sam didn't stop. He followed your mouth and used his tongue to part your lips, pulling back enough to draw yours past your teeth. 

Dean kissed the corner of your mouth before his tongue touched against yours. Soon, all three slippery muscles were sliding together. Holy shit with these two, this was new. "Guys, what the hell just happened?"

Sharing a glance, they stretched out beside you, surrounding you again. Sam broke the silence first. "We were talking in the car. About us, all of us."

Dean tried to explain this better. "About how we feel about you. And how we know how you feel about us. Even though we don't say it"

"So we decided to let you feel both of us at the same time."

"So when you feel one of us, your feeling both of us."

Tears pricked at your eyes when their intention and the reasons behind it connected. "You guys know I can't say it." Dean's broad hand stretched across your belly and he pressed his forehead against yours, Closing his eyes and touching your noses together, he spoke against your mouth. 

"You just did." 

**********

The next morning you woke up to breakfast in bed. Sam had gone out and brought fruit and coffee. Not many words were exchanged, but smiles and glances were shared between feeding each other melon, strawberries and pineapple. Finally stretching your hands above your head and letting out a deep breath while Dean cleared the bowls away. 

"_____, was that, I dunno, too much. I know it's not usually that...close."

"Sam, honey, it was perfect." Dean lay back down and nipped playfully at your upper arm. "That was everything. Umm, I'd like nothing more than to stay here all day, but we have work to do right?"

Sam flopped down next to you like a kid having a tantrum. A very large, beautifully sculpted, really well endowed kid. "Ugh. Yeah. We gotta fill you in on last night, about the phone company crap." 

**********

"So this guy, Stewie is a complete computer geek and can access anything."

"Even porn!" 

"Yes, Dean. Even porn. So, my brother here took the opportunity to not only recommend a subscription, but threatened him with disciplinary action for accessing adult material on company equipment."

"Whatever, dude. He was eager to help after that."

"So, he traced that number and he found something."

You perked up, sitting up further on the bed. "Yeah? Where's it coming from?" 

"He said he couldn't see where it came from, but he could see where it was going."

"Sam, what does that even mean?" You were completely confused by now.

"It means we're going to interview people where the calls went and you're gonna stay here and look for something online."

"Deeaan! I don't wanna hang out alone!"

"Too bad, sugar. We need you here. Sammy, go get a rental car. It'll be a better cover than Baby. I'm grabbing a shower."

You knew you didn't have a choice, you were gonna have to hang back. 

**********

'Independence Day' was playing in the background. It was easier to think when the white noise was about something that didn't exist. Something you'd never have to fight.

The ringing of your phone pulled your attention from the research on your screen. "Hi, Sammy. What are you wearing? Say it sexy."

"_____, are you ever serious when you answer the phone?"

"Nope. And you love it. What did you find?"

"I got a teenage girl, Lanie. Says she's been talking to her dead mom on the phone. Dean just called and said people are getting calls from dead loved ones all over town. What about you?"

"Sorry, honey. Nothin' yet. I'm gonna keep trying though. Give me mom's info. I'll check it out."

**********  
Sam was already back and looking over the info you'd gathered online when Dean walked in. "Dude, we've got a problem. Dad...Dad called me." You both looked at him like he'd grown a second head. "I know! I know, it's crazy."

"Dad? You really think it was Dad?"

"I don't know, maybe." Dean started pacing back and forth, making you and Sam look like you were watching a slow motion tennis match.

"Well what did he sound like?"

"Like Oprah! Like Dad, he sounded like Dad, what do you think?"

"For fuck sake guys! Don't start your bitch fest again. What did he say, Dean?"

"My name."

"That's it? Dean, are you sure that's all he said?"

"Call dropped out."

Sam was trying to process what Dean was saying, but it just wasn't making sense. "Why would he even call in the first place, Dean?"

"I don't know, man. Why are ghosts calling anybody in this town? But I mean, other people are hearing from their loved ones, why can't we? It's at least a possibility, right?" There was a trace of hope in his voice that hadn't been there before.

"Yeah, I guess?"

"Okay, so what if....what if it really is Dad? What happens if he calls back?"

"What do you mean?" 

"What do I say? What am I supposed to say?"

Sam shook his head and shrugged. "Hello."

"Hello?" It was Dean's turn to look at Sam like he'd lost his mind. "That's what you come back with. Hello?" Grabbing his jacket he headed for the door. "Hello!"

Sam flinched when the door slammed shut. "I think I pissed him off."

You had your head in your hands, hiding the frustration on your face. "Nice observation Captain Obvious."

**********  
While you and Sam were pouring over your respective computer screens, Dean strolled in like nothing had happened. He sat next to you on the bed and pulled you over for a kiss. "Find anything?"

Sam rubbed at his tired eyes and answered with tension in his voice. "After three hours I have found no reason why anything supernatural would be going on here."

"Well, you know, you think a Stanford education and a high school hook up rate of zero point zero, along with Nurse Smartypants over here, you would have produced a better result than that."

You were too tired for his condescending bullshit. He flinched away when you punched his arm. "Hey! Fuck off, jackass!"

Sam rolled his eyes at Dean who was rubbing his arm and looking at you in horror. "Hilarious."

"Sammy, you're just looking in the wrong places, pal."

"And, tell me, genius, what are the right places, Dean?"

He reached into his pocket and tossed something to Sam. "Motel pamphlet rack."

Sam exhaled heavily and read the front of the pamphlet. "Milan, Ohio. Birthplace of Thomas Edison. Yeah, right. So what?"

"Keep reading." Dean was playing with your hair, trying to distract you.

"You're kidding." Sam's eyebrows raised when he looked up.

Dean raised his eyebrows back, mirroring Sam's expression and smiled. "Get dressed, _____. It's time for a field trip!"

**********  
A cheesy, tourist trap museum is not where you'd expected to spend your afternoon, but being out of the room with your boys made it bearable. Although the chipper guide made you want to eat your own face.

"And we're walking. And, here we have one of the museum's most unique and treasured possessions. Thomas Edison's 'spirit phone'. Did you know that Mr Edison, as well as being one of America's most beloved inventors, was also a devout 'occultist"? Ooh!"

"Sam, stab me in the face. No one should be that excited about phones."

Dean leaned in to whisper to you."What's with the quote-y fingers?"

She just wouldn't shut up. "He spent years working on this, his final invention, which he was convinced could be used to 'communicate with the dead'. Pretty spooky, huh?" The guide checked her watch, twirled her fingers in the air and began leading the group into the next room. "And we're walking. We are walking. We're walking. And we're not touching that. And we're walking. And stop."

Shaking your head when she finally left the room, you spoke to no one in particular. "Ugh. Bitch is gonna drive me to drink."

Sam quickly got out his EMF and held it over the spirit phone. Dean was looking at the doorway, making sure no one was watching. "Anything?"

The meter was silent and the lights were dark. "Nothing."

"What do you think, guys?"

Sam shrugged and put the EMF back in his coat pocket. "Honestly? It kinda looks like an old pile of junk to me."

"It's not even plugged in." Dean was checking for a cord.

"Maybe it didn't work like that."

Dean started speaking animated, gesturing with his hands like he had a great idea. "Okay. Maybe it's like a radio tower, broadcasting the dead all over town. You know, this caller I.D. is 100 years old, right? Right around the time this thing was built."

Sam frowned and stared at the object in question. "Yeah, but why would it all of a sudden start working now?"

"I don't know. But as long as the mouldy are calling the freshers around here it's the best reason we've got."

"Yeah, maybe. Anything is possible at this point."

Dean looked at you with sad, hopeful eyes. "So, maybe it really is Dad, huh?"

**********  
Sam was sprawled out on the bed, sound asleep and snoring. Dean was sitting across the table from you, a mostly full glass of whiskey in his hand. His phone was right beside him and he was staring past you into space. When the phone rang, the display showed 'SHA33'. Dean grabed it quickly and headed into the bathroom with you on his heels.

He flipped the phone open and pressed speaker. He whispered, trying not to wake Sam. "Dad?"

A deep voice, deeper than either brother, echoed from the phone "Dean."

Green eyes met yours. "Is it really you?"

"It's me."

"How can I be sure?" Even though he desperately wanted to believe it was true, he was trying to be cautious.

"You can't. Dean, how could you do it? How could you sell your soul?" You frowned at the phone in Dean's shaking hand.

His whole demeanor changed into something that looked like shame. He turned his face to yours, eyes wet with tears he hadn't she'd. "I was looking after Sam, like you told me to."

"I never wanted this. Never. You're my boy, I love you. I can't watch you to go to hell, Dean." He leaned his body against yours and hung his head. Your arms wrapped around his shoulders, trying to be comforting , but coming across as protective.

"I'm sorry. I don't know how to stop it."

"'Cause if you break the deal Sam dies, right? Well I know a way out. For both of you."

"How?" You stared at each other, holding your breath and waiting for an answer.

"The demon who holds your contract. He's here. Now."


	12. Grasping at Straws

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo.....I posted chapter 8 twice. Thank you so much for pointing it out! Warmed my heart though. To know someone was paying attention. Heehee. I have readers.

Dean hadn't left the room since the phone call last night when 'John' had rattled off what he said was an exorcism. Dean was typing furiously on the laptop and you had notes and lore books surrounding you on the bed. Sam greeted you with a kiss before sitting heavily in a chair across from his brother.

His eyes flicked up at Sam for just a split second. "What's up?"

"That girl Lanie, her Mom's ghost spooked her out pretty bad last night."

Dean was nothing less than dismissive when he respond but didn't even look up at Sam. "That sucks."

Sam tilted his head and huffed at you. "Yeah it does. What are guys you doing anyway?"

"I think Dad's right. I think the demon is here. Check it out. Babe, do you have that stuff I gave you?" You handed the papers to Sam. 

"What is this, weather reports?"

Dean handed even more notes over. "Omens. Demonic omens. Electrical storms everywhere we've been for the past two weeks."

"Ahh...I don't remember any lightning storms, guys." 

Sam tossed the information on the table already covered in a layer. Dean tried to catch it and keep it all separate. "Well, I don't remember you studying meteorology as a kid either. But I'm telling you, that bastard's been tailing me...wearing some poor dude's meat."

You tried to reel him back in. "Dean..."

Sam interrupted before you could say more. "And it's following you because..."

"I guess I'm big game, you know. My ass is too sweet to let outta sight."

"Okay. Sure." It was Sam's turn to be dismissive.

"Don't get too excited, Sammy. Might pull something."

"Oh my God. Guys! Enough with the passive aggressive bullshit already!"

Sam took a deep breath to steady himself. "Dean, look, I wanna believe this man, I really do..."

"Then believe it! If we get this sucker, it's Miller Time." He was all but pleading with his brother.

"Yeah, that's another thing. Dad rattles off an exorcism that can kill a demon? I mean not just send it back to hell, but kill it?"

"We've checked it out. This is heavy duty Dark Ages. Fifteenth century." Sam looked at your for confirmation and sighed when you nodded.

"Yeah, I've checked on it too, Dean. And so did Bobby." 

"Okay, and?"

"Look. It definitely is an exorcism, okay, there's just no evidence it can kill a demon."

Dean tilted his head to the left and eyed Sam suspiciously. "No evidence it can't."

Sam ran a hand over his face in frustration. "Come on, man..."

"Hey, as far as I'm aware the only one of us who has actually been to hell is Dad. And maybe he picked up a couple of tricks down there, like which exorcisms work." He looked at you for support, but all you could muster was a half assed smile.

"Maybe it does. I hope it does too, but we gotta be sure."

"Why aren't we sure?" Dean was trying to control his emotions, but they were fueled by his frustration.

Sam stood and walked away from the table and looked back to Dean, holding his arms out to his sides. "'Cause I don't know what's going on around here Dean! I mean, some guy blows his brains out, a little girl is scared out of her wits."

"Wow, a couple of civvies are freaked out by some ghosts. News flash Sam, people are supposed to be freaked out by ghosts!"

They stared at each other for a long moment. Finally, Sam sighed and put his hands on his hips and Dean dropped his head in frustration.

"Did Dad tell you where to find the demon?"

Dean shouted, startling both of you and held up his phone. "I'm waiting on the call!"

"Look, I told Lanie I'd stop by."

Dean tossed the phone on the table and glared up at Sam. "Oh, good yeah. No you go hang out with jail bait. Just, uh, watch out for Chris Hansen. Meanwhile I'll be here getting ready to, you know, save my life!"

Sam squeezed your shoulder and headed for the door with Dean shouting at his back. "You're unbelievable, you know that? I mean for months we've been trying to break this demon deal. Now Dad's about to give us the fucking address and you can't accept it? The man is dead and you're still butting heads with the guy!"

"That is not what this is about."

"So what is it!?"

Sam was shouting now too. "The fact is we've got no hard proof here, Dean. After everything, you're still just going on blind faith!"

"Yeah, well maybe! You know, maybe that's all I got, okay?" The defeat in Dean's eyes was heart breaking. but he wouldn't break eye contact with Sam.

They stared at each other a long moment and you realized you were holding your breath. "Please. Just please don't go anywhere until I get back. Okay, Dean? Please."

Dean didn't say a word. He just stared at Sam when he turned to leave.

**********  
"Honey, I can't keep my eyes open anymore." You tried rolling your neck to stretch your shoulders, but the pain made you intake a sharp breath with a hiss.

"Here, sweetheart. Lemme help." Dean stood and started gathering papers and notes off the bed. "Lay down and take off your top."

"I'm always down for a good shag, but I don't think now is the time."

"I'm gonna give you a massage, horn dog. C'mon, move it."

The effort of simply pulling your shirt over your head made you groan. Face down on the mattress, Dean's knees settled on either side of your hips. "Want me to use lotion?"

"No, just do it. The friction will make it hot." Dean's hands were heavy on your skin when he worked the muscles between his thumbs. Squirming under him in a failed attempt to stay still, you whined at him. "It hurts, but I like it!"

"Heh. That's what she said. Just relax, babe. I promise this will help."

**********  
You didn't know when you fell asleep, but you found yourself in the same position with a puddle of drool under your cheek. "Well, aren't I just a delicate fucking flower? Dean? Honey! You couldn't have rolled me over? Covered me or something?" The room was completely silent. Sitting up and looking around to the open bathroom door, you realized you were alone. You reached for your phone and dialed Dean's number.

"You've reached Herman Munster" You ended the call not leaving a message and called Sam. He picked up on the third ring.

"Hey, ____. You OK?"

"Yeah, honey. I'm fine. Where are you?"

"On my way to the phone company. It's not Dad calling Dean. He's meeting me there. We think it's that Stewie guy."

"OK. It's just...Dean didn't tell me he was leaving. He never does that. Be careful, Sam."

"We'll be home soon, babe."

Hanging up the phone and pulling your shirt back over your head, you looked around at the daunting mess of books, notes and files strewn across the room. Starting to gather them up and make piles you set them on the table, next to Dean's laptop. The map on the screen caught your eye. The pin was set on a house in the suburbs. A note in Dean's methodical handwriting showed a matching address.

Tossing the papers around, there was no note saying where he'd gone. Nothing in the bathroom or on Waylon's windshield. You ran around frantically trying to find anything that he left to tell you what he was doing.

You checked the time on your phone four times in three minutes. Finally, the thoughts in your head got the best of you and you called each of them. Neither one answered. 

"I'm gonna staple these fucking phones to their faces if they don't start answering them!" You were out of breath from pacing and worrying. "OK. Ten minutes. If they don't answer in ten minutes I'm going looking for them. If they aren't bleeding and unable to answer the phone, I'm gonna stab both of them."

**********  
You were driving frantically to the house that Dean had written the address for. You had no idea what you'd do when you got there, but you couldn't wait anymore. 

There was a police cruiser in the driveway of the house so you parked Waylon across the street and turned off the lights. Through the window you could see a man sweeping up a mess of broken glass. 'Demons don't clean.' 

Where the fuck were the boys? Trying one more time, their phones went to voicemail again.  

**********  
Waylon's tires screeched while they tried to get purchase on the asphalt when you took the hard right into the phone company parking lot. You were just in time to see Sam staggering to the rental car. 

Sliding to a stop and jumping out, you took off running towards him, shouting his name. His snapped in your direction and you saw the damage to his face. "What happened to you?!"

"Jesus, _____, what are you doing here!?"

"I came to find you! Lemme see your face! Where's Dean? Is he hurt?"

Sam's hands grabbed your wrists and held you still, making you look him in the eye. "He's back at the motel, mad as fuck that you aren't there. What the hell were you thinking?!"

Sam had never looked at you like this before. He was so angry and imposing towering over you like this. "I was worried." Your voice was as small as you felt.

His face instantly softened and he let your wrists go so he could wrap his arms around you. "I know you were." He pressed a kiss to the top of your head and laughed into your hair. "I'm not gonna yell anymore. Dean will do enough of that for the both of us."

**********  
Dean promised to hold back on the ass chewing until you'd patched them both up. You were moving around the room as quietly as you could while they talked.

"Hey, um, Dean?...look, I'm sorry it wasn't Dad."

"Nah, don't apologize. I gave you a hell of a time on this one. You were right."

"You know what? Forget about it."

"I can't. I wanted to believe so badly that there was a way outta this. I mean I'm staring down the barrel at this thing. You know, Hell. For real, forever, and I just..."

The pain and fear in Dean's voice held your attention. Your hands froze holding the butterfly bandages you were closing the cut above Sam's eye.

"I'm scared, Sam. I'm really scared, _____." Tears had filled his eyes and threatened to spill over. You were hesitating, starting to move towards him.

Sam's voice broke when he spoke behind you. Looking back, he was fighting tears too. "I know."

"I guess I was willing to believe anything. You know, the last act of a desperate man."

Taking Sam's hand and leading to the bed where Dean was sitting, you tried to reassure him. "There's nothing wrong with having hope, Dean."

"Hope doesn't get you jack squat. I can't expect Dad to show up with some miracle at the last minute. I can't expect anybody to, you know. I mean the only person that can get me out of this thing is me."

Dean took your hand and you stopped in front of him. "And me, honey."

Dean's sniffed and ran his free hand over his face, trying to wipe away the tears. "I'm still pissed at you."

Laying a hand on his cheek, your tears fell free when he leaned into your hand and let out a small sob. Beside you, Sam squeezed your hand tight. "I'm here too. I'm right here."

Dean huffed a laugh and took your hand from his face and placed it over his heart, covering it with his own. "Deep revelation, having a real moment here, that's what you two come back with? And me?"

"Uh...do you want a poem?" Sam's voice was light, trying to bring up the mood.

"The moment's gone." 

Letting go of Sam, you snuggled into Dean's neck, hand still on his heart. His free arm wrapped around your back and squeezed tight rocking you slowly. 

Dean snaked his hand out from between you. You didn't know it but he reached out to Sam. Over your shoulder they shared a slight smile and a nod. A silent promise was made.

**********

After a brutal lecture from Dean, informing you of you reckless and stupid you'd been, you agreed to always be with one of them. You promised to stay in the background and protect yourself, but not to get involved. "I can't deal with my shit if I'm worried about you. Got it?"

"Got it. I'm sorry, honey. It won't happen again."

So now that you had your new post, you found yourself in a dingy cabin, watching them interrogate a demon. They warned you about what you might see, but the scene playing out in front of you was intense.

The man possessed by the demon was strapped to a chair, having holy water thrown on him. He was screaming and thrashing from side to side as his skin boiled and steamed.

"You ready to talk?" This was a new Dean. A militant Dean. The hunter Dean.

The demon desperately begged, straining against the ropes. "I don't know. I don't know anything!"

"Oh, you hear that, Sam? He doesn't know anything."

"Yeah, I heard." Hunter Sam was just plain scary. He was cold and indifferent to the horror in front of him.

"Look. I'm telling you the truth."

"Oh, you are? My god, then I owe you an apology." Hunter Dean was also snarky. "Allow me to make it up to you." He forced holy water down their prisoners throat, causing gargled screams to come from his mouth. "I'm gonna ask you one last time...Who holds my contract?!"

The Demon went quiet, head hanging. When he looked up his eyes were black and he was smiling. You gasped from the corner they'd told you to stand in. Hearing the noise, the demon's eyes flicked from you and back to Dean. A sickening smile slid across his face.

"Your whore over there? Yeah, she has it. She, uh, showed it to me right before I bent her over."

Dean punched the man in the face. Blood was flowing from his now crooked nose and running over his mouth. Dean leaned in, hands on either arm of the chair. "I want a name. Or else..."

"Or what? You're gonna squirt your holy water in both ends? Please. Brother, that's like a flea bite compared to what's coming to me if I tell you jack. Do what you want. The only thing I'm scared of is the demon holding your ticket."

Dean stood and looked to Sam and nodded. Sam began to recite the exorcism he'd memorized.

The man in the chair started twitching and gasping for air. Dean stood, hands out to the sides and yelled over Sam's voice. "How does that feel? Does that feel good?"

"Go ahead. Send me back to hell... 'Cause when you get there, I'll be waiting for you...with a few pals who are dying for a nice little meet and greet with Dean Winchester." The demon's words churned your guts. The possibilities of it being true were high.

Dean shook his head in defeat and walked to you, taking your hand and leading you out of the room. "Send him someplace he can't hurt anyone else."

Sam continued the exorcism. The screams that came from the man made you cling to Dean's side when he hurried you out of the room. 

**********

Sitting in the back of the Impala, you stared straight ahead between their heads. While you were terrified by what you'd just seen, they were talking like they were just off work and heading out for pizza.

"So, I think I've got something Dean. There's been a rash of attacks, people showing up with organs missing. Liver, a kidney and even a heart."

"Could be just organs being sold black market."

"Yeah, could be. But this reminded me of a story Dad told us. That creepy doctor that figured out how to live forever?"

"By taking parts from people when his wore out? Well, let's check it out."

Within moments. Dean's phone rang. He greeted Bobby then fell silent, listening to the other end of the conversation. His answers were short and clipped, but the word 'she' came up more than once. He hung up the phone and looked to Sam. "Change of plans, guys. We're going after Bela."

"What? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on a second." Sam had turned his body towards Dean.

"We don't have a second, Sam! The clock's ticking."

"Look, I think we should stay here and finish the case."

"You insane?"

"Dean, there's no way she still has the Colt! That was months ago! She probably sold it the second she got it."

"Well, then I'll kill her. Win-win." Dean was digging in his heels on this one.

"Dean..." Sam's heels were equally dug.

"Sam. We're going!"

"No!" Sam's shout hung in the small space of the car.

"Why the hell not? Why are you so set on this."

"Dean, this, this here. Now. This is what's gonna save you."

OK. Now he had your attention. "Sammy, what are you talking about?"

"Yeah, Sammy? What's your plan here? Chasing some Frankenstein?"

"No, Dean. Chasing immortality. Look, Benton can't die. We find out how he did it, we can do it to you."

"Dude. What the fuck are you talking about?"

"You have to die before you go to hell, right? So, if you can never die, then..."

"Wait, wait, wait. Wait a second. Did you know that this was Doc Benton from the jump?" Had Sam set this up from the start and didn't let you in on it?

Sam answered indignantly. "No." Dean gave Sam what could only be described as a dad glare. "Look, I was hoping."

"So the whole zombie thing, it was lying to me?" This was getting really ugly. 

"I didn't wanna say anything until I was sure, Dean. All I'm trying to do is find an answer here."

"No. What you're trying to do is chase Slicy McHackey. Are you going to kill him? No. You wanna buy him a fucking beer. You wanna study him."

"I was just trying to help."

Dean was almost screaming at his brother. His voice made you cower back against the seat. "You're not helping! You forget that if I welch on this deal, you die. Guess what, living forever is welching."

"Fine! Then, whatever the magic pill is, I'll take it too!"

"Hey!" They both stopped talking and looked at you, Sam over his shoulder, Dean in the review. "FIRST of all! Sam, don't you dare talk like that! I'm right fucking here. And FYI, I'm not going down without a fight. Second. Do you really wanna live with 'Walker Dean'? Miserable and rotting away for, what, forever?! I don't like this idea, Sam."

"Fuck, Sam! What is this? Sid and Nancy? No. It's just like Bobby's been saying. We kill the demon who owns the contract and this whole damn thing wipes clean. That's our best shot."

"Even if you had the Colt, Dean, who are you gonna shoot? We have no idea who holds the ticket."

"Well, I'll shoot the hellhounds then before they slash me up." Dean was grasping at straws and he knew it. "Now, you coming or not?"

"I'm staying here." You could barely hear his voice over the sound of the engine.

"No, you're not. 'Cause I'm not gonna let you wander out in the woods alone to track some organ stealing freak."

"Sam, I think Dean's right." 

Sam completely ignored you and turned on his brother. "You're not gonna let me?"

"No, I'm not gonna let you." His dad voice matched his dad glare.

"How are you gonna stop me? Look, man, we're trying to do the same thing here."

"I know. But I'm going. So if you wanna stay...stay." That was the last thing you'd expected to hear.

**********  
The ride to the hotel was silent and tense. Dean pulled up in front of the office and stared straight ahead. Sam looked like he was going to say something, but just shook his head and opened the car door.

He pushed the passenger seat forward and helped you climb out of the back. You grabbed onto his hands and looked up at his desperately. "Sam, honey, please. Please don't do this. Come with us."

"You're going?" His hazel eyes were wide and accusing. 

"This isn't what he wants. If he's going out, he's going out his way. You have to accept that."

"No, I don't." He turned to walk away, leaving you standing there.

Dean's voice called out from behind you. "Sammy, be careful."

Sam looked from you to Dean and back again. "You too."

You all stood there staring at each other for a long time. When Sam turned and walked away, you slid in next to Dean and fought back tears through your words. "Don't talk to me. Not one fucking word. Let's just go." The car evened out over the paved road and you headed to Vermont, leaving part of yourselves behind.

**********

Your knees were drawn up to your chest with your bare feet up against your butt. You hadn't given Dean more than shrugs or nods since pulling away from Sam. Leaning against the passenger window. You watched the beautiful Vermont landscape fly past. 

"Can you keep an eye out for a liquor store? Bobby said I'd need to bring this Rufus guy a gift."

Silence.

"Ok, then. I guess not. Jesus, _____. I don't know why you're mad at me."

After blinking a couple times you turned your head slowly until you faced him. "You think that's what this is, Dean? You think I'm mad at you." Your voice had taken on a calm, deep, haunted tone that knocked him off kilter. He gave you a double take and looked back to the road as you rolled into town. "It's a good thing you're pretty, Dean. 'Cause you're acting pretty fucking dumb right now. I'm worried. Plain and simple. And frustrated. You and your pig headed brother forced my hand. As much as I know my decision was based on the better plan, one of you is gonna think I did it because I...because I care about one more than the other."

Shit. Shit, that was close. It almost fell out of your mouth. You almost said you loved them.

Dean's jaw clenched right when you'd almost said it. You knew he'd caught it but wouldn't say anything. "You're right. And I'm sorry. Sam and I don't always see eye to eye and-"

"Ya THINK? Fucking-a, Dean. You two fight for the sake of fighting. It's like being around a couple of girls. Never mind, shut up and find a liquor store. We're gonna find Bela. And I get to kill her."

**********  
The two of you climbed the stairs onto the porch. There was a handwritten sign nailed to the door. 'No solicitors, that means you! No asking for donations. No selling ANYTHING!' 

"Wow. This should be fun, Dean. Glad we brought the hostess gift." You hoisted the box of Johnnie Walker Blue and gestured for him to ring the bell.

He not only leaned on the buzzer, he banged on the security door too. You elbowed him in the ribs and pointed up to a security camera moving to train on him.

A short, annoyed voice came from an intercom box by the door. "What?"

Dean smiled and waved awkwardly up the camera. God, he was a dork. A beautiful, sunshiny ray of dorkiness.

"Hi, uh, Rufus?"

"Yeah, even if I am, the question is still the same. What?" This guy was more cranky than Bobby.

"Uh, I'm Dean Winchester. I'm a friend of Bobby Singer's."

"So?"

"You called him this morning."

"So?"

"Uh..." He looked to you for encouragement, but awkward Dean was so entertaining! All you gave him was a shrug and a wave of your hand, implying that he should keep going. "...you told Bobby about a British chick who made contact with you."

"And so?" You snorted at the blatant don't-give-a-shit attitude this guy had.

"You know where she is?"

"Yeah." You smiled and smacked him on the shoulder. Progress!

"Great! Could you tell me where I could find her...please? Sir?"

"No." You were starting to feel a case of the giggles coming on. 

"Course not." Dean shuffled his feet and leaned on the door. "Look, Rufus, man..."

The door suddenly swung open and there stood a rather imposing, pissed off man. "Look, let me point something out to you. You are knocking at my door, so don't 'Look, man' me. I'm not your man."

Dean looked like a kid getting scolded. "I'm sorry, sir."

"All right, let me tell you a little story. See, once upon a time, Bobby called me, asked me to call him if I got a whiff of this Bela Talbot. I got a whiff. I called. The end." He looked at you and back to Dean quickly.

"Okay, yeah, if you could just tell me where she is, I mean, that would be great."

"Dean Winchester, right?"

"Yeah."

Rufus narrowed his eyes and bent down to Dean. "Dean, do I look like I'm here to help you?"

"I'm gonna say no?"

"Then get the hell of my property." You pushed your body between them and gave Rufus your best 'I'm one of the guys' smile. "Who are you, lady?"

"Rufus, I'm _____. I've been following this dolt around for months now, chasing this chick. We just want to find her, deal with her and move on. I completely understand that you like your privacy. I don't like people either, so don't blame you. I've been dealing with assholes for days now. But, I got one more question for you. See, I got this, uh, this bottle of scotch, and... uh, is this considered good?"

Rufus eyed the bottle, eyed Dean, and started smiling back at you. He stepped back and opened the door wide, gesturing for you to come inside. "I'd have to sample it to be sure. So bring your asshole dolt and your sassy butt inside."

You looked to Dean, your eyebrows raised in victory. He whispered behind your back when you crossed the threshold. "You're a dolt."

**********  
The three of you sat at the table with glasses in front of you. You'd already made it through more than half the bottle. Rufus pointed his finger at you and squinted his eyes. "You. I don't hate you. A woman who enjoys her liquor is fine by me. Him? Not so much"

Dean glared at you and shot you daggers over his glass. "Bottoms up." You all clinked glasses and drank.

"You know, I don't even bother drinking unless it's this stuff. Nectar of the Gods, I'm telling you."

"Yeah, it's a nice change, you know. Most of my whiskey comes from a plastic jug." Rufus actually laughed at that one. "So, Bela was here because..."

"She wanted to buy a couple of things, which is gonna take me some time to round up."

"Where is she now?"

Rufus eyed Dean carefully. "Can I ask you something?"

"Sure."

"You got three weeks left. Why are you wasting your time chasing after that skinny, stuck-up English girl?"

You snorted and held your glass up. "I'll drink to that!"

Dean sat straighter in his chair." How do you know about that?"

The older man leaned in towards Dean. "Because I know things. I know a lot of things about a lot of people."

"Is that so?"

This was taking a turn towards ugly. You screamed in your head, willing him to hear you. 'Pull back the snark, Dean! Abort the snark!"

"I know ain't no peashooter gonna save you."

"What makes you so sure?"

"Cause that's the job, kid. Even if you manage to scrape out of this one, there's just gonna be something else down the road. Folks like us...there ain't no happy ending. We all got it coming."

Dean folded his arms across his chest and leaned back. "Well, ain't you a bucket of sunshine and rainbows?"

"I'm what you've got to look forward to if you survive." He raised his glass and smirked at Dean. "But you won't."

"So, Bela..." You were desperately trying to get the conversation back on track.

"Hotel Canaan. Room 39. But watch your back." Dean had pulled back on the drinking and signaled you to do the same. This left more booze for Rufus to get drunk with. 

You put your hand on Rufus' arm, putting a little more slur to your words than necessary. "I think I can handle Bela." 

"Oh, don't be so sure about that, my lady friend. There are things that you don't know about her."

Dean leaned in, trying to take control of the conversation again. "Oh, and you do? Right. Because you know things."

"Yep." He tilted his chin up defiantly.

"And let me guess...you lifted her fingerprint?"

"Yep."

"And that got you jack."

"Yep. She burnt them off. Probably years ago."

"Yeah, so you're right where we are."

"Nope. You do her ear?

Dean's eyebrows drew together at the seemingly random question. "Sorry?"

"Did you do her ear?"

"Hey, man, I'll try anything once, but I don't know. That sounds uncomfortable." His nose was crinkled in confused disgust.

"Ears are as unique to humans as fingerprints."

"No kidding?"

"Of course, that don't fly in the courts over here, but in England, they're all over it. A friend of a friend...of a friend faxed me 10 pages of confidential files within a day. All I had to send him was one clean shot off the security camera."

"Right. One clean shot of her ear."

Rufus laid a thick manila folder on the table, tapping it with one finger. "The so-called Bela Talbot."

**********  
When Bela entered her hotel room and turned to close the door behind her, you pushed her back against it. With your forearm across her throat and the barrel of your 9mm under her chin you snarled your greeting at her. "S'up Bela. Miss me?"

"_____, nice to see you, but shouldn't you be somewhere sucking off a Winchester?"

"Where's the Colt?" Dean was standing behind you and off to the right.

Her eyes shifted from yours to his face. "Hello, Dean."

"No extra words, bitch. He asked you a question."

"It's long gone, across the world by now."

"You're lying." Dean grabbed her purse from her hand and searched it.

"I'll call the buyer, you can ask him. Speak Farsi?"

You quickly released her and let Dean step in front of you. He grabbed her around the waist, pulled her against him.

"What the hell are you...look, to each their own. But the threesome thing doesn't do it for me."

He quickly frisked her, found her gun and held it up in front of her face. "Don't flatter yourself."

When Dean released her, she relaxed and moved to smooth her clothing. Taking the opportunity to fuck with her again, you launched yourself at her and resumed holding her in place. "Do not move."

Dean was searching the room, leaving the two of you in a staring contest, standing against the door.

"I told you I don't have it."

"Oh, yeah, I'm definitely gonna take your word for it. _____, you're doing amazing."

While Dean was tossing the room, Bela lifted her hand and reached for your wrist. A bullet flew past your head, going through the door, inches from her face. She froze when you pushed your gun harder against the soft underside of her chin.

"I said don't move."

She tried to keep her voice light, but the angle you were pushing her head to made her words sound choked off. "It's gone. Get on a plane if you must. Track down the buyer. You might catch up to him eventually."

Dean returned and stood behind you and crossed his arms over his chest.

Bela took a deep breath and turned her attention to you "Are you going to kill me?"

"Oh, yeah. Your brains on the door? That's my little gift from Dean."

"You're not the cold-blooded type. I don't think you have the stones to pull the trigger."

"Cold-blooded? You mean like you? That's true. See, I couldn't imagine killing my parents though."

"I don't know what you're talking..." Planting your back foot, you pushed your arm harder against her throat, cutting off her words and her breath.

"Wow! Bela, she really doesn't like you. Ease up a bit, _____." Reluctantly, you relaxed your arm enough for her to pull in a strangled breath. "Now, I think you do know what she's talking about. You were, what, 14? Folks died in some shady car accident. Police suspected a slashed brake line, but it was all too crispy to tell. Cut to little Bela...Oh, I'm sorry, Abby...inheriting millions."

Bela spoke cautiously now, all traces of arrogance gone. "How did you even..."

"Doesn't matter how I know, but I do. What was it? Daddy give you the bad touch? Cause if that's the case, I can understand why you did it."

"They were lovely people. And I killed them. And I got rich. I can't be bothered to give a damn. Just like I don't care what happens to you." That last bit was enough to break you. You used your full body weight against her, making her head slam hard against the door and choking her off again.

"You make me sick. You're a waste of oxygen."

"Likewise, _____."

Taking a step back and and pointing the gun between her eyes, you felt a smirk pull at the side of your mouth. 

Dean stepped up and placed a hand on your arm, lowering your gun. "She's not worth it." He yanked her aside and opened the door, pulling you out behind him.

**********  
"The fuck, Dean?! I had her."

His hand was on your arm, guiding you along beside him. "I'll explain later. We don't have time right now."

You twisted your arm free and stopped in your tracks. "You have time. Take five fucking minutes and tell me what just happened!"

He took back your arm and pulled you into an alley way with him. "If I have five extra minutes, I'm not spending it talking about Bela." He pushed you roughly against the wall, his hands already at his belt. "Your pants. Down. Now."

The look in his eyes was feral and it sent heat straight to your panties. You fumbled with the button, but before you could comply he spun you around to face the wall. His mouth blew hot, quick breaths against your ear. "Never seen you like that before. That was fucking sexy as hell." His hand snaked between you and the wall, easing your pants open. "If I have five extra minutes, I'm gonna spend it buried balls deep in your sweet pussy."

He yanked your pants down over your ass and pulled your hips back enough to tilt your pelvis to him. Taking his thick cock in his hand, and with one quick thrust, he was, in fact, balls deep. With a fist full of hair, he pulled your face away from the wall so the punishing pace he set didn't rub it against the brick. In just a few minutes he was biting and sucking on your neck as he came. 

His forehead dropped to your shoulder and he panted heavily. "Woo! I needed that. C'mon, we gotta get going."

Pulling up your pants, you stared at the back of his head. "Glad it was good for you."

"Well, if you'd been watching her hands I wouldn't have had to fire my gun. That would have given me at least two extra minutes to get you off. Now let's go."

"You're an asshole, Dean Winchester."

He smiled and held out a hand to you. "Yeah, you keep saying that."

**********

No sooner had the Impala started did Dean hand you his phone. "Call Sam and put it on speaker."

The phone didn't finish one ring before Sam picked up. "Dean? Did you get the Colt?"

"What do you think?"

"So, does that mean Bela is, uh..."

"No, no, she deserves to die a dozen times over, but Dean wouldn't let me do it."

"Dean..."

"I'm really screwed, Sammy." that wasn't what you'd expected him to say.

"No, honey, you're just..."

"But you were right, Sam. Bela was a goose chase. The Colt's gone, and this time I'm really screwed."

"Maybe not. Look, Dean, I found Benton's cabin."

"You okay? Was he there?"

"Yeah."

"Did you kill him?"

"No."

"What do you mean, "no"?"

"He means that nobody got to kill anybody today." You were teasing, but the look on Dean's face told you that you'd pushed far enough. 

"Dean, please just listen for a second. I found his lab book, and it has the formula."

"What, the live-forever formula?"

"Yeah."

"Great, let me guess. I gotta drink blood out of a baby's skull?"

"No, that's the thing. It's not black magic. There's no blood sacrifice or anything. It's just science, Dean. Very, very extremely weird science, but..."

"Wait, wait, wait. What are...What are you saying? You think..."

"Dean, I think it might be doable. I mean, I know we've hit a lot of walls, but I...I think this formula, I think it might be it. This could save you."

"Okay, so, this formula..." Dean's knuckles tightened on the steering wheel.

"Well, I mean, look, look, we're not in the clear yet. There are still things that I don't get..."

There was a muffled shout through the phone and the sound of something hitting the floor. "Sam? Sammy! Fuck!" The tenor of Baby's engine changed when his heavy boot hit the floor board.

**********  
After driving through the night in relative silence, the town you'd left Sam in was about fifty or sixty miles away

"_____? Hey!" Your head turned quickly to him, eyes wide. "I need you to listen. Take your gun and mine. We need two full extra magazines and one loaded each. Buck knife in your boot. Pistol in the back waistband of your jeans. I've taught you enough. You know what to do." He was right about that. Dean had trained you well. 

"Honey, when you stop for gas I need to get the shotgun and holy water out of the trunk. My flask is almost empty and we have no clue what we're going against." Dean's eyes were fixed on the highway out in front of you. His jaw clenched rhythmically. "Honey? Where you at? You gotta work with me here."

He cleared his throat and twisted his hands over the wheel. "Yeah. Sorry, umm. I'll get the stuff from the truck and you run in and get road food and coffee."

You scooted closer so your thigh was just touching his. You stroked the soft hair around his ear. "I can do that. Next stop is ten miles out. Then another 30 to the motel." You held your breath for a couple heartbeats, chewing on your lip. "Dean? You should know...just in case. Just in case I don't get another chance to say it-"

"No!" His voice was loud and clipped. "Not like this. I'd rather you not say it at all than say it like this. You got me?"

"Yeah, honey. I got you." When you rested your head on his shoulder, he laid a hand on your knee.

"_____, I got you too."

**********

You'd ran inside the motel room and grabbed Sam's map. You were reading directions to Dean, guiding him over side roads and dirt trails. Once the cabin was in view, he killed the engine and rolled to a stop about a quarter mile from the porch. 

"Ok. You ready?" Taking an unsteady breath and nodding quickly, you opened the passenger door and slid out. "Pocket check, sweetheart." Patting down your jacket and jeans, your inventory list was complete.

"I'm good."

"You stay behind me unless I tell you otherwise. You do what I say, when I say. No questions. Now, let's go get our Sammy.

Staying just inside the tree line, you crouched low and followed Dean. Avoiding leaves and bushes, there was almost no noise. 

After one circle to check the house, Dean tried the doorknob and found it was open. He mouthed directions to you silently 'You fucking stay right with me.' Nodding once, you raised you gun with both hands and leaned against the wall next to the door, opposite from him.

He opened the door, painfully slow. You followed right behind with a sense of calm that, ironically, made you uneasy. The room was dark, but Dean had already found something he thought was useful. He slipped the bottle in his pocket

You found the basement door and signaled him over. You both held your ears close to the door and Dean nodded and pressed the door open. The unmistakable stench of rotted flesh almost made you gag, but you swallowed it down and tried breathing through your mouth.

When you'd reached the lowest point of the stairs, you peeked through the railing and saw the most terrifying thing you'd seen since the ER. Sam was strapped to an operating table, his eyes taped open.

A skinny, dirty man with scars crisscrossing his face was circling Sam. "You can relax. It's all gonna be okay. Ain't nothing gonna happen here that you got to worry about, Sammy. Your chances of coming out of this procedure alive? Very, very high."

Sam was struggling against his restraints. "How do you know my name?"

"Oh...I know. You think I'm some kind of monster, don't you? Well, I got to tell you, I have never done one thing that I did not have to do. This whole eternal-life thing is very high-maintenance. If something goes bad, like my eyes here...you got to replace them. And sometimes things get damaged, like when your father cut out my heart. Now, that...That was very inconvenient. So, I'm sure that you can understand all the joy I felt when I read all about myself here in his journal. Kind of makes this whole thing just feel like some kind of family reunion, don't it? Well, I guess it's about time that we get this thing started."

Dean gestured for you to follow and he slinked in behind Doc Benton, who was enthralled in bringing his scoop very close to Sam's eye. The three shots that Dean fired broke the silence in the basement. All three shots hit the Doc from behind. He turned and smiled a greasy smile at you and then Dean. 

"Shoot all you want. I'll keep working while you waste ammo."

The scars and stitches came into focus as he approached. You fired two more shots into him, but it didn't even slow him down. Doc Benton grabbed Dean and threw him into the wall. He slid down slowly and Benton leaned over him, laughing in his face. Dean slid a knife from his boot and plunged it into his chest.

Laughter rang out against the stone walls. "A knife? What part of immortality do you not understand? Pity about the heart, though. It was a brand-new one."

Dean sneered up at the man's grotesque face. "Good. It should be pumping nice and strong..." Dean held up a bottle of chloroform. It was the same bottle he'd found upstairs. "Sending this stuff throughout your whole body. See, I picked up your little bottle upstairs and dipped the knife in it."

As soon as Dean finished Doc Benton collapsed.

**********  
Once Doc hit the floor, you rushed over to Sam and started loosening his restraints. As soon as one hand was free, he pulled the tape away from his eyes. While he rubbed them with the heels of his hands, you helped him to sit up.

"Hey, _____? Have you ever seen 'A Clockwork Orange'?" Right away you knew what he was referring to.

"Ha! Yes, honey. I have. Why?"

"I don't ever wanna see that movie again."

Dean was seriously annoyed at the two of you chit chatting and made it known. "Is someone gonna help me with this sonofabitch, or do I have to do this shit myself?"

The boys made quick work of putting the tiny man on the table. As soon as the last strap was fastened, he woke up. Eyes wide and looking around the room. He settled on Dean. 

With all the swagger he could muster, Dean leaned over the man and slapped him on the cheek a couple of times. "Oh, hiya, Doc. Wakey, wakey, eggs and bakey."

"Please." There was fear and desperation in his eyes.

"Please what? You've been killing poor bastards for over 150 years and now you got a request? Shut up." Sam pulled you in close to his side. Dean was scary when he got like this.

"No, you don't understand. I can help you. I know what you need."

"We might have to cut him up into little bits. You know, this immortality thing is a bitch. Wanna help me, _____?" He looked over at you and gave a malicious smile you hadn't seen before. 

"I can read the formula for you. You know...immortality...Forever young, never die."

Sam's voice had a soft, pleading tone when he spoke to get his brother's attention. "Dean."

That creepy fucking smile didn't fade. "Sam."

He walked to the corner of the room, pulling you by the hand behind him, and gestured for Dean to follow.

Dean looked over his shoulder at his prisoner before addressing Sam. "What?"

"I mean, we're talking hell in three weeks. Or needing a new pancreas in like half a century."

"Yeah, well, you can't exactly get those at a Kwik-E-Mart."

"It's not perfect, but it buys us more time to think of something better. We just need time, Dean. I mean, please, just...just think about it."

"No."

"Dean, don't you want to live?" Dean looked up at Sam with genuine pain and confusion.

"What he is isn't living. Look, this is simple."

"Simple?" You rested a hand on Sam's back, willing him to let this go. 

"To me it is, okay. Black or white; human, not human." He'd walked back to stand in front of Benton. "See, the Doc here? He's a freakin' monster. I can't do it. I would rather go to hell."

The 'monster' strapped to the table behind you begged again. "You don't understand. I can help you!"

 With a chloroform soaked a rag covering Doc's face, Dean turned to his brother expectantly. "Now, _____ and I are gonna take care of him. Sam, you can either help us or not. It's up to you."

**********  
The three of you stood side by side over the open grave. Benton had woken up shortly after Sam and Dean had gotten the makeshift coffin in the hole. He hadn't stopped screaming since. "No! No! Don't! Stop it! I can help you! No!"

Dean took the shovel from your hand and motioned Sam to do the same. "Enjoy forever in there, Doc."

When the dirt spattered over the chained refrigerator and the doctor's journal, he began his desperate pleading again. "Let me out! I can save you! No. Don't!"

**********  
Sam was snoring loudly in the backseat, nearly drowning out the radio station. "Ugh. I wish I'd brought my truck. He's making me crazy. Do you think Bella showed up at the motel yet, honey?" 

"Yeah, dial the number."

You held up the phone between you and made sure it was on speaker. The line picked up, but there was silence on the other end. "Hiya, Bela. Here's a fun fact you may not know. I felt your hand in my pocket, when you swiped that motel receipt."

"You don't understand." This was the first time you'd heard fear and uncertainty in this woman's voice.

"Oh, I'm pretty sure I understand perfectly. See, I noticed something interesting in your hotel room. Something tucked above the door. An herb. Devil's shoestring? There's only one use for that. Holding hellhounds at bay. So you know what I did, I went back and I took another look at your folks' obit. Turns out they died ten years ago today. You didn't kill them. A demon did your dirty work. You made a deal, didn't you, Bela. And it's come due. Is that why you stole the Colt, huh? Try to wiggle out of your deal, our gun for your soul?"So, this is why he didn't let you kill her. She would suffer more this way.

Her voice was very small when she answered. "Yes."

"But stealing the Colt wasn't quite enough, I'm guessing." Dean smiled at you proudly when you jumped into the conversation. She was so panicked that she didn't even hesitate at the sound of your voice. 

"They changed the deal. They wanted me to kill Sam." 

Dean huffed a laugh and really seemed to be finding satisfaction in fucking with her. "Really! Wow, demons untrustworthy. Shocker. That's, uh, kind of a tight deadline too – what time is it? Well, look at that, almost midnight." 11:58 to be exact.

"Dean, listen, I need help." Her voice was breaking as she started to cry.

"Sweetheart, we are weeks past help."

"I know I don't deserve it." If you didn't hate her so much. You might just feel sorry for her.

"You know what, you're right, you don't. But you know what the bitch of the bunch is? If you would have just come to us sooner and asked for help we probably could have taken the Colt and saved you. Cause we're nice fuckin' people."

"I know, and saved yourself. I know about your deal, Dean."

Dean's swagger cracked the slightest bit when he looked at the phone. "And who told you that?"

"The Demon that holds it. She holds mine too. She said she holds every deal."

"She?"

"Her name's Lilith."

"Lilith? Why should I believe you?"

Bella exhaled a deep shaking breath. "You shouldn't but it's the truth."

"This can't help you, Bela, not now. Why are you telling him this?"

"Because, _____, just maybe you guys can kill the bitch."

The clock on the phone read 12:00. Dean hissed between his teeth. "I'll see you in hell." Before he snapped the phone shut, you could have sworn you heard howling in the background.


	13. Oh, Jesus. No.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Soooo....this happened.

Sam had called Bobby for help and you all met up at one of the hunters cabins located halfway between everybody. Dean had locked himself away in a bedroom in the back of the house, leaving the two of them to look for a way to break the contract.

Sam kept looking over his shoulder, to the hallway where the bedroom was. "Why do you think he's avoiding us, Bobby?"

"Cause he's scared. And he knows if you see him like that, you'll be scared too."

"Newsflash, man. I am scared." Sam turned to the sound of your yawn. "Hey, _____? Why don't you go sit with Dean. He shouldn't be alone right now."

"K. Come get me if...well, you know."

**********  
You tapped on the door when you pushed it open. Dean was propped up on the bed with a thick book on his lap. He closed it quickly and tossed it to the side.

"Dig up anything good, honey?"

He shook his head just a little and patted the mattress next to him, sliding over to make room for you. "No. Well, nothing good."

"I can help you look if you want." He curled into you resting his head on your chest. It was second nature for your fingers to run through the longer hair on the top of his head.

"Nah. I can't keep looking at the same shit and expect something to change. Did you guys find anything yet?"

"Not yet. But they'll come get us when they do."

"You mean IF they do."

"Dean, honey, don't be like that."

"Ugh. I don't know how else to be. Think you can just stay here with me? Keep me company while I pretend this isn't happening."

Resting your lips to the top of his head, you ran your fingers over his back, tracing patterns and hummed to him. "Does that tune have words, _____? You always hum the same thing."

"It does. Wanna hear it? It's pretty fitting right now, actually." Dean pulled his arm around you tighter and nodded.

'Take me home tonight  
I would do anything with you  
Buy a bottle of whiskey  
We'll get matching tattoos  
Tell me that you love me  
Oh, let me drive your car  
We can sit to morning light  
Just countin' every star  
'Cause if there's a Hell  
I'll meet you there  
And if there's a Heaven  
They're serving beer  
And if you're an angel then  
I must be high  
Oh if there's a church  
It's rock 'n roll  
If there's a devil  
I sold my soul  
And it's alright whatever we do tonight  
'Cause if there's a God  
Dammit, she won't mind  
If there's a God  
Baby she won't mind'

Dean's body relaxed into yours a bit more and you counted his breaths while he gave in and dozed off. You couldn't bring yourself to leave him while every heartbeat was one closer to his last. 

**********

Dean woke with a start and frantically looked around the room. "Did you see where they went? I didn't see where they went!"

"Whoa, whoa, whoa. Dean. Honey? It was just a dream. I'm right here. Never left."

He was trembling under your hands, the fear of what ever invaded his sleep physically taking a toll on him. "I gotta get up. I can't just stay here and wait for it...them...whatever to come. Let's go see what their doin' out there. Ok? And, _____? Please don't them."

Taking his hand and following him out of the room, you felt the dread of what he was facing in his touch. "No worries, honey."

His head hung and he let out a shaky breath before he opened the door. 

**********  
Bobby nudged Sam and jerked his head towards the two of you. When he turned to look at you, his hands busied themselves by shuffling notes around on the desk.

"Find a way to stop this shit, Sammy?" Dean's false bravado was see through to everyone in the room and he knew it. 

"Well, Bobby has. Finally."

He hadn't dared to think they would find anything and was genuinely hopeful. "Yeah?"

"Yeah. A way to find Lilith."

"Oh. With just uh – thirty hours to go." Dean smiled around the room and rubbed his hands together like he was plotting something. "Hey, why don't we just make a TJ-run, yeah? You know... some senoritas, cervezas, uh, we could... _____, what's Spanish for "donkey show"? 

Your nose wrinkled in disgust. "So, if we do save you... Let's never do that."

"Yeah... Probably for the best, huh?"

Sam cleared books off of a chair and motioned for you to sit. "Hey, Dean. Look, we're cutting it close, I know. But we're gonna get this done. I don't care what it takes, Dean. You're not gonna go to hell. I'm not gonna let you. I swear. Everything's gonna be okay." He walked to his big brother and it broke your heart when Sam pulled him in for a hug.

**********  
Everyone was gathered around the desk. Bobby had laid out a map of the US and placed a tracking device over it. He'd tried to explain how it worked, but you'd waved him off. "Details later, love. Just make it work, ok?"

Bobby ran a hand over your shoulder and squeezed softly before turning to hunch over the map again. "So you need a name, that's the whole kit and caboodle. With the right name, right ritual, ain't nothing you can't suss out."

"Like the town Lilith's in?" Sam watched Bobby with fascination.

"Kid, when I get done, we'll know the street."

Bobby pulled back the hanging crystal and let it swing. Everyone was transfixed on the movement while Bobby chanted in Latin. Everyone was hypnotized by it. Back and forth. Side to side. It suddenly stopped and Bobby squinted to see the town it hovered over. "New Harmony, Indiana." Three sets of eyes looked from the map to Bobby. "And we have a winner."

Sam pushed the pendulum away and stood straight. "Alright. Let's go."

Dean placed his wide palm in the center of Sam's chest, holding him in place. "Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. Let's all shut up there, Tex."

"What's the problem? Honey, we've got a shot here, and we don't have time to think about it."

"What's the problem? Come the fuck on, where do I begin? I mean, first of all, we don't even know if Lilith holds my deal. We're going off of Bela's intel? When that bitch took a breath the air came out crooked." Dean was getting agitated, gesturing and talking to everyone in the room. "Okay. Second, even if we could get to Lilith, we have no way to gank her. And third, isn't this the same Lilith that wants your giant head on a pike, Sam? Should I continue?"

Bobby crossed his arms over his chest and leaned against the desk. "Ain't you just bringing down the room. You must be loads of fun at parties."

"Yeah, well, it's a gift."

You held your hands out to the sides and turned to face Dean angrily. "I'm sorry, so then what are we supposed to do, Dean?!"

"Just 'cause I gotta die doesn't mean you have to, okay?! Either we go in smart or we don't go in at all." The naked emotion in what he said caught the breath in your throat. 

Sam stood, hands on his hips, and addressed the room. "Okay, fine. If that's the case I have the answer."

Dean spun and looked up at his brother. "You do?"

"Yeah. A sure-fire way to confirm it's Lilith and a way to get us a bona fide demon-killing ginsu."

"Damn it, Sam, no!"

"We're so past arguing. Dean, I'm summoning Ruby."

"The hell you are! We have enough problems as it is."

"Exactly." Sam closed the distance between them and squared off against Dean. Bobby gingerly took your hand and pulled you to his side. "And we've got no time and no choice either."

"Come on man, she is the Miss Universe of lying skanks, okay. She told you that she could save me, huh – lie. She seems to know everything about Lilith but forgot to mention, oh right – Lilith owns my soul!"

"Okay, fine. She's a liar. She's still got that knife."

You tried to reel Dean back in. "Honey, I think he's got a point."

He spun on you, his face softening, but still angry. "Look, _____. For all we know, she works for Lilith."

Sam turned Dean by his shoulder. "Then give me another option, Dean. I mean, tell me what else."

Bobby joined in the conversation finally. "Sam's right."

"NO! DAMN IT!" For a few moments, the room was quiet. Dean took a deep breath before continuing, calmer now. "Just no. We are not gonna make the same mistakes all over again. You guys wanna save me, find something else."

The three men in your life stood there for a beat too long before you grabbed your jacket and headed for the door. Sam shouted at your back. "Where are you going?!"

"I guess to..." You threw out your arms and hitched a breath in defeat. "...find something else."

**********  
'Finding something else' consisted of sitting on the tailgate of your truck listening to crickets. You'd left your keys inside and were too proud and pissed off to go back and get them. The crunching of the gravel told you someone had joined you before you heard their voice.

"I'm sorry I yelled."

"There's no other way, Dean."

"I know."

**********

Dean held your hand while you climbed the porch steps. Your footfalls were heavy on the weathered planks. When you opened the screen door and went inside, Bobby was in the kitchen, alone. His expression was blank, not giving anything away.

"Sweetie, where's Sam?"

"I have no idea." His face remained emotionless, but he tilted his chin to the basement door.

Dean hurried past you, bumping your shoulder in the tiny room. "Fuck, Sammy." 

**********

You snuck down the stairs and crouched next to Dean behind a box of forgotten junk. When your knee touched his hip, he started and looked at you, his face churning with anger. With one finger over his lips he gave a silent order to keep quiet. Sam and Ruby were in the middle of the room circling each other.

You'd come in on the middle of a conversation and only caught the last of what Ruby said. "...you could wipe her off the map without moving a muscle.

"I don't believe you." Sam sounded so desperate and angry and scared all at the same time. You'd pulled away from him lately, clinging to Dean. It wasn't intentional, but that didn't make it fair to him. Secretly summoning Ruby? It showed he felt he was fighting this alone.

"Too bad, Sam. It's the truth."

"And you decided to tell me this just now?"

"Um... Hello, demon. Manipulative is kinda in the job description." Jesus, these women were gonna be the death of you. Every one of them that came around was a bitch. "Fact is, is that you would have never considered it. Not until you were – "

"Desperate enough?"

"You don't like being different. You hate the way Dean looks at you sometimes. Like you're some kind of sideshow freak." From the corner of your eye you saw Dean's head hang in shame." But suck it up, buttercup. Because we've got a lot of ground to cover, and we've gotta do it fast. But we can do it." 

Sam's fists were clenched at his sides. His fingernails had to be digging into his palms while she kept talking to him...no, talking AT him. "Look. Call me a bitch, hate me all you want, but I have never lied to you, Sam. Not ever. And I'm telling you. You... can save your brother, and I can show you how."

Dean looked at you, eyes wide and demanding. He mouthed the words 'Don't fucking move' to you before he stood and walked around the boxes. "So that's you, huh? Our slutty little Yoda."

"Well. Well. Hello, Dean." There was not an ounce of positive emotion on her face. Her hate for Dean sucked the air out of the room. "Aren't you just charming as ever."

He glared at Sam and shook his head and circled behind Ruby before continuing his taunts. "Aw, I knew you'd show up. Because I knew Sam wouldn't listen." Sam couldn't look at Dean, and in his search for a focal point, he found you in your hiding spot. You stared at him, wide eyed. Silently begging him to not give you away. "But you're not gonna teach him anything, you understand me? Over my dead body."

She cocked a hip out and crossed her arms defiantly. "Oh. Well, you're right about that."

"No, skank. What you are gonna do is give me that knife. And then you can just go crawl back into whatever slop you came from and never bother me or my brother again. Are we clear?"

"Your brother is carrying a bomb inside of him and we'd be stupid not to use it."

"Dean, look, just hold on for one –" Sam's voice had become a begging mess.

Dean didn't turned his body from Ruby, but his face turned on Sam. For just a moment his eyes caught yours. "Sam! Don't. Come on man, what, are you blind? Can't you see that this is a trick?" 

"That's not true." Ruby was looking at Sam now, too. You tried to make yourself as small as possible.

"Sammy, fuck, just think about it. She wants you to give into this whole demonic psychic whatever, okay? I mean hell, she probably wants you to become her little anti-christ Super Star."

"I want Lilith dead. That's all."

Dean stepped closer into Ruby's space. "Why?"

"Dean! I've told you why!"

He was taking none of her shit."Oh, right, yeah. Because you were human once and you liked kittens and long walks on the beach."

"You know, I am so sick of proving myself to you. You wanna save yourself, this is how. You dumb, spineless dick."

Dean cocked his head to the side and looked at her before turning to walk away. In a blur, he spun around and threw a right hook that connected with her mouth. Sam was caught by suprise and backed away a bit, stumbling into the boxes that provided your cover.

The punch made Ruby take a few steps back. There was an evil grin on her face when she wiped blood from her lip with back of her hand. After a fluttering heartbeat, hit him once with her right fist and then her left. 

Sam called out, trying to break up the all out battle between them. "Ruby, hey!"

She threw a kidney punch causing him to double over. Taking advantage of his position, she kneed him in the face, sending him into a beam and sliding to the floor. On reflex you stood and clung to Sam. His body was wound tight with anxiety.

She watched you with dead, black eyes before going after Dean. When she turned to attack him again, he sucker punched her in the face once with his left and was about to hit with his right, but she ducked out of the way and going with his momentum kneed him in the stomach. Your hand was over your mouth, holding back cries of disbelief while she continued to beat the ever loving shit out of him.

Ruby kicked him in the face again, causing him to fall to the floor. He tried to get up but she walked over and kicked him hard in the stomach sending him rolling over the floor. He pushed himself up to his hands and knees, when she came over and took hold of his hair, helping him up face to face. Her head-butt made him fall backwards to the floor again. 

She stood there, staring down at him. Dean flashed her a bloody smile and slowly rose to his feet. It only pissed her off more. "The hell are you grinning at?"

He spit a mouthfull of blood at her feet. "Missing something?" He held up her knife with power to kill demons in front of his face.

Her pretty face twisted into pure, quiet rage. "I'll kill you, you son of a bitch." She rushed towards him, but midway there she stopped like her face slammed into an invisible wall. Ruby took another step, trying to get past it. Dean just stared at her. She looked from him to the ceiling. You and Sam followed her eyes and saw the Devil's Trap Dean had painted there. 

Your hand dropped from your mouth in surprise. The demon looked at Dean again, helpless to do anything. He smiled a little, looking from the trap to her, still holding up the knife. "Like I said...I knew you'd come."

He walked away from her, taking your hand and made for the staircase. Ruby called out in disbelief when she saw Sam take your other hand and follow. "Wait! You're just gonna leave me here? Oh, oh you – so you're just too stupid to live, is that it? Then fine! You deserve hell! I wish I could be there, Dean. I wish I could smell the flesh sizzle off your bones! I WISH I COULD BE THERE TO HEAR YOU SCREAM!!"

Dean stopped on the first step making you run into his back. "And I wish you'd shut your pie hole, but we don't always get what we want."

**********  
There were weapons covering the table the three of you sat around. Dean refused to let you take a look at his injuries. He looked away when you told him he was being stupid and stubborn. Instead of responding, he returned to taking inventory of the arsenal on in front of him. 

Dean's favorite gun with the white mother of pearl grips sat in front of him. He picked up a clip and slid it into place. You'd all resumed loading weapons in a dead silence that was finally broken by Sam. "So, we're just gonna let Ruby rot down there?"

Dean didn't even give his brother the courtesy of glancing his way when he spoke. "That's the idea."

Desperately trying to convince him, you sided with Sam. "Dean, honey, what if Ruby's right? What if Sam can take out Lilith?" Dean pinned you with an angry, doubting look. 

"Dammit, Dean. Quit looking at me like that." 

"What, Sam gives her the Carrie-stare and Lilith goes "poof"?" 

"Here we go again. What the fuck is your problem? Dean, just listen. We don't know what Ruby meant about Sam. You know, maybe we should just go ask her."

"Sam, you wanted the knife – I got you the knife. _____, I told you no." He walked away from table. If he thought the conversation was over, he was dead wrong.

Sam got up and followed him, grabbing his shoulder and spinning him around. "Dean, just listen to me for a second. Last time, Lilith snapped her fingers and put thirty demons on our ass, and all we got's one little knife? I mean, like you said, we go in smart or we don't go in at all." 

"Well, this ain't smart." 

You weren't getting up from the table, getting that close when they were like this only served to piss them both off. "We got one shot at this, Dean. Just one. So, if there's a sure-fire way then maybe we should just talk about it."

"Hey! We are not gonna make the same mistake all over again." 

"You said that, but what does it even mean?" 

"Don't you see a pattern here? Dad's deal, my deal, now this? I mean every time one of us is – is – is up the creek the other is begging to sell their soul. That's all this is, man. Ruby's just jerking your chain down the road. You know what it's paved with and you know where it's going." He walked back to the table and started loading the weapons again. 

Sam, shook his head a bit and walked around to the other side of the table to face his brother. "Dean." When Dean didn't respond, he leaned closer, his hands supporting him. "What do you think is gonna happen? What are you worried about? This is me. Tell me, I can handle it. And if it'll save you..."

"Why even risk it?" You and Sam shared a completely perplexed look.

"Dean, are you serious? What the hell have we been doing?!" He jumped a little when the knife skitted across the table when you tossed it down in frustration.

Sam didn't give him a chance to respond to you. "Because you're my brother. Because you did the same thing for me."

"I know... and look how that turned out. All I'm saying.." His voice broke and he took a second to gather himself. "Sammy, all I'm saying is that you're my weak spot. You both are. And I'm yours." 

Sam's voice was quiet and broken. "You don't mean that. We're...the three of us...we're family." 

"I know. And those evil sons of bitches know it too. I mean, what we'll do for each other, you know, how far we'll go? They're using it against us." 

You didn't trust your voice to say anything, but you had to make Dean know how you felt. "So what? We just stop looking out for each other?"

"No, we stop being martyrs, _____.. We – we – we stop spreading it for these demons." He held up Ruby's knife and gestured to you both. "We take this knife, and we go after Lilith our way. The way Dad taught us to. The way we've taught you, _____. And if we go down, then, well... then we go down swinging. What do you think?" 

Sam was the one that finally broke the silence. "I think you totally should have been jamming 'Eye of the Tiger' right there."

"Nah, Sam. He'd pick 'We Will Rock You'." 

"Oh, you two can bite me. I totally rehearsed that speech, too." 

There was an awkward laugh before things got serious again. "So, Indiana, huh? You guys know how to take a girl to exotic locations, don't ya?" 

Dean walked over to you and kissed the top of your head. "Yeah, well, that's where Lilith's on shore-leave." Sam took your hand and helped you stand so you were between them. 

With their arms wrapped around you, each pressing you to their chests, you closed your eyes and breathed them in before breaking the silence. "Tell me something, boys. The hell's a demon do for fun?"

**********

The night was spent with the three of you in bed. And you all knew why. This could be it. This could be the last time you could be together. It was soft and gentle. Even Sam was different. The intensity was there, but the frantic need was gone. This wasn't about pleasure it was the bond.

On your knees, Dean took you from behind. His body covered yours and pressed you into Sam who was reclined with you between his thighs. Dean's soft tongue grazed your shoulder blade and ran up your spine causing goosebumps to break out on every inch of your skin . 

Sam's hands wound in your hair and you tilted your head into the touch, looking up at him. You found his hazel eyes studying your face. He bent and touched his lips to yours, catching the sighs and soft moans that fell from your lips when Dean held your hips and pressed against you. His tongue traced the swollen ridge of your lower lip.

There was a sudden emptiness inside you when Dean pulled out and laid down next to Sam with just enough room for you to settle into when he rolled you off Sam and onto your back. Their kisses were so close together that there were times their lips touched. 

"Say it. Please say it, _____." Dean's eyes were locked on yours. The green was hypnotic when he looked at you like this. 

Sam's voice was a rumbled whisper against your ear. "Just tell us. We already know you feel the same thing we do." 

Their lips moved back to yours and kissed you softly before pulling away. Their hands moved up your belly settling on your chest, over your heart. Your eyes passed back and forth between them. You'd never said you loved someone before. It would make you too open. Make it too easy to get hurt. Your mouth opened to speak, but nothing came out.

Sam pulled you to him, easily sliding inside you. Dean did the same and you felt incredibly full and unable to move. "Oh my god. Don't move. Just. Don't. Move"

Dean's hand gripped your hip hard when the tight ring of muscle quivered around him. His head fell forward, forehead on your shoulder. His moans made you shiver. "You feel so good. You're so good for us."

Sam's arm wrapped possessively around your waist but you didn't feel his hand on your back. It took a beat for you to realize he was holding his brother against you. Dean's hand left your hip and settled on the small of Sam's back, pulling him into the embrace.

It was so intense, the connection you shared with them. With a gentle roll of your hips, they both moaned and begged again. 

"It's gotta be from you." Dean. 

"Please, please tell us." Sam.

The slightest movement from them sent electric shocks through you. Your fingers gripped Sam's chest while your head fell back and rested on Dean's shoulder. This was it. Time to jump off the cliff. Time to open up. "I love you. Both. I love us."

At the same time they told you they loved you too, that they loved this. This impossible bond and love they never had. All of your bodies rocked against each other until you climaxed together with promises and devotions combining in your breaths. Both of them pulled themselves from you, but there was no empty feeling. The room was filled with emotion. There were lazy kisses until you all fell asleep in each other's arms. 

**********  
Bobby was walking next to you as you made your way to the Impala. He'd told you to get up and get up now. You were still in your yoga shorts and one of Sam's gargantuan tees. Your pink fuzzy slippers drug on the ground, leaving a dusty trail behind you. Your blood boiled when you saw the shapes of their heads through the back window, but they weren't going anywhere. 

You stood behind the scruffy man, with your hands on your hips, when he bent to the open driver's side window. Both of them sat looking at Bobby like kids getting caught. "Where do you think you're going?" Dean's face fell when he saw the distributor cap that was being held up in front of him.

They both got out of the car and Dean stood toe to toe with Bobby, his jaw set as he prepared to face off with him. "We got the knife."

"And you intend to use it without me." Bobby was pissed, sure. But they hadn't heard from you yet.

"What the fuck, guys? I can't turn my back for one second without you two pulling some dick move!" Sam tried to stare you down with his disapproving stare. "I swear to Christ, Sam. I'll have your balls if you keep looking at me like that."

Dean pointed a finger at you, but continued staring Bobby down. "This is about me... and Sam. Ok? This isn't your fight."

Your temper flared as tears. You hated that you cried when you were pissed, but you couldn't stop them from falling. Lashing out at him, your palms connected with Dean's chest with all your body weight behind them, but you hardly moved the man. "Fuck you, Dean Winchester! Don't you dismiss me. You aren't going off to die without me. So suck it up and deal with it, sugar tits. Bobby, I'm taking my truck."

Bobby nodded over his shoulder before turning back to them. "She's right, you know. Family don't end with blood, boy. Besides, you need us."

When you emerged from the cabin moments later, Bobby looked like he was holding court. They both nodded and 'yes, sirs' were murmured. Sam looked your way with his shy, dimpled smile that usually melted your heart. You were zipping your jeans when you opened Waylon's drivers side door. "Don't even try it, Sam. You're in deep shit. Bobby, let's go!"

"Now you idjits got her yelling at me. Dammit." Bobby handed over the distributor cap and walked to the truck. 

"Move your ass, Winchester. You don't have all day! I'm following you. We're not stopping every thirty minutes to piss either." It couldn't have taken more than ten minutes to fix the Impala, but you laid on your horn three times. 

Bobby side-eyed you, still uncomfortable about your outburst. "Jesus, woman. Think you might be a little impatient?"

You didn't answer Bobby, but you honked at Dean again. Rising up on one knee, you hung out the window and banged your hand against the door panel. "Let's fucking go!"

**********  
The ride with Bobby was spent in a tense silence. He ignored your mumbled 'assholes' and 'can't believe this bullshit' for the most part. He occasionally told you to slow it down on the curves, but mostly he tapped his fingers to the Johnny Cash CD that was playing loudly.

Coming around a corner, you found a police cruiser, lights on, sitting behind the Impala. Dean was bent over a cop, pulling Ruby's knife from his chest.

Bobby got there a fraction of a second before you did, but beat you to the punch before you could asking anything. "What the hell happened?"

Sam looked absolutely baffled."He just killed a demon. How'd you know anyway, Dean?"

Dean looked up at him before answering. "I dunno. I just knew I guess." He took a deep breath before he continued. "I could see its face, its real face, under that one. "

Bobby, who was looking down on the body, shook his head. "We gotta hide the car."

**********

The men were pulling branches over the police car while you kept watch at the side of the road. Sam started asking questions while they worked.

"So what, now you're seeing demons?"

Dean shook his head and shrugged in defeat. "I've seen all kinds of things lately but... nothing like this."

Scratching at his beard, Bobby joined in. "Actually it's not all that crazy." 

Dean looked at Bobby like he'd sprouted a third arm. "How's it not that crazy?"

"Well you've got, just over five hours to go? You're piercing the veil, Dean. You're glimpsing the B side."

You called back at them over your shoulder. "A little less new age-y please."

Bobby sighed and tried again. "You're almost hell's bitch. So, you can see hell's other bitches." 

Sam settled a particularly large branch over the rear bumper."Well, actually it could come in pretty handy."

"Oh, well, I'm glad my doomed soul is good for something." 

"Damn right it is." Bobby was finally making sense. "Lilith's probably got demons stashed all over town. We can't let them sound the alarm. If she knows we're here, we're dead before we're started."

"Well, this is a terrific plan." Snarky Dean was in full effect. "I'm excited to be a part of it. Can we go, please?"

**********  
When you finally located the house Lilith was in, the four of you snuck into the vacant house that was for sale across the street. You were looking through binoculars into the dining room window across the way. A very normal family was sitting at a table covered with sweets and candy. 

There was a beautiful little girl with long blonde hair, sitting in front of a huge cake, smiling up at her mother. There was an old man with his face on his plate at the head of the table. His head was twisted at an impossible angle, neck broken. 

Dean took the binoculars from your hands and scanned the window. "It's the little girl. Her face is awful." It must have been pretty bad, because he visibly shuddered at what he saw.

"Alright then, let's go, gentlemen. We're wasting time." Gathering your bag of weapons, you made to walk out the door before Dean grabbed your upper arm.

"Wait!"

"For what, Dean? For it to kill the rest of them?"

He pulled you roughly to him and made you look out the window. "Yeah, and us too if we're not careful. Look. See the real go-getter mailman on the clock at nine PM? And Mr Rogers over there." He pointed his finger to a man standing on his porch, smoking a pipe.

Sam looked through the binoculars and scanned the darkened houses. "Demons?"

Dean's grip on your arm tightened and pulled you back, possessively, into his chest. "Yeah."

Sam lowered the binoculars from his face and spoke excitedly. "Ok, fine. We – we – we – we, we ninja pass those guys, sneak in."

You can feel Dean's voice rumble in his chest, drowning his pounding heart for a moment. "Then what? Give a 'Columbian necktie' to a ten year old girl, come on, Sam!"

You turned your face to look at him when you tried to convince him. "Look, Dean, I know it's awful."

"Ya think? Come on, _____..."

Sam was facing Dean now. "This isn't just about saving you, Dean. This is about saving everybody."

Bobby was gently urging him along. "She's gotta be stopped, son."

Dean rested his head on your shoulder and dropped his hand from your arm. "Aww, damn it." He knew it couldn't be any other way.

**********

The mailman was standing at the back of his truck, flipping through mail. The plan was to use Dean as bait and get the demons out of the open spaces, so they could be taken out one by one. 

Sam signaled to you from across the yard you were hiding in, letting you know Dean was coming. He ran through the gate with a demon right behind him. Sam held out his arm and clothes lined the mailman, effectively slamming him to the ground. Dropping to one knee, Sam plunged Ruby's knife into the demon. 

*********  
Bobby had gone to bless the water supply to the house Lilith was holed up in. It would turn every faucet into a holy water dispenser.

In the meantime, Sam was yanking the knife from Mr Rogers's belly, who was lying dead on the ground. He wiped it off on the leg of his jeans and you stared at the blood soaking in while Dean grabbed the dead mans feet and drug him out of view from the street. 

Dean snapped his fingers at you and spoke in a loud whisper."Hey! _____. You gonna follow us or stand there and look pretty?" His voice shook you out of your daze, making you look away from the smear on Sam's pants.

Dean drug you behind him while he was running  through trees that ran along fences. Out of thin air, Ruby was there shoved him into the fence, holding him there. The sudden stop knocked you off balance and sent you sprawling into the dirt.

She sneered at him, nose less than an inch from his. "I'd like my knife back, please. Or your neck snaps like a chicken bone."

Sam stepped over you and grabbed her from behind her held her knife to her throat. "He doesn't have it. Take it easy."

She let go of Dean and took a step away. When he was able to get off the fence, Dean reached down, taking your arm and helping you stand. Dean looked at her perplexed. "How the hell did you get out?" 

Ruby looked up at him like he was a cute little puppy. "What you don't know about me could fill a book."

Dean visibly jumped in his skin. He side-eyed Ruby, unable to look directly at her. "Whoa. I, uh – I couldn't see you before, but you're one ugly broad."

Ruby rolled her eyes and looked at Sam. "Sam, give me the knife before you hurt yourself."

Sam looked at her like she'd lost her mind. "You'll get it when this is over." 

She held her hands out to the side, leaning forward at him. "It's already over. I gave you a way to save Dean, you shot me down. Now it's too late. He's dead. And I'm not gonna let you die too."

Sam put an arm across your body, guiding you behind him. Gripping his jacket and pressing your forehead to his back, you tried to slow your breath. You were terrified and trying to hide it. Your fingers clutched tighter when Sam egged her on. "Try and stop me, and I'll kill you. Bitch."

"Hit me with your best shot, baby." Dean, who'd been looking in the direction he was running in before she showed up, turned around to them. "Guys, guys! Hey. Have your little catfight later."  
Following Dean's eyes and looking at the houses on the street, it seemed there was at least one person standing in front of each one. They were all turned and staring blankly at you. "So much for the element of surprise." Sam grabbed your arm and ran towards the house Lilith was in. 

There was a hoard of demons chasing you now. Sam hadn't let go of your arm and Dean's hand was on your back, pushing you along while he yelled out. "Go. Go. Run. Run!" 

Sam leaped up to the porch a couple steps before you did. He immediately started picking the lock. You held a flashlight for him in your shaking hands while Ruby and Dean came up behind you. They were looking out towards the lawn where more people were running towards. 

"What the hell is taking Bobby so long? Hurry up, Sam!" Dean's voice was tight and panicked. Sam was still fumbling with the fucking lock and more people were coming your way. 

Just as one demon possessed soccer mom set foot on the lawn, the sprinklers turned on and sprayed the blessed water across the grass. She started flailing and screaming while the water boiled her skin. Sam finally got the door open and you all filed in, Dean pointing and letting out a laugh before closing the door behind him. 

You and Ruby were standing over an elderly woman's body. It wasn't a fresh kill and was getting pretty ripe. Dean saw her and the scary hunter was back in his eyes. 

He looked to you, then back to Sam. "You think Lilith knows we're here?"

Ruby snorted at him indignantly. "Probably."

Sam led the way further into the house, holding the knife out as if it was a gun. They kept you and Ruby between them. Dean held a fist full of your collar, but you were too scared to realize how tight it was around your neck. 

There was a creak behind you as you were heading out of the room. Dean spun towards the noise, shoving you at Sam who used his body to shield you. The man, who you figured was the little girl's dad, jumped out from a closet. Dean grabbed him and put a hand over his mouth. He silently placed a single finger to his lips and shook his head slowly to keep him quiet.

"We're here to help. Ok? I'm gonna move my hand, and we're gonna talk nice and quiet, okay?" the man's eyes were huge and darted between everyone's faces, but he nodded his head. Cautiously, Dean removed his hand. 

Sam dropped his knife, just a little, and addressed him. "Sir, where is your daughter?"

His whispered voice cracked with emotion. "It's not... it's not her anymore."

You did what you did best and tried to calm him. "Sweetie, we know that. And we're gonna help. But you've got to tell us where she is?"

"Upstairs. In her bedroom."

Making headway, you tried to convince himself to safety. "Okay, okay, okay. Listen to me. I want you to go downstairs to the basement. Put a line of salt at the door behind you. Do you understand me?"

"Not without my wife." That confirmed it. This was the father.

This urged to you to push a little harder. "Yes, it's gotta without your wife. We need you safe so we can help them."

"No. I need to protect-" He was cut short when Dean connected a right hook against his jaw.  
He picked him up and put him over his shoulder fireman style. He gave everyone a look, rolled his eyes and headed for the basement door. 

**********  
Once Dad was locked away safely in the basement, Sam took the lead again. Somehow, everyone was silent climbing the stairs. At the landing, there was a hallway lined with four closed doors.

Dean took command of the group. "Ruby and I will check the doors on the right. Sam, get the left. Don't let her go. Don't lose sight of her. _____, this is bigger than you can handle. I'm sorry, but, you gotta stay with Sam." With wide eyes you nodded. There was no way you'd go off by yourself right now."

Ruby and Dean rested a hand on the doorknobs on the right and Sam did the same on the left.Nodding at each other you slowly opened the respective doors.

The room you followed Sam into was obviously a little girl's room. It was gauzy and pink. Stuffed animals were stacked in the corner. You moved behind Sam to the canopy bed. There were princess drapes hiding what was inside. Getting closer, you could make out the hidden shapes of bodies.

Sam used the arm holding Ruby's knife to push the drapes Lilith lying on the bed, curled up on her mother's chest. Sam slowly made his way around the thin material, keeping his eyes glued to them. 

Your grip on his jacket relaxed a fraction when you saw the terror in the mother's eyes. Sam shifted the knife in his hand so it was in a stabbing position. As quietly and slowly as possible, he, moved closer to get a better position above the child.

The woman looked to Sam and spoke in a terrified whisper. "Do it!" 

Sam slowly raised the knife, looking down on the child Lilith had possessed. She stirred just a little in her mother's arms while she pleaded desperately, looking at you now. "Tell him to do it. Please!"

Sam was visibly shaking, looking down at looking at Lilith, trying to collect himself to stab a child. The beautiful little girl moved just a little, starting to wake up. The woman holding her was starting to panic now that the child was waking up. "Do it! Do it!"

Lilith was sitting up now. Her face still puffy with sleep, eyes barely open. The woman who'd given life to the beast next to her, pushed herself back and away from her. "Hurry! Please!"

Opening her eyes and taking in the scene around her, Lilith screamed when Sam lunged for her. Shoving you to the side, Dean grabbed Sam's arm. "It's not her!"

The little girl was back and breathing fast and heavy with fear of what was just about to happen. Ruby came into the room and stood beside you. Dean shook his head. Relieved and sad at the same time. "It's not in her anymore. Don't hurt her."

Scared and shaking she clung to the woman who begged for her death. "Mommy!"

Relived, she stroked her corn silk hair, trying to sooth her baby. "Mommy's here. Mommy's here. It's okay." She rocked the child in her arms. 

**********  
Everyone came down the staircase together. Dean leading the way, mom following behind. They baby was in your arms with her face buried into your neck. Ruby and Sam bringing up the rear. You'd explained, in hurried shorthand, where her husband was and what you needed them to do. 

"Alright, no matter what you hear. You, your husband and your daughter stay in the basement. Do you understand me?" She took her baby girl from you and nodded, understanding the severity of the situation. When you shut the basement door, she was bent over her husband's unconscious body.

"Well, I hate to say 'told you so, but-" Ruby was cut short when your went toe to toe with her. Your nose bumped hers when you leaned in even closer.

"Just stop. Can you not be a worthless bitch for one fucking minute?"

"Alright, _____." Sam had stepped between the two of you, effectively blocking from her from your view with his body. "Ruby, where is she?"

She gathered herself to her former bravado. "I don't know."

Dean was peeking out the front windows while Sam continued to question her. "Could she get past the sprinklers?"

"At her pay grade, she ain't sweating the holy water."

Sam held out his hands to the side before dropping them in surrender. "Ok, you win. What do I have to do?"

She looked at him questioningly, seeming genuinely confused.  
"What do you mean?"

"To save Dean." Sam didn't realize his brother had come up behind him. "What do you need me to do?"

Dean grabbed at his shoulder from behind, trying to turn him around. "What the hell do you think you're doing?"

Sam yanked himself out of Dean's grip, sparing him a quick look. "Just shut up for a second, Dean! Ruby!? Tell me, now."

"You had your chance, Sam. You can't just flip a switch. We needed time." Her voice was so calm it was creepy.

"Well, there's gotta be something. There's gotta be some way, whatever it is, I'll do it." 

Resting a hand on his arm, you could feel the tremble in his body. "Sam, honey..."

"Don't! I'm not gonna let you go to hell, Dean!"

"Yes, you are!" The brothers shared a long look before Dean's eyes softened and he tilted his to the side. "Yes, you are. I'm sorry, man. I mean this is all my fault, I know that. But what you're doing, it's not gonna save me. It's only gonna kill you."

Dean held his hand out to you. You wrapped your fingers in his and let him pull you to them. His smile was sad when he saw the tears on your cheeks. "Then, what am I supposed to do. Sam and I will do anything."

"Keep fighting. Take care of my wheels. Sam, remember what Dad taught you... okay? Remember what I thought you." The tears in Sam's spilled over. "And take care of our girl. _____, take care of...well, everything. Everybody. That's what you're best at, sweetheart."

You jumped when the clock struck its first chime at midnight. You reached out and caught a tear on Dean's cheek with your thumb. He leaned into your hand for a moment before stepping back from you. 

The hair on your arms stood on end when you heard the howling. Dean's face fell when he turned around to where the noise came from. Sam followed his brothers eyes, understanding that there was something there he couldn't see. A low growl permeated the room. 

Dean only said one word. It was all he needed to say. "Hellhound."

Daring to turn away from the spot they were staring into, you looked back to Ruby. You knew she could see it when her face fell. Even though you couldn't see it, the sound of claws on wood couldn't be mistaken. 

Shoving you in front of him, Dean bolted out of the room, followed by the others. The hellhound had to be right behind you. Finding another room, Sam slammed the door and you could hear the solid form of something hit it. 

Dean took out a bag filled with what he told you was goofer dust, some kind of hellhound repellant and dumped lines upfront of the door and across the windowsills. Sam and Ruby stood with their backs against the door, holding it shut while the hellhound pounded to get in. 

The pounding suddenly stopped and for a second, everything was quiet. Dean silently held a hand out in your direction, instructing you to stay in the corner you cowered in. 

Ruby spoke to Sam with the same tired line she'd been spouting all night. "Give me the knife, maybe I can fight it off."

Sam looked at her, utterly confused. "What!?"

She clenched her fists and stomped her foot in a tantrum. "Come on! That dust isn't going to last forever."

After hesitating Sam took the knife from his jacket, holding it out to Ruby. Just in time, he snatched it back when he heard Dean call out. "Wait! Sam, that's not Ruby. It's not Ruby!"

Maybe it was fear clouding his reality, but it was the same whore who'd been driving you bat shit for months. In unison, you and Sam were slammed into the walls behind you. Your feet hung inches from the floor. The pressure on your chest felt like a giant hand. You heard the knife hit the floor, but when you tried to see where it went, you couldn't even turn your head. 

Your heart pounded in your ears. You couldn't be more helpless. You caught Sam's eyes from across the room. The look on his face told you he felt the same. With a flick of her hand Ruby sent Dean flying backwards. He landed on a table, sprawled on his back. He was able to lift his head and stare down his body at Ruby. "How long you been in her?"

Ruby's entire facial expression changed and became childlike. Lilith has taken over the body Ruby possessed. The beast was right here, in the room with you. "Not long." Looking down her body like it was a party dress, she kept running her vile mouth. "But I like it. It's all grown up and pretty." She looked back up at Dean again, her eyes slowly rolling back in her head, turning a filmy white. 

Sam called out to her, trying to buy time that wasn't there. "And where's Ruby?"

Her eyes turned back to normal she didn't look away from Dean when she answered Sam. "She was a very bad girl, so I sent her far, far away." She tilted her head with every step and with every tilt her neck cracked. Like she was still trying to fit into her new vessel. 

"You know, I should have seen it before... but you all look alike to me." 

After a beat she snapped her head Sam, before approaching him slowly. "Hello, Sam. I've wanted to meet you for a very long time." 

She grabbed hold of his chin, forcing him to face her. He struggled against her when she kissed him. You could hear how it sizzled when their lips met. "Your lips are soft." 

Struggling against the unseen force that held you to the wall, you growled out at her. "Fucking bitch! Get your hands off him. I will tear you to fucking shreds!"

Sam was moving his head up and to the side, trying to get loose from her hand. "_____, don't."

Lilith let go of Sam, but kept her hand on him. Her fingers traced over his neck to his chest. "The Winchester Whore. I almost forgot about you. You're gonna be my entertainment when this whole thing is done. I get to watch you wallow in loneliness descending to insanity after 'your boys' are gone. Her hand dropped from Sam and she leaned forward mocking you. "All alone and nowhere to go. Poor little slut."

Sam spoke loudly, getting her attention again. "Hey! Hey, so you have me. Let _____ and my brother go."

"Silly goose. You wanna bargain, you have to have something that I want. You don't."

"So, is this your big plan, huh? Drag me to hell. Kill Sam. Mind fuck _____. And then what? Become queen bitch?"

Lilith put one hand on her hip and shook a finger at Dean, scolding him. "I don't have to answer to puppy chow."

Dean's face was twisted in effort as he struggled to get up from the table. A sadistic smile spread across Lilith's face when she suddenly moved to the door while. All three of you watched her, knowing what she was going to do. Panic and adrenaline made your vision darken around the edges. "Dean?" Your voice was hardly above a whisper, but he heard it. 

His eyes are sad and longing when he smiled at you softly. "You're gonna be OK. _____, I love you."

You nodded through your sobs and looked across the room at Sam. His lower lip quivered but he forced a smile and told you he loved you, too. Lilith ripped opened the door and called out to her pet triumphantly. "Sic 'em, boy!"

Lilith drug the toe of her boot through the dust. There was a low, guttural growl that moved around the room. You couldn't see it, but there was evil moving all around. 

Something grabbed Dean by the thigh and yanked him off the table and onto the floor. His screams were piercing when his jeans ripped away from the flesh and blood spilled onto the floor.

Sam was begging to no one specific, his voice barely heard over the growls and screams from Dean and the hellhound. Lilith giggled when the hound attacked his chest and he screamed in pain. Comic book red, arterial blood pumped and sprayed from the gashes on his chest. He turned over onto his stomach, and tried to get away. 

His eyes caught yours for a split second and you screamed at Lilith. "STOP IT! That's enough, he's GONNA die, stop hurting him!"

Lilith just watched with a little smile on her face. The hound peeled the skin away from Dean's back and shoulder. The carnage just went on and on. 

"No!" Sam watched on in horror as his hero flipped onto his back, arching up while his belly was ripped open, past the skin, fat and muscle. Organs were visible that shouldn't have been. Sam was wracked with deep sobs when he saw the attack stopped and Dean didn't move. "Oh God, please. No. Stop it." Dean was still breathing, but it was a death rattle. He wasn't screaming anymore, but he still wasn't dead. 

Lilith held out her hands, palms up and shrugged. "Almost done!" She turned her palms to Sam and suddenly white light erupted from them. It was so bright it was blinding and forced you to squeeze your eyes shut.

As quickly as it began, her white light retracted. Her eyes stayed white for a moment but slowly turned back to normal. She looked confused and shocked. 

When the light went out,  you and Sam fell to the floor. He was huddled in a corner next to a cabinet, holding his hands up in front of his face. With Ruby's back to you, you crawled silently to Dean who was somehow still breathing. Gathering his head and ravaged shoulder into your lap, thinking that would protect him, you watched Sam's exchange with Ruby continue. 

When he noticed nothing happened and the light is gone he slowly took down his hands and looked up at her. Rising to stand, he towered over her. You couldn't figure out how he was alive and from the look on her face, neither could Ruby. 

She held out a hand and looked at him, terrified. "You stay back. Stay back!" Sam squared his shoulders took a breath, walking towards her. With a determined look on his face, he bent down and picked up Ruby's knife. Lilith looked very afraid of him now. Sam just looked determined and hateful. 

"I don't think so, bitch." He pulled back his hand, and made to stab her, but she threw back her head and screamed, black smoke pouring out and up to the ceiling. When Lilith was gone Ruby's body collapsed. 

Sam rushed to your side and fell, on his knees to the floor. "Dean? You're gonna be alright. Just hold on."

"No, he's not, Sammy. He's gone. Dean's dead." Sam looked at you and his face positively crumbled.Your face fell to Dean's chest, tears mixing with the tacky, thick blood. Sam wrapped his strong arms around you and collapsed against your back. Both of you held Dean and cried until you heard Bobby speak quietly from the door.

"Oh , Jesus. No."


	14. When Three Become Two

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sorry. Nah. I'm not.

Sam tried to tell Bobby what had happened through his tears. You heard slivers of their words and they sounded like you were underwater. 

"...couldn't stop it..." 

"I tried, Sam. I thought I wou-"

"...he screamed and screamed..."

"Is she OK?"

"...but she won't let him go"

There was blood on Dean's face that wouldn't wipe away. It had dried quickly when it sprayed from his chest. He was still cradled in your lap, one arm around his neck and the other on his belly. When the hound had eviscerated him, it left you holding his insides from falling onto the floor. Rocking his body slowly, you hummed the song he'd liked so much.

The hand on your shoulder scared you enough to fold your body over Dean's protectively. Bobby's voice was low and soothing. "_____? We should go. C'mon. Sam will carry Dean."

"Bobby? Dean's dead. She killed him. That means he's in hell now. I don't want him to be in hell. He doesn't deserve - he's a good man, Bobby. I don't want him to be dead. I love him, Bobby. I said it. I told him I loved him and he still died."

"I know. And he loved you, too. But we gotta go. Let Sam take him now." 

Sam was on his knees on the other side of the body. His face was puffy and tear stained, but his eyes were locked on yours, silently pleading with you to let Dean go. 

"Sam, honey? You have to keep your hand right here. On his belly. Cause it's bad, OK? And stuff fell out. But I put I put it back in. But I don't wanna do that again, OK? Hold him right, Sammy." 

"I know, baby. Bobby's gonna help you stand. We're all gonna walk out together."

"Put him in my truck. He wouldn't want to make a mess in Baby. Put him the back of my truck. I'll ride with him so he's not alone back there. Bobby, you can drive my truck, right? Sam, you drive Baby. OK? 'Cause I have to ride with Dean. I have to keep him company."

Sam cradled Dean's limp body in his arms but looked at Bobby before leaving the room. He tilted his head in your direction before he said anything. "Bobby? What's going on?"

"She's in shock, son. I'll put blankets back there. She'll be OK." Bobby's arm was around your shoulder as he led you out of the room. 

**********

Bobby and Sam had laid sleeping bags down in Waylon's bed. You were propped up against the side with Dean in your lap again. The guys had said something about driving through the night, but you didn't pay enough attention to know where you were going. Not until Sam sat you in the grass with Dean's stiff body next to you, did you realize what was happening.

"Sammy, where did Bobby go with my truck?" He didn't look your way, just walked to Baby's trunk and took out a shovel. That was enough to bring your senses a little more into focus. "Sam, honey, what are you doing? He's a hunter, and hunters get-"

"No, I'm not burning him. He's gonna need a body."

"Sam. He said no. We can't."

"It's decided, _____. Bobby's back. He's got the coffin. We're doing this."

**********

The grave had been dug. The men approached to take Dean's body from you. Hours had passed and rigor had come and gone. Bobby moved to take him, but your arms only tightened around the man you'd loved and lost in less than a day. 

"Is time, darlin'. You gotta give him to us."

"Bobby, it's not what he wanted. It's not what he's earned. Don't do this, please!"

"It's not up to me. Sam's played the trump card. He's the next of kin."

You glowered past Bobby to Sam who was approaching slowly. They picked Dean up and laid him carefully in the plain pine box Bobby had picked up. Carefully, they lowered him into the ground. With your face on your knees, you tried so hard not to watch, but the sound of earth hitting wood pulled your gaze back to the grave site. Before they were done, you'd climbed into the passenger seat of your truck and passed out.

**********

Sam's hand was on your face, brushing the hair away from your eyes. His voice was low and soft, like he was speaking to a child. "_____, wake up. We're at Bobby's. Let's go inside."

You nodded without opening your eyes. Taking your hands, Sam helped you climb out of the truck. Your feet felt like they were in quicksand with each step. You were so tired! Your whole body ached and your brain felt like oatmeal. Mostly on autopilot, but with Sam's help, you climbed the stairs to Bobby's door. "We're gonna get you cleaned up. You gotta eat something then you can do whatever you want. I promise. I'll take care of you."

"OK, Sammy. Cause you promised you would, but you have to let me take care of you, too."

"I will, baby. We can take care of each other."

Sam guided you to the bedroom with the attached bathroom. It was Bobby's room, but it's where he'd insisted you stay. It was downstairs and more comfortable. Sam started pulling away your dirty clothes. They were stiff in places from the blood that covered you. Even your bra and underpants were ruined. Sam stuffed everything into a garbage bag quickly, not wanting to see his brother's blood caked on your jeans and the shirt. You stood nude and unashamed in the middle of the room while Sam stripped too. Just as quickly he stashed his clothes with yours.

He led you to the bathroom and started the shower. While the water warmed up, you stared at yourself in the mirror. From your waist to your shoulders, your skin was patchy with brownish red that was flaking away. There were streaks on your neck and the side of your face was fully covered with your hair glued into place. 

Sam turned you to him and grabbed your face between his hands, forcing you to look away from the mirror. "Hey, hey. Look at me. You alright?"

You felt tears burning the back of your nose and your throat tightened, making your voice crack. "Sam, get him off me. I don't want to see...he's in my hair, Sam." He shushed you softly and helped you stand under the water. As soon as the warm stream hit your hair, the copper penny smell of blood filled the steam swirling around you. 

Sam used way too much shampoo, but gently rubbed the lather into your scalp. He tilted your head back, letting the water rinse over your head. "I'm gonna put the conditioner in while we wash the rest of you, OK? That's what you do. Right?"

It took all of your energy to nod. Your eyes were so heavy, you had to fight to keep them open. Sam must have poured half the bottle of conditioner into his hands before working it through the tangles in your hair. When he scrubbed your back, your head fell forward. Mesmerized, you watched the pink water and blood mix before swirling down the drain. 

After towelling you off, Sam held a clean pair of panties out for you to step into. Not willing to fight the exhaustion, you let him dress you in one of his shirts. It fell to mid-thigh and was modest enough to wear into the kitchen.

You stood, staring blankly into the fridge. Nothing looked good and you really didn't want to eat anyway. Bobby came into the kitchen and spoke your name before touching you. "_____? How about some toast? Just something small. With peanut butter? That's your favorite right?"

"Yeah, Bobby. That'll be fine." You sat in the chair he gestured to and waited patiently. Sam appeared at your side with a metal nail file. He made to take your hands, but you balled them into fists and shook you head tightly. "Not yet, Sam. Just leave it." Knowing it was no good to argue when you were like this, he patted your knee and turned away. 

Bobby set the toast in front of you, but you simply stared down at it. He sat in the chair next to yours and tucked some wet hair behind your ear. "Just take a couple bites would ya? Then I'll leave you alone. Just a couple. Please, kid."

Picking up a piece and taking a bite, you tried not to gag on the mouthful as you choked it down. Bobby looked pleased and encouraged you to take another. You shook your head and called out for Sam. He came into the kitchen, sniffing and wiping at his eyes. "I'm here, baby. What do you need me to do?"

"I'd like to lay down now. Would you help me, please? Bobby? Thank you for the toast. I'm sorry I couldn't eat more."

Bobby nodded sadly and stood from the table. He reached up and clapped Sam on the shoulder as he left the room and headed upstairs to one of the smaller bedrooms. Sam held out a hand and helped you from the table. Once you were standing you wrapped your arms around his waist and buried your face in his chest. "Sam, I'm sorry I yelled at you. I had no right."

He pulled you closer and rested his chin on the top of your head. "Yes you did...do. You love him too. It's not going to be easy on any of us. Let's get you to bed. We're all tired."

**********

Standing in the middle of the room, watching Sam turn down the bed, you felt every last emotion you had slip away. Everything you'd been feeling just under the surface was gone. Chalking it up to exhaustion, you felt robotic and numb. When Sam held his hand out to you, you walked towards the bed. He pulled off the flannel pants he'd put after the shower and slid into bed behind you in his boxers and the shirt. He curled up behind you and let you use his arm as a pillow. The last thing you remembered was staring at the wall and feeling Sam cry himself to sleep behind you.

**********

When you woke up it was hot. Like, stupid hot. Sam's heart was beating steadily in his chest under your cheek. His heavy arm was draped around you, making the heat even worse. When you stretched, he pulled tighter but let you turn in his arm. Eyes still closed, you reached out to touch Dean, but gripped empty sheets instead.

And then you remembered. He was gone. You'd held his dead body. You'd put the ropes of intestine back in his belly. You'd ridden with his stiff body to the grave site. The grave that Sam had dug. Where youd said goodbye to half of your Winchesters. 

Moaning loudly, your body curled in on itself. The spasms of your sobs must have woke Sam up, because he was clinging to you, desperately trying to soothe you. "Baby? C'mon, _____. Talk to me. You OK?"

"I forgot, Sam. I forgot and I reached for him. Then I remembered. Honey, please...I need...can you..."

Sam rolled you on your back and cupped your face. "Tell me. What do you need? Anything." Wrapping your arms over his shoulders and pulling yourself up, you kissed him desperately. When he didn't respond, you fisted a hand in his hair and whispered against his mouth. 

"I need to feel something. Make me feel, Sam." With a groan he took control, nudging your legs apart and settling between them. You let go of him long enough to pull your shirt over your head. Before you could toss it to the side, his mouth was on your neck biting and licking his way to the space between your breasts. 

Arching up into him and sliding a hand under his boxers to squeeze his ass brought a growl and a frenzied reaction. Raising to one knee, he pushed his shorts down past his hips and ripped his shirt over his head. You both stopped and panted for a moment before he raised his eyebrows, asking if you were sure. 

When you bit your bottom lip and nodded he flipped you onto your stomach. In what seemed to be one motion, he yanked your panties off and lost his boxers in the process. He straddled you with his knees on either side of yours. When he wrapped his fingers around your hips and pulled your ass back to him, you looked over your shoulder and gasped. There was a feral look in his eyes you hadn't seen before.

Sam licked his fingers and ran them between your folds. With your legs firmly together and your hips canted just so, your pussy was hidden and exposed all at the same time. The sensation was totally different from anything you'd felt before. He groaned when wetness spilled out of you and over his hand. "Sam? Honey, please. Let me feel..."

"Yeah. I know. I need it too." Feeling the blunt tip of his cock line up to enter you, you braced yourself, but were in no way prepared for what was coming. At the same moment he pushed into you, he slammed you back against him. Without any hesitation Sam started a merciless pace. Every time he rammed into you, your lips pressed against your clit. 

Quick staccato grunts fell from Sam's mouth when his head fell back. One at a time, his hands left your hips and clawed into your shoulders. He pulled you back even harder against him. The angle was amazing and you lost yourself in the feeling. It wasn't enough to get you off, but holy hell it felt good. 

The sense of fullness was gone seconds before you felt his length slide between your cheeks, registering that he'd pulled out when you felt hot wetness hit you between your shoulder blades. Sam literally lifted you and tossed you on your back. Laying on his belly he pulled your legs over his shoulders and locked them in place with his huge hands. 

His mouth pleasured you with the same determination he had fucked you with. Sucking and licking. Biting and kissing. Without warning, he plunged two fingers into you, simultaneously stroking that firm patch of skin he was always able to find on the first try and pulling your overstimulated nub into his mouth and flicking it with the tip of his tongue. 

Your orgasm slammed into you before you realized it was even close. Your thighs clenched shut against his head and your body curled, stomach muscles tight. "Jesus Fucking Christ, Sam!" With fingers interlaced on the back of his head your hips ground against his face. The rush of wetness that gushed out of you took Sam by surprise, but the muffled sounds he made told you he liked it. 

When the warmth rolling over you started to abade, you fell back against the mattress gasping for breath. "Hey, Sam? Did you make me...well..should you have worn a snorkel, buddy?"

He chuckled as she nipped his way up your body before rolling onto his back next to you. "Nah. Than I wouldn't have tasted it. C'mon let's get cleaned up, we're gonna have to wash Bobby's sheets." 

**********

Standing at the bathroom sink, Sam was washing your back with a warm cloth. You'd made quick work of the mess between your legs already and looked into mirror, focusing on his face behind you. "Sammy, honey? You alright?"

His eyes flicked to your reflected face and you saw guilt and sadness staring back at you. He shrugged slightly and went back to the spot on your back that you were sure was clean now. "I dunno. I mean, it seemed right at the moment, ya know? But what kinda weirdos fuck right after they've lost someone like that?"

"Normal human weirdos. Don't over think it, OK? We connected. It's what we needed. Google it later if you really need to, but it's what people do."

He nodded quickly and suddenly tossed the rag into the sink. He turned, without a word, and went to the bedroom to pull on his comfy pants again. After pulling a shirt over his head, he walked out, not sparing you a glance before he shut the door.


	15. When Two Become One

After Sam left you alone in the room, it was too frickin' quiet. You swore you could hear Dean's breathing near the corners. The bag of bloodied clothes were still by the door. Part of him was in that bag. You hurried out the door and down the stairs before you could do anything stupid.

Bobby was sitting at the kitchen table, one hand toying with an empty glass that sat next to an unopened bottle of whiskey. Giving his shoulder a squeeze on your way to the coffee pot, you felt him pull out of his thoughts and heard him clear his throat. "Mornin' kid."

"Hey, old man. You having a deep meaningful conversation with that bottle? Cause, if you don't open it, I will."

He huffed a laugh and scratched at his beard. "Well, it's nine in the morning. Isn't there a rule that says we should at least wait till noon?"

After setting a cup of coffee for each of you on the table, you held up an empty rocks glass and looked over the top of it at him. "Fuck the rules, Bobby. I need to drink. A lot."

**********  
By ten-thirty the bottle was half empty. Bobby had gotten looser, but you were approaching sloppy drunk. With your chin on your fist, you were lost in Bobby's stories of the boys growing up. "Sam used to be short and chubby. When he grew, it looked like he just stretched. And the boy was a bottomless pit! Healthy crap, but still."

"Has he always been so sensitive? His heart always seems to be on his sleeve."

Bobby looked down at the table and shook his head. "He used to be really closed off. Just quiet, ya know? John seemed hell bent on protecting him. Not exposing him to the same things he insisted Dean did. All it did was make Sam resent everything John and Dean stood for. Then, when he was old enough and went off to make something of himself, John got pissed. All of a sudden, he wanted Sam to be a part of things."

"If you have questions you can just ask me, _____. You don't need to sneak around and ask Bobby." Sam's voice startled you. Even though he was addressing you directly, his voice seemed disengaged. He poured himself a cup of coffee and turned to you, leaning against the counter. He took in the whiskey and glasses on the table and rolled his eyes.

"What, honey? If you got somethin' to say, just' say it." You hadn't realized how drunk you were till you spoke. Your tongue felt too big for your face and your lips stuck to your teeth a little. 

"Kinda early to get bombed don't you think? Bobby? What the hell."

"Sam, this isn't something we are going to discuss right now. The situation sucks and everyone deals with it different, boy. Don't stand there and judge us."

"What about you? You planning on drinking all of your meals today, _____?"

Looking up at him as indignantly as you could muster, you tried to focus. "Maybe...I haven't decided yet. This is tasty though. Might just fit my needs." Looking to Bobby and rolling your eyes, he filled your glass again.

Sam crossed the kitchen in two steps and hauled you up by your arm. "You and I need to talk." He led you out to the porch and spun you away from the door. "What the fuck are you doing?"

"Sam, it's pretty simple. I am sharing a few drinks and reminiscing with Bobby. I'm more than a little drunk and will probably stay that way all day. Honey, what's going on? This morning everything was fine. Well, fine-ish. Then I hang out with Bobby and drink while we remember good times with Dean-"

"That's enough!" His eyes were wet with fresh tears and he looked everywhere but at you.

"Is that it? Jesus, Sam. Are you just gonna try and forget him right away? Pretend he never existed? 'Cause I won't. I refuse. I won't ever forget him. Sammy, you know I love you. Don't do this, please. Mourn with us. Remember good things with us. Okay?" His tears were falling now and they seemed to encourage yours. "I'm not going to be mad about however you're feeling right now, but you can't judge us either."

"Are you really gonna be drunk all day?"

"Dunno. But it sounds like a delightful idea. Although, right now I can't decide if I need to puke or pass out. You and Bobby should make a friendly wager." There was a tiny smile tugged at the side of his mouth, almost popping that dimple, but not quite. "I am, however, going to take that bottle to bed with me. Wanna join?"

"Yeah, I'll hold your hair if you'll hold mine."

"Why, Sam Winchester, is that a joke? C'mon, let's go.

**********  
Laying in bed in just underwear and a tank, you let the cool air from the fan wash over your sweaty body. The alcohol you'd been steadily pouring into yourself did nothing for the heat. Sam was helping to finish it off and it had gotten him talking.

"So, what do you think we should do now, _____? I'm kinda lost, ya know?"

"We really shoulda planned this out better. It's not like we didn't know it was coming. Wanna just travel? Maybe get a place for a few months? I dunno. I don't wanna leave Bobby right now, Sam. He's not processing much. I caught him staring at a wall when I went to the kitchen."

Sam didn't answer you, he just played with the bottle in his hand. "I don't know if I can do this."

"Do what, honey?" Your whiskey soaked brain took a minute to catch up, but when it did your stomach dropped and your heart pounded.

"Us. Me and you. Without Dean. Every time I look at you, hear your voice, touch you, shit even smell you. All I can think about is him."

"Sammy? It hasn't even been 48 hours yet. You can't be serious. You don't think you remind me of him?! But, it's comforting to me right now. Look, I'll sleep in another room. I'll give you space. Don't make this decision right now. We promised each other and we promised him. I love you. You said you loved me."

"Yeah, and I do. But, I didn't think this would actually happen. I thought I'd be able to stop it. My brother's in hell and you want to go on like everything is normal? Do even comprehend how fucked up that is?!"

His words stung like a slap to the face. The sudden pounding of your heart made your head swim and a wave of nausea washed over you. You wanted to answer him, to shake the fuck out of him until he listened, but the bile rising to the back of your throat made you leap past him off the bed and run into the bathroom. Your stomach felt like it was turning inside out when you puked in the toilet. Your eyes watered when the acidic smell of booze hit your nose, causing you to heave again. Your legs gave out and your knees cracked against the cold tile of the floor. Resting your cheek on the side of the bowl, you reached up and flushed. Calling out for Sam just made you dry heave. The last thing you remember was the edges of your vision going black.

**********

Your body was stiff and sore and your throat was dry and raw. When you rose to your knees to lift yourself off the tile floor, you hissed at the pain there. Pulling yourself up using the counter, you were met with your reflection in the mirror. Dark circles were under your eyes and there was something that looked suspiciously like dried vomit on your cheek. Turning on the faucet and cupping the cool water, you rinsed your face and rinsed out your mouth. Running your fingers through your matted hair, you turned to go back to the bedroom and finish what you started with Sam Asshole Winchester.

"You know what, Jerk Face? We need to learn to talk to each other like grown ass peop-" Sam wasn't in the bedroom. The room looked like it had been tossed and it seemed his stuff was gone. Opening the door, you called to him out in the hall. "Sam! Did you seriously move rooms? Sam? Goddammit, Sam!"

Bobby appeared in the doorway and averted his eyes quickly when he saw your state of dress. "I don't want to have to tell you this. I'm more than a little pissed of that I do. He left."

The sentences didn't make sense and you tried desperately tried to process what he'd just said. "Wait, he left? Like to the store? Bobby, tell me what he said." Bobby handed you a folded piece of paper and walked away. You closed the door behind him and sat on the edge of the bed. After reading the note, you laid down and covered your face with your hands. Two lines. He did it with two lines.

'I can't.  
I'm taking the Impala.'

**********

The next couple of days were spent trying to avoid conversation with Bobby until you'd formulated a plan. You took him out to dinner in town. There was a little place that was owned by a lady you coulda swore he was sweet on.

"Ok, old man. Let's talk. I'd really like to include you in my plans. Those damn boys introduced me to the most loveable, meanest old coot ever. I dig ya, Bobby"

Bobby smiled up at the waitress that brought his steak dinner down in front of him. It had been a while since he had put on a nice shirt to go out and eat. "Ok, kiddo. What's the plan. I ain't looking to get married again, so that can't be it."

Giggling, you dug into your own dish. "Bobby, a girl like me couldn't keep up with a man like you. But here's the thing, I love this life. The guys showed me how much of a family it is. I dig that. I have knowledge and skills that will benefit others in the network. You've given me the underground connections for medications and supplies. I can help injured hunters. They come to you for research. Why not me for medical care. What do you think?"

Bobby didn't answer right away. He appeared to be concentrating very hard on his baked potato, but you knew what he was thinking about. Bobby liked this all alone thing he was doing. But there was a time he had companionship there, and it wasn't so bad. "How we supposed to set it up? I've got enough shit strewn all over the damn place."

"Yeah you do. I can set up in the basement. There's storage room down there. I can set up a semi clean work area. I think it could work. How about you?"

"Ok, but can you help me organize my crap? All the lore books and stuff."

"Yes. If you help me sell my truck. I don't want it anymore."

"Your truck?! You wanna sell Waylon. What's up with that."

"I just need to shed some stuff. Remind me it's just me now. Besides I've always wanted a motorcycle." Bobby about choked on his steak and looked at you in shock. "I know. I know. I seem so straight laced and innocent. Robert Singer, don't you look at me like that. You don't know me."

"Well, I do know that you have compassion for people and you're looking for an outlet. So, that I understand. It makes sense to me. What kind of ride you looking for?"

"Harley Davidson Heritage Softail. Wanted one since I was a kid. Just screams badass."

Bobby narrowed his eyes and grinned. "So you have aspirations to be a badass, motorcycle riding, hunter nurse woman. Guess we can throw it at the wall and see if it sticks. I've got a couple ideas on selling off the truck. I know a few guys who ride, we can put some feelers out. I'll help with the room. Get you set up. You're gonna have to cook to earn your keep though."

You raised your wine glass and clinked it to his beer bottle. "To our joint venture."

**********  
While Bobby's biker friends taught you to ride, he worked on selling the truck. Once you got your mc classification and your truck was sold, you bought your girl. She was beautiful! Turquoise and cream with black leather saddle bags. The guys in the club bought you your leathers and called it your rebirth gift. Your skull cap helmet was the same turquoise as your girl. And that was her name, Your Girl. 

Using an old Chevy Nomad, Bobby gathered the wood for storage shelves and build them into the walls of the basement. A couple cots and a restored barbers chair rounded out your clinic. Hunters trickled in, but once the word got out, there was a steady stream of injuries to tend to. After a particularly gnarly lac to a forearm, you were standing out back, burning the bio hazard in a barrel. The young man had been scared shirtless of the stitches, but powered through it. He was so young! Maybe 22 or 23 tops.

"So. Umm. Guess I was a big ole pussy, huh? Biggest whiner ever probably." He was shy and stared down into the fire when he spoke. 

"Nah. You weren't that bad. It's OK to be scared. I'm not gonna judge."

"You and Bobby seem really close. Never heard of him taking orders from anyone. You say jump he apologizes for not doing it sooner."

The waves of heat coming off the flames did nothing for the hot, stale summer air. "Meh. It's a mutual respect thing. We've been through some shit together. Helped each other come out the other side."

"Like the stuff with the Winchesters?" Your jaw clenched and you tried to not let the boy see how raw your nerves still were. "That's you right? The Winchester's girl? You're kinda famous with the network. They say you watched Dean die that night. Say that Sam dumped you here and went off the rails."

"They said that? Wow, bunch of chickens in a hen house aren't they?" You put the lid over the barrel to smother the flames, not wanting to expose the emotion on your face by firelight. "Keep the bandage on overnight. Keep it clean and take the stitches out in ten days." 

Your heart ached when you walked back to the house. Your pain shouldn't be fodder for idle chit chat among a bunch of gossiping bitches. When the screen door slammed behind you, you called out to let Bobby know you were turning in and not to wake you unless someone was dying.

 

**********

Late in the summer, everyday started exactly the same. You and Bobby trying to not speak because of hangovers that never really went away. Drunk equaled numb. Everyday you woke up, thinking that your heart would be a little less broken. That maybe, just maybe, you could breathe that day. But it didn't happen. It never came. Somehow you had gotten really good at getting showered and dressed without ever looking in the mirror. Simple ponies and messy buns made up your hairstyles. Tee shirts and jeans could never clash. And make-up? Fuck that. 

Bobby joined you in the living room where you were outfitting your saddlebags to carry med supplies on one side and weapons on the other. When you rode, your 9mm was in a shoulder holster and your buck knife sat sheathed on the fuel tank. Extra rounds of ammo and a sawed off shotgun were in the leather case on your right along with silver knives, holy water and a book of Latin incantations that had been written out phonetically. 

"Hey! You made it work, girlie! Nicely done."

Beaming with pride, you lifted your chin at him. "Thank you, Professor Singer! You have taught me well." He pressed a kiss to your cheek and made his way to the fridge. 

"Is there any room in those for groceries? We need food and I don't want to go anywhere."

"Nope. This bike is completely non functional for everyday life. My Girl is only good for fixin' cuts and kickin' butts. And making me look extremely hot."

"Ya know, there's just somethings I just don't need a description for. You're like my kid. You're never hot. Pain in my ass, for sure. But never hot. Look, I'll be back in a couple hours. Want anything?"

"You know what I like, Bobby. Surprise me."

**********  
The sun was directly overhead when you were reattaching the bags to the rear fender of the bike. The bandanna around your head was wet and stained with salt from your sweat. Rivulets flowed down your back and between your breasts. It was so fucking hot it took a minute to realize the ringing you heard was the phone inside and not just in your ears. 

You jogged into the kitchen and grabbed the phone off the wall. It was probably Bobby calling to ask the difference between Italian sausage and kielbasa was. Breathlessly answering the phone, you leaned back against the wall.

"Yeah."

"_____? Is that you?"

There was a painful familiarity to the voice that stopped your heart. "Who is this?"

"Baby, it's me. It's Dean."

The bottom dropped out of your stomach and you hung the phone up and pulled your hand away like it was venomous. There was no way. Seriously no fucking way that was him. Could be demons, or some drunken hunter you'd pissed of by turning down their invitation of a "roll in the hay". But there was no way that was Dean. A scream escaped you and you flinched as the phone rang again. Your shaking hand brought the receiver to your ear, but you couldn't speak. There was a beat of silence before you heard anything again.

"Don't hang up, _____! Please. It's really me."

You took a deep breath and failed at sounding as strong as you'd hoped. "If you ever call this number again, I will find you and kill you." Slamming the phone down and grabbing your keys and helmet, you ran out the door not knowing where you were going. All you knew was you were going to get there fast.

**********  
If there was one thing that was good about living in the sticks, it was the beauty of a long drive. The vibration of the engine between your legs drew your attention away from the bullshit going on in your brain and let you focus on the road. Everything in your peripherals was a blur. Leaning into the curves and letting your body direct the bike without really trying always made you feel weightless. When you saw a clearing to your right, you downshifted and pulled over. Taking off your helmet and inhaling the sweet, pure scent of the forest, you reclined back and let your boots rest on the handlebars. 

You'd shoved down emotions and hurt feelings when it came to Sam and Dean. But with that voice in your ear today, every one of them was threatening to come back to the surface. You weren't even that mad at Sam anymore. Yeah, he'd hurt you. If you were honest with yourself, and you rarely were, you wished he would call and give you the opportunity to tell him it was ok and you understood why he'd left. Dean though. Him, you never stopped mourning. There would never be a chance for you to say anything to him ever again. Sam left. Dean died. That was the difference. And whoever called must have known that. They'd wanted to hurt you. And they had succeeded. 

You knew you owed it to Bobby to get back and tell him what happened. They might call again and he didn't want to relive it anymore than you had. After squatting behind a bush to pee, you got back on the bike and headed back to the junkyard. This wasn't a conversation you were looking forward to, but it had to be done.

**********  
Because it hadn't rained in awhile, there was a cloud of dust that followed behind you as you pulled up to Bobby's. He'd built a lean too for Your Girl and that's where you parked her for now. She'd been out in the sun the last couple days and really needed the leather treated. There was still enough sun in the sky to grab the mink oil and give her the spa treatment. But first, Bobby. Hopefully they hadn't called back after you'd left. Should have ripped the fucking phone off the wall.

"Bobby! Come get a cold beer. I have some work in the yard, but I gotta talk to you first. Did you start dinner yet?" He hadn't answered when you called out so you turned to yell for him again. He startled you when you almost walked smack into him. "Shit, Bobby! You scared the fuck out of me. Why didn't you answer?" The old man shifted foot to foot and actually wrung his hands with worry. Dammit, they'd called and now he was freaking out. "Sweetheart, you look like a little kid who got caught taking the altar wine. Talk to me."

He shook his head ever so slightly and opened his mouth to speak a couple times before anything actually came out. "Promise not to freak out on me, ok? Whatever I say, you gotta give it a chance. No matter how crazy it sounds."

Leaning against the counter, you uncapped the beer and nodded at him. "I'll do my best. Talk to me, Bobby. What's going on?"

"Well, I got home from the store and I was putting food away in the kitchen. There was a knock at the door and I answered it. And I about shit my pants."

"Ok. I'll bite. Who was there?"

"You gotta promise not to get crazy. Cause I know you're gonna think I finally lost it."

"...Bobby. You're scaring me."

"See? And that right there, that's not what I want to do. I just really don't know how to tell you this."

"Goddammit, Bobby!"

He furrowed his brows and seemed to be searching for words on the cabinet over your head when you saw a shadow pass in the entryway of the kitchen. When your eyes focused over his shoulder, the most unbelievable green eyes smiled at you. "Hey, _____. You look good."


	16. How Could It Even Be?

Trying to move very slowly and not take your eyes off of the man in the doorway, you tilted your head back to Bobby. "Is this what you wanted to tell me? Cause, this isn't...you can't just...what if....Bobby?"

"I know. I know. I didn't believe it either. But I tested him for everything. It's really him."

Your breath was coming in irregular gasps and your whole body was vibrating. "You're sure?" 

"I'd bet your life on it. He'd be dead already if I wasn't sure." 

There was no way. You'd seen him die. You held him in your arms while his soul was checked into hell. But here he was. Alive and whole. "Dean? Say something, honey."

"I missed you. Come here so I can touch you."

With feet feeling like lead, it seemed like it took forever to cross the kitchen. Dean reached his hand out and you took it, letting him pull you to him. Those were his eyes. Those were his freckles. His slightly pointed ears that always reminded you of an elf. Then he did it. He ran his tongue over his bottom lip and smiled. A black veil you didn't know had been wrapped around your heart lifted and you hugged him. Sighing his name over and over again. You were vaguely aware of the clomping sound of Bobby's boots leaving the room.

"Dean, honey? What happened!? When - how are you even - do you remember anything?"

"I remember dying and I remember waking up. Hey, uh - I'm really sorry I scared you when I called."

"Damn right you scared me! Voices from the grave and all that. Baby Jesus on a roller coaster, how are you here?"

"I'll tell you what I remember. But, I really wanna take a shower. Smell like I've been in a grave for four months. Come sit and keep me company? I've had my fill of being alone."

**********  
You led him through the house to the bedroom you'd occupied, alone, for months. You were only slightly aware that you didn't see Bobby anywhere and realized he'd probably left to give you two some privacy. Dean sat on the corner of the mattress and took his boots off. Going to the dresser, you pulled out some clothes of his that you couldn't bring yourself to get rid of. "There's only fruity stuff in the shower. Ya know. Just me and all."

"Yeah, Bobby said something about Sam leaving. That pisses me off. He promised he'd take care of you."

"Well, he couldn't take care of me if he couldn't take care of himself. I did alright. I worry about him though. I've heard rumors. Even tried to find him. But he didn't seem to wanna be found." He pulled his shirt off over his head and his back looked like a baby's butt. "Dean, what's wrong with your skin?"

He looked down at his naked torso and half smiled back at you. "I know, right? Every scar is gone. Trick knee seems to be fine. Tattoo's still here. But this is the weird thing." He turned his body so his left shoulder faced you. There was a swollen, angry, red hand print on his deltoid. Like something stood in front of him and grabbed him by the arm.

"Oh my god! Dean, it looks like a brand. Does it hurt?" Your fingers traced over the raised edges of the skin.

"Doesn't feel good, if that's what you mean. It's, uh, tender I guess. Anyway. So, the shower?"

You forced your eyes away from his arm and blinked several times. "Oh, yeah. Go ahead. I'll bring in a towel for you. I'll be, uh - I guess - shit. Dean, this is weird."

"Yeah. I noticed that. I'm gonna go on and get in the shower. If you want to, well. Only if you want to, ok?" There was nothing that you wanted more and nothing you were more afraid of. You hadn't been touched since that morning with Sam. And it wasn't really an affection thing, but more of a coping mechanism. Dean took a half step closer to you and brushed your hair back from your forehead. Looking up at him through your lashes, you chewed at the inside of your cheek and tried to look confident. "Do you? Um, want to? You know, cause you could just wait here I won't be mad or any-"

Pressing your chest to his and pulling his neck down, you kissed him like he just returned from war. After the initial shock he relaxed into the kiss and let you take the reigns. One hand held the back of his neck, while the other traced soft circles over the muscles of his back. Dean reached up and pulled the rubber band from your hair, shaking it out around your shoulders and tangling his fingers there. "_____?" All he got from you was a grunt and it made him chuckle against your mouth. "Baby. C'mon. We stink."

Pulling your face away, you gave him a shy nod. "Why am I nervous all of a sudden?" 

"Because you missed me. And being my first sexual experience after I'm back from hell has a lot of pressure. Up for the challenge?"

"Sure, honey. I have a minute or two to spare." He stooped and lifted you over his shoulder, carrying you to the shower.

"Still got a smart mouth on you, I see. Gonna have to find a way to occupy it." He cracked his palm across your ass cheek and laughed as you kicked your feet. As if you'd even try to get away from him right now. 

**********

Everything was frantic at first. Clothes being torn away, hungry kisses and wanton moans. Hands slid over smooth spans of skin and fingernails dug into tissue reflexively. Tongues traced and teeth nipped until you eventually made your way into the shower. The warm water brought you both back to reality and the hurried pace stalled. With a broad hand on either side of your face, Dean held you still and stared into your eyes like the answer to everything was there. "You watched it all didn't you? When that hound was chewing on me? And then, ya know, when I checked out?"

You reached up and wrapped your fingers around each of his wrists. "Yeah. I was there. I stayed with you until they covered the casket." Dean pressed his forehead to yours and closed his eyes while you counted the freckles under them.

"Why? Why did you do that?"

"Because I loved you, Dean. Even when you were dead I still loved you. And I'm even more in love with you now." He rubbed the bridge of his nose over the tip of yours. The bump from when you reset a break was gone. Running your hand over his eyebrow you found the scar from the stitches you'd given him gone. No scar on his ribs from the knife wound. The through and through gunshot trail was gone from his tricep. All gone. Scars and imperfections that you'd tried to repair and minimize had been erased. 

"Sweetheart, I'm going back to hunting, there's be plenty of memories to make and booboos to fix. I'll let you scar me up all over again. Promise." Dean turned your body so that you were under the water, but against the wall. His cock rubbed against your belly, hard and ridged. His face buried in your neck when he moved against you. He was suddenly clumsy and breathing hard. "Oh, shit. Dammit!" His back flexed and stiffened under your hands and, even through the hot water, you could feel him come against you. His head fell back and he laughed softly. "Well, that was embarrassing."

"Oh my. I guess that was your first sexual experience after all." There a flush of pink over his cheekbones that was wasn't from the hot shower. "It's ok, honey. Now that you busted your first nut since the grave, let's actually get clean and go to bed. As I remember, even though it's been a long while since I've seen one in person, virgins have amazing recovery time."

**********

After a shower that consisted more of making out than getting clean, the hot water was completely gone and you hurriedly followed him into bed. Flinging back the covers and pulling you down with him, Dean landed with a grunt and quickly tried to cover you up.

"Ya know, honey. We're still wet. We're just gonna stay cold." 

He wiped away the water that dripped off your hair and onto his face. "Naw. It's ok. We can huddle together for body warmth. C'mere." Rolling you onto your back and propping himself up on his elbows, he blocked out the setting sun coming through the windows. His face was back lit and you couldn't see his expression at all.

His lips ghosted over your jaw and up to your ear. The sound he brought out of you sounded like a purr. You pressed your head back into the pillow and bared your neck to him. His tongue was feather light over your collarbone and his damp hair tickled your cheek. The broad palm of his hand spread over your ribs under your breast. When his thumb traced the skin around your nipple, your hands gripped around his shoulders and squeezed in response. Dean hissed in pain and flinched before you realized what you'd done. "Ah shit, I'm sorry!"

"S'ok. Just try to rememb - oh fuck. I can't talk when you do - yeah, that." You'd hitched your thighs up and over his hips and used your calves to pull his pelvis against yours. Every time he tried to talk you rotated against him, letting the wetness from inside you smear over him. 

"Honey, it's an easy fix. Stop talking. Maybe, oh I don't know, 'find something else to do with your mouth'." Dean's eyes glinted in the last of the light reflecting off the wall behind your head. With his eyebrows waggling, he pulled the sheets over his head and dove under them. With tickles and love bites, he made his way down your body. Holding you down as you tried to wiggle free. 

It was a half assed attempt at best. When that giant shoulder wedged under your thigh and pushed you open to him your giggles turned into sighs. The heat of his breath was so close to your pussy. He pressed his mouth against your lips, humming when they parted under the pressure.

"Shit, Dean. Can you do that harder? Please?" His tongue was flat and soft, using just enough pressure to spread you open, he licked from your entrance to your clit. When the tip flicked at the last minute, your eyes rolled back in your head and his name fell in a sigh from your mouth. "Please. I haven't in a really long time. Please make me come, honey." The cold air shocked your eyes open when he flung back the covers and rose to his knees.

"Wait a minute. When was the last time?" 

Suddenly feeling very exposed, both physically and emotionally, you sat up and pulled yourself into his lap until your ass was on his thighs. From this angle you were able to look down at him. You could taste yourself when you kissed the dimple to the left of and above his upper lip. "Since...uh, the morning after. So, four months."

His hands that had been squeezing your ass stilled when you said that. "So, you haven't touched yourself? Not once?"

You grinned and gave a little shrug. "Hadn't wanted to, I guess. Never thought about it really." Dean pulled you down against him where your pelvic bones met and rocked against you at the same time. Lacing your fingers together behind his neck, you leaned back and leveled an evil look at him. "But, I'm thinkin' about it now." When you swivelled your hips and pinned him between you, his eyes glazed over and his jaw clenched. With inhuman speed he had you pinned under him again. His chest was plastered to yours and you could feel his heart pounding against your breasts. 

He hiked your leg up by the knee and helped you wrap it around his waist. He never looked away when he pushed into you, even though your eyes fell closed. Once he was completely inside you, he pressed his lips against your cheek bone. When your eyes opened he pulled back and rocked against you firmly and slowly. Your hands had never left his neck and you used the leverage to pull him into a kiss. His arm pushed under the small of your back and pulled you closer to him, letting him grind harder against your clit. "Oh my GOD! Dean?"

His face was buried in your neck when he nodded, unable to form words he physically let you know he was coming too. You clutched onto each other with everything you had and cried out praises peppered with filth. Coming down from that crest left your lungs burning and muscles twitching. Dean was still quivering inside you when he cradled your head and kissed you again. 

"I do love you, ya know? I didn't get a chance to show you because of the whole hell thing. But, I WILL take care of you, _____." He hummed against your mouth when you sucked his lower lip between your teeth. 

"I think I might just hold you to that. I love you too, honey." 

**********

You quietly tiptoed to the kitchen to get a glass of water for each of you. Quietly was what you were trying to do, but your evening with Dean had left you with the legs of a baby giraffe. When Bobby cleared his throat behind you, you simply wanted to crawl in a hole and die. Thankfully you had the presence of mind to throw on sweats with your tank. "Hey there, Bobby. When did you come back?"

"Doesn't matter and we are just gonna pretend it never happened. I'm gonna go to bed now. I'll be up in four hours and we can start tracking Sam. If you two rabbits wake me up I'm gonna spray you down with a garden hose." He stopped before he left the room and smiled at you. "I'm glad he came back to us...to you."

"Me to, old man. Bang on the door when you wake up, yeah? We can deal with reality then."

You grabbed a couple of beers instead of water and made your way back to the bedroom. Dean was on his back in the middle of the bed with one arm thrown over his head. The sheet was twisted around his legs and somehow covered his crotch. "Hey, baby. Like what you see?"

"Hey, Sailor. It's the best view I've seen in months. So, uh...saw Bobby in the kitchen. Couldn't have been more awkward, lemme tell ya. He's gonna sleep for a while and then he wants to track Sam down." You sat on the bed beside him with one leg drawn up. Dean rolled to his side and took one of the beers from you, sheet gloriously sliding enough to show the point where his thigh met his hip.

"Well, even though he's a big ass nugget right now, I need to find out what he did to get me out."

"Sketchy as fuck, right?! And Lilith's bitch-wave thing that she threw at him bounced right off. I didn't get a chance to ask him about it. I wasn't in a state to think about stuff and..." Your breath hitched and your lower lip quivered. The levy finally broke and all the emotion you'd stuffed down over the months came spilling over. 

"Hey. Hey, _____. I'm sorry. This was my fault. I know that. I can't take it back, but I can take you past this, ok?"

You sniffed and wiped the back of your hand against your nose. "He left a note with Bobby. A fucking note! Two lines. 'I can't' and 'I took the Impala'. And he just left. So, I climbed back into work."

"That's what Bobby told me. Even showed me your torture chamber in the basement. Did some good work for some good men from what he tells me. But I gotta know somethin'? What's with the biker mama thing? I'm not saying it ain't hot, just not something I would have suspected."

"Something I always wanted. Wasn't anyone around to talk me out of it. Turns out, I love My Girl."

"That's her name? Your Girl? Didn't know you swung that way, _____"

Taking the beer from his hand and pushing him on his back, you settled your thighs on either side of his hips. "That's cause you never asked, Winchester. If you're nice I might just let you watch one day."

**********  
The sun hadn't even come up yet and you were making the second pot of coffee of the day. The voices in the next room rose and fell in a sometimes angry banter between the men. The latest subject had Dean pretty riled up. "Why did you bury me, anyway, Bobby?"

"I wanted you salted and burned. Usual drill. But... Sam wouldn't have it."

"Well, I'm glad he won that one to be honest. I'd still be down there all guts out if you'd talked him out of it."

"He said you'd need a body when he got you back home somehow. That's about all he said."

Dean narrowed his eyes at Bobby suspiciously. "What do you mean? He gave you a note for _____ and then...."

"He was quiet. Real quiet. And then he just took off. Wouldn't return my calls. I tried to find him, but he didn't want to be found."

"Dammit, Sammy." Dean pulled you down into his lap and rested his hand on your thigh. "Oh, he got me home okay. But whatever he did, it is bad mojo."

You played with the hairs on the nape of his neck. "What makes you so sure, honey?"

"You guys should have seen the grave site. It was like a nuke went off. And then there was this... this force, this presence, I don't know, but it, it blew past me at a fill-up joint. And then this..." He pushed you forward enough to lift his sleeve and show the handprint to Bobby.

Bobby stood and rounded the desk. "What in the hell?"

"It was like a demon just yanked me out. Or rode me out."

"But why, Dean? Bobby, what can you think of?"

Bobby crossed his arms and shrugged. "To hold up their end of the bargain."

Dean's thumb was making circles in the skin of your waist. It was an absent minded action that comforted you despite the turn the conversation was taking. "You think Sam made a deal?"

"Yeah, well. It's what I would have done for him. Hand me the phone, baby. Gonna find the little fucker."

**********  
You handed your bag to Bobby, explaining it had your stuff and some of Dean's that you still had. Bobby said he didn't want you riding the bike this time, but you just shook your head and waved him off. Dean was pacing in the kitchen while he talked to the cell phone company. "Yeah, hi, I have a cell phone account with you guys, and...well, I lost my phone. I was wondering if you could turn the GPS on for me. Yeah. Name's Wedge Antilles. Social is 2-4-7-4. Thank you." He nodded to the laptop and you carried it to him. He set the laptop in his lap and went to the cell phone website.

Leaning over his shoulder, you watched him enter in the information. "Hey. How'd you know he'd use that name?"

"You kiddin' me? What don't I know about that kid?" While he waited for the information to load, he gestured around the room at the menagerie of partial and empty bottles of whiskey strewn around the room. "Hey, Guys? What's the deal with the liquor store? What, are your parents out of town or something?"

Bobby scoffed indignantly at Dean. "Like I said. Last few months ain't been all that easy."

Dean tried to catch your eye, but you were staring at the floor. It was embarrassing, to say the least. This man went to hell for 4 months and you and Bobby acted like it was an open bar as a shotgun wedding. Before Dean could say anything, the laptop beeped; the display showed a city map with a blue arrow pointing to a star. Even better, there was an address displayed. 

Phone Location:  
263 Adams Road  
Pontiac, Illinois.

Bobby squinted at the screen in disbelief. "Sam's in Pontiac, Illinois. That's right near where you were planted."

"Yup. Right where I popped up. Hell of a coincidence, don't you think?"

"Alright, boys. Saddle up. Let's ride."

Dean's hand grasped your elbow before you could start suiting up. "Yeah, about that. I'd prefer it if the only riding you did tonight was shotgun." Twisting your arm away and pulling the shoulder holster over your arms, you prepared for what could be an epic battle of wills that you were not prepared to lose. 

"Honey. If there's one thing you don't get to do is pick my transportation." Bobby stopped and watched the exchange with amusement. You pulled on your leather jacket and made sure your gun was still within reach. "I've been doing shit my way before you, with you, after you and with you again. Don't tell me what to do, Dean. You won't like what happens." 

Bobby was actively laughing at Dean now, who was standing with his mouth slack and staring at you. "Yeah? Well. You won't like what happens."

"Always one with the sassy comebacks, honey." You patted his cheek after giving him a short peck. "Love you!"

**********

With Your Girl's engine idling, you straddled her and pretended to listen to Dean while you strapped on your helmet. You pulled out your knife and checked the edge before sheathing it again. "Are you gonna go with Bobby or do you wanna ride bitch with me? I'll let you wrap your legs around my engine, honey."

"I'm not gonna win this am I?"

"Nope. Tell Bobby to try and keep up. See you there."

When you dropped her into gear Dean shouted to get your attention one more time. With his half crooked grin, he gave you the compliment that kept you smiling all the way to Pontiac. "Your ass looks good when you straddle stuff."

**********

When you pulled up to the address given by the phone company, Bobby made his way to you and gave you the rundown of the plan. You were to stay behind them. Not because they didn't think you could take care of yourself, but because they needed information from Sam before you beat him unconscious. "You guys do know that i have some control over my emotions, right?"

Dean took your helmet out of your hand and slid his arm around your waist, pulling you along with them. "Of course I know you have control, _____. I just need to find out what I need to know before I don't stop you from beating him unconscious."

**********  
The men walked shoulder to shoulder down a dingy hallway with you behind them. The three of you stopped at the door with the number 207 on it. Dean raised his knuckles and took a deep breath before knocking. The door swung open and a tiny little thing stared up at them. Dean looked at the number on the door again as if to make sure you'd gotten the right one. When he looked at Bobby, his body turned enough that you could see her standing in the doorway. This hooker opened the door in a white tank and white panties! Her long, full, chestnut hair and matching eyes just made you want to punch her in the oh so pretty full lips. 'Fuck, Sam! You can't just screw some average looking broad and skip the curb stomp to my self esteem?'

She looked between the two men and their puzzled expressions. "Well? Where is it?"

Bobby looked at her like she spoke another language. "Where's what?"

"The pizza... that takes two guys to deliver?" She still hadn't noticed you.

Dean held his hands out in front of him, palms forward. "I think we got the wrong room."

Over the top of everyone's heads you saw him walk into the room. His hair was wet and dripping, leaving dark spots on his grey tee. He looked just out of the shower fresh. Fucker.

"Hey, is the..." He stopped dead in his tracks when he saw Dean. He swallowed thickly and his eyes flicked between his brother and Bobby.

For as much shit as he'd talked, you could hear how much Dean had missed his younger brother in the two words he spoke. "Heya, Sammy."

Sam just stood there stoic when Bobby and Dean walked past the underwear model in the doorway. She made to step in front of you, but changed her mind when you pulled your jacket aside and showed the handle of the knife strapped to your belt. 

When Dean got close enough, Sam pulled a knife and lunged. The walking twat screamed next to you and Dean blocked Sam's attack. Bobby pulled Sam back, gripping him around the shoulders but he continued to struggle. "Who are you?!"

Dean was approaching his breaking point and had zero patience for Sam's bullshit. "Like you didn't do this?!"

With a bitchface that you didn't think you would ever miss, Sam spat back. "Do what?!"

Bobby was losing his grip on Sam and needed to bring things down a notch. "It's him. It's him. I've been through this already, it's really him, Sam."

Some of the fight left Sam and he narrowed his eyes at Dean. "What..."

Dean walked slowly to him, still cautious and smiled. "I know. I look fantastic, huh?"

Bobby let go of Sam, who looked on the verge of tears. He stepped forward and pulled Dean into a desperate hug. They held that embrace for several seconds and Bobby looked to you with tears in his eyes. Sam finally pushed himself back and held his brother at arms length, eyebrows pinched in confusion.

"So are you two like... together?" With a look of disbelief you pointed at the bitch and addressed the room.

"Dude! Can I just shoot her in the face already?" And that's when Sam saw you. He didn't look at you with surprise as much as shame. 

It was obvious he hadn't planned on seeing you again. And most definitely not with his dead brother. He blinked and remembered that someone had asked a question. "What? No. No. He's my brother."

"Uh... got it. I... I guess. Look, I should probably go." She sidestepped around you to grab her clothes off the chair in the corner. 

"Yeah. I think you should. Bee Tee Dubs...those panties give you camel toe. It's not a good look."Bobby tried to cover his laugh with coughs, but Dean had no shame and knew Sam deserved this.

She dressed with her back to everyone and you stared Sam down from the doorway. You hadn't moved to the side and had no intentions of doing so. Once dressed, she made her way to the door and turned to Sam at the last minute. "So, call me?"

Oh, this just kept getting better and better. Turning to face Sam, you tilted your head to the side and watched the awkward goodbye with a smile on your face. Sam stuttered a bit, obviously uncomfortable under your scrutiny. "Yeah. Yeah, sure thing, Kathy."

Her pretty face fell and her disappointment showed. "It's Kristy."

It wasn't her fault. She obviously didn't know anything about the situation. This was Sam's fault. "It's ok, Kristy. He's a cocksucker to all the girls. At least you get more than a note. Sam, isn't that right?"

She shook her head sadly and made her way down the hall. Sam closed the door and walked away from you. If he'd said one word, you may have just broken his nose for him again. You were staring holes into the back of his head when he walked across the room and sat on the bed facing Dean and Bobby. Looking down at his brother expectantly, Dean crossed his arms over his chest. Sam ventured a look your way, finding you leaning against the door and twirling your knife between your fingers. When you looked away from Bobby and caught one of those hazel eyes of his, you refused to give him the satisfaction of one iota of emotion on your face. 

Finally looking back to Dean, Sam rubbed his palms together and laughed nervously. "So, uh. You guys here to wack me or something? Fit me for some cement shoes?"

Dean bent over so he was nose to nose with Sam. "So tell me, what'd it cost?"

Sam looked at Bobby and back to Dean and answered with an awkward grin. "The girl? I don't pay, Dean."

"Are you fucking kidding me? Dean, can I stab him please?" Sam ran his hand through his hair and looked at you over his shoulder like his brain just informed his ass what his mouth had said.

Dean ignored you, but Bobby gave you a wink of approval. "That's not funny, Sam. To bring me back. What'd it cost? Was it just your soul, or was it something worse?"

Sam placed his palm to his chest and looked genuinely offended. "You think I made a deal?"

Bobby shifted with hands on his hips. "That's exactly what we think."

"Well, I didn't."

"Don't lie to me." There was an intensity and anger in Dean's eyes you hadn't seen aimed at Sam before. 

"Guys, I'm not lying." He finally looked you in the face. "_____, you don't think I made a deal do you?"

You stopped twirling the blade between your fingers and looked incredulously at Sam. "I'm sorry. Are you asking ME to defend YOU? Wow, you must be in deep shit if that's happening."

Dean did that thing that did that made your belly flutter like a flock of geese were migrating south in it. He held one finger at you, letting you know to stop short. It was something you hadn't realized you'd missed until he used it on you now. He went back to interrogating Sam. "So what now, I'm off the hook and you're on, is that it? You're some demon's bitch-boy? I didn't want to be saved like this."

Finally taking enough accusations, Sam stood and angrily stared back at his brother. "Look, Dean, I wish I had done it, all right?"

Dean's fist grabbed the front of Sam's button down, that you suddenly realized looked like something a 70's porn star would wear. The cheap fabric strained when Dean yanked Sam to his face. "There's no other way that this could have gone down. Now tell the truth, Godammit!"

Without much effort Sam broke Dean's grip and pushed him away. "I tried everything. That's the truth. I tried opening the Devil's Gate. Hell, I tried to bargain, Dean, but no demon would deal, all right? You were rotting in Hell for months. For months, and I couldn't stop it. So I'm sorry it wasn't me, all right? Dean, I'm sorry."

The unease and anger between the Winchesters had given off an acidic smell that permeated the room. Dean relented first and clapped his hand on Sam's shoulder. "It's okay, Sammy. You don't have to apologize, I believe you."

All three turned when you spoke up. "Don't get me wrong, I'm gladdened that Sam's soul remains intact, but it does raise a sticky question, guys."

"If he didn't pull me out, then what did?"


	17. We've Got Work To Do

Dean and Bobby were sitting side by side on a couch on a far wall. Dean had made sure you had taken up residence in his lap with your head on his shoulder. Your jacket and helmet were laying on the only bed in the room, but your shoulder holster was still fastened and your blade was in the belt sheath. Sam came back with beers for all three of you, but when you didn't respond, Dean took yours and handed it to you. Sam sat on the coffee table across from Dean. He was way too close to your personal space now and it was getting bloody uncomfortable. The tension over unfinished business was thick in your throat, but it would keep. You'd corner Shrek later. 

Dean's thumb had taken up that comforting lazy pattern against your waist again. So comforting in fact, that you couldn't help but tuck your chin in and nuzzle into his jaw. Bobby could see the storm churning under the surface in your eyes and gave your foot a comforting pat. 

"So what were you doing around here if you weren't digging me out of my grave?" Oh, that rumble in his chest when he spoke. Sam's contrast to that was breathless tenor his voice took on when he was excited about something. 

"Well, once I figured out I couldn't save you, I started hunting down Lilith, trying to get some payback." Sam's false bravado was showing. Dean's fearlessness came from giving zero fucks about himself and Sammy's fear came from not caring what happened to him. Two sides of the same self destructive coin. 

Bobby, who was not known for sugar coating a damn thing, lashed out at Sam. "All by yourself. Who do you think you are, your old man?!"

You noticed something across the room and unfolded yourself from Dean's lap to walk over and get it. 

Sam watched tensely when he saw where you were going. "Uh, yeah, I'm sorry, Bobby. I should have called. I was pretty messed up."

You picked up the pink flowered bra that was poking out from beneath a pillow and held it up to everyone. "Oh yeah. You were in a fuck ton of pain." You chucked it at the back of Sam's head and walked back to stand beside Bobby.

Sam looked up ready to defend himself, but thought better of it when he saw the look on your face. "Anyways, uh, I was checking these demons out of Tennessee, and out of nowhere they took a hard left, booked up here."

Dean sat forward with his elbows on his knees. "When?"

"Yesterday morning." They were obviously getting down to business. 

"When I busted out of my grave."

Bobby had joined in the pow wow. "You think these demons are here 'cause of you, Dean?" You were trying to concentrate, really trying hard. But all you could do is imaging that woman being the reason the sheets were so tangled. 

Sam caught you staring at the bed with tears in your eyes, he stayed engaged in the subject on the table, but kept an eye on you. "But why? What would a bunch of demons want with you?"

"Well, I don't know – some badass demon drags me out and now this? It's gotta be connected somehow."

"Honey, how you feelin', anyway?" Out of the corner of your eye, you caught Sam visibly flinch at your use of the pet name you only used with the brothers.

"I'm a little hungry, sweetheart."

You rolled your eyes and snuggled into the space between Bobby and Dean. "No, dork. I mean, do you feel like yourself? Anything strange, or different?"

"Or demonic? Babe, how many times do I have to prove I'm me?"

Bobby was done with Dean skirting the actual issue. "Yeah. Well, listen. No demon's letting you loose out of the goodness of their hearts. They've gotta have something nasty planned."

Patting your knee reassuringly, Dean tried to placate the two of you. "Well, I feel fine."

"Okay, look, we don't know what they're planning." Sam watched the ease of the interactions between you and Dean carefully. "We got a pile of shit and no shovel. We need help."

"I know a psychic. A few hours from here. Something this big, maybe she's heard the other side talking." Bobby knew the coolest people. 

"Hell yeah. Dean, it's worth a shot." 

"I'll be right back." Bobby picked up the keys to his truck and headed for the door. 

Dean stood and looked down at you softly. "I'm gonna find a vending machine. I need you on point. Smooth over your shit with him enough so you can work, OK?"

Sam looked like he wanted to climb inside himself. "I'll do my best, honey. Kiss me?" He leaned down and kissed your forehead. 

"Love you, babe"

"You too, honey." The silence was deafening in the small space and you braced yourself to face the 500 pound gorilla in the room.

**********

"_____, sorry doesn't seem like enough."

"Why did you leave me? I was alone. I wasn't OK."

"I know it wasn't right. It wasn't fair to you."

"Or, Bobby! Then we have to hear rumors about you out on the road?!. The fuck, Sam!? I get that you left. I can almost forgive that. And you know what, I was ready to try when we walked up to the door." Sam knew what was next and he braced himself for it. "Then we walk in to you fresh from your post fuck shower?!"

He held his arms wide at his side and spat his accusation at you. "You're gonna tell me you didn't hook up with anyone?!"

You couldn't believe the audacity. "Are you fucking kidding me?! No, Sam, I didn't. One man I love was ripped apart before my very eyes and the other walked away. You said you'd take care of me, Sam." Angry tears ran down your face. You knew you had hit ugly cry status and you didn't care. "I didn't WANT anyone else. I wanted the man I am in love with, who was still alive somewhere. But I guess you were doing just fine, weren't you?" 

Sam reached for your hand and you ripped it away and shoved your finger into his chest. "You know I would have followed you anywhere. But you didn't give me the chance. I was alone, Sam. I mourned him alone. I took care of Bobby alone. Shit, I had to process him showing up on our doorstep and us trying to kill him alone. I'm not sorry it was hard for you, Sam. Fuck you. I hope it was flat out agonizing."

Sam's eyes were wet after your admission of emotions. "You still love me? I figured you loved us, the three of us. And one of us - well just me I guess - wouldn't be enough. I left before you could ask me too."

"And her?"

"It was a hookup, that's all. I have no excuse. Thinking with my dick, I guess." You finally let him take your hand. "I'm not asking for forgiveness or for things to go back the way they were. Just don't hate me. And I can see you're with Dean. And that's great! Jesus, you both deserve to be happy. Just don't hate me."

"I don't hate you, Shrek. I just want to beat the crap out of you. But Dean's right, we need to be on point with this. This is....well, this is beyond anything that's ever been recorded in the land of nope."

Bobby walked in the door and froze when he saw the two of you talking, snot bubble crying and all. "I, uh...Pamela's expecting us."

"Lemme wash my face, Bobby. We can leave in 15."

Dean came back into the room and shouted after you. "You're not riding that fucking thing tonight!"

Throwing your middle finger over your shoulder at him, you laughed at his trying to tell you what to do. "Suck my dick, Winchester."

**********

Dean stood, arms crossed and feet planted. "You're a brat, you know that right? You're making me crazy. And not good crazy." You reached to take your helmet from him and he pulled it back at the last second. "You and Sam all good?"

After zipping your jacket you snatched your helmet away from him. "Good? No. Just better. Before you even ask, no. We aren't back to what we were. You and I are fine. But I can't think beyond that." Sam was jogging towards you across the parking lot. "Speak of the cheating skank, he's coming."

Dean turned smiled at Sam. He was jogging with the smile that did that thing with his dimples. You buckled your helmet and tried to distract yourself with Your Girl's gauges. 

"Dean! Hey, wait. You probably want this back." Sam reached into his collar and pulled out a cord with Dean's amulet on it. He placed it in Dean's hand. He closed his fist around it tightly and looked to Sam. His face was clouded with emotion. 

"Thanks."

Sam nodded, knowing what thing meant to his brother. "Yeah, don't mention it. Hey Dean, what was it like?"

"What, Hell?" The thought of Dean talking about what went on for those four months made your stomach twist into knots. "I don't know, I, I must have blacked it out. I don't remember a damn thing." You could hear the lie in his voice, but Sam just nodded, not wanting to push. 

You decided you play along. "Well, thank God for that. Don't know if you could handle memories of hell. Just the sentence 'memories from hell' sounds bad."

Dean kicked at a rock and looked at the ground. "Yeah."

Bobby made his announcement when he stood next to everyone. "She's about four hours down the Interstate. Try to keep up." With that he turned around and walked to his car. You started up the bike and heard Sam talking to Dean.

"I assume you'll want to drive." Sam pulled the keys out of his right pocket and tossed them at Dean, who caught them easily.

His eyes lit up when he saw Baby gleaming under the neon. "Oh, I almost forgot!" He ran his hand over her rear fender like she was made of spun glass. "Hey, sweetheart, did you miss me?"

Pulling up next to him, you revved the engine to get his attention. "Honey, I'm gonna go and let you have your moment with your car. Kiss me like you love me." He fisted his hand into the collar of your leather and kissed you firmly, inhaling deeply before letting go. 

"Be careful, please." Rubbing your nose against , you nodded before looking over his shoulder at Sam. 

"C'mere big guy." Sam walked over sheepishly with his hands shoved in his front pockets. Pulling him down by the neck, you pressed a chaste kiss to the corner of his mouth. When you let him go, his eyebrows stitched together in that way that made wrinkles arch over them. "I'm glad you're back, too. Be safe, ok? Love you."

"Yeah, _____. I love you, too. Um, thanks."

Your interaction with his brother earned you a wink from Dean. "Get your biker ass outta here."

*****

When you all walked up to Pamela's house, Sam stood awkwardly to your side while Dean's hand rested on the small of your back. Bobby rapped his knuckles against the window pane in the door. When it opened, there stood Pamela. She was beautiful in a strong way and sexy as hell. She smiled warmly and reached out to hug Bobby. She lifted him briefly off the ground when she got her arms around him. 

When she finally let him go he held her at arm's length and looked her over. "You're a sight for sore eyes."

She took a step back and eyed Sam and Dean up and down before settling on you. "I think you and I may just be kindred spirits, darlin'. So, these your boys?"

Bobby spoke and made introductions all around. "Sam, Dean, _____. This is Pamela Barnes, best damn psychic in the state."

Dean smiled broadly. Hell hadn't knocked the flirt out of him. Sam gave her an awkward wave and nodded at her. Running alone for four months hadn't done anything for his shyness.

"Mmm-mmm-mmm. Dean Winchester. Out of the fire and back in the frying pan, huh? Makes you a rare individual."

Dean's hand rubbed reassuringly on the small of your back. "If you say so."

She stepped aside and gestured to the open door. "Come on in."

After Pamela had closed the door behind Bobby, he turned and got right to the point. "So, you hear anything?"

Pamela rubbed her hands over her hips and they settled in her back pockets. "Well, I Ouija'd my way through a dozen spirits. No one seems to know who broke your boy out, or why."

Sam stood next to you so you were flanked by Winchesters. "So what's next?"

"A séance, I think. See if we can see who did the deed."

"You're not gonna... summon the damn thing here." Bobby was getting nervous of facing the unknown.

"No. I just want to get a sneak peek at it. Like a crystal ball without the crystal."

"I'm game." Dean was up for anything at this point. He needed answers. 

Pamela led everyone into her séance room. It was about what you expected. Dark walls, dark curtains and a round table in the middle of the room. Pamela spread a black tablecloth covered in symbols over a small table. The symbols didn't look familiar and it was unsettling. Pamela squatted in front of a cabinet and pulled out several pillar candles. Dean elbowed you in the ribs to get your attention and cocked his head at her. Her tank was riding up, revealing a tattoo across her lower back that read 'Jesse Forever'.

"Who's Jesse?" You looked up at Dean, cocking an eyebrow at him. He was actually flirting right in front of you. Pamela saw the interaction and chuckled.

"Well, it wasn't forever."

Not to be out done, you slowly eyed her up and down until she shot you a sideways grin. "Shit, that seems to be his loss."

She stood and walked up you, looking between the boys. "Might be your gain, _____." She flipped her hair and walked to the table. 

"Dude, we are so in." Dean was smiling like a twelve year old who just saw his first nipple.

"I'm sorry? We?"

"But, but you said...remember you said if I was good. I could watch...remember?" He was cute when he was frustrated.

Sam chuckled at the both of you. "Yeah, she's gonna eat you alive."

"Hey, I just got out of jail. Bring it." Even though he was in on the joke, Sam still looked uncomfortable when he rolled his eyes at Dean's confidence. 

Pamela walked by again and stopped in front of Sam. Rising to her toes, she leaned into his chest and smiled up at him. "You're invited too, grumpy."

After she walked away, Dean emphatically informed his brother that he was not invited. You decided to fuck with Dean a little too. "Neither are you, asshole." He followed after you when you went to join Bobby and Pamela at the table, reminding you again that you had said he could watch.

Everyone took their seats around the table. You were between the brothers, Sam on your right. Pamela was between Dean and Bobby. The six candles were lit and arranged in the center of the table. "Alright, y'all. Let's get started, shall we? Take each other's hands." Everyone did except for Pamela and Dean. "And I need to touch something our mystery monster touched."

When she slid her hand along the inside of his thigh, he jumped, knees banging into the underside of the table. Sam steadied the candles while you both snorted, trying to hold back laughter. 

Deans immediate response was a little too defensive. "Whoa. Well, he didn't touch me there."

That got you right in the giggle dick and your head fell forward as you and Sam both cackled. 

Pamela bit her upper lip and tried to keep from joining you and Sam in your giggle fit. "My mistake." 

Dean looked around the table, nervous, then took off his outer shirt and handed it to you. He pulled up his left t-shirt sleeve and revealed the brand to her. This was the first time Sam had seen it and he looked at you and Bobby with wide, shocked eyes. Pamela laid her hand on the brand and took a deep breath before beginning her chant.

"I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle.  
I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle.  
I invoke, conjure, and command you, appear unto me before this circle."

A small TV in the corner of the room turned on and flickered with static.

"I invoke, conjure, and command... Castiel? No. Sorry, Castiel, I don't scare easy."

"Castiel?" It was a beautiful name that made your stomach churn with fear.

"Its name. It's whispering to me, warning me to turn back." The static from the TV got louder and the table began to shake. 

"I conjure and command you, show me your face.  
I conjure and command you, show me your face.  
I conjure and command you, show me your face.  
I conjure and command you, show me your face."

Bobby was wincing at the white noise that now had a high pitched undertone. "Maybe we should stop."

Pamela shook her head and kept pushing. "I almost got it. I command you, show me your face! Show me your face, now!"

Suddenly, the candles flared up several feet in the air and Pamela began to scream. Her eyes flew open and were filled with a white-hot flame. She collapsed as the rattling, white noise, and flames died out. As she collapsed, Bobby cradled her and lowered her to the floor. Your chair fell back as you jumped up to help her. When you saw the blood on her face you called out to Sam. "Call 9-1-1!"

Sam rushed into the other room to use the phone. Dean was at your side, trying to comfort Pamela. She was conscious, but bleeding and burned. When her eyelids opened, the sockets were black and empty. She clenched Dean's hand tightly and screamed in panic. "I can't see! I can't see! Oh god!" In the other room, you could hear Sam calling an ambulance.

 

**********

Sam rode with Pamela to the hospital and had made plans to meet up with Dean at a little diner called Johnny Mac's. You were sitting quietly at the table with your hands, once again covered in blood, folded in your lap. Dean had given his order to the waitress and she was now looking to you. You didn't realize it until Dean squeezed your hand. "Oh! Sorry. Um, just coffee is fine."

"Be up in a jiff." She smiled and walked away.

As she leaves, Dean levels you with 'that' look. "Why aren't you eating?"

"I'm still a little freaked out, honey. I have never seen someone's eyes explode into white hot flames."

Sam came up behind you, talking on the phone to Bobby. He'd left the hospital once they got Pamela checked in but Bobby had stayed behind.

Sam drank from the glass of iced tea you'd ordered for him. "Pam's stable. And out of I.C.U."

You dropped your face in your hands and took a shuddering breath. "And blind, because of us." Sam tentatively touched your arm to reassure you and you couldn't help but lean against his shoulder. "And we still have no clue who we're dealing with."

"That's not entirely true, guys."

Sam wrapped his arm around your shoulder and questioned Dean. "No? You know something we don't, dude?"

"We got a name. Castiel, or whatever. With the right mumbo-jumbo we could summon him, bring him right to us."

"You're crazy, Dean. Absolutely not. I'm playing the woman card. Intuition and shit."

"We'll work him over. I mean, after what he did?"

Sam pointed a finger in Dean's face, clearly pissed off at his recklessness. "Pam took a peek at him and her eyes burned out of her skull, and you want to have a face to face?"

"You got a better idea, Sam?" Adrenaline was wearing off and anything but doing nothing sounded like a good idea.

"Yeah, as a matter of fact I do. I followed some demons to town, right? So, we go find them. Someone's gotta know something about something."

The waitress came back with the pie Dean had ordered and your coffee. Before you could even say thank you, she plopped down in the remaining seat at the table. She leaned back with her hands on her thighs and smirked at Dean.

You sat up and let your hand rest on your buck knife at your hip. Dean laced his fingers together on the table in front of him and narrowed his eyes at her. "You angling for a tip?"

"I'm sorry. Thought you were looking for us." Her eyes went demon-black for a moment. There were two other people in the diner, both men. One in a uniform by the front door and the cook behind the counter. They both flicked their eyes to black in warning. The man at the door locked it and blocked the exit with his body. When the waitress blinked, her eyes went back to normal. "Dean. To hell and back. Aren't you a lucky duck."

Cocking his head to the side and egging her on, Dean kept going. "That's me."

"So you get to just stroll out of the pit, huh? Tell me. What makes you so special?

"I like to think it's because of my perky nipples. I don't know. Wasn't my doing, I don't know who pulled me out." You chastised him in your mind for the snark; something you'll have to address later.

"Right...Sure you don't."

"Well, I don't know what to tell ya. But no. I don't.'

"Lying's a sin, you know." She was giving as good as she got. Snark for snark.

"I'm not lying. But I'd like to find out what ripped me out of hell, so if you wouldn't mind enlightening me, Flo..."

Her whole demeanor changed with a simple square of her shoulders. "Mind your tone with me, boy. I'll drag you back to hell myself."

In unison, you and Sam shifted, positioning yourselves for the attack. Dean didn't look away from the scrawny woman in front of him and held up a hand at the two of you, silently urging you to stay in your seats.

"No, bitch, you won't."

"Oh no? You don't think so?"

"Nope. Because if you were, you would have done it already. Fact is, you don't know who cut me loose. And you're just as spooked as we are. And you're looking for answers. Well, maybe it was some turbo-charged spirit. Or, uh, Godzilla. Or some big bad boss demon. I'm guessing at your pay grade that they don't tell you squat. Because whoever it was, they want me out. And they're a lot stronger than you. So go ahead. Send me back. But don't come crawling to me when they show up on your front doorstep with some Vaseline and a fire hose."

"I'm going to reach down your throat and rip out your lungs."

Dean leaned forward, a challenge in his eyes. He threw a right hook at her, and she took it. He threw another, seemingly for good measure. She still did nothing but glare at him, but looking more and more nervous.

"That's what I thought. Let's go, Sam. Bring our pretty girl with you." Everyone stood, except the possessed waitress.

She just sat there, fuming. Dean pulled a roll of cash out of his pocket and carefully peeled off a ten dollar bill. He held it up before dropping it on the table like an insult.  
"For the pie."

**********  
The three of you made your way across the street, quick and tense. You almost had to jog to keep up with their strides. Dean threw a look over his shoulder back at the windows of the diner. "Holy crap, that was close."

Sam slowed down enough that you ran into the back of him since he was dragging you along by the hand. "We're not just going to leave them in there, are we, Dean?"

"Well yeah, there's three of them, probably more, and we've only got one knife between us."

"I've been killing a lot more demons than that lately."

Dean was digging his keys out of his pocket. "Not anymore – the smarter brother's back in town."

You came to a stop just off the curb. "What the fuck are you talking about?"

"Dean, we've got to take 'em. They are dangerous."

"They're scared. Okay, Sam? Scared of whatever had the juice to yank me out. We're dealing with a bad mofo here. One job at a time."

"Sam and Dean mother fucking Winchester! What does not anymore mean?!"

Dean opened the driver's door of the Impala and gestured to his brother. "Hey, you two still got to talk things out, huh Sam?"

**********  
Sam climbed in the back seat with you so he could hold your attention while he tried to explain what he'd been doing for four months. After the drive back to Lincoln and Sam's hotel, you were exhausted and Sam had begun to sound like Charlie Brown's teacher. When he saw your eyes get heavy, he offered up his lap to rest your head on. "Or you could take my jacket for a pillow if you want to lean against the door?"

"Sam, stop making it awkward. Just let what happens happen. It's only been four months, did you forget how happy I am when my head's in your lap?"

You saw Dean shift in his seat and shoot you a look you didn't return over the back of the front seat. Sam gently toyed with your hair and as you fell asleep you heard him whisper to you. "I really am sorry, _____."

**********  
Dean had fallen asleep on the couch with a big book open on his lap while you finished your nap on the bed. When the door closed behind Sam, you figured he must have been going out for food. You rolled on your side and stared at Dean. It tore at your heart how much you'd missed him. He looked at peace when he slept. Just resting and almost unburdened.

You're eyes fluttered closed again while you were counting his breaths. Before you were fully asleep, the TV clicked on and the sound of static startled you awake. Dean was stirring too, wiping at his eyes with the back of his hands. The static grew louder and there was a screaming whine that was piercing your eardrums.

"DEAN!?"

"______, get on the floor!" You all but fell off the bed as Dean rolled off the couch and grabbed the shotgun hidden underneath it. He kept you between himself and the bed as he scanned the room. The whining was becoming painful and with both hands covering your ears, you tried to call out to him but couldn't hear your own voice. He grabbed his right ear, keeping the weapon up in his left hand.

The mirror on the ceiling was cracking and Dean dropped to the ground, covering your body with his own. When it shattered and broken glass rained down on him, he dropped the gun and covered his other ear.

The sounds of shattering glass and that one note dragging on and on were terrifying. In the same moment that you felt the weight of Dean's body lift off yours, you were scooped up and hurried out the door and down to the parking lot. Bobby set you on your feet and cupped your face in his big rough hands.

"_____? Hey! Hey, you with me? You OK, kiddo?" Bobby's voice was far away even though you were practically nose to nose with him. Nodding frantically, your eyes searched for Dean. He was standing in the middle of the parking lot, hands on his thighs and shaking his head like he was trying to clear away cobwebs.

Speaking louder than you realized, you basically shouted in Bobby's face. "Guys. What the hell was that? And where the fuck is Sam."

**********

The three of you piled into Bobby's car, you sat in the middle of the back seat, leaning forward to try and hear their conversation. Dean was wiping blood off the side of his face. You, had no injuries. Dean had made sure he'd protected you.

Bobby watched the progress Dean made with the hem of his plaid shirt. "How you doin', kid?"

"Aside from the church bells ringing in my head, peachy. Sweetheart, you ok back there?"

"Headache. But yeah." You played that way down for his sake. You thought your ears were going to explode and your heart hadn't slowed down yet. The brothers had exposed you to some crazy shit over the last year and a half, but nothing like this!

In the front seat, Dean pulled his phone out and called Sam's cell. You could only hear one side of the conversation, but Dean's voice was cautious. Trying to read Sam's tone.

"What are you doing?...In my car?" There were pauses when Sam spoke and you tried to put a conversation together in your head.

"Well, uh, Bobby's back. We're going to grab a beer." When Bobby looked at him like he'd lost his ever loving mind, Dean held up a finger to quiet him. "Done. Catch you later." Dean snapped the phone shut and slid it back in his pocket.

Bobby was pissed. Just flat pissed. "Why the hell didn't you tell him?!"

"Because he just tried to stop us."

"Honey? Stop us from what?" There was a pit in your gut telling you you weren't going to like Dean's answer.

"Summoning this thing. It's time we faced it head-on."

"Jesus Tits On Christ! You can't be serious!"

"As a heart attack. It's high noon, baby. And, not for nothin', but your creative blasphemy always gets my blood pumping, _____."

Bobby spoke up, bringing with him the voice of reason. "Well, we don't know what it is. It could be a demon, it could be anything."

"That's why we've got to be ready for anything." Reaching into his jacket pocket, he pulled out Ruby's knife and turned it in his hand so the dashboard lights glinted off the blade. "We've got the big-time magic knife, you've got an arsenal in the trunk..."

"This is a bad idea." You nodded along with Bobby's sentiment, but knew Dean wouldn't listen.

"Yeah, I couldn't agree more, but what other choice do we have, babe?"

"We could choose life. Choose not to fuck with something that no one has ever heard of."

"Bobby, whatever this is, whatever it wants, it's after me. That much we know, right? I've got no place to hide. I can either get caught with my pants down again, or we can make our stand. Hit it with everything we've got.

"Dean, honey, we could use Sam on this."

"Nah, he's better off where he is. Whatever it is he's doing."

**********

The guys had found a empty warehouse and decided it was as good a place as any. After screaming matches with each of them separately and together, it was made clear to them you were not leaving. They weren't happy about it, but they knew how stubborn you were and didn't have time for any more arguing. Bobby was drawing a symbol with white spray paint on the cement floor. Now that he was done with that, the entire floor, walls, and ceiling of the empty rectangular warehouse was covered in symbols. Most of them you'd never seen.

You were helping Dean at a table, setting up weapons and ammunition, but stopped to admire Bobby's work. "That's a hell of an art project you've got going there."

Straightening his cap and standing proudly, hands on his hips. "Traps and talismans from every faith on the globe. How you doin?"

Dean pointed to the items on the table as he verbally took inventory. "Stakes, iron, silver, salt, knife. I mean, we're pretty much set to catch and kill anything I've ever heard of."

You mumbled under your breath, knowing he'd still hear you. "This is still a bad idea."

"Yeah, _____, I heard you the first ten times. What do you say we ring the dinner bell?"

Bobby nodded reluctantly. He walked over to another table where bowls and herbs were spread out and took a pinch of some powder from a bowl, and sprinkled it into a larger bowl. When the smoke began to rise he started chanting in Latin.

**********  
A couple of hours later, Dean and Bobby were sitting on the tables, swinging their legs and looking bored. You'd found an office chair and were spinning yourself dizzy in the corner.

Dean finally broke the silence by asking Bobby the question he shouldn't have. "You sure you did the ritual right?" The look he got back from the man could have knocked him over. "Sorry. Touchy, touchy, huh?"

As if on cue, a loud rattling shook the roof. The men armed themselves with shotguns and took positions at the far end of the warehouse. You ducked down underneath one of the desks like you'd discussed with Dean. He'd made sure you were fully armed.

He looked up and around the room, shifting from foot to foot. "Wishful thinking, but maybe it's just the wind."

The door busted open and a shadow walked into the light. It was the most unimposing human being you'd ever seen. He was tall, but not as tall as Dean. The guy was wearing a suit and tie. What kind of monster wears a suit and tie? The open trench coat he wore flapped in the wind. Physically "normal" as he was, his energy filled the room and demanded attention.  
As he stalked across the room to Dean, the light bulbs above his head shattered in a shower of sparks as he passed each row. Dean and Bobby both opened fire with the shotguns, but they didn't even slow him down. Dean pulled out Ruby's knife as the man entered his personal space.

With open fear on his face, Dean held the knife in front of him. "Who are you?"

"I'm the one who gripped you tight and raised you from perdition." That was it? This was what had brought Dean out of hell? His voice was like leather drug through broken glass. You stared at his back and tried to see Dean's face but it was blocked by the man's body.

"Yeah. Thanks for that."

Dean reared back and stabbed Ruby's knife into his chest. You could see the stranger's arm move to where the knife had sunk in. Dean's eyes flicked to yours and he shook his head once. You lifted up to one knee, scooting closer to the edge of the cubby under the desk, using your weight for balance like your boys had taught you. From this angle you would be able to stand and charge quickly. You froze when the man turned his head, looked down at the handle of the knife and pulled it out and dropped it to the floor. Behind him, Bobby moved to attack; without looking, he grabbed Bobby's weapon and used it to swing him around. He touched his fingertips gently to Bobby's forehead and you watched him crumple to the ground.

Dean looked from Bobby's body on the ground and back to the man; he was physically trying not to look at you. "We need to talk, Dean. Alone. Well, she can stay. She's a big part of you."

Dean held out his hand to you and you hurried over, letting him push you behind him so that you were peeking over his shoulder. That's when you saw his eyes. They were cobalt blue and bored into the back of your skull. At the same time that terror made your muscles vibrate, his eyes brought peace inside your head. You clung to the back of Dean's jacket just to let the width of him ground you.

Dean crouched over Bobby, checking his pulse and keeping you behind him. You glared at the monster, if he was a monster, in front of you.

With sudden compassion he looked down at Dean. "Your friend's alive."

His eyes rose you meet yours when you found your voice and spoke. "Who are you?"

"Castiel." Flashes of Pamela's empty eye sockets ran through your head. Dean stood and pulled you against his back, his fingers hanging onto your belt loops.

"Yeah, we figured that much, she means what are you?"

"I'm an Angel of the Lord."

"Get the hell out of here. There's no such thing." Dean and Sam had shown you and taught you about every monster, demon and creature they knew of and Bobby had taught you about the rest. Angels weren't real.

"This is your problem, Dean. You have no faith." Lightning flashed several times in a row. Castiel pulled himself to full height and squared his shoulders. With his face lit in the blue-white glare, a shadow of his body bounced off the wall. Slowly a second shadow spread out behind him.

An unmistakable outline of wings extending blacken the side of the warehouse. They extend so far out, you couldn't comprehend how big they really were. You stepped impossibly closer to Dean and spoke against his neck. "Holy. Fucking. Crap, Dean. That's an angel. That's a mother fucking, sure as shit, fuck me sideways angel!"

As quickly as it started the lightning stopped and you were left with dark spots in front of your eyes. When you blinked the image of his wings appeared in negative.

Dean's voice vibrated his ribs against your fists. "Some angel you are. You burned out that poor woman's eyes!"

"I warned her not to spy on my true form. It can be... overwhelming to humans, and so can my real voice. But you already knew that."

"You mean the gas station and the motel. That was you talking? Buddy, next time, lower the volume."

"That was my mistake. Certain people, special people, can perceive my true visage. I thought you would be one of them. I was wrong."

"And what visage are you in now, huh? What, holy tax accountant?"

"Hey, Dean? No snarking with the angel, OK?"

"This?" Castiel glanced down at himself. "This is... a vessel."

"You're possessing some poor bastard?" Dean spit the words out like they were vomit.

"He's a devout man, he actually prayed for this."

"Well, I'm not buying what you're selling, so who are you really?"

Castiel walked toward the two of you, head tilted to the side and eyes narrowed. "I told you."

"Right. And why would an angel rescue me from Hell?"

"Good things do happen, Dean."

"Not in my experience." Those words broke your heart. He was such a good man who'd experienced so much bad.

"What's the matter? You don't think you deserve to be saved?" Castiel studied Dean, waiting for an answer.

"Why'd you do it?"

"Because God commanded it. Because we have work for you."


	18. No, You Didn't Think

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I can't fathom the number of y'all that have taken a moment to read this. I'm so glad you're enjoying it, if you are. 
> 
> Feed back is welcomed and would be lovely.

Bobby had taken his car back to his place and everything was set on meeting him there in a day or two. You had taken Your Girl and checked into another motel alone. When Sam questioned you, you had to explain that you didn't want to be in the hotel where he'd done what he'd did. 

"I thought we were past this, _____. She really was nothing."

"Honey, this meant something to me. And the fact that she meant nothing to you...It doesn't make this any easier. I'm trying to forgive, but that doesn't mean it's forgotten. When I look at you, I see your face when I walked in and you couldn't look at me. So for right now, I can't be here, ok? I respected it when you said it when Dean was gone. And I need you to respect it now."

He'd shoved his hands in his jacket pockets and stepped back from the bike. You held your shit together until you turned onto the main road that took you to the smaller hotel. Once out of his sight, alternating waves of emotion went through your body. Finally downshifting and riding as fast as you dared to the hotel so you could break down in private. 

**********  
A double room was all they had vacant. The one time you check in alone and you can't get a single bed. Backing Your Girl into the spot in front of the door you'd been assigned, a couple people peeked out their windows at the rumble of her engine. Smiling to yourself, you couldn't help but wonder what they thought of you. Throwing your leg over the seat and unstrapping the helmet, you shook out your hair and decided to take on the persona of a tough, mysterious, biker chick. They didn't need to know you were about to throw yourself face first on the bed and cry yourself to sleep. 

Once inside you stripped off your leathers and tossed your small duffle on one of the beds. Realizing you had absolutely no alcohol, you stomped your feet and made your way to the door. It was too much work to get suited up again to ride to the liquor store and you remembered passing one about a block from the motel. Taking off your shoulder holster but leaving your knife sheathed at your hip, you locked the door to your room and made the short jaunt.

Just a six pack and a pint of Jack. That was all you allowed yourself to pick up. If you got more, you'd get sloppy and pay for it with a hangover in the morning. Riding and hangovers were never a good combination. Your phone buzzed in your pocket and Dean's name lit up the screen. You answered, even though you didn't want to, because he'd keep calling until you did.

"Yeah? What do you want, Dean."

"Did you get to a motel OK? I thought you'd call or somethin'."

"Yeah, I'm fine. How's everything with jerk face?"

"He's moping. Fuck it. Let 'im mope for a while. You gonna want to head to Bobby's tomorrow?"

With a heavy sigh you wedged your phone between your cheek and shoulder. "Probably. Call me when you're leaving and I'll be ready."

After quick good nights and I love yous. You tossed your phone on the table with your keys. Flopping down on the bed with your pint and two beers, you grabbed the remote and flipped the channels until you found an infomercial. You were dreading the thoughts that were going to be battling in your brain, but before you could open your second beer, you'd fallen asleep fully clothed. 

*********  
It took you a minute to remember why you were still dressed in bed when you woke up. There was a pit of dread in your stomach. The thought of spending another day staring at the back of Sam's head, wishing you had clippers, made you want to bang your face against the wall. Going to the bathroom to pee, you decided to brush your teeth and get ready to leave. At least having a motorcycle afforded you the luxury of being alone. The bicker brothers would be in their own space and you could just...be. The only chance for sanity was Your Girl. 

Once you started gathering your few belongings, it was quick work getting everything ready to go. By the time you strapped the saddle bags closed, Baby's rumble came up behind you. The driver's window was down and Dean's arm was propped up on the door frame. 

"Wanna race?" Dean was trying to masking his exhaustion with his coy little crooked grin, but the circles under his eyes gave him away.

"Wanna lose? You were supposed to call remember?"

Dean threw Baby into park and climbed his bow legged way out of the car. You were about to lean into him and kiss him good morning, but Sam came around the front making things weird.

"Hey, _____. Need any help before we head out?" Fucking puppy dog eyes.

"Yeah, Sam. Can you turn in my room key and check me out? That would be awesome." He took the key from you and trotted across the parking lot. He seemed happy to have something to do. When he rounded the corner, Dean leaned in and snuck a quick kiss.

"So, me and Sam did some talking about the "us" situation. We agreed that it's a you and me situation right now, if that's alright. Neither one of you is ready to work it out and our plate is just a little too full for other crap. You know?"

"I know, honey. I'm ok with it or me and you or whatever we're gonna call this. How do I make it not weird with Sam though?"

"He wants to take us to breakfast so we can talk. Especially to you." Dean's hands were at your hips, toying with your wallet chain. "I promise I won't let it get awkward, ok? Trust me?"

"With everything I am, honey." You giggled when he nuzzed his cheek against your neck, a day's worth of growth rubbing roughly against you.

"Dean, you wanna ride bitch with her or what?" Sam's eyes were bright and his smile was surprisingly relaxed when he walked up behind the two of you. 

"C'mon, Dean! Just to the diner! I swear it'll be fun. I'll be nice." The thought of his legs on either side of your hips and sharing that freedom with him was enough to make you dance from one foot to the other. "Please! Pleasepleaseplease!" 

"_____, I don't have a helmet. I refuse to do this unless-"

"I've got an extra! Sam, under the back seat!" Pulling out the skull cap, Sam smiled as he walked it over to his brother.

"You aren't chicken are ya?" Dean glared up at Sam, he knew he couldn't back out now. "Just to the diner. I'll follow."

"Goddammit! Fine!" Snatching the helmet and stomping towards the bike, 'Dean the five year old' was on full display. "Let's go! Before I change my mind."

Throwing your leg over the seat, you brought your girl up level and turned the engine over. "Those are the passenger pegs. Stand on one with your left and throw your leg over to the other one." His thighs slammed shut when you revved her just a little. "Honey! Relax" And he did when your hand reached back and patted his leg. "Put your hands on my hips. Just enjoy the ride. I'm in charge."

Dropping her into first gear, Sam waved from inside Baby. His smile was ear to ear, obviously entertained by his brothers fear. Nodding your head in his direction and pulling out of your spot, you took it slow through the parking lot. Dean's legs relaxed as you went and you could feel him wiggle a little in his seat, making himself comfortable. The tension in his legs made a surge when you pulled out onto the street. They relaxed after he saw you were still taking it slow. He was barely touching your waist when you hit third gear. Jesus, this was hot. You knew it would be sexy, but fuck! When you settled back against him, his hands rose up on your ribs, settling just under the swell of your breast.

At a stop light, he leaned up so you could hear him. "You doin' alright there, ____?"

"Oh, I'm fine." You had to call back over your shoulder for him to hear you. "I'm just really hungry and wanna get to the diner, ya know?" His grip tightened when he realized what you were alluding to. "Gonna have to hurry to beat that morning rush." 

When the light turned green the 'ka-thunk' of the transmission hitting first startled Dean enough to make him tighten his grip around your ribs. By the time you hit second, his arms were wrapped around you firmly and by third gear, his chest was heaving as the shouts rang over your ears. It took you a minute to realize they weren't frightened shouts. He was hootin' and hollerin', genuinely having fun.

He lept off the bike as soon as you came to a stop, peeling off his helmet and grabbing the back of yours to smack a happy kiss against your mouth. Putting down the kickstand and killing the engine, you watched wide eyed while he smiled and rambled on like a happy kid that just got off the best roller coaster EVER!

"Wow! That was just...wow! Ya know, I really didn't want to ride this thing. Hell. I'll even admit I was scared. But that was fucking awesome! Is it always that awesome? We were going so fast! Was that even safe? And the vibrations? I mean, my balls are a little numb, but you could just feel that power coiled and then - BAM - she exploded!" Sam was pulling the Impala in two spots down and Dean was still going on and on. Taking the helmet from his hand before he hit someone with it and resting it in your lap, you nodded at his brother walking up behind him.

Dean turned and grabbed Sam by the shoulders, shaking him while he talked. "Sammy! Did you see that? We were going so fast! I'm surprised she didn't get pulled over. Babe, how fast were we going?!"

"About 40 miles an hour." Dean stopped mid rant and looked at you in disbelief.

"Don't be an ass. How fast for real?"

"40 miles an hour, honey."

Sam's body doubled over on itself when the waves of laughter washed over him. Dean glared from you to the hunched back of his little brother trying not to piss his pants. Turning to stomp to the diners entrance, he threw "You're 40 miles an hour..." over his shoulder. All that did was make you and Sam dissolve into another fit of giggles. 

**********  
Sam's hand was on the small of your back, guiding you to the table Dean had secured. He purposefully avoided your eyes when you slid in next to him and gripped his thigh.

"Honey, I'm sorry. We both are. It was just sweet. You don't usually get excited like that." 

"Yeah, well, I've never ridden a motorcycle before. I see why you like it."

"You can ride bitch with me anytime, Dean." He leaned in for a kiss and you stopped him short, feeling Sam's eyes on you.

"Alright, you two gotta get over this." Sam rested his elbows on the table and took a deep breath. "_____, I love you. I always will. You gave me, us, something I couldn't ever imagine. I fucked that up. But you and Dean, didn't miss a beat. You guys fell right back into the groove of things. And I'm ok with that." His sad eyes betrayed him and he knew it. "I'm never going to be over you, but seeing you happy makes it hurt less. You and Dean do your thing. Don't hold back. I may never fit back in, but if things change we can discuss it."

He leaned back, gave you each his upside down smile, letting you know he was done. Dean rested his hand over yours under the table and gave it a squeeze. It was still gonna be weird, but you two would try to respect Sam's position. Through it all you couldn't shake the feeling that Sam was still hiding something. Before you could even order food, Dean's phone rang and you could hear Bobby's voice on the line.

"We're on our way." He snapped the phone closed and put it back in his pocket. "Gotta go. I'm driving. Not getting on that thing with her again. She just makes fun of me."

**********  
You pulled into Bobby's yard behind Baby, heavy with road dirt and sweat. There was bug guts on your glasses and Dean found it amusing when Sam pretended his fingers were windshield wipers when he brushed them off.

"Dammit Sam! Now you get to clean them." 

"You kids can't hold off on fighting till you get in the house?" Hopping off Your Girl, you ran up the stairs and wrapped your arms around your friends neck. He hugged back and rocked you back and forth. "Always good to see you, girlie. You keeping them in line?"

Pulling yourself back enough to see his face, you scoffed and shook your head. "Keeping them in line is like nailing Jello to a tree."

"Don't I know it. Boys! Get in the house before I lock you out." Obedient to Bobby's direction, they followed you inside.

**********  
Bobby sat behind his desk with a pile of books in front of him. Sam was sitting in a chair in the opposite corner talking to Dean, who was standing beside the couch you'd taken up residence on.

Sam's voice was tight with frustration. "Well, then tell me what else it could be?"

"Look, all I know is I was not groped by an angel!" Dean's hands spread in defiance of Sam's suggestion.

Piping up and inserting yourself into the conversation, you tried to reason with your bull headed, green eyed man. "Okay, look, Dean. Why do you think this Castiel would lie to you about it?"

"Maybe he's some kind of demon. Demons lie." His last sentence was dismissive and clipped.

Bobby looked up from his research and observed the three of you.

"A demon who's immune to salt rounds and devil's traps... and Ruby's knife? Dean, Lilith is scared of that thing!" Sam was pushing hard and Dean set his jaw, pushing back.

"Don't you think that if angels were real, that some hunter somewhere would have seen one... at some point... ever?"

"Yeah. You just did, Dean." You were pushing just as hard as Sam.

Dean shook his head and slumped his shoulders. "I'm trying to come up with a theory here. Okay? Work with me guys."

"Dean, we have a theory. If you'd just listen to _____ and I, that's all we're asking for." 

Spinning on his heel, he made his way to the arm chair in front of Bobby's desk and flopped down. "Yeah, one with a little less fairy dust on it, please."

"Okay, look. We're not saying we know for sure. We're just saying that we think we --"

"Okay, okay. That's the point. We don't know for sure, so I'm not gonna believe that this thing is a freaking Angel of the Lord because it says so!" Dean's head was leaned back and his hands were rubbing over his face.

"You two chuckleheads want to keep arguing religion, or do you want to come take a look at this?" You couldn't help but notice that Bobby had omitted you from the chucklehead group, but he motioned for you to come stand next to him while Sam sat in the chair next to his brother.

"I got stacks of lore -- Biblical, pre-Biblical. Some of it's in damn cuneiform. It all says an angel can snatch a soul from the pit." If anyone was going to figure this out, it was the grumpy old man who's house you were currently standing in.

"What else?" Dean was as stubborn as a mule and it was flat out pissing you off.

"What else, what?" Your voice cracked and was just shy of a shout. "Dean, honey, I don't like my voice like this. Will you just.fucking.listen?"

"No, _____. I wanna know. What else could do it?"

Graceful as always, Bobby addressed Dean. He really didn't give a fuck if he pissed the man off. "Airlift your ass out of the hot box? As far as I can tell, nothing."

Sam jumped back in for the first time since sitting in the chair. "Dean, this is good news"

Snapping his head to face Sam, his voice snapped just as hard. "How? How is this possibly good news, man?"

He sighed and jumped right in. Hope rang out when he spoke. "Because for once, this isn't just another round of demon crap. I mean, maybe you were saved by one of the good guys, you know?"

Dean pointed a finger at Sam and posed the next question directly at him. "Okay. Say it's true. Say there are angels. Then what? There's a God?"

You really didn't like all the anger he was deflecting at Sam. The guy didn't deserve it. Trying to give Sam a break, you pulled Dean's attention back to you. "At this point, Vegas money's on yeah."

"I don't know, guys." He looked defeated. Even in the face of good news, he still denied he deserved anything positive could possibly be seen in him.

Sam took over again. He knew this part of Dean better than you did. "Okay, look. I know you're not all choirboy about this stuff, but this is becoming less and less about faith and more and more about proof."

"Proof?" He looked at Sam like he had grown a third ear on his forehead.

"Yes. Proof."

"Proof that there's a God out there that actually gives a crap about me personally? I'm sorry, but I'm not buying it."

You walked around the desk and settled your butt on it to face Dean. "Brass tax says he gives a crap about all of us. So, why not?"

"Because why me? If there is a God out there, why would he give a crap about me?"

That stung. The words the angel had spoken to him in the warehouse echoed in your mind. 'You don't think you deserve to be saved.'

"I mean, I've saved some people, okay? I figured that made up for the stealing and the ditching chicks. But why do I deserve to get saved? I'm just a regular guy."

"Apparently, you're a regular guy that's important to the man upstairs, honey."

"Well, that creeps me out. I mean, I don't like getting singled out at birthday parties, much less by... God."

"Okay, well, too bad, Dean, because I think he wants you to strap on your party hat." You side eyed Sam, his attempts at humor tended to be untimely. 

"Fine." He hadn't caved, but at least he was open to information. "What do we know about angels?"

Bobby picked up a pile of fat and weighty looking books and put them next to you so they were in front of Dean. "Start reading."

Dean looked at the pile of books, and turned towards Sam. "You're gonna get me some pie." He grabbed a book from the top of the pile and you took the one under it, setting it on you lap and cracking open the cover.

**********

 

Making your way out of the kitchen, you pulled the curtains aside and looked for the Impala. Sam had been gone too long. Dean was elbow deep in the stack Bobby had pulled out for him and hadn't noticed the passing time. Moving the curtain allowed a bright patch of sunlight to fall across his eye and drew his attention to you. 

"What you doin', babe?" He closed the book and checked his watch. "What the fuck is keeping Sam?"

Bobby had come back into the room, phone in hand. "He needs to get his ass back here. We got something to check out. _____, I'm gonna need you to ride with the boys. Keep us all together. Get your med kit out of the bike, we might need it."

The thought of going out and actually doing something excited you. It had been a long time since you sat in that big leather back seat, and it honestly made your heart pitter patter in your chest. Leaving the guys to talk, you made your way to Your Girl and opened the saddle bag. When you turned to walk back in, you could see the trail of dust kicked up by the Impala. 

"Bobby! Sam's here!"

When Baby rolled to a stop, Bobby was already approaching the driver's side and you were climbing into the back seat.

"Keep the engine running, boy."

"Why? What's going on?" There was a crack in Sam's voice. Like he'd been busted doing something wrong. His body twisted to watch what you were doing.

"I got a friend one state over -- Olivia Lowry. I've been trying to reach her for three days on this angel thing. It's not like her to ignore this many calls."

"Olivia Lowry -- she's a hunter, right?" Sam looked at the med kit and turned to pay attention to Bobby.

"Yeah. We're gonna go check on her. You guys follow me." Bobby sauntered off to his car and Dean immediately took his place. He opened the door and waved a hand, motioning for Sam to scoot over. Once he was settled, he grabbed the bag of food in between them and looked inside.

"Dude? Where's the pie?"

**********  
Sam and Dean kept you between them, behind Bobby, when the four of you entered Olivia's house. Each of you were armed with handguns and your bag of medical supplies was slung over your back. 

Bobby called out for his friend while he set off on a search of the house. The smell that burned behind your eyes was unmistakable. Somewhere close there was a shit ton of blood. Following behind his tattered baseball cap too close, you ended up smacking your face against his shoulder when he stopped. Olivia's body was spread out on the floor, covered in blood. There was no possible way she was alive. Your heart broke for Bobby when he turned to leave the room, bumping shoulders with Dean on the way out. 

"Salt line." Sam squeezed your shoulder and pointed at the doorway. "You alright, _____?" It had been a long time, but not long enough, since you'd seen a body torn apart like this. It used to be an everyday occurrence. Sometimes, you feel like that was a different lifetime. Almost like it never happened. 

"Yeah, Sam. Just didn't expect...this."

Dean pulled the EMF meter from the dead woman's hand. "Olivia was rocking the EMF meter."

"Spirit activity?" Dean looked up at you and grinned a little, smiling at your knowledge.

"Yeah -- on steroids. I never seen a ghost do this to a person." Olivia's torso had been ripped apart. Ribs exposed and cracked open..

Bobby came back into the room, phone in hand and purposefully diverted his eyes from the body on the floor. As you walked to him, you leaned in so you could catch his eye. 

"Bobby, you all right?"

He blinked a couple times and held up the phone in his hand. "I called some hunters nearby..."

"Good. We can use their help." Using his thighs for support, Dean stood up and took up space next to you. 

"...except they ain't answering their phones either."

There was a sinking feeling in your gut. Like right before a mass trauma hits the ambulance bay. "Something's up, huh?"

"You think?" It wasn't like him to snap at you, but if hunters were being targeted, you were all in trouble. Bobby walked out of the room and the brothers looked at each other, concerned.

**********

Walking out of the house, you found bowlegs planted and a phone to his ear. "Jed, Dean Winchester again -- friend of Bobby Singer's. Look, we think something's happening. We think it's happening to hunters. Just want to make sure you're okay. Call me back."

"Anything?" Tucking the phone in his pocket, he curled an arm around your shoulder and pulled you in close. He pressed a kiss to the top of your head.

"Nope. Stay close to one of us at all times, ok? Something's going on here and it ain't good." You snuggled into his chest and nodded, trying not to make a big deal about it, but you were terrified. Like piss your pants, snot bubble cry scared. "C'mon. We're going to Jackson to see about a man named Jed."

**********

Sam was waiting while you examined Jed's body. "It's the same, Sam. But he seemed to have put up more of a fight. That led to more guts, more blood and more spray." If you were honest with yourself, Shrek looked a little pale. "You ok, Buddy? Need me to get Donkey?"

Bitch face triggered! "Yeah, whatever. Go ahead and get your stuff. We need to see what Dean's found out from Bobby." 

Once you'd snapped your gloves into the corner, Sam offered a hand up. Your hand felt so small in his. There was a beat too long that you didn't let go. You just stood there watching his thumb trace back and forth across the veins in your hand. 

"Hey. We gotta go, _____."

"Yeah. Yeah!" You used an uncomfortable laugh to try and sound smooth, but it didn't help in the slightest. Thoughts were racing in your head. 

'No! No no no nononono. I am NOT ready for this. I am mad at him. Ugh, why is he so tall? No. Jerk face. Is he smiling like that on purpose?! Fucking dimple user.'

He was right on your heels when you stepped off the porch. Getting close enough, you could tell Dean was talking to Bobby. "We're in Jackson. It's not pretty. He looks even worse than Olivia. What about you?"

Whatever Bobby said didn't make him feel any better. "What the hell is going on here, Bobby? Why did a bunch of ghosts suddenly want to gank off-duty hunters?" He nodded and spoke again before snapping the phone shut. "We're on our way."

Without a word, the three of you made your way back to Baby. For once you were thankful you didn't ride here alone. Alone was the one thing you didn't want to be. Your boys would protect you. With their lives if need be.

**********  
"Guys? I need a potty break. Do we have a gas stop coming up soon?" You'd all been sitting in relative silence since leaving Jackson. 

"Yeah, babe. I'm gonna pull over at the next service station. I'm surprised Sammy hasn't said anything yet. He's got a bladder the size of a dixie cup."

Looking insulted, Shrek turned to Donkey. "Jerk."

"Bitch." 

"You guys are killing me with the brotherly love. Warms the cockles of my heart. Like, down below the cockles. The sub-cockles if you will." The three of you actually laughed for the first time in a while.

When the car stopped, you followed Sam around the corner to the bathrooms while Dean pumped the gas. "You wait for me right here. Got it."

You gave him a little salute before you walked in the door. "Will do."

After hovering to pee over the nasty ass toilet seat, you were standing at the sink washing your hands. When you exhaled, your breath was visible. The bathroom mirror glazed over with a foggy mist, that you wiped away with your hand. The man's reflection over your shoulder made you cry out for Sam. Sloan had been dead for years.

=Flashback to emergency room=

Running. You always seemed to be running on a Friday night graveyard shift. For some stupid reason, people like to try and kill other people during the night.

"I'm here, Doc! Where do you want me?" Dr. Sloan was your favorite doctor. He trusted you. He appreciated you. That was more than you got from most.

"I need you to hold his arms until he's restrained. C'mon, kid! I'm trying to save you here!" The boy on the gurney wasn't more than 14 years old. "_____, do you see an exit wound?"

The kid was shot in the leg. When he kicked out at you, you could see the underside and there was nothing there. 

"No. Jesus Fuck, he's strong! Susan, get his other arm!" Susan was your shadow, first year RN. She went to grab his arm, but hesitated at the last moment. Problem was, you'd already let go. The kid swung with his free arm and grabbed a scalpel off the tray. He slammed it into Sloan's neck and you watched in horror as he fell to the ground.

Letting go of one arm had been a mistake. Letting go of the second was a stupid mistake. You turned and fell to your knees, pressing your hand over the wound in the doctor's neck that was spraying in time with his heart beat. 

"Sloan! Fuck. I need help!" The blood was pouring over your hand and onto the floor. The kid, who's name you'd never remember, jumped off the bed and pushed his way, limping out of the trauma bay. You didn't see what happened to him, but the gunshot told you that security took care of the issue.

Focusing things back to the man in your arms, you could see him slipping away. The blood wasn't pumping the way it was at first. The light went out in his eyes and you could tell he was gone.

=Present Day=

"Dr. Sloan?"

"Yeah. Surprised? I'm dead, in case you were wondering. You dropped that kids arm and he killed me. So in essence, it's your fault, you know."

"Doc, I didn't do anything I thought would..." Before you could finish your sentence, Sloan grabbed the front of your shirt and hauled you up so you were face to face with him.

"You let the newbie try to help. She was your charge, your responsibility! She fucks up and it's your fault."

"I didn't think..." Sloan tossed you across the cramped room, bouncing you off the sink in the process. He walked over to you and kicked you in the side, cracking ribs. 

He grabbed the back of your hair and pulled, arching your back and making you face him, you could feel the ribs cracking further. "That's right, you sloppy fucking nurse. You. Didn't. Think." When he let go, your face crashed into the tiles, crunching your nose and spurting blood down your lip.

He was hauling back to kick you again when the shot rang out, sparking and smoking out the ghost that was obviously trying to kill you. Dean and Sam were behind the space where he had been towering over you, smoke curling from the barrel of the shotgun in the shorter brothers hands. Sam's face was bloody, too. You could see his eye swelling shut when he hurried over and scooped you up. He flinched when you screamed out, grabbing your side.

"We gotta go, kid. Something isn't right." Dean held the door open while you were carted off.

"Ya, think?!"

**********

"_____, who was that? Why was he attacking you?"

You were holding a cold pack from your med kit against your nose. "He was a doctor that died on my watch. Said it was all my fault. My fuck up that killed him. Sam, what beat the shit out of you?"

"Remember the sheriff's station with the demons? He was the federal agent that died in the explosion. Seems he blames me for it." 

Dean turned to look at you and then Sam. "Ok! So we have a common theme going here. Let's just get to Bobby's and find out what this means. He hasn't answered his phone though. That's not making me feel any better."

**********

The three of you entered the house, guns cocked and loaded. Dean called out for Bobby cautiously. There was no response, but there was an iron poker on the ground.

Pointing to the stairs, Dean doled out assignments. "I'll go. You check outside."

"Honey, what about me?" You were completely lost and didn't know what to do. Running into Sloan again was not at the top of your bucket list.

When Dean looked to Sam for input, the response he got made sense. "Keep her with you. There's too much open space outside."

Nodding in agreement, he did the thing that he did when he wasn't fucking around. Pointing a finger at you and looking up the stairs he barked out his order. "Stay close. Don't lose sight of me. Point out the good doctor if you see him. Fucked up my girl's face. He's goin' to hell for that."

After climbing the stairs, he moved from door to door, calling out louder than before. "Bobby?" Every room was empty and you were getting more and more panicky about Bobby. The dread of finding his chest ripped open was getting heavy in your gut and causing the bile to rise in the back of your throat. Dean opened another door, slowly, but no one was inside.

"Come out, come out, whoever you are." 

"Seriously. DeNiro?" On cue, a woman you didn't recognize with shoulder-length brown hair appeared behind him. "Dean!" 

He spun in the direction you'd pointed and raised his shotgun at her. "Dean Winchester. Still so bossy. You don't recognize me?" There was a flash of faint recognition on his face before she gave him a clue. "This is what I looked like before that demon cut off my hair and dressed me like a slut."

"Meg?" His voice was faint with disbelief.

"Hi. It's okay, I'm not a demon."

Completely confused you spoke without thinking. "Meg? Who's Meg?" She turned on you and with a wave of her hand she threw you against the wall, pinning you there. The impact woke up the pain in your side and you cried out against it.

"You're the girl the demon possessed." Dean was putting the pieces together.

"Meg Masters. Nice to finally talk to you when I'm not, you know, choking on my own blood." She held her hands out in front of her, palms out. "It's okay. Seriously, I'm just a college girl. Sorry -- was. I was walking home one night and got jumped by all this smoke. Next thing you know, I'm a prisoner..." She tapped her finger to the side of her head. "...in here. Now, I was awake. I had to watch while she murdered people."

"I'm sorry." It broke your heart how much regret and sincerity was in those two words.

"Oh, yeah? So sorry you had me thrown off a building?"

"What? Dean?" She spun and threw out her hand, harder this time. The breath knocked out of your chest with a grunt. 

"Hey! Winchester Fuck Toy, speak only when spoken to."

Dean was still trying to placate her while nervously watching you. "Look, we thought --"

"No, you didn't think! I kept waiting, praying! I was trapped in there screaming at you! 'Just help me, please!' You're supposed to help people, Dean. Why didn't you help me?" You couldn't help but compare her words to Sloan's. 

"I'm sorry." He looked small, like he just couldn't think of anything else to say.

"Stop saying you're sorry!" She slapped him across the face with such force that it knocked him to the floor in front of you. .

"Meg. Meg.." He was holding up his hands defensively. Meg hauled back and kicked him. "We didn't know." Dean's voice had picked up volume. He was almost shouting his words.

"No... You just attacked. Did you ever think there was a girl in here? No. You just charged in, slashing and burning. You think you're some kind of hero?"

"No, I don't." There was truth in that statement. His self hatred evident. 

She had a hold on the front of his jacket. There was a flash of a brand on her hand that you almost missed. "You're damn right. Do you have any idea what it's like to be ridden for months by pure evil... while your family has no idea what happened to you?"

"We did the best we could." He was finding new words to try and convey his remorse.

She shoved him back against the floor and kicked him again. "It wasn't just me, Dean. I had a sister. A little sister. She worshiped me. You know how little siblings are, right? How they'll do anything for you. She was never the same after I disappeared. She just... she just got lost. And when my body was lying in the morgue beat-up and broken..."

Dean's eyes were wet with tears. "...Meg."

"Do you know what that did to her? She killed herself!" Punctuating her point, she kicked him in the gut. "Because of you, Dean! Because all you were thinking about was your family, your revenge, and your demons! 50 words of Latin a little sooner, and I'd still be alive. My baby sister would still be alive. That blood is on your hands, Dean!"

"You're right." He was trying to roll away and gain his footing. She kicked him square in the kidney. He'd be pissing blood later. Desperately looking for a way out of this, you willed Dean to look at you again. Letting out a cry of pain got his attention and you looked from Meg to the ceiling and back to him. Still on the ground, he rolled and aimed his gun at Meg. 

"Come on, Dean, did your brain get french-fried in Hell? You can't shoot me with bullets."

"I'm not shooting you." His upper lip twitched and exposed his front teeth. Aiming his gun at the ceiling, he shot at the big ornate chandelier. It fell directly on Meg, smoking her out the same way Sloan did. 

You dropped to the ground as soon as she was gone, spell breaking. "Iron. Good catch, babe." Dean helped you stand. "I'll explain Meg later." Ugh, these Winchesters and their women. 

**********  
Everyone was in the study. After sharing stories and explaining why those particular ghosts were there, you went balls deep into patching everyone. Bobby was more dehydrated than anything. Between the scare it gave him and being out in that hot van, he was looking pretty rough. Giving him some water you gave him directions to stay in his chair. 

Sam had a pretty good knot on the back of his head, but the neuro exam didn't lean towards a concussion. Giving him an ice pack, you instructed him to stay in his seat and to let you know if he got nauseous. 

Dean didn't look any worse than after a bar fight and kept swatting your hands away when you were checking his face wounds. Finally grabbing his chin and making him look at you he shut his eyes until you'd decided nothing was too severe. "Honey, I need to see your back. She got you pretty good in the kidneys."

"No! I'll take some Tylenol and it will be fine."

Hands on hips, your stance was somewhere between Mommy Dearest and Nurse Wratchet. "Dean, I swear on my tits, if you don't cooperate I'm gonna finish what that bitch started."

Bobby crossed his arms and sat back to watch the show while Sam stifled a laugh in his fist. Rolling his eyes and turning his back, Dean lifted his shirt and let you check his flanks. One side was angry red and when you bumped it with the heel of your hand, he almost hit his knees. "Ok, bruised kidney. I need to know if you start seeing blood in your pee."

Knowing that he'd been proved wrong and a weakness had been pointed out, he did what he did best, deflected. "What about you! Your nose? Your ribs?" 

"I'll tape my ribs in a minute. And this isn't the first time I've busted my nose. Move, asshole." Dean stepped aside and let you approach a dusty mirror on the wall. Placing your fingers on either side of the crooked bridge, you took a deep breath and snapped it into place. Sam's face was somewhere between disgust and awe. You wiped away the fresh trickle of blood with the back of your hand. "So, these are all people we know?"

"Not just know. People we couldn't save. Hey, I saw something on Meg. Did she have a tattoo when she was alive?" Dean lowered himself very gingerly to the couch.

Sam shrugged and shook his head. "I don't think so." 

"It was like a-a mark on her hand -- almost like a brand."

"I saw a mark, too, on Henriksen." Eyes going wide, they did that weird thing where they moved as one and looked at you.

"Sloan had one too. On his hand."

Bobby looked around the room before finally barking into the stalled conversation. "What did it look like?"

"Uh, paper?" Bobby tossed you a pad and pencil. "Thanks." Once you sketched it out, you held it out to the brothers.

"That's it. Sam?"

"Yeah, not bad _____."

Bobby's hand was on your shoulder while he tilted his head to get a better look at the symbol. "I may have seen this before. We got to move. Follow me."

You trusted Bobby implicitly and followed him without question. Sam on the other hand was huffy and full of questions. "Okay, where are we going?"

The old guy stopped in his tracks again, making you almost slam your nose on his shoulder. After giving you an annoyed glance, he hollered at Sam as he walked away. "Some place safe, you idjit." Grabbing an arm load of books he headed for the basement with the three of you in tow.


	19. Nightmares and Dreams

Once everyone made it to the bottom of the stairs, Bobby turned and wound his way through the shelves until he reached a large door, like something out of a submarine. Pulling it open and gesturing you all inside. The room was made totally from iron. There were pentagrams and Devil's Traps everywhere in the room.

Sam stood in the middle of the big open room, jaw slack, amazed. "Bobby, is this..."

"Yeah, Sam. Solid iron. Completely coated in salt. 100% ghost-proof."

When you took the books from his hands, you smiled up at Bobby. "You built a panic room?"

He returned your smile with a no-big-deal shrug. "I had a weekend off."

"Hey, Bobby?"

He rolled his eyes in exasperation and turned to Dean. "What?"

Pointing one finger his way, he gave him a crooked grin. "You're awesome."

**********

Making salt rounds at one of the work tables, you noticed that Dean's leg was bouncing up and down. Sam was getting hella annoyed at it and you tried, in vain, to make conversation. "So did you guys know that they have Blackberry burners now? Sam, you could do research on the go!"

"See, this is why I can't get behind God." Dean had dropped his tools on the table and rocked back in his chair. Apparently, you'd have to talk about cell phones later. 

"Ok, Captain Random. What are you talking about, honey."

"If he doesn't exist, fine. Bad crap happens to good people. That's how it is. There's no rhyme or reason -- just random, horrible, evil -- I get it, okay. I can roll with that. But if he is out there, what's wrong with him? Where the hell is he while all these decent people are getting torn to shreds? How does he live with himself? You know, why doesn't he help?"

Bobby didn't even glance up from the lore book he had on his lap. "I ain't touching this one with a 10-foot pole. Anyway, found it."

You stood and tried to stretch, but the pain in your side stopped you. "What did you find, old man."

He turned the book around so you could see it.."The symbol you saw -- the brand on the ghosts...It's the Mark of the Witness."

Sam had joined the two of you and took the book from Bobby's hands. "Witness? Witness to what?" You had to tiptoe. Trying to see the book in Sam's hands.

Taking off his cap and rubbing his hand down his beard, Bobby exposed his exhaustion. "The unnatural. None of them died what you'd call ordinary deaths. See, these ghosts -- they were forced to rise. They woke up in agony. They were like rabid dogs. It ain't their fault. Someone rose them... on purpose."

You winced when Dean's hand grazed your side, so he dropped it to your hip. "Who? Who would do this?"

Tired Bobby is Cranky Bobby. "Do I look like I know? But whoever it was used a spell so powerful it left a mark, a brand on their souls. Whoever did this had big plans. It's called "the rising of the witnesses." It figures into an ancient prophecy."

"Wait, wait. What -- what book is that prophecy from?" Sam had brought the book up to his nose, dashing any hope you had of reading along.

"Well, the widely distributed version is just for tourists, you know. But long story short -- Revelations. This is a sign, boys...and girl."

"A sign of what?" The book had dropped to waist level and that let you see passages, but Shrek snapped the book shut before you could read anything.

"It's the apocalypse, isn't it Bobby?" Both boys snapped their heads at each other and then to you between them. "I'm a recovering Catholic. If they teach you anything, it's fear of the end." 

"Apocalypse? The apocalypse, apocalypse? The four horsemen, pestilence, $5-a-gallon-gas apocalypse?"

"That's the one, Dean. The rise of the witnesses is a -- a mile marker. And as for you, _____. You coulda piped up at anytime." 

For as pissed as you were at Sam, he still distracted Bobby from making you uncomfortable. You'd have to thank him for that later. "Okay, so, what do we do now?"

"Road trip. Grand Canyon, Star Trek Experience. Bunny Ranch." Dean gave you that cute little smile that faded when he saw you weren't amused.

"First things first. How about we survive our friends out there?" Sam tossed the book back to the table next to Bobby. 

"Great. Any ideas aside from staying in this room until Judgment Day, guys?"

"Look, it's a spell..." Bobby picked up a page of notes and waved them. "...to send the witnesses back to rest. Should work."

"Should? Great." Sam was understandably frustrated, but there was something else there. He was itchy and jumpy. Maybe even twitchy.

"Hey, Sam! It's better than nothing. And if I've translated it correctly, I think I got everything we need here at the house."

"Any chance you got everything we need here in this room?" Facing demons, you didn't know you had, just didn't seem like fun at all.

"So, as a recovering Catholic, you thought our luck was gonna start now all of a sudden? Spell's got to be cast over an open fire."

"We gotta hit the fireplace in the library, don't we."

Bobby gave you the gunshot finger and tried to give you a meek smile. "Bingo."

"That's just not as appealing as a, uh, ghost-proof panic room, you know?" The look on Dean's face was somewhere between concern and fear.

"Suck it up, buttercup. Time to sac up and go after these things." Dean caught the shotgun you tossed over to him and Sam picked one up as well. 

Before opening the door, Bobby turned, serious to the three of you. "Cover each other. And aim careful. Don't run out of ammo until I'm done, or they'll shred you. Ready?"

He opened the door. letting Sam lead you all out of the room and towards the stairs. There was a man sitting on the landing, blocking the way. He was a young man in his early 20s with curly hair.

"Hey, Dean. You remember me?"

"Ronald, huh? With the laser eyes? I wish I could say it's good to see you." What the hell! Where did this guy come from?!

"I am dead because of you. You were supposed to help me!"

The shotgun blast from next to your head made your ears ring, but Ronald smoked out and cleared the staircase.

Bobby, who'd fired the shot into Ronald's ghost, pushed past you and started climbing the stairs. "If you're gonna shoot, shoot. Don't talk."

**********  
In the living room, Sam created a salt circle and Dean started the fire.

Bobby sent you to start gathering the things he needed for the spell. "Upstairs, linen closet -- red hex box. It'll be heavy."

"Got it." You didn't look back at the brothers, you just couldn't take the 'Oh no! She can't go alone' look they would have on their faces. Bobby trusted your abilities, it was time they did, too. 

Half way up the stairs, the first shotgun blast came from the living room, you ducked your head but kept running. Once you were on the landing, there were two more shots. Shit was getting real down there.

You could hear Bobby ordering the boys around down there. "Kitchen. Cutlery drawer. It's got a false bottom. Hemlock, opium, wormwood." There were two more shots that rang out through the house, making you duck instinctively. 

In the linen closet, it was easy to find the red box. Bobby wasn't kidding when he said it was heavy, but you could manage.

"You know what really pisses me off, _____?" Sloan had appeared when you closed the closet door. Bringing up the shotgun, you shot him in the chest.

"Salt, mother fucker. Salt should be pissing you off." Running down the stairs as fast as your legs would hold the weight of the box, you took in the train wreck down stairs. Meg had Sam in the corner and Dean was nowhere to be seen. 

Sam had his gun raised, but hadn't fired yet. Meg was pleading with him, using an accusatory tone. "You saw how I suffered for months. I thought you must have learned something. I thought I died for something. But what you're doing with that demon, Ruby... How many innocent bodies has Ruby burned through for kicks? How many girls just like me? And you don't send her back to Hell? You're a monster!"

That made him fire off a shot. He knew you had heard Ruby's name when you shoved passed him and put the box on the desk. He stood guard while you and Bobby sorted out the stuff you needed for the spell. You could see into the kitchen where Dean was fighting with the false bottom of the drawer. The sliding doors suddenly slammed shut. You called out to him, starting to run for the door. 

"I'm all right, babe! Keep working!"

There was a chalk symbol on the desk and Bobby who'd been telling you where to put stuff, emptied your hands and pushed you towards the kitchen door. "Go check Dean. He's been gone too long." Grabbing your shotgun you ran for the kitchen, slamming open the doors. Dean was on the floor and a bald man had his hand deep in his chest. Even with the tight quarters, you made a direct shot to the man's head and he smoked out. Dean was gasping for air and clutching his chest when you rushed to check on him. "You all right, honey?"

He was still clutching his chest when he looked around the room. "No! What the fuck is going on?!"

"Let's go. Bobby should be ready." Gathering the things Bobby needed from the false bottom drawer and tossing him his shotgun again, you grabbed his arm and pulled him back to the living room. 

The extra rounds were on the coffee table and Dean needed to reload. Ronald appeared again and stood in front of him. "Ronald. Hey, come on, man. I thought we were pals."

"That's when I was breathing. Now I'm gonna eat you alive."

"Well...come on, I'm not a cheeseburger." Finally the reloaded the shotgun raised at Ronald, but he vanished before Dean could fire off a shot. 

Bobby had started reciting the incantation in Latin and the windows blew open and a wind filled the room. Dr. Sloan walked in as the wind moved the salt. No longer protected by it, everyone was getting a little closer. 

Meg appeared and Sam quickly shot at her. Bobby continued to recite the spell and Dean fired at Ronald. Sloan made a move towards you, but Sam took care of him. Henriksen entered the room and your salt round flashed him out. 

"Bobby! Speed it up! Dean! Sam! I need more rounds!" Henrickson knocked the shells out of Dean's hands. Catching another shotgun that he tossed at you and taking aim at Sloan, you tried to fire it off, but it was empty. Grabbing an iron poker from the fireplace set, you swung it will all you had, screaming from the continued crunch in your side. 

Meg appeared and pushed Sam against the wall, trapping him there with a desk that slid against his thighs. Sam tried to push the desk away, but it wouldn't move. Dean called out to his brother and started to pull at the edge of the desk to get him free. 

Sam shoved him off and pushed him in the direction of the fireplace. "Cover Bobby!" Bobby kept going over the spell while Sam kept trying to push the desk pinning him to the wall. Two little girls were sitting on the desk, smiling up at him. 

Sloan showed up behind Bobby and shoved a fist into his back. The bowl, with spell ingredients, fell out of his hands and was headed to the floor. 

Bobby called out to Dean, who was closest to him. Dean dove for the bowl, catching it just before it hit the ground. "Fireplace!"

He threw the bowl in the fireplace and the flames burned a hot blue. The ghosts all disappeared, flickering like static. 

Everything was eerie and still until Dean saw Bobby on the floor. The three of you hurried to him and tried to help him up. He tried to wave you off, but it actually took him yelling and shoving to get you off of him.

Everyone did a check of everyone's wounds while Bobby went to get a broom for the spent shells on the floor. Sam had your face tilted up with a hand on either side of your jaw. You flinched when he prodded the bridge of your nose with his thumbs. "Sam, it can't be any broker than it already is."

Dean was rolling his shoulder and working out kinks from being tossed about. "Check her ribs, too."

"Fuck off, guys! I finally get some, actually get in the shit, and you two decide I'm made of glass! Did I get hurt? Yeah. Did I help? Fuck yeah! Did I hold my own? Damn straight I did. Y'all drug me along for this magic carpet ride, now let me fucking ride it!"

Sam was biting his lip, trying not to laugh at you. You cocked one eyebrow and silently dared him to say something. Apparently he was feeling brave, because he did.

"You wanna 'ride it'?" Giggles bubbled up out of Dean across the room before Sam finally gave in and laughed too. 

"Oh, you two can suck it. I'm not even talking to you." Grabbing on to Sam's wrists, you tried to pull his hands away, but he didn't budge.

Voice barely above a whisper, Sam held your face still for a split second. "I miss you."

"Yeah, me too." He responded to the firmer tug against his wrists. "But, no."

Bobby came back into the living room with ice packs and towels for everyone. "_____, you hit the shower first. After you I will. After that, these knuckle heads can fight over whos next. I'm sleeping upstairs. The rest of you can figure it out from there." 

Sam shifted away from you, visibly uncomfortable. "I call the couch." He smiled shyly, not enough to pop his dimple and looked away.

**********  
Leaving the bathroom in just your towel, you found your green eyed beauty on the bed waiting for you. Dean sat up quickly and spread his legs, making room and slapping the space one time. "You want some help, sugar tits?"

"Only if you promise to never call me that again." Dean took the towel from you and used it to squeeze the water out of your hair. "How's your kidney? Does it look like you're pissing Kool-Aid yet?"

"Not much. I'll be fine. I know you say your nose is fine. What about your ribs? Any trouble breathing?" He picked up your comb and started working it through your hair. 

"Sore, but I'm more worried about the double shiner I got here. Looks like I was dating Mike Tyson or something." There was a couple moments of comfortable silence before you couldn't hold it in anymore. "Dean, honey? So, is it just me or is Sam distracted? Like he's keeping secrets?" 

"That kid is full of secrets, but yeah. A little more than normal. I'm trying to keep an eye on him."

"Ok. Hey! What about your feathery friend? Seen him lately?"

"No, nothing. Why do you ask?"

"I dunno. You think he'd have more to say than, 'I raised you from perdition'?"

Dean chucked at your raspy Castiel impression while his arms unfolded and made space for you to crawl up into his lap. "You really do love me don't you, _____."

"Unconditionally, honey. But not enough for sex tonight. I'm sore and I can't breathe through my nose."

**********  
Alone in bed, you glanced at the clock on the night stand. It was a little after three am and the house was dark and quiet. Two distinct voices were trying to be quiet, but you padded your way through the house until you made it to the kitchen. 

Sam was still asleep on the couch with the blanket mostly kicked away. Turning to the other room, you could see the shadows of Dean and Castiel back-lit from the window over the sink.

"Excellent job with the witnesses. And _____, you've trained her well. She's brave." How could his voice be deeper than Dean's?

"You were hip to all this?"

"I was, uh, made aware."

If there was anytime to make yourself known, it was now. They guy HAD said you were part of Dean, right? "Well, thanks a lot for the angelic assistance. You know, he almost got his heart ripped out of his chest. Bobby almost died!"

"But that didn't happen, did it?"

Apparently Dean decided to gang up on the angel with you. "I thought angels were supposed to be guardians. Fluffy wings, halos -- you know, Michael Landon. Not dicks."

"Read the Bible. I know Catholics pick out the parts of the bible they want you to know, _____. But, angels are warriors of God. I'm a soldier."

"Yeah? Then, why didn't you fight?" He looked down his nose at you. Almost amused at your lack of respect for his position in the universe. "Did you just sit and watch us getting our asses handed to us?"

"I'm not here to perch on your shoulder. We had larger concerns."

Dean had stepped in front of you, putting his body between the two of you. "Concerns? There were people getting torn to shreds down here! And, by the way, while all this is going on, where the hell is your boss, huh, if there is a God?"

"There's a God." His voice was very matter of fact given Dean's blasphemy.

"I'm not convinced. 'Cause if there's a God, what the hell is he waiting for, huh? Genocide? Monsters roaming the earth? The freaking apocalypse? At what point does he lift a damn finger and help the poor bastards that are stuck down here?"

"The Lord works..."

"If you say 'mysterious ways', so help me, I will kick your ass. So, Bobby was right... about the witnesses. This is some kind of a... sign of the apocalypse."

"That's why we're here. Big things afoot."

"Afoot? Did you hear that, honey? Big things afoot. Do we want to know what kind of things?"

"I sincerely doubt it, _____. But you need to know. The rising of the witnesses is one of the 66 seals."

"Okay. I'm guessing that's not a show at Seaworld." A voice rang out in your head. 'You snark this son of a bitch, honey! Snark it until there's no more snark left to snark in the land of snark!'

"Those seals are being broken by Lilith."

"She did the spell. She rose the witnesses? Dean?" This was bringing up images of Sunday School and nuns.

"Mm-hmm. And not just here. 20 other hunters are dead."

"Of course. She picked victims that the hunters couldn't save so that they would barrel right after us." Dean linked his pinky with yours, letting you know he was there, but kept it out of site of Castiel.

"Lilith has a certain sense of humor."

"Lilith is a funny bitch. She needs to take that shit on the road." 'I've got my own snark you feathery ass face.'

"Well, we put those spirits back to rest." Dean rested on hand on his hip and draped the other arm over your shoulder, puffing out his chest and looking quite pleased with himself.

"It doesn't matter. The seal was broken."

"Why break the seal anyway?" Dean's balloon had been quickly deflated.

"You think of the seals as locks on a door." Castiel was talking to him like he was a child; it was working.

"Okay. Last one opens and..."

"Lucifer walks free. But you said there were 66 seals. I thought there were seven?"

"______, do I need to discuss the cafeteria style of worship that is prevalent in organized religion. Isn't that why you left the church?" He was right. You had had enough of feeling guilty for wanting to debate the inconsistencies between the actual scripture and what was preached and enforced.

"Lucifer? But I thought Lucifer was just a story they told at demon Sunday school. There's no such thing." The brother's had been raised knowing that every monster you could ever imagine was real. The thought of God and Angels was lost on them.

"Three days ago, you thought there was no such thing as me. Why do you think we're here walking among you now for the first time in 2,000 years?"

"To stop Lucifer. He had a deal with God in exchange for the death of Jesus. Due paid in full in 2,000 years."

"Correct. That's why we've arrived." Castiel's eyes narrowed at you in a way that was disarming. It almost looked like respect. 

"Well... bang-up job so far. Stellar work with the witnesses. That's nice." Dean had turned to lean on the counter, back to you.

"We tried. And there are other battles, other seals. Some we'll win, some we'll lose. This one we lost. Our numbers are not unlimited. Six of my brothers died in the field this week. You think the armies of Heaven should just follow you around? There's a bigger picture here. You should show me some respect. I dragged you out of Hell. I can throw you back in." Just like that, Castiel was gone leaving you and Dean staring at each other.

**********

At the same moment, the two of you woke gasping for air. When you looked at each other, it was obvious you'd seen and experienced the same thing.

"_____, you ok?" His brow was wet with sweat and his hands were shaking when he wiped it away.

"No, Dean. I'm not. This is bigger than anything. This is the world, Dean. This is everyone."

"Yeah, I got that." 

"So what now?"

He flicked the sheets back and grabbed his cotton pajama pants tossing yours to you at the same time. "It's time to wake everyone up."


	20. And Once Again...

After the mess at Bobby's, the three of you took off again. Not even looking for a case, really. You all just needed to move. You'd fallen into a pattern while you traveled. The Impala followed you on the bike. Dean hadn't ridden bitch again. He said once was enough for now.

In a diner outside of some nowhere town, you sat across from Dean at the booth. Sam had gone to the men's room and there was finally a moment to talk about the 'dream' you'd both had.

"How does that even happen, Dean? How do we end up in the same dream, and wake up with the same memory."

"I don't know, babe. We ARE talking about angels, ya know. I'm sure it's some heavenly mind-fuck they're pulling."

"And Sam? He's hiding something. I can't figure it out." Letting your head fall into your hands and scratch against the bandana around your hair, you slowly shook your head back and forth. "But, ugh. I don't know."

"We know him better than anyone, babe. We can figure it out, ok? Try not to worry." Clearing his throat, Dean signaled that Sam was back. He slid into the booth next to you and the conversation was strained until the check came and you left.

**********

"C'mere, Dean. I wanna show you what I made!"

He walked over to the bike and saw the leather holster you'd fashioned for your handgun. "Ok, so. You know how I made the sheath for the buck knife?" He nodded when you slipped the handle out enough to let the sunlight bounce off the razor edge of the blade. "Well, I didn't want to wear the shoulder holster anymore. It's too obvious that I'm packing. So I did this!"

On the right side of the tank, there was a stamped leather holster that fit your 9mm seamlessly. It was angled, barrel down enough that pulling it when needed was not an issue.

"Jesus, babe. You're like a bounty hunter or something. It's pretty hot, to be honest."

"Well, let's find a motel with a single bed, yeah? My ribs are feelin' better."

Dean spun and jogged off to the Impala. "Sam! Find a motel. _____, needs a nap or something."

**********

Only one room available and it was a double. FACK. The only thing that could be worse is if it was a single. Nope, not sleeping with Sam. Not sleeping next to him. Two beds. You'd put Dean between you so you couldn't even see him. Fuck that bullshit. That is some shit to the bull. Sharing the room with Sam was NOT what you meant when you told him to find a motel. 

Dean piped up when he saw you gathering your shower items. "Hey. Since your ribs are still tender, do you want some help?"

"Yeah. That would be great, honey. Sam? You wanna get some dinner?"

He was already standing and making his way to the door. "Yeah, I can do that. I'm gonna check out those burner Blackberrys you talked about, too. I'll be gone for a while I guess." He shot you puppy dog eyes under his hair. Christ, this was getting on your last nerve.

"Ok! Have fun!" Shooting him a bright smile and taking Dean with you to the bathroom, you snuck a peek at him before you closed the door. He was still looking at you sadly.

Spinning you around, Dean had you up against the door with your arms pinned above your head. Bending at the knees, he was able to nuzzle under your jaw. "I've wanted this since the Witness fiasco at Bobby's. You've never been that...physical before. We moved really well together. Like a machine."

"Little give and take? Little push and pull?" Emphasizing your point, you pushed your hips further into his. He made a guttural noise at the friction while pressing forward into you. Using his knee and thigh, he parted your legs and rubbed up and into you. 

"Strip. I'm starting the water."

"Yes, sir!" 

As soon as the water started, Dean grinned and started mirroring your movements. Pulling off shirts and hopping on one leg to pull pants down, you were both giggling and trying not to fall over. Thankfully, it was a walk in shower because you were lifted by your ass and wrapped around him before your bra was off. 

Walking under the water, he just wouldn't pull his mouth from yours even though he was clawing at the straps at your shoulders. His blunt fingernails were scraping the water away and the sensation of warmth running over them again was almost too much. Dean was cradling your ass in one arm and fumbling with the clasp behind your back with the other. 

"It's wet, it's like a rubber band, babe. Babe!"

You clunked your head against the tiles trying to arc your back for him. "Don't worry about it. Just go."

He brought that hand around to the front and yanked down the cups, letting your tits fall over the top. He always paid the girls special attention and it wasn't about to change now. Dean hiked you even farther up on his body so his face could reach them easily. With your bra straps against your upper arms, pulled tight because of the position of the cups, you didn't have much range with your arms. All you could do was claw into his triceps and pull his shoulders closer. 

While he attacked your nipples with his mouth, his hand slipped down your ass until it was at the junction of your lips and thigh. One finger hovered at your entrance. It made you gasp and try to wiggle against it, but he didn't let you wait long. He relaxed his hold enough that you slid down onto it. 

"Mother Fuck. Oh my-shit-wait." The lower position let him bite at the hollow of your collar bone.

"Wait what?" His words were mumbled, mouth refusing to be separated from the taste of your skin.

"I want you inside me. No fucking around. Just get inside me. All of you."

He sucked in a large patch of skin, hard enough to leave a mark, before licking the warmth of your blood at the surface. "And then? What do you want me to do when I'm inside you."

"Fuck me, honey. Slide your cock inside me and fuck me right into this wall." 

"Sonofabitch." It was all one word, slurred from one syllable to the next. He pulled his finger free and you gasped, knowing what was coming. Deans eyes had gone dark, from the usual apple green to the color of Spanish moss. His hands spread your cheeks and he rubbed himself against you. His lower lip was between his teeth when he braced himself on his back foot and slid up into you.

Your fingers curled, digging your nails into his skin. Your nose crinkled when the hiss drew in between your teeth. The water squished between your bellies when he started pumping. There was a grunt punctuating each thrust. When your head rolled forward and rested on his shoulder, you felt everything go lax and just gave in to the primal urges you both had. 

There was a squeak from the shower tiles pulling at the skin of your back. The steam from the water was filling your lungs with each breath. You weren't able to move to get purchase on anything but his arms and there was a tiny voice in the back of your head telling you that you were leaving marks, and it was a fucking turn on. He obviously feeling it too, because with each rake against his skin, he lifted his face and growled, fucking growled. 

He got faster and harder with each cry that echoed off the walls of the tiny shower. "If you're gonna go, go now, babe."

"I'm right there. Don't stop. Dean. Holy. Shit. Wanna. Jesus. Fucking. Yes!" Your vision went white hot and there was no one else in the world but you and him. Your heart was still pounding in your throat when you could finally breathe again. 

It took a moment to get your wits about you. Another to get your balance enough to let Dean put you down. Lazy kisses passed back and forth while soap covered hands eased over muscles and joints that were tired and spent. He frowned at the fading bruise at your side. 

"It's gonna take a while to heal, Dean. How bad are my eyes?"

"Well, you got a natural smokey eye thing going on."

"You're an ass."

"Yeah, but I'm your ass."

********** 

The two of you were apparently in the bathroom longer than you thought, because when you came out, Sam was reclining on the bed closest to the door. You'd been smart enough to bring some extra clothes inside with you, unfortunately Dean hadn't thought that far ahead. The towel that he'd slung low on his hips almost hit the ground when you stopped suddenly in the doorway.

"Hey, Sammy! That was quick." There were crumpled burger wrappers on the bed next to him. He'd obviously been there for a fair amount of time.

"Not really. Got the new phone though." He held up the cumbersome thing in his hand and waved it, forcing a smile. "Feels like a pancake on my face, but it's pretty good for research."

Poor guy. Your in and out of hating him was even starting to piss you off. Dropping your bravado bitch routine and leaving Dean behind, you let your feet shuffle to his bed. Grabbing the garbage from the food and chucking it in the trash before settling down next to him, even leaning into him a little. "Show me. Maybe I'll get one."

Sam smiled sweetly when you rested your head on his shoulder. What he said next was lost when all you could focus on was the easy tenor of his voice as he ran his thumb over the little ball in the middle. Your eyes misted over and Dean saw. You both had missed this. Missed the "us".

"And, get this! I can have multiple email accounts, one for FBI, one for CDC, one for..."

"One for GirlsWhoLoveGeeks.com..."

"Shut up, Dean!" Both of you shouted in unison from the bed making you giggle and lean into each other. When the laughter faded and you tilted your head up to look at him, there was a twitch in your belly that you hadn't felt in a long time. It was that click at the moment that you knew this was going to happen. People usually felt it when they were with someone for the first time. 

Sam was holding his breath when your fingers brushed the hair off of his brow. "You need a haircut." His breath was warm when he let out something between a laugh and a sigh of relief. His eyes closed and he leaned into your touch when you cupped his cheek, your thumb tracing his bottom lip. Sam's hand pressed into your thigh and up to your waist. His touch was always heavy, like he didn't realize the effect gravity had on the sheer size of him.

"Sam, I can't. Not yet. Please understand , ok?" His nod was so slight, it barely registered against your hand.

"Yeah, I can wait, _____. I did this. I know."

Dean watched very carefully from the bathroom door. He wanted you to get to a good place with Sam. But he didn't want you rushed into anything. 

"Guys? Can we just, I don't know, sleep? Like, together. I just want to be close to both of you."

Dean had donned his boxers and was sliding in behind you while Sam stood to strip down to his. Your post shower clothes always doubled as sleep clothes so you were already dressed for bed. Scooting into the middle of the bed and facing Sam's side, you settled in with your butt pressed into the fold of Dean's thighs.

Sam lifted the sheet and joined you

**********

The room was dark when Dean's cries woke you. His back was up against you and his arms crossed tight against his chest. Sitting up a little to see his face, your hand felt his shoulder. He was drenched in sweat but his body was cold and shivering. Brushing his hair back from his forehead, you pressed a soft kiss to his temple. You wrapped your arm over his upper body and pulling your chest flush against the broadness of his back so you could shoosh him back to sleep, singing softly into his neck.

'Take me home tonight  
I'd do anything for you  
Buy a bottle of whiskey  
We'll get matching tattoos  
Tell me that you love me  
Oh, and let me drive your car  
We can sit till morning light  
Just counting every star'

He snuggled closer to you and relaxed his grip on himself. You stayed where you were, holding your big, strong, fearless hunter while his nightmares haunted him. His soft breathing eventually lulled you back to sleep. 

**********  
For the second time in the night, Dean startled you awake. When you reached for him again, he was already sitting up. The angel, Castiel, was standing at the edge of the bed.

"I couldn't stop any of it. She still made the deal. She still died in the nursery, didn't she?" Dean was already standing, pulling up his jeans while he addressed Castiel. He tossed his tee shirt at you. Pulling it over your head, it fell passed your ass enough to climb out of bed.

"Dean, honey. Couldn't stop what?" The conversation was obviously about Mary. Was that the dream that woke him with cries and cold sweats?

"Don't be too hard on yourself, Dean. You couldn't have stopped it."

"What?" He froze with a pair of your pants in his hand, staring in shock.

"Destiny can't be changed, Dean. All roads lead to the same destination."

"Then why'd you send me back?"

"Back where? Castiel, what are you talking about?" After pulling Dean's shirt over your head, you were covered enough to rise to your knees on the mattress and try to nose your way into the conversation. 

"For the truth. Now you know everything we do. Explain everything to _____. She has to understand as well."

"What the hell are you talking about? Yeah, I love her and share every thought I have with her. But what's with you saying she's part of me. You don't fucking know me, man." Dean was getting loud. Something big was happening and it scared you that you didn't understand what it was. 

"I know you, Dean. Better than you think." Still wearing his trench coat he took two steps to Dean, stepping into his personal space. "I know the things you want. Things you won't admit to yourself. I know your emotions and desires. Now isn't the time though." 

It had been so long since you'd slept in a bed with both boys that it took you until now to realize there was no one behind you. "Where's Sam?!"

The deep voice was even when he continued to speak to Dean, not even acknowledging your shout. "We know what Azazel did to your brother. What we don't know is why – what his endgame is. He went to great lengths to cover that up."

Dean stepped forward, chests almost touching. When he spoke it was through clenched teeth. "Where's Sam?"

"425 Waterman."

You grabbed your boots and stood. In one graceful move Dean tossed you your pants and you tossed him his keys.

"Dean? _____? Sam is headed down a dangerous road and we're not sure where it leads. So stop it. Or we will."

Dean grabbed your arm and pulled you from the room, boots still in one hand and your pants in the other.

**********  
Dean's hands were twisting on the steering wheel and his pulse was visible on his neck. "Hey! Are you gonna tell me what you and that vague fucker were talking about back there?" He didn't flinch or even blink. "DEAN! I'm fucking talking to you!"

"I don't want to talk about it, I've got to see what's going on with Sam."

"Well then, why don't you pull over and let me out? Cause I'm not walking into this shit blind."

You couldn't help but flinch when his palm hit the dash. "You wanna know? Fine. Castiel sent me on some kinda time loop thing. Said I had to stop something and I woke up on a park bench. I saw my parents, _____. They weren't even engaged yet. Mom...she was so young and beautiful. It's like she saw hope in everything."

"Honey, what were you supposed to stop?"

"I thought it was her making the deal about Sam." His throat constricted when he swallowed and tried to continue. "Turns out Mom was a hunter. Her whole family was. I watched my grandparents die. The yellow eyed fucker. He killed my dad and that's why mom made the deal. To bring him back. Turns out I was sent on a recon mission so I could stop this thing about Sam. He's got demon blood in him, _____. That sick son of a bitch bled into his mouth before he burned my mother on the ceiling."

"I don't...I don't know what to say."

"Then don't." His eyes shifted from the road to you just long enough to let you know he was scared, too. "Not until we find Sam."

**********  
Parking two blocks away and walking the difference, Dean was trying to keep close to walls and shadows when you got close to the address you'd been given. Both of you had guns drawn and close to your thighs. When flickering light came through a broken window, Dean's "stay there" finger came out. He ducked to the opposite side, allowing you to have a vantage point too. 

Sam was in front of a man tied to a chair in the middle of a devil's trap. There was a petite dark haired woman leaned against a post, her face turned away from you. You mouthed two words to Dean that made him shrug. "Who's that?"

Sam started speaking and it pulled both of your attention from each other and back to the window. "Where's Lilith?"

The man in the chair lifted his chin in defiance of Sam's demands. "Kiss my ass." His eyes went black. Instead of defending himself against the demon, Sam just smiled at his taunting.

"I'd watch myself if I were you." The brunette turned to Sam and you could catch her profile. Dean turned slowly to you and waited for you to explode through the window. It was the girl from hotel the night you'd found him.

The demon in the chair scoffed and you struggled to put your personal shit aside and focus on the task at hand. "Why? Huh? Because you're Sam Winchester, Mr. Big Hero?" The monster in the chair gestured to Little Miss Cameltoe and kept talking. "And yet here you are, slutting around with some demon. Real hero."

"Shut your mouth." Thoughts were running through your head faster than your heart beat. Sam jumped to her defense. She was a demon? He was "slutting" around with her. He said she meant nothing. You'd just forgiven him hours ago. 

Your whole body was trembling with sadness and rage. Out of the corner of your eye you saw Dean reaching out for you. You gave him that one finger he'd always given you. He knew it was a warning not to touch you. 

"Tell me about those months without your brother. About all the things you and this demon bitch do in the dark. Huh? Tell me, hero." All those months. She wasn't a one time thing. 

Sam took a deep breath and planted his feet before holding his hand out, palm facing the man in the chair. Thick black smoke started to leak from the demon's mouth while he retched. Sam's breathing got deeper and stronger like he was trying to get himself under control. The woman looked down at the floor and watched the smoke burn hot and disappear. She gave a little smile and looked over at Sam.

Dean looked at you with concern written all over his face. It wasn't clear if it was about you or the disgusting display you'd just seen. As quietly as you could, you both made your way around the front of the warehouse. Dean reached out his hand again and tried you grab your arm, but you ripped it away without giving him a second thought. 

You could hear his footsteps behind you when he hissed out your name. "Shit. Hey, Slow down."

"Dean, shut up. We need to get in there and see what he's really doing and who she is. Fuck! What she is, I guess. This isn't about Us or me or you or him. It's bigger than that."

He stood in front of you with his hands up in resignation. "Lead the way, Rambo. Just be quiet."

**********  
Keeping low and moving through the shelves and stanchions in the dilapidated building, the voices from the main room were echoing off the walls. You motioned to Dean so he could come out behind Sam. He knew where you were headed; behind her and in Sam's line of sight. 

You could see the man, unconscious with his head hanging back and to the side in the chair he was tied to. Sam touched his neck to check to see if he has a pulse, which apparently he did. Sam smiled up at cameltoe. Popping his fucking dimple. 

Her voice was low and sultry when she spoke. "How'd it feel?"

"Good. No more headaches." Sam stood to his full height with his hands on his hips. Like he was gloating over a job well done. He started to untie the man when the woman spoke again.

"None? That's good." 

The guy he exorcised was breathing heavy and slumped forward in the chair. Sam stooped so he could be face to face with him. "Hey, hey. I got you. It's all right." Helping the man to stand, Sam turned and made to walk to the door. He stopped short when he saw Dean leaning against the door jam.

"So... Anything you wanna tell me, Sam?"

Sam's shoulders visibly tensed, even from behind. The brunette was peeking out around him to watch Dean. 

"Dean, Dean, hold on, okay? Just let me-" Sam was scrambling, one arm around the once possessed man and the other held out in a defensive gesture. 

Dean was walking slowly to his brother. "You gonna say, 'let me explain'? You're gonna explain this? How about this? Why don't you start with who she is, and what the hell is she doing here?"

"Yeah, Sam. What's Miss. Cameltoe doing here?" The two of them spun to see you coming out from between the rows of shelves, gun still in your hand.

Sam was still looking at you when the woman turned and smiled at Dean. Guilt was etched in his face at you chewed your cheek, you could feel the flush in your cheeks from the rage building inside of you. 

Dean was staring hard at the woman strutting towards him. "It's good to see you again, Dean."

AGAIN?! See him again? Your heart was pounding against your ribs so hard it was almost painful. Both of them. Both of them have been lying to you. 

Dean looked as shocked as you felt. "Ruby?" 

Your anger turned to confusion. This wasn't Ruby. You'd SEEN Ruby. You knew what she looked like. Dean looked at Sam in disbelief when she smiled at him and looked over her shoulder at you before rolling her eyes and leaning into Sam. 

With quick steps you made your way in front of Sam, standing nose to chest with him. Reaching up and grabbing his jaw so that he had no choice but to look at you. You were squeezing hard enough that his mouth was misshapen. "Sam, honey? Is that Ruby?"

He couldn't answer before Dean was moving behind and around you. He shoved Ruby against the wall and pulled her knife on her. He raised it to stab her, but Sam grabbed his brother's arm and stopped him. 

"Don't!" The boys wrestled for a minute before Dean threw him against the wall. You tried to call out to Dean and warn him that Ruby was coming after him, but with a flick of her wrist, she flung you against the shelves. Bouncing off and splaying out over the floor, you watched Ruby grab Dean and pin him up against the wall where she had been pinned seconds earlier.

"Ruby! Stop it!" Sam was scrambling to his feet and trying to intervene. She didn't respond. She just kept staring into Dean's eyes and she kept a chokehold with her right hand. He stared right back, jaw set and angry breaths coming quick through his nose. 

When Sam got close, she finally she let go and he rose up to his full height and looking over at Sam and then back at Ruby.

It had been a struggle getting back to your feet, but clutching your re-injured ribs you shuffled your way to Dean's side. "Well, aren't you an obedient little bitch?"

Ruby didn't say a word, but the pure hate that shone in her eyes was evidence enough that the disdain you felt was mutual. 

"Ruby? Please don't. Let me make them understand."

After a few more moments, Ruby conceded the staring contest to you before switching her eyes to Sam.

"Ruby, he's hurt." He tilted his head to the man who was possessed earlier. "Go."

She gave you and Dean one more look and then turned and walked over to the man. Dean watched her while she put the man's arm over her shoulder, ready to take him out. "Where the hell do you think you're going?" Dean's voice was low and tense.

"The ER... unless you want to go another round first." When he didn't react to her, she walked out with the guy. 

You and Dean turned on Sam in unison and he started back peddling right away. "Dean. _____."

Dean held fast to your hand not holding your ribs and led you outside. From behind the walls you could hear Sam calling out one more time. 

"Fuck!"

With wet eyes you watched Dean stare at the ground as he held the passenger door open for you.


	21. Sisters in the Stars

With your feet drawn up to your butt and your head on your knees, you hugged your shins while you cried. Every time you thought you had it under control you'd see them looking at each other again. 

"Babe, I'm just driving here. I don't know where to go. Help me?" 

You lifted your head enough to rest your cheek on your knee and look at the man you knew loved you as much as you loved him. You didn't even care about the snot and tears smeared all over your cheeks. His face was soft, worried about you, but the anger and betrayal was just under the surface. 

"Some place quiet for the night. You and me?"

"Against the world, babe."

**********

"Think this is OK till morning?" 

Picking your head up again to look around, you saw nothing there but a meadow and a pond that the headlights glinted off of. "This is good, Dean. We can sleep in the backseat."

"Oh, no we won't. C'mon." He was up and out of the car before you could blink. You felt the trunk open then slam shut, then the passenger door swung wide and his hand was held out to you like Prince Charming. When you took it, he squeezed yours a little before leading you to the shore. "Wanna sleep under the stars with me? I haven't done that in a million years." 

"All we have is a blanket? What if it gets cold?"

"It's a big blanket. I can fold it over like a sleeping bag. C'mon! It'll be fun, or at the least a welcome distraction." He was bending at the knees and trying to peek at you.

Taking in a big sigh and letting it go, Dean heard the shakiness in it. Giving him a weak smile, you shrugged and stuffed your hands in your jean pockets. "In with the good, out with the bad. Right?"

After he found a flat spot and spread out the blanket, he walked over and wrapped his arms round you until you felt cocooned. It was the most protected you'd felt since he went to hell. He let you sniffle against his chest, just enjoying the closeness and intimacy of the moment. "Wanna lay down with me, _____? I'll show you The Seven Sisters."

His mouth was right there when you looked up. Your eyes fell shut when he pressed a soft kiss to your forehead at the bridge of your nose. When you nodded against his mouth, Dean grabbed your hand and walked you to the edge of the blanket before holding you by your shoulders and making you look at him. Releasing you, he rubbed his palms together and grinned wide. "Do you know the 'Sleeping on a Blanket by a Lake' rules?"

His smile could always melt your heart and make you feel special. "No, I'm sorry. I was not aware there were rules."

"Are you kidding me? Of course there's rules. Without rules it would be chaos, madness I tell ya! Ok, pay attention. I will only cover these once." Hands on hips, he took his serious stance. "Rule number one. No shoes on the blanket. Take 'em off." You were able to kick your boots off, since there were no laces or zippers. Dean had to untie his, so you waited, looking down at his shoulders and arms working when he was bent over. "Ok! Good job. Rule number two. No cell phones. Turn it off and put it in your shoe."

"What!?" This was the most ludicrous thing he'd ever said. "Dean, in all this time, we've never shut our cell phones off."

"Well, them's the rules, babe. The world can survive one night without us. Gimmie." You slid your phone into his hand and watched him turn yours off and put it, together with his, in your shoe.

Standing there with him watching you started to get a little awkward. "Um, are there more rules?"

"Well, the next rule is left to the new player. Usually depends on the season, the company and the location. Keep in mind!...keep in mind, that your rule can be changed by you, and only you, at anytime."

"And Dean, honey, what is this rule?" There was a smile pulling at the corner of your mouth that you were having a hard time controlling.

He held his hand out to the side like he was presenting a prize on a gameshow. "The most important rule of all! Dress code. I, as the host, want to be sure that my guest is comfortable. Dress code does not have to be universal." His hands were clasped in front of his waist and he was bent slightly towards you. "So, you say a thing and specify if it applies to you, me or us. This rule can be changed at anytime." This was Dean's way of letting you taking control of how this time was going to be spent.

You narrowed your eyes and tilted your head to the side. "Both parties, no denim. Too hard to sleep in." Unbuckling your belt, Dean did the same, not even looking at your legs when you pulled your pants down and Dean always looked at your legs. 

"No bras. That's just me." Dean, standing in his undies, his t shirt and his socks. He nodded in agreement and watched you pull the straps through the arm holes of his shirt you were still wearing and remove it through the neck hole. 

"Freaking magic, I tell ya! OK! We good? Anything else?" 

"Socks. No socks." Dean removed his and then helped you step out of yours. When he stood again, you tiptoed to kiss his cheek. "Show me these sisters."

He laid down first and held the blanket up to fold it around you once you got close enough. "I'd like to amend my rules." He paused with the blanket in his hand, waiting to see if he needed to get up. "No shirts, OK? I need skin to skin." 

He nodded just once before pulling his over his head "Yeah. Me, too." You lowered yourself to your knees and scooted until your face was snug against his neck, using his shoulder for a pillow. Your body melted into his arms that were coiled around your torso in an almost platonic way.

Dean's voice rumbled against your cheek while he told you the story of the Seven Sisters. He showed you where the cluster of stars was and talked about the legend. It was a beautiful story about love and loss between siblings. It's meaning wasn't lost on you. He was worried about his brother, but didn't know how dark Sam's path would get. 

Occasionally, you would throw in nods and one word replies so that he wouldn't think you were so distracted by the beat of his heart and the rise and fall of his chest. He must have caught on at some point, because the next time you opened your eyes the sun was breaking over the horizon.

There were little snores at the beginning of each breath that told you he was still sleeping. It had only been a few hours, but you needed to get to the hotel and figure out what to do next. It was a crushing weight that made it hard to breathe when you remembered what you'd seen and been through the night before. The hand draped over Dean's waist tightened and the arm over your shoulder responded in kind.

Determined to wake him gently and give him a minute or two to revel in the privacy you'd had during that short time, you ran your finger tips over the soft skin around his ribs. Dean's breath caught enough that he woke the next time you squeezed him with your arm. He did a weird hug/stretch thing, pulling you into his chest while flexing and lengthening his muscles at the same time. "Hey, babe. You get any decent sleep?"

"I think so. I blinked and the sun was up." Using his chest for balance, you rose up and straddled his hips. The morning chill shocked your body where it had been so warm and tight against his side, causing goosebumps to cover your chest and belly. "Baby Jesus on a dinosaur! It's chilly, honey!" He helped you grab fist fulls of blankets and bring it up around your shoulders. While you'd been trying to get warm, you must have been wiggling, because little Dean was at full attention.

"Babe?"

"Honey?"

"Wanna?"

He looked like you'd hurt his feelings when you started to giggle. "I'm sorry! You're just so friggin cute, Dean. I can't say no to you." Lifting up to your knees with your ass hovering right over his crotch, you reached behind you and pulled his boxers down enough to settle back down and trap him between your bodies. When you dropped the blanket from your shoulders and let it fall over your thighs, Dean grabbed some off either leg and used it like reigns to pull you forward to him. Catching yourself on one hand in the middle of his chest, you took control back. 

"You're gonna need the blanket for something to hold on to, honey." Dean watched your free hand raise to your mouth where you slid your two middle fingers over your tongue. He didn't blink as his eyes followed the path you took, over your breast to your belly and into your panties.

Looking up at your face, he realized you were watching him the entire time. "Holy hell, _____."

"Yeah, I know." Fingers sliding easily between your lips and circling your clit, Dean kept watching your face while you bit your bottom lip and struggled to keep your eyes open.

"Does that feel good, babe? Gonna get good and wet for me? Ssshhhiiit..." Your hips pressed down against him, your knuckles stroking him through the thin cotton while you played with yourself. 

When you curled your hand and pulled your panties to the side, his cock took over for your fingers. Using your hips to catch the ridge around the head and slide him inside, your hands clutched at his chest. You had to push against the blanket wrapped around your back while he pulled you to him. 

Dean arched his neck and gasped when you swirled your hips, changing the friction as you rose and fell. "Christ Almighty, girl. Where did you learn this shit?" 

"Porn." You were speeding up, chasing the warm feeling in your belly and reacting to the pulsating cock buried inside you. "I love porn. That my secret obsession." Trying to be coy and fucking him at the same time. Your breath was coming in ragged pants. 

"That's hot...fuck...really hot."

"Think so? Something we can do together?" He just nodded, lips parted with short pants. 

"I like when we do things together, honey. Tell me things you want to do."

He was having a hard time concentrating on making words, but he licked his lips and tried. "Remember...that one time...Jesus, that feels good...that one time you talked about girls? Did you mean it? Have you ever, ya know?"

"I remember. You're asking if I've ever fucked a woman before? Yeah, I have." He let out a noise between an exhale and a groan. "You want a threesome? You, me and another girl? You sure about that, honey?"

His eyes narrowed, trying to figure out what you were cooking up. They squeezed shut when you flexed the muscles wrapped around him and lifted your hips. 

You folded your body over his and planted a hand on either side of his head. With your nose a breath away from yours, you froze your lower body and stared into the deep green looking back at you. Dean wrapped his fists in the blanket and held on tight. 

"Holy fucking shit, babe." He yanked so hard on the blanket you ended up with all of your weight balanced on his chest while you rolled your hips and pushed down hard against him. Finally letting go of the blanket, his hands cupped your breasts and let you rest against him. The sun had risen enough to warm your back while the two of you cried out together.

**********

Having gotten dressed and ready to go, you shared a long, wet, drawn out kiss. The blanket you'd spent the night and morning wrapped up in was tucked under his arm.

"For reals, though? You'd want that with me, babe?" He had trepidation in his voice, but excitement was just under the surface.

"Hells yeah. I wanna share all my fantasies with the man of my dreams." He drew you impossibly closer one arm around your waist. 

"You really do love me, don't you? Warts and all?" You answered him with another deep kiss, breathing in the outdoor air and the taste of him. 

With cellphones in hand you started back towards Baby. "I don't want to turn mine on, Dean. Do we have to?"

"Yeah. I just want to get our shit and go. I don't think I can even look at him right now." Your phone buzzed a million times with voice mails from Sam. 

Surprisingly, Dean's phone remained silent. "Well, guess he doesn't want to talk to me either." 

The ride back to the motel was quiet, except for the constant calls from Sam that you declined, one after another. 

**********

Sam was sitting at the table by the door, reading a book, when Dean busted in and tossed both of your bags on the bed. He didn't even look at Sam. 

As soon as you took up the space in the doorway, he got out of his chair and headed to you. You shrunk up against the doorframe and looked anywhere but at him. He stopped and tried to catch your eye. 

"_____, please. I know how this looks. But it's not like that. Please." In desperation he reached for your hands.

"Don't touch me. I don't even know who or what..."

"It's me. You know that, _____"

Dean had moved behind his brother and neither of you had even noticed. "She said she didn't want to be touched. Have some respect, for her at least. You obviously don't respect yourself." His voice was icy and cutting. Anger buzzed around him like static electricity.

Sam spun away from you and found himself chest to chest with Dean. He looked at the bags on the bed and glared back at his older brother. "What, are you...are you guys leaving?"

Dean was zipping up the bags and looking around to make sure he hadn't missed anything. "You don't need me. You and Ruby go fight demons."

He'd grabbed the bags and started for the exit. Sam stepped in between Dean and the door. "Hold on. Dean, come on, man."

Dean dropped both bags and hit Sam with a right cross to the mouth. It spun Sam to so hard you thought he was going to stumble into you. He ran his hand through his hair, pushing it off his forehead, before turning back to his brother.

Dean didn't blink when Sam barked at him. "You satisfied?"

Dean hit him again, but Sam seemed to be ready for it and absorbed most of the force with his shoulders. Fuck, this was escalating fast. After touching his lip to wipe the blood away, he stood straight again. "I guess not."

"Do you even know how far off the reservation you've gone? How far from normal? From human?" Dean's voice was on the verge of cracking from emotions that you couldn't read from where you were standing. 

"I'm just exorcising demons."

"With your mind!" You quietly pushed the door shut. This was not family spat that the whole parking lot needed to hear. Dean gave you a look with apologies written all over it. Taking a deep breath he tried to calm himself before continuing. "What else can you do?"

"I can send them back to hell. It only works with demons, and that's it."

Lightening fast Dean grabbed hold of him and pushed him backwards, walking with the force.

"What else can you do?!"

"I told you!"

"Hey! Knock it off! Both of you!!" Sam pushed Dean's hand away, and huffed at each other before giving you any attention. "And we have every reason in the world to believe that, Sam. Gimme a fucking break."

"Look, I should have said something. I'm sorry, guys. I am. But try to see the other side here."

Dean turned around and faced him. "The other side?"

"I'm pulling demons out of innocent people."

"Use the knife! That's what it's for, right?"

Sam was exasperated that you and Dean couldn't see things his way. "The knife kills the victim! What I do, most of them survive! Look, I've saved more people in the last five months than we save in a year."

"That what Ruby want you to think? Huh? Kind of like the way she tricked you into using your powers? And five months, Sam. You've been guilting me since Dean came back, even though you and Ms. Camel...Ruby...UGH! Fuck!" You were getting tunnel vision and your whole face was hot. 

"Slippery slope, brother. Just wait and see. Because it's gonna get darker and darker, and God knows where it ends." Dean's voice was muffled, like you were wearing ear buds. 

"I'm not gonna let it go too far." Sam had an aura around him that made it impossible to look directly at him. 

Dean smiled at that, walked over to the wall and hit the lamp on the side table, making it crash and fly. His shoulders were heaving with each angry breath he gulped. "It's already gone too far, Sam. If I didn't you know... I would wanna hunt you."

Sam's eyes were wet and tearful, when he nodded at what his brother had said. "And so would other hunters."

Your lips were tingling and your hands were going numb. Sliding down the door, you knew you were gonna pass out. "Dean..." Your voice was small and soft when you tried to reel things back in. Sam continued to try and make the two of you understand. 

"You were gone. I was here. I had to keep on fighting without you. And what I'm doing... It works."

"Well, tell me. If it's so terrific... then why'd you lie about it to me? And Why did an angel tell me to stop you?"

So involved in their own conversation, they didn't see your condition.

"Cas said that if I don't stop you, he will. See what that means, Sam? That means that God doesn't want you doing this. So, are you just gonna stand there and tell me everything is all good?"

Your mouth was so dry that your words couldn't be formed. Finally, the tunnel vision closed in and your eyes fell shut. Sliding over, your head made a thunking noise against the frame. Going unconscious, the last thing you heard was two voices, laced with panic, calling out your name.


	22. A Much Needed Rest

"_____! Hey, sweetheart. Easy. You just passed out." Opening your eyes and slowly taking in your surroundings, you realized Sam had you cradled in his lap. Your dry mouth quickly filled with saliva as a wave of nausea washed over you.

"Not sure what happened, babe. We were hoping you'd tell us." Dean had appeared next to Sam, glass of water in one hand and a wet cloth in the other. 

You pleaded silently with Dean to get you away from Sam. Feeling this vulnerable and this close to Sam wasn't making you feel any better.

"I'm fine, guys. I'm dehydrated and probably need to eat. Stress isn't helping either." When you tried to get up, Sam squeezed you a little tighter. He had the saddest look on his face when you looked up at him, but you just couldn't. 

"Dean, honey? Help me up?" Sam's arms fell away and  
he hung his head in defeat.

Once you were standing, Dean's hands cupped your jaw. "You OK, babe? You scared me." With fingers wrapped around his wrists, you offered a quick nod and a half smile. "What do you need?"

"I'm fine, Dean. Really. It was just the stress and no sleep and no food and only whiskey for too long. Lemme go wash my face and I'll be ok, promise." His fingers held on to yours as long as possible before you were out of reach.

"Honey, for someone who doesn't like chick flick moments..." Dean grinned and dropped his hand to his side.

With the door closed and the brothers on the other side, you sat on the edge of the tub and waited for the woozy to go away. You could hear muffled voices through the door. 

Dean was saying you passing out was Sam's fault. Sam saying Dean should have been taking better care of you.

Sam's phone rang and you could hear him talking to someone when Dean poked his head in the door. "You alright?"

"Ugh. Yeah, sorry about that. I should know better. Who's Captain Chowder Head talking to out there?"

"Dunno. Some hunter, I guess. Look, as soon as you feel a little better we can leave OK?" He had squatted down in front of you and was running his thumbs over your knee caps.

**********

The phone call was from a man named Travis. He was a hunter from way back and the boys knew him pretty well. He'd called for help on something and needed both of them. They weren't happy when you said you weren't going with them, but after explaining that you  
just needed to be away from the litany of bull shit for a little while, they understood. 

"I'm sorry, guys. I won't be able to keep my head in the game with all of this..." You gestured from yourself to them in turn. "I've got to just be alone to think."

"I get it." It was obvious Dean wasn't worried about his station with you. But your station in the brothers' life was what you needed to question. After this hunt, there needed to be a sober conversation. You couldn't keep getting hurt by Sam and you and Dean being happy in front of him was ripping him apart.

"Can we talk before we head out? There's something you both need to hear about. It's about what Cas showed me. _____, you already know some of this. But I need everything on the table, ok?"

Sam stood against the wall with his arms crossed just under his chest. Dean pulled out the chair for you then took the one on the other side of the table. Scrubbing his hand down his face and letting out a heavy breath, he dove head first into his story. It took quite a while to get everything out, and by the last sentence, his hands were in yours and Sam was sitting at the foot of the bed.

Sam's broken voice pierced the silence first. "I can't believe it. Mom, a hunter?"

Dean tried to laugh through his answer. "I wouldn't have believed it either if I hadn't seen it myself. That woman could kick some ass. I mean, she almost took me down."

Hungry for details. Sam pressed on. "How'd she look? I mean... was she happy?"

Dean stared at your thumb rubbing back and forth over the back of his hand. "Yeah, she was awesome. Funny and smart. So hopeful." His eyes flicked up to Sam and back to your face. "Dad, too. Until of course..."

Sam let out a heavy sigh and the weight of it could be felt in the room. Turning to look at him, there was a flicker of concern in your gut. "What, Sam?"

Sam was committed to staring at the floor. He just shook his head and shrugged. You counted three heartbeats before he finally spoke. "Nothing." Two more heart beats. "It's just, our parents. And now we find out our grandparents too? Our whole family murdered and for what? So Yellow Eyes could get in my nursery and bleed in my mouth?"

"Sam, I never said anything about demon blood." Dean leaned forward in his seat and his hand pulled free of yours. "You knew about that?"

"Yeah, for about a year."

Sam's face was the only thing you could see, everything else in the room was red. "A whole year? Sam is anything true?"

"I should have told you. I'm sorry."

"_____, sit down. I can't have you upset again right now." Once he had you seated and unballed your fists he turned back to the brother neither of you knew anymore. "Sam, I'm sick of your fuckin' empty ass apologies. You've been giving a lot of those lately. But whatever, man. You don't want to tell me, you don't have to. It's fine."

"Dean?" Sam was calling out to his brother's back that was currently gathering bags and headed out the door, pulling you along behind him.

**********

You sat in the backseat on the way back to Bobby's. With a nod of his head, Dean had planted you where he wanted you. Behind Sam so he could watch you and you wouldn't have to see his brother's face, since every time you looked at it, your breathing quickened and your blood pressure spiked. 

At the gas station, Dean pulled you by the arm and took you behind a row of chips. With the illusion of privacy, he asked how you were doing for the twentieth time.

"Honey, please. I'm fine, OK? I just want to hurry and get to Bobby's. Then you two can head out and you can come back to me."

Dean kissed you with his softest kiss that had ever been kissed. It make your knees weak still.

"You'll be up front for the rest of the ride. He's half asleep as it is. I've got something I need to bounce off you anyway."

"Everything OK? For the love of chocolate, please don't say it's something about Sam. I can't take anymore."

His arms got a little tighter when he bent backwards and laughed. "No, babe. Your love of chocolate is safe. It just a restructuring of our team. I can't be worried about Sam's fuck ups destroying you bit by bit. I've got to get to the bottom of this and keep you safe."

Frowning for a moment, your head tilted when the light bulb clicked on in your head. "And me safe is me at Bobby's. I'll check and see if he's ready for my clinic to start back up. Besides, he enjoys my company."

"Yeah." Those impossibly talented lips sliding across your ear. "Me too."

##########

Sam was laid out as much as he could be in the back seat. His breathing was steady sleep breaths.

You were pressed up against Dean's side, feet crossed on the dash, feeding him one peanut M&M for every two you ate.

"So, am I coming at this right? I get to be the girl you come home to?"

He answered around the candy in his mouth. "No. You're still you. Own mind and all. You've been through enough shit. Its eating you up. You've never passed out or had a panic attack. Any so called normal relationship with an ass like him and you would walk away." "Wow. Just like that, huh? And?" While being protected by Dean was one of the coolest things ever, you were feeling dismissed.

"AND. Shit...I dunno. Sweetheart, I've never been this happy. I gotta do something to protect your psyche while I figure out what the fuck Sam's up to. Just give me a shot, k?"

Two candies for you, one for him. "I'll do my best, honey."

**********

You left the men to talk about the case. You just wanted to be quiet and alone. Not a hunter. Not the lover of a hunter. Not the Winchester's girl. Just ___. You had refused to take Bobby's room since it was just you and headed up stairs to a spare room. Your bag tossed into a corner, you just didn't have the energy to unpack right now.

Just as your second boot hit the floor, Bobby peeked around the door frame. "Hey, girlie. Bike is in the workshop. Didn't know how long you'd be gone and didn't want the weather to get to her."

"Thank you, Bobby. You know, I didn't even ask about staying here. Kinda just assumed. This is ok, isn't it?" The grizzly old fart who had become such a big part of your life leaned against the dresser in the room.

"Everybody needs a place to go. Let this be yours." Bobby must have seen the big bubble of emotion threatening to break, because he changed the subject seamlessly. "Boys are gonna be gone for a spell this time. You don't worry about anything. Just cook for me at least once a day and we can call it even."

A smile tugged at the corner of your mouth when Dean showed up and leaned in the doorway, hands in his front pockets and one leg crossed over the other. 

"You got it, Darlin'. Anything special, just write it down, k? You take care of me, I'll make sure your belly stays full."

Dean stepped aside and made room for Bobby to leave, then quietly shut the door behind him when he entered. He huffed when he settled in next to you on the edge of the mattress. "Me and asshat are gonna head out in about an hour. Him and Bobby are checking some lore based on what Travis told us. Might be gone a few days."

"That's what Bobby said. But, that gives me time to talk to him about reopening shop."

"I think it'll be good for you. Get some sense of self back, ya know?" Dean was picking at the knees of his jeans, not looking anywhere near your face. "Still gonna want me when I get back?"

"Oh, honey. I don't think I could ever not want you. You'd have to do some pretty fucked up shit. Look at me, Dean." His head only dropped, chin to chest. With your palm against his cheek, you turned his face and made his look in your eyes. "Come back to me, k? Do that and we're golden."

**********

The boys had been gone two days. Dean called the first night and you talked for an hour. Topics ranging from music to books to future dreams. Ya know, after all the monsters were gone. You wanted to work in a free clinic and he wanted to build stuff. Cars. Houses. Maybe a family.

"Whoa! That's...wow...you can't just..." Though he'd sprung the idea on you, it was a nice thought for a second.

"Hey. I'm just talking', Sweetheart. You gonna be OK? I can hear your womb slamming shut from here." His voice went soft and kind. "Just wishful thinking, I guess. Get some sleep? I love you."

"I love you more. Be safe and come back to me."

Dreams that night were filled with a green eyed girl, pitching at a softball game while her parents cheered from the bleachers.


	23. Ebb and Flow

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This ones kinda on the short side for me. I'm having a really hard time writing her right now, as I have a very good friend in a coma offer a motorcycle accident. 
> 
> I wanted to put out what I had and go on to what's next. It feels weird leaving it here, but I think if I do, I'll be able to keep going. 
> 
> Again, thank you for the kind words of encouragement. It brings me joy.

Researching with Bobby had become one of your favorite pastimes. It was comfortable and quiet. Sometimes you'd have a moment of clarity that would set wheels in motion and get you to the place in your thought process you needed to be. Other times you'd have what Bobby affectionately call a brain fart. 

The two of you fell into your routine again quickly. Juggling several cases at once and dispatching out based on experience and proximity, Bobby's lock box of a memory was a thing of beauty. If you weren't patching owies, you were right there with him.

"Wanna come out from behind your tower, princess? I made us some lunch." Bobby was peeking over the stacks of books you'd tried, and failed, to catalog. 

You took in the mess of papers, news clippings and sticky notes and let out a heavy sigh. "Yeah. Thank you. I woulda stayed here all day if it wasn't for you." Lifting papers and moving books, you searched for a pen. "I just need to write down a couple thoughts. Now, if I were a pen where would I be?"

"Probably attending the meeting on your head. You've got about a dozen up there." 

Slowly raising both hands to your head, the tips and ends of every pen you had touched in the last six hours poked into your palms and finger tips. 

"Bobby, why didn't you say anything?!" 

He was walking away already, hands up in surrender. "I thought that was the look you were going for. Come eat, dummy."

##########

"I heard from the boys yesterday. Seems they've found themselves a Rugaru."

"Well, they know what to do right?"

"Yeah, fire. Kill it with fire. I heard you on the phone for a while last night..." He left the sentence open ended, allowing you to decide if you wanted to fill him in or keep it private.

"Dean called. Once he convinced me they were alright we were just talking about, ya know, stuff." The last word was delivered with a one shoulder shrug. You were smiling to yourself thinking of the conversation

"I got you something. Look in your duffle bag. Side pocket, on the inside."

You pulled out the long box with round edges. Inside there were two short knives. The blades were only a couple of inches long and the handles had holes for your middle finger. The sheath was crisscrossed and had a loop for your belt.

"Honey, what's this?"

"A little extra protection. Goes in the middle of your back. Don't wear them out until you practice with them, k? Now, look under the bed."

You had to get on your knees to peek under the old box spring. The white box there was the kind a gown would come in, and you weren't a gown kinda girl. "Dean, what have you done?"

"Stop talking and open it."

The smooth, almost spicy scent of leather filled your head when you lifted the lid. White tissue paper crossed over the gift inside. An involuntary gasp sucked into your lungs when you lifted the leather riding jacket from the box.

"You like it?"

It was the same soft, broken in, brown leather that your boots were made of. It was a straight zipper, no lapels, and a snap closure at the neck. 

"You watched me shop."

"That I did. Now, turn it around."

You couldn't form words or sounds or anything. Embroidered on the back were beautiful wings colored in white, black and teal. "This is beautiful. I don't know what to say. Thank you."

"You don't have to say anything. I wanted to do something nice for you. You aren't a jewelry kinda gal. You said flowers just die. M&M's aren't a gift kinda chocolate. But, you needed this. And the wings...um. You know I'm not good at this stuff."

"Just say it, Dean. You know I'm not gonna judge you." You could imagine him, scratching the top of his head and searching for words. 

"Ugh...ok. So, I know you love that damn bike. And the one time I rode with you was pretty cool. But, when I watch you ride the freeway in front of me, it looks like you're flying. So I wanted to give you wings and keep you safe at the time. It sounds stupid now that I said it out loud."

"No, it's not. This is the most beautiful thing anyone's ever done. Thank you. Really, I can't even find words, Dean." Pushing your arm through one of the sleeves, the leather molded and shaped around your body. "How many pool games did this run you, Honey?"

"You don't worry about that. Does it fit ok?"

"It's perfect. Completely perfect." And it was. "You really love me don't you?"

"So, what if I do? You deserve...everything, _____." "This family is my everything, Honey. And I love you. I have a run for pain meds tomorrow. I'll call you when I get home? And yes, I'll be wearing my wings."

##########

"Bobby, I'm leavin'!" Your boots clomped down the stairs while you pulled your new, winged leathers around you.

The screen door slammed and you couldn't help feeling like a kid when you rushed down the porch steps and jogged over to Your Girl. Bobby had kept her covered and you pulled the dusty cloth away with a flourish.

"Hello, pretty. Mama missed you." The bare light bulb hanging from the roof glinted off the chrome like a smile. "Wanna fly? Cause Dean got us wings, baby doll."

Once you'd pulled onto the main road, you let her open up. Blowing the cobwebs out of her exhaust and off your shoulders while you leaned into the corners, feeling your counter balance to her weight.


	24. Just Let Me Cry

Acquired illegal drugs stowed away in a saddle bag, the ride back to Bobby's was nerve wracking. There were enough pills and injectable meds to earn you a couple years inside a state pen. Prison in South Dakota didn't sound fun. At all.

Every car that you passed made your belly clench. Every cop that you saw, there seemed to be so many on the road today, was watched until they were out of site. The junked out cars in the scrap yard were the most beautiful thing you'd seen, maybe ever.

In true fashion, you partner in crime was waiting on the porch when you pulled up. Hauling yourself off the bike with shaking legs, you shot a smile to him. That didn't reach your eyes. 

"You're not OK, sunshine. Everything go alright?"

"It did, Bobby. Its a lot of drugs. I'm not so brave out there on my own. I don't know how to weave a story. I don't know how to talk my way outta stuff. No wonder they were just fine leaving me here." Gloves came off and were shoved in pockets. "I get in the way." The buckle on your chin pinched when your shaking hands took three tries to get your helmet off. "Fuck! I get between them. That was the one thing I didn't want!"

"You done?"

"Adrenaline crash...I'm sorry."

Bobby came off the porch and wrapped you in a bear hug, rocking you back and forth. "I've known those nitwits a long time. They fight like girls, but they always work it out. I think losing you would drive them apart, if we're being honest. Now, you go take a quick shower. I'll take your haul to the clinic so you can put it away."

"Thank you, Bobby. I'm lucky to call you my friend."

With a chuckle, he gave a playful shove to your shoulder. "I don't know if I'd call it luck, _____"

**********

As it turned out, a shower and sorting inventory made you feel better. Being well stocked made you calm. Just about any trauma could be handled in your little urgent care. You'd taken to keeping coded charts on each hunter/patient you saw. Allergies, previous procedures and blood types were recorded. 

You made a mental note to ask Bobby for a deep freeze. If you could ask for blood donations when healthy hunters showed up for research, you might get a small blood bank set up.

**********

Hi, Babe. How goes it?"

"It goes. Ya know. Weather's the same. Small town stuff. Bobby's a grumpy old man." You grinned to yourself, phone on your shoulder, making coffee. 

"You're a pain in the ass, you know that? You don't think I hear about you out here? My own Dr. Sexy. Dr. _____, Medicine Woman."

"OK. Enough, Dean. Yeah, I've been busy. Miss you guys, though. Bobby's being a total dad lately." Setting the coffee on the table and stating out the window, you cracked the subject that was eating at you. "Hey, how come Sam doesn't call?"

"Thinks you don't wanna talk to him. He's been quiet. Guards his phone like crazy."

"Please tell him to call me. I miss his voice."

"I can do that, sweetheart. I gotta run, though. Agents Nelson and Jennings have a meeting with a sheriff."

"Waylon and Willie. Nice. Love you"

********** 

The day had been long. The one call from Dean wasn't enough. You were occupied, but lonely as hell. Sleep was elusive and dreamless. Every night you said a little prayer that you could visit with the brothers. Even if it was subconscious. It never came. 

But an in expected visitor did. 

Late evening on a Tuesday, a shrill ring of the kitchen pulled Bobby out of his library. He scribbled on a pad and held it up to you.

'Messy hand inj. Stabbed thru. You can?'

Nodding furiously and tapping your wrist silently to ask for eta, you jumped up and headed for the basement.

"See you in 30 or so." He all but tossed the phone back on the cradle. "Need help?"

" Absolutely. Follow me, sweet pea."

**********

"Marshall...breathe for me. Let the meds work." Your patient was a new guy, never worked on him before. His anxiety was through the roof. A shot of Ativan in his arm was taking too long, he was fighting the drug."I have to irrigate before I do anything else. The Lidocaine is gonna burn for a second, but then you'll be numb."

Sweat was pouring down his face, but he seemed to be focusing on relaxing. His left hand was spread out on the mayo tray, a decent sized pool of blood soaking into the chuck underneath. The wound was in the webbing between the thumb and first finger, thank God.

Layers of stitches and packing for drains took a couple hours and left you with a serious back ache. While Marshall rested, Bobby took the biohazard out to the burn bin. 

"Marshall, I'm gonna need you to hit up a hospital for a recheck. I can only do so much here. I specialize in stopping bleeding and fighting infection. ER eval will tell you if anything important was damaged."

He was groggy, but awake enough to talk. "The injury sucks, but I got to meet the legend. The biker babe with the hands that heal. The woman who is basically a Winchester."

"That's the morphine talking. Close your eyes. I'll wake you up in a couple hours for a hot meal." Fluffing out a blanket, you covered him on the cot in a corner. "Legend my ass."

**********  
That night, the phone rang with a call from Sam. Taking a deep breath, you answered with a shaky voice of a high school girl getting a call from your crush. "Hey. You called."

"I did. Dean said you asked for me." There was a pause that lasted too long. "You there?"

"Yeah. Yeah, I'm here. You safe?"

"As I can be. Look, _____. I'm not calling for small talk. Bottom line, I miss you. I need to see you. What's it gonna take?"

This was a new Sam. Demanding Sam. "Tell me where. Tell me when."

**********

Sam had called with the name if the hotel and room number. It wasn't too far and only took a few hours to get there.

When you did it took every ounce of courage to raise your fist and knock. His dimples greeted you when he swung the door wide.

"Hey, _____." Stepping aside, he made room for you to walk past. When the door clicked shut, you felt yourself flinch a little. It made you both laugh uncomfortably and shuffle in your spots. Sam's long slender fingers reached out for your hand. "Meet me half way?"

You took his offered hand and let him pull you close. Aside from the fingers intertwined, there was no contact until you let your forehead fall against his chest. "I miss being the Winchester's girl, Sam. And then, having to see you, worry about you. It's bullshit."

Every bit of resolve and stubborn denial drained out of your body when his face rested on the top of your head. Your fingers shook out of his so you could wrap your arms around his waist. The next breath you took was choked and exhaled as a sob. "It wasn't supposed to be like this, Sam. I was yours and you said you were mine." His big hand splayed across the whole of your lower back and his forearm crossed your shoulders. For once, he didn't try and argue or justify his actions. He just let you cry.


	25. Dinner And A Show

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Finally face to face and alone with Sam, you confront him and ask the questions that have been eating at you. All you wanted was closure, but a whole new problem opens up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guys. I'm sorry I've been off the grid for a while. My brother was in a horrible motorcycle accident and we didn't think he'd make it. However, death didn't realize what a tough son of a bitch he is and he's gonna make it. We've been parked at the hospital in shifts and I just wasn't feeling the writing itch. 
> 
> However, I'm back and should be able to get back to posting on the regular.

Once you were cried out and left with blubbering hiccoughs that almost buckled your knees, Sam pressed his mouth to the top of your head and said the one thing you wanted to hear. "I know. I have no excuse."

When your face tipped up to look at him, he gave a small smile. Only the shadow of the dimple you loved showed through his scruff. After an awkward pause that almost led to your mouth on his, he stepped back and turned to the little table by the window. The sudden absence of his hold left you off balance and wobbly. 

"Dean's not here, so I got poké. I know you miss out on sushi with him around. Hungry?" He turned his head enough that you got a one quarter profile."Easier to talk when there's a distraction, right?"

Bending to rub your hands over the thighs of your jeans with a groan, you realized just how empty your belly...and spicy salmon?! SOLD!

"So, you two doing alright? No fighting? Well, not too much fighting." You were pulling bowls and chopsticks out of the bag, avoiding eye contact.

"We fight more than we don't, _____. About everything, really."

After a uncomfortable silence that lasted too long, it was you that jumped. "You gotta tell me what's going on, Sam. Help me understand, OK?" "Look, _____. If we get into this, you're just gonna get upse-" "I'm already upset. I wanna know. Its gotta be better than not knowing and making shit up in my head. Start with when you left me. Where did you go?" "To try and make a deal. No one would take it. They acted like Dean was a trophy. I really thought I could get him back. And when I couldn't, I just couldn't face you. So I went off the rails." He paused until you looked at him. "I figured I'd never see you again. Or Bobby. Anyone I loved. So I figured, fuck it." "Or fuck her..." Your voice came out sounding like a hurt child instead of the indignant bitch you wanted to be.

"I thought it would hurt less if I didn't come back. That maybe you'd forget about me. Us." He waited for a response, but you simply went about poking at your food. "OK. So, you want to know what happened next.

"I really don't. But I guess I need to."

"Ugh...alright. Lilith released Ruby from Hell, on the condition that she kill me. She showed up with another demon and just turned on him. It all scared the shit outta me. Here I was, alone, and the woman, or what ever, that killed my brother says she's there to help me?!" His eyes caught yours and seemed to be looking for sympathy, but found none. "I told her to fuck off. Besides, she was riding a real person, with a family and a life. Told her to take the girl home and go back to hell."

"So, how'd she end up in the brunette?" That brunette that was in Sam's bed. That part you wouldn't say out loud. Sam needed to stay on point.

"She found someone brain dead, in a coma. They were about to pull life support, so she jumped in. She offered to help me use these powers, control them, so I could take revenge on Lilith. That's all I wanted. If I could end her, I could end our pain, _____. It seemed like the right thing to do."

"Did you ever think about me? Letting me in on this? Sam, I could have helped you, kept you-"

"Kept me WHAT?" His face was twisted in shame. He gestured at nothing with big, open hands. "I was trusting a demon. THE demon that destroyed everything. She taught me how to exercise demons. With...well, my mind. It didn't work at first. It was so painful. The headaches. I would get nose bleeds. I was ready to give up. Maybe come home? She told me to keep practicing. She consoled me and..."

"Don't you dare play innocent, Sam." Your tone had taken on a dismissive tone that you couldnt change. "You're a grown ass man with your own moral compass. You started fucking her. She opened her legs all proud and you went after it like a TV dinner." 

He didn't even try and deny it or excuse it away. "I don't care, Sam. You going there doesn't matter. WHY does. Why you continued for MONTHS does. It became a RELATIONSHIP. Do you even comprehend that?!" "I didn't meant for it to go on! I kept finding omens. I kept getting closer to Lilith. Ruby said to not go after her. That I wasn't strong enough. She was right. I walked into a set up. I got attacked by two demons. If it wasn't for her...I'd be dead. She showed up and killed one, I was able to exorcise the other. She saved my life, _____." There was a headache, creeping up over the crown of your head that was making you actively nauseous. Wasabi and sticky rice churning in your belly. "So, get her a gift card for Starbucks. You don't have to start fucking her on the regular." "You think I didn't want to come back to you?! Call you?" "Are you trying me make me feel SORRY for you? Fuck you, Sam, FUCK YOU!" It wasn't until the soda cup left your hand that you realized what had happened. Ice was splayed across the table and floor, but the contents, for the most part, were soaking into Sam's shirt. Before you could react, he was up and out of his seat, hauling you up by your upper arm. His chest heaved while his eyes flicked back and forth between yours. "Feel better? Is that what you wanted to say?" Mind racing with so very many insults you could hurt him with, you stood defiant in front of him, biting your tongue. "Hit me. Smack me across the face if it makes you feel better, _____. Just DO something!" 'This is it. This is my chance. Take out my anger and win him back.' There was a sensible voice and complete chaos vying for attention in your brain. 'I'm not thinking this out. I don't throw myself at men to win them back.' ...until one voice spoke quiet and calm, making sense if all of it. 'But, its Sam.'

And that is the one that came out victorious. On tip toe, your body slammed into his. He gave pause for less than a second, slackening his grip from your arms. That was until your hands each grabbed a fistful of hair, pulling his face to yours and kissing him with every emotion that was pent up for months.

Starting with a sigh that turned into a growl, he spun you round and used your ass to push the food off a space on the table. He still towered over your from where you were planted, his neck just inches out of your reach.

Two fisted, you ripped the front of his shirt open, buttons clinking around the room and landing next to melting ice cubes. It took a moment to pull your eyes up his torso. He'd gotten so BIG. 

Pants slung low on his hips showed off the deep V that disappeared into the waistband of his boxers. A thick vein that peeked out and ran almost to his navel pulsed quickly. Even his obliques were cut. 

With ankles locked behind his knees, he's was kept in place when your fingertips traced his ribs to his chest and over his nipples. 

Sam's head fell back, exposing the muscles from his collar bones to his neck. Lightly flicking the tip of your tongue over any skin you could reach, you held his arms at his sides.

"Oh Jesus. ____, I've missed this so-"

"Shut up. You're gonna ruin it." The grip on his wrists was a joke really. He simply twisted away and grabbed a thigh while the fingers of his other hand twisted up in your hair. "There ya go, big boy. Don't talk..." The yank to the back of your head was just hard enough, forcing you to look up at him. "...show me."

On cue, his mouth covered yours. Noises were muffled and swallowed, yet definitely had the tone that something was being devoured. Arms gripped shoulders and fingers dug into soft flesh, not caring if bruises were left behind. 

Months of pent up anger, hurt, abandonment, betrayal, desperation and love were being taken out on each others bodies. And that was OK. When you pushed, he pulled. When you scratched, he bit. You were in control, but he was giving as good as he was getting.

Sliding your hands under the waistband at the back of his jeans and yanking his ass to you threw him off balance a bit. He ended up with one arm around the small of your back and the other, bent at the elbow, bracing himself on the rickety table. 

Fumbling with the buckle of your own belt and nodding with your chin at his, your ankles let go long enough to start yanking denim out of the way. Your panties were already soaked when he drug them down your thighs. Two long strokes of his cock and he was lining up with you. All at once, all of Sam was deep inside you, and it felt like home. That one piece of you that had been lost and wandering for so long. 

Pulling your thighs up and resting your ankles on his shoulders, he began pounding into you. Fingers gripped tightly, almost too hard into the meat. Your back arched involuntarily and your hands flailed for purchase, finding it on the edge of the formica. The pace seemed to go on and on. Sam had gotten so strong. Like there was extra power coming from inside him. 

Grunts came in short bursts from both of you. Climax was not the common goal. This was a dance. A marathon, if you if you thought about it. Finishing wasnt the point. There was something else there. Something that couldnt be named. 

Pulling out suddenly, he pulled you up by your upper arms. At the same time he twisted your body and pushed you over the table. Kicking your ankles out to spread your legs, his thumb ran between your lips. From your clit, quickly to between your ass cheeks. Sam was always creative in ass play, and he was now. At the same time he pushed his cock into you, his thumb pushed into your ass. 

You wanted to say something really dirty, get him going rough again, but all that came out was a long high pitched whine. Your cheek made a little splash in a puddle on the table when your head fell. 

"Tell me what you want, _____. You're angry. Tell me." His hips snapped and slapped into you, balls swinging forward and tapping your clit. At the same time, he moved his thumb just a little. "Say it." Snap, pause. "Say it." Snap, snap, pause. "Say. It." That was it. He didn't move, not even a twitch.

Finally finding your ability to speak again was a challenge. Sam was pressed against you. You could feel his pulse inside you, quick and strong. There was an involuntary twitch inside you that made him groan, a deep rumble in his chest. 

"Fuck me, Sammy. You owe me that much. Fuck me hard." Snap. "Harder." Snap "Goddammit. C'mon!" Pulling his thumb free and gripping your hips with both hands, he squared off his stance behind you. "Fuck m-" 

That was all you got out. His pace was furious and punishing. The table rocked with every thrust, pulling your feet up off the floor. The was just grunts and cries and noise. Your orgasm swirled and twisted, never quite coming to the surface. Then his fingers dug deep into your hip bones. So hard that the sharp edges of his fingernails twisted into your skin. And then it happened. That curve inside you said he was close. Really close. 

You still had it. 'It' being the ability to please him. His body curved down and covered you. Pulling one hand away from your hip, he ended up with his fingers twisted tight into your hair, pulling your head back. With his breath running over your neck, his deep voice rumbled against your shoulder. "Come for me, baby. Come for me, please. Let me hear it. Tell me how it feels." His teeth grabbed a mouth full of muscle where your neck met your shoulder. And then he sucked. 

"So good. Feels so...Jesus, Sam. Gonna come. Gonna come for you." Your pussy tensed around him and didn't let go. His back arched and he grunted once. His body stilled and you could feel him swell and twitch, swell and twitch.

And then he was gone, leaving you face down on the table, toes barely touching the ground. The mix of your sex was running down your thigh. Twisting your body to look behind you, you watched his bare ass walk into the bathroom. 

"I gotta clean up." The door closed behind him with a click. You were utterly confused. You pushed up so you could step away from the table. There was soda, sweat and sex covering your body. You thought about knocking on the door to the bathroom. You needed to clean up, too. The ding-ding of his phone pulled your attention right to it. 

'Don't do it. Don't be THAT girl.' You walked over to the bed and opened his bag. The screen was lit up in a corner, behind some socks. 'No. Don't.' Your hand seemed to move on it's own. 'Stop. Stop. You can still...' 

'You done yet?' That was it. One line of text. Moving quickly, you pulled your pants on and ripped the tee back over your head. Boots with no socks on your feet. Jacket in hand, you heard the door open behind you and you froze. 

"What are you doin', _____? I figured you'd want to shower before you left." Your eyes closed and you counted to ten. Picking up his phone and slowly turning to face Sam, you conjured every ounce of strength you had left to not cry. "_____?"

Eyes flashed from green to a weird bluish hazel when he saw the phone in your hand. "Ruby want's to know if your done, Sam. Text her back. She must need you. Tell her I said hi, you fucking asshole." He was trying to say something when you threw his phone at him. He juggled it from hand to hand, trying to grab it. You had to get out. Running to the door and yanking it open, you just wanted to not be there.

Jogging out to the sidewalk and shooting across the street, you pulled your phone out and kept walking. As soon as the line picked up you spoke, not waiting for a 'Hello'.

"Bobby? Can you come get me? I can't ride right now. I'm ok. Don't call Dean, just come get me."

"Ok, sunshine. Give me an address."


	26. You Wouldn't Understand

Bobby was silent as a stone on the way back to his place. You'd waited hours for him to get there, half expecting Sam to come looking for you. He didn't. You sat alone, staring out the window, until your bestie got there. Tossing a twenty on the table to cover the coffee and taking up the table for so long, you headed out the door and got in the truck with out a word.

"Only one question, sunshine. How we gonna get the bike home." Bobby's voice was low and soft. Softer than it had been ever before. 

"Just leave her here. I'll call the guys tomorrow. They owe me a favor."

With a tiny nod, Bobby shifted in to gear and headed home. There was no contact from either brother. It was Dean you really didn't want to talk to. He knew about you and Sam seeing each other, and he knew why. Eventually he's gonna want to know how it went. Waves of nausea rolled over you when you thought about how that conversation would go. 

**********  
The "guys" you were calling to pick up Your Girl were members of the M/C club that had taught you to ride. They were rough and tumble, but good guys at heart. A couple bar fights had left them with broken bones and stab wounds that needed to be patched up. They always thanked you with a promise of "if you ever need ANYTHING". Well, this was anything.

It was late evening when they pulled up in the flat bed, Your Girl strapped on tight. "Wrench" eased her down the ramp while "Shadow" asked you why you'd left her in front of a motel. "It wouldn't matter, but you know you left that arsenal in that saddlebag. Was it a bad date or something?"

"Something like that. Just didn't think it was a good idea to ride home. Thanks for doing this, guys."

"Wrench" pulled off his gloves and scooped you up into a bear hug that lifted you off your feet. When he stepped away, he looked at your neck and frowned. "Is that a bruise, _____? What happened?" Both of their postures changed and had become very protective. Fists were clenching at their sides, just itching to hit something.

Of all days to wear a pony tail. "It's fine. It was a date. It was...consensual."

"Wrench" got a little closer and grinned when he saw teeth marks. "Didn't know you played rough, _____. You bad girl, you." Both men thought that was the funniest shit they'd heard in days.

"Are you done, assholes? Look, please put the bike in the garage. I'm going back to bed. ALONE. Don't get started with me."

**********  
Dean called about a million times during that night. You'd turned off the ringer because you really didn't want to talk to him. Voice mails and text messages clogged your phone. The last text said "call me. now." 

Coffee first, then the shit storm. Bobby was already behind his desk and called out that Dean called as you walked by. "I know, I know. I'm about to call." Fuck. You really didn't want to do this. It's not like he was mad at you, but his anger was nasty and made everyone duck and cover. 

Walking back out to the bedroom to grab your phone you shot Bobby a glare over your shoulder. "I'm gonna call him now."

"Good. I'm tired of making excuses. Not what I signed up for, sweetheart." Ugh. That hurt. He didn't deserve all this extracurricular bull shit. He was a good soul and gave till it hurt. 

"You're right. I'll fix it, ok? I'm sorry, Bobby." You didn't wait for an answer, but walked quickly to the bedroom before another phone could ring.

**********  
"It's about God dammed time, _____. I've called you four thousand times! You put your phone on silent. When has that EVER been ok? Sam comes back and he's all fucking mopey and won't tell me anything. Then I call Bobby and he just says you're there. Then you won't answer your phone!" He just kept going... "Now I've angels poking me with sticks, telling Sam I remember what happened in hell. Lemme tell ya, that wasn't a game I wanted to play."

"STOP! Dean, did you just say you remember everything?

"FUCK! I didn't want to say that over the phone." Now there was panic in his voice. "Look, we are 6 hours away and I need you here an hour ago. Please, _____. This is getting heavy."

"Ok, honey. Breathe. I'll take the Scout Bobby just fixed. I'll drive through the night to get to you guys. Stay safe where you are. Stay together, k? I love you, Dean."

There was a break in his voice that only showed up when he was really scared. "I love you, too, sweetheart. Please hurry."

**********  
What should have taken six hours took you four. The motel door swung open before you had your bag out of the back of the truck. Sam all but ran at you, putting you off guard.

"Look, _____. I'm sorry. Really, really sorry. I never should have let any of that happen. I'm just really worried about Dean right now. Can we put all the shit aside for now?" His brows were raised, creating the little creases on his forehead.

"Sam, our pile of shit we've put aside is so big, one more thing might just topple it over. You're lucky you aren't my focus right now. What's he talking about angels poking him with sticks?"

"I dunno, but he's not ok." Movement in the doorway of the room caught your eye. Dean was walking back and forth across the room and kept pausing to look at you. Sam quietly took your bag out of the bed of the Scout and motioned you inside. Dean wrapped his arms around you hard and quick. You barely had time to look at him before his face was buried in your neck. 

"Honey? C'mon. What's going on with you?" He was trembling when your hands slipped up his back to his shoulder blades. Soothing him with whispers was starting to work. Sam's shadow passed behind his brother as he made to sit on the bed. "Did Castiel do this to you?"

"No! No. No. Wasn't him." He pulled back and smiled before pecking your forehead. "Sit. I'll catch you up."

Sam sat next to you on one bed and Dean faced the both of you on the other. "Uriel. His name is Uriel. Him and Cas fought together upstairs, I guess. Son of a bitch doesn't play around. Cas at least pretends he wants to be nice. But, well, he called me out. He said I remember everything in front of Sam. And I do, but it's so fucked up. Guys, I don't even know where to start. You'd never look at me the same again. And I don't want you to think different of me because of what happened there." Sam's hand was on your shoulder in a very platonic way. No matter what, there was a history there that was based on friendship. It wasn't something you were willing to let go on. Especially with what ever Dean was facing. "_____, there's something else. Ruby was here."

You had to take a deep breath to steel yourself for what ever was coming next. This wasn't about you. This was about Dean.

"She has intel on a young woman who's escaped from a mental ward. She was saying she could hear angels talking about an apocalypse. Her name is Anna. Will you help us?"

"Of course. You don't ever have to ask. Tell me what you need me to do."

**********

Of all the fucking things they could have said they needed you to do, it had to be work with Ruby. You could only hope Sam could sense the anger rolling off you when you copied her number out of his phone. After getting particulars from her, it didn't take long to track her down. You were even able to get more information from the psyche ward than you should have been, simply because you knew how to talk to doctors. She beat the shit out of an orderly and simply walked out. 

"Bad news is, it's a three day drive to the hospital. I'll leave the Scout here and slip the manager a couple bucks to watch it."

Dean had started pacing again, grumbling under his breath. With every pass, Sam scoffed and rolled his eyes. Oh, there was a fight a'comin'. But you weren't going any where near it. Not right now.


	27. Baby's Song

"Why should we believe Ruby, Sam? Little bit of internet and it's all true? Come on, man!"

"Dean, why would she lie? What goo-"

"Because she's a fucking demon! Dude, I dunno what happened while I was downstairs, but it must've been epic. I come back and your bff is a demon. Well, fuck me runnin!"

"You want me to tell you what happened with her? How about you go first. How was hell, Dean?!"

Here they were again. Toe to toe, nose to nose. This bullshit had to stop. "LOOK! I don't have time for this. We either get back to work or I'm going home. Get in the stupid car and lets go." Both of them looked down at you slack jawed and not moving. "NOW!" On cue they jumped and grabbed their things, packing the Impala while you paid off the manager. 

Sam was folding down into the back seat when you got there. "Nope. I'm riding in the back, Shrek. I've been up all night driving. I'm sleeping till we get to the hotel, where I'm gonna have to keep researching and compare notes with...her." 

Like a petulant child you flopped down in the back and covered your head with a shirt off the floor. Thankfully it was Dean's smell that surrounded you. If it had been Sam's, well, that probably would have been too much. There was no music, no banter, not even polite conversation. Just Baby's engine and her tires on the road. Since you were exhausted, it didn't take long for Baby's song to sing you to sleep.

**********  
"Sweetheart? We're at the hotel. You gonna come inside?" It couldn't be the older brother waking you up, that would be too much to ask.

"Don't call me 'Sweetheart', Sam. Where's Dean?" You still had the shirt over your head, so thankfully, you didn't have to look at him.

"He went to get dinner. Um, I got two rooms. We can work that out if you want."

He sounded so damn pitiful. And you were over it. You were done being nice. No more benefit of the doubt. Sam had pushed too hard. The shirt pulled your hair over your face and that made it harder to scramble out of the back.

"There's no working anything out. What ever room you want, I'll be in the other one. Have Dean bring me my food. I need to get started." He looked like he was going to say something, but you yanked your bag out of his hand and motioned to the open motel doors. "Well?!" 

His face went from hurt puppy to something that looked like pissy resignation. The corners of his mouth turned down and his jaw squared. "They're both doubles so it doesn't matter. Where do you want me to tell Dean to go?"

Before heading for the open door on the right, spat out the most pleasant thing you could think of. "Dean can go where he wants. He's always welcome in my bed. YOU, however, can go fuck yourself."

**********  
When the soft rap of knuckles took your attention away from your conversation in your head, you couldn't have been happier to see Dean's profile when you peeked out the window. Pulling the door open, the most beautiful thing ever was in his hand. A big bag of Taco Bell. 

"So, someone said I'm welcome for a slumber party?" He almost dropped the bag when you pulled him inside by his jacket and slammed the door behind him. "Whoa. Guess you're hungry, huh?"

"What did Sam tell you about the other night? Don't hold back. I REALLY need you to be honest, honey." 

He set the bag on the bed and took you by the arms, bending his knees a little to look you in the eye. "Just that you guys seemed to have worked it out, but you bolted right after...ya know? Why?" There was a cloud of doubt on his face and he straightened up a little. "What happened? He didn't..._____, did he hurt you?"

"No! No, Dean. Not like that. We we're talking things out and I got pissed, then he got pissed. Then, um, we had angry sex. As soon as, and I mean right after, his phone went off. It was a message, from Ruby, asking if he was 'done yet'." With that, he stood straight up and made for the door. With both hands on his chest you were able to stop him."Don't even try it. You lied to me too, Winchester. Big time. You remember everything from hell? All the times you cried out in your sleep and I sang to you until you calmed down. That was you remembering. You could have told me. Why didn't you? I could have helped you."

"No, sweetheart. You couldn't. Ya ever heard of skeletons in the closet? Well, I've got a whole garage full of 'em. I don't want you to see me like that. You gotta understand, ok? For now." It took a deep breath and a count to five to simply nod. "I got you dinner. Wanna eat in bed?"

"Yeah, Honey. That'll be nice. After we eat I have to text her to get the info. Can we be normal, or as normal as we can be until then?"

"You got it, Sugar Tits."

Curling up next to him always made you feel small and safe. At least for the next half hour, no one could touch you.


	28. Other Things to Think About

Dean had taken up residence in his favorite spot. Back against he headboard, one hand behind his head with his legs stretched out and ankles crossed. Something loud and exploding was on the TV. You, on the other hand, were set up at the little table, laptop and phone right next to each other.

You'd found the address for this girl Anna's parents, but since it was so late, you would call tomorrow. Ruby would.not.stop.texting.you. Even after you thanked her (ugh) and told her to have a good night (blech). Every time your phone text tone went off, Dean giggled at the faces you made when reading her texts. 

"What made her think I wanted to be friends? Just shut up, do the job and do whatever it is she's doing with Sam." Fists full of hair and tense shoulders were the simple side effects of having to work with the demon your boyfriend had left you with. "Fuck, I don't think I'd want to be her friend in the real world. She's the kind of woman I'd avoid at parties." Grabbing the lid and shutting the laptop harder than you really should have, you grabbed your phone and headed to the bed. "I'm shooting Sam a text to tell him to contact you if he needs anything. I'm shutting my phone off. She'll keep going all night if I don't."

He held out his arm so you could snuggle up under it. "I'm sorry, sweetheart. This is added shit you shouldn't have to deal with. What can I do? Something to take your mind off of it?"

Oh, the things he could do to take your mind off of things. "Wanna make-out? Dry hump like teenagers?" Both big calloused hands slid to your hips when you maneuvered to straddle him. "Wanna get dirty? Maybe try something new?" His eyes followed the hem of your shirt when you pulled it over your head, and when it past your face he was biting his bottom lip. "Anything you can think of that we haven't talked about?" 

"Wow, there isn't much we haven't done, baby girrrrr....fuck." Rising up to your knees and pushing his face between your tits shut him up. 

"Nothing?" Turning his face from side to side, he gave each of the girls attention. Biting, licking and sucking. "C'mon now, honey. There's gotta be something..."

Dark emerald eyes looked up through long dark lashes. "Surprise me." Oh, this poor young man. He had no idea the things you'd wanted to do, but never had dare ask.

"Ok, Dean. Just remember, you asked for it." He looked almost frightened for a moment before your mouth covered his, one hand on the back of his head, the other cradling his cheek. Rocking forward to pull his flannel over his shoulders, your knees spread and sank you lower against his lap. Pushing down harder and rocking your hips gave a perfect amount of friction that made goosebumps cover your shoulders and upper arms. "Anything goes?"

His arms slid up through yours, pulling his tee behind them. "Yup. I'm all yours." Those words delivered a quick kick to the gut you didn't expect. Everything stopped for a perfect moment. "Just yours. You're everything I need. I trust you." 

A tiny smile tugged at the corner of your mouth before you crawled down the length of the bed. You unbuckled your jeans and slid them down your legs before stepping out of them. "Pants off. Underwear too." He smiled a crooked grin and did as he was told. His cock was halfway there and will a few strokes of his hand was completely hard.

"What about you?" He gestured to you in your panties and bra. "You gonna leave those on?" He tried to use his trademark 'lick lower lip, pull it in with his teeth, nose crinkle' move on you, but this was your rodeo.

"Yeah, I am." Taking the rubber band from your wrist, you tied your hair back. "Here's the drill. If you can't see it, you can't touch it. Sorry, buddy. Them's the rules." One knee at a time, you made your way between his thighs. His eyes tracked your tongue when you licked a generous amount of spit on your palm. His eyes fell shut when he felt the squeeze and pull from base to tip of his dick. "Oh, no you don't. You can't zone out. You have to watch.

His eyes opened, then squinted at you when you wiggled your legs apart and spread his knees. Bending at the waist, you sucked the fat head in your mouth. It was an open mouth sigh that fell from his lips, and you knew from experience, his brow furrowed when he sighed like that. With a relaxed jaw and a flat tongue, leaning a little more was enough to start sliding him deeper into your mouth.

One hand tried to hold the side of your head, but your grip on his wrist brought it down, next to his ass. "Jesus, baby girl. Do I get to participate at all?"

There was a wet popping noise when you pulled him out of your mouth. "Do what you're told, Dean. You'll have a lot more fun." With a loud slurping sound, you went back to work. Swirling your tongue on the way down, sucking hard on the way up. Spit was running from your mouth and over his balls. His legs tightened involuntarily when you cupped them and squeezed gently, but you settled onto your belly, pushing them back out again.

There were catches in his breathing that sometimes followed a grunt that was higher pitched than his speaking voice. Chasing your mouth, your hand twisted and squeezed his shaft while your other hand kept working his balls. All of the wetness was spreading, running down to the sensitive skin just behind his sac. Softly massaging there made his cheeks clench, but with a deep breath, he relaxed again. Earning a particularly deep swallow from you.

"Ok, ok. Whew. I'm good." You couldn't be sure if he was talking to you or himself, but it really didn't matter. Everything from where your nose was buried in his soft curls to where your fingers were inching their way between his cheeks was a wet, slobbery mess. Letting go of his shaft, your left hand planted next to his on the bed. The other pushed his left leg out to the side. Still working your middle finger further and further back, you could just feel the edge of puckered skin. Looking up at that beautiful, open face and seeing his nod, letting your know it was ok was like a green flag at the start of a drag race.

Just a bit more massaging and you were able to get the very tip of your middle finger past the tight ring of muscle. All movement of your mouth stopped, letting him focus on relaxing. With every breath he relaxed and you pushed a little further. Finally, after a lot to patience and tenderness, you were at your second knuckle. With a quick curl of your finger, you grazed his prostate and got just the reaction you wanted.

With your throat prepared and relaxed, his cock slid all the way in your mouth. His back had arched, hands gripping the bedspread tight. Crooking your finger and swallowing at the same time, you felt him let go. Ropes and ropes of hot, salty come hit the back of your throat and with every swallow, more followed. Dean was never quiet during sex, but right now, he was down right loud. Not saying words as much at long vowels and slurred consonants strung together. 

Once you were sure he was done you slowly pulled your finger free. Moving almost as slow as you did on the way in. The mess of what you made him do was all over your face, chin and starting to run down your neck. Before you could palm it away, big hands hooked under your arms. Finding yourself belly to belly and face to face with him caught you off guard. Wide eyed you watched his tongue leave his mouth and reach for the edge of your jaw. Tentatively, he grazed against the skin, tasting himself. 

"Holy fucking shit, honey. That's really hot." Not expecting anymore than that tiny taste, it pulled an excited squeak from you when he began lapping and sucking. Cleaning up your face like you would clean his after he went down on you. "In the name of Baby Buddha on a play date. You're killin' me."

"Let me taste you. Mmmmplease? Say it's ok." This boy learned quick.

"Mmhmm." Was all you got out before you found yourself straddling his face. He'd slid down so quickly you barely had time to lean up on your knees. Through your wet cotton panties, he mouthed and nibbled at every bit of flesh there. Soon, he had two fingers hooked in the crotch pulling it to the side. His mouth opened wide and his tongue shoved deep inside you, making you grind. There was a muffled grunt and a quick nod when you did it again. At this angle his nose was rubbing against your clit, his breath was warming and cooling your lips at the same time. All the while, he was encouraging you to literally fuck his face. Coming quick, your head fell back and it was all you could do to not pass out from the intensity of it all.

Finally pulling his mouth away, he helped you to roll on your back. Hovering over you was a freckled face, shiny with your juices. Because you knew he liked it, you returned the favor. Licking and kissing away the mess. When the mess was gone, the kisses didn't stop. 

After a few minutes you pushed him away enough that you could talk. "You ok?"

"Didn't think I'd ever dig that, but yeah. With you it's always good. I told you, I trust you. But look at you, all commanding and shit." He was on his side now, head resting on his hand, smiling down at you. "Needed to feel in control of something for a minute?"

"Shut up. You don't know me." He knew you so very well. "You listened very well, young man. Wanna fall asleep all sticky?"

"Eww. No. C'mon, we can save water." He made you squeal when he scooped you off the bed, bridal style. Tomorrow. The shit show could continue tomorrow. Tonight was perfect.


	29. A Redhead With Wings

BAM! BAM! BAM! "Guys, let's go! C'mon!" BAM!BAM!BAM! "Not my fault you stayed up all night." BAM!

"Dean, your brother wants to talk to you." He felt so good snuggled up against your back. 

"He's YOUR boyfriend." 

"Not right now he's not! Go." Blankets were tossed back and you couldn't keep from giggling at his naked butt making it's way to the door. For a split second you were worried he'd rip the door open nude, but thankfully he only cracked it. There was low mumbling between the two and judging from the tenseness of that broad back, it wasn't friendly banter.

The door closed harder than it needed to, making you sit up with a pillow in front of your body. "I told him we'd be out in ten minutes. Don't open that door before fifteen have passed." He gave you a single "HA!" before pulling on his shorts.

**********  
"Good morning, Sammy! You look well rested." He caught he bag you tossed him and scoffed that bitchy scoff that was his tell when you were under his skin. "Ruby was such a big help last night! We actually chatted quite a bit." 

Dean snorted a laugh back and shook his head at you. You only shrugged back, but let it go since you had a long day in the car coming. 

"Sam, let _____ ride up front, will ya? She's got to make phone calls and stuff. It's easier up there." Standing and watching, it took him an uncomfortably long time to fold himself up to get back there. "You pick the music, sweetheart. Little Johnny Cash?" Even though you were happy to put your music on, the side eye you gave Dean was meant to tell him enough was enough.

**********

Calling the number you and Ruby had found for Anna's parents was fruitless. Just an automated voicemail message every single time. A couple more calls to the hospital she'd disappeared from and their local police (posing as a FBI investigator) got you an appointment set up for the next day. "I'll go to the hospital, you guys go to the police. We can stop at her parents' place tonight. See if they're home yet. As for now, I gotta pee."

"Me too. Dean, how long?" Those were the first words he'd uttered since you left the motel. His thumbs were glued to his phone, but he hadn't been talking.

"We need gas. Do ya need to pull over now or can you hold it?"

"What ever she wants." 

Dean stopped hard and quick on the shoulder and spun on Sam. "Get out. You and me, right now!" It was all slamming doors and crunching boots before they stopped right outside your door. "I've had enough of your pouting, man. She hasn't done SHIT to you. In fact, she's been too fucking nice if you ask me."

"I didn't ask you, did I? I've tried, Dean." Sam's hands were gesturing between himself and the car. "She won't let me make it up to her! She won't let it go."

"Really? Was she supposed to let Ruby's text go. Asking if you were done?! She was ready, man. She was. And you stepped on her heart again. That's it." Hands, palms down, made a brushing motion. "That's the last time. Set her expectations and keep them there. I need to not have to pick up the damage you do. She plays tough, but...just stop."

With hands through long hair, you could see Sam's surrender. They turned in unison and gave you the exact same look. They both loved you. They did. But each in their own way. Truth be told, your love for them was evolving constantly. 

Cranking down the window just enough to poke your nose through, you shouted out at them, "I still gotta pee!"

**********  
That evening, driving up to the house, you gave the details again. "Mr. Milton is a church deacon. The wife, a stay at home mom. Pretty white bread if you ask me."

All three of you walked to the porch at the same time before you let the boys go to the door first. Sam rang the bell and called out with authority. "Mr and Mrs Milton? We're from the sheriff's department. Wanted to ask a few questions." Nothing. Both cars in the driveway told you someone was home. 

Dean tried the door and found it unlocked. As soon as the door opened, the familiar smell of human decay assaulted your nose. Caught off guard you had to fight off a gag. 

Guns drawn, the brothers lead the way. Mr and Mrs Milton were on the living room floor with their throats cut. Sam knelt over them and fingered some powder next to the poor lady's head. "Sulfur. So, yeah. Demons." He looked up to you with an apologetic smile.

"Ok, Ruby was right. Something's up with this Anna chick. She's pretty." Family photos lined the top of a bookshelf. You handed one to Dean. "Take that with us. It looks recent." 

"Parents and kid in front of their church. Perfect family from the outside." Dean was going through unopened envelopes, looking for any clues on Anna. 

**********  
"And the orderly has no recollection of the attack." The hospital administrator was walking you to the room Anna had escaped from. 

"No, sharp blow to the head gave him some amnesia. Doesn't remember even going in her room." For emphasis, she pointed at the shattered glass in the security window. "We think she hid behind a door and surprised him. That's the only way she could have done it. Anna's illness was recent. Two months ago she was a happy college student. That's the thing with schizophrenia. Comes on quick sometimes."

She handed over a sketch book from the bedside table. "She was convinced she saw demons everywhere and angels were speaking to her."  
The drawings all had religious overtones, but there was something that looked familiar in one that you couldn't quite put a finger on. "Agent Clyne, I hope you find her. She's in a lot of danger out there alone."

**********

It was a short walk to the coffee shop where you were meeting the boys. They were leaning against the Impala, waiting for you in the parking lot. "I've got a sketch book. There's something weird about it." Sam thumbed through the drawings until you pointed at the one in question. "Why do I think I know that?"

"It's 'The Raising of the Witnesses'. How would she..." Dean interrupted before anyone could finish.

"Hey!" He pulled the photo, taken from the house, from the backseat of the car. "She's drawing her church." He held it close to compare the stained glass of the steeple with her sketch. "If you were religious, afraid and convinced demons were chasing you, were would you go? She's at her church, guys."

**********  
Fighting against Dean's erratic driving while trying to change your clothes had been made more difficult by your shaking hands. She was so close. If you could just get to her before anyone/anything else could, she might have a chance. The stairs to the attic to the church were narrow, forcing single file ascent with you in the middle. 

There was a small figure in the corner that you saw before they did. "Anna?" Both of their guns were holstered while they watched you crouch and approach her. "Anna, sweetie? We're here to help you." She really was pretty, fair skinned with beautiful red hair. "I'm _____. And these guys are Sam and Dean."

She peeked out around you to get a better look at them. "Sam? Not Sam Winchester?"

Both sets of shoulders squared, her knowledge of him setting them on guard. "Uh, yeah. That's me."

Big round eyes shifted to the older brother. "And you're Dean. THE Dean."

He would have been flattered if he hadn't been so spooked. "Well, yeah. THE Dean, I guess."

She shuffled to stand, face bright and happy. "It's really you. Oh, my god. The angels talk about you. You were in Hell, but Castiel pulled you out, and some of them think you can help save us. And some of them don't like you at all. They talk about you all the time lately. I feel like I know you."

"Whoa, Anna. Slow down. How do you know all this about them? When did you start to hear angels?" Her face shifted back to yours and her expression was quizzical, almost annoyed that she had to explain.

"I can tell you exactly -- September 18th." The day Dean escaped hell and came home to you. "First words I heard, clear as a bell -- 'Dean Winchester is saved.'"


	30. Remember Who You're Talking To

Everyone in the room was staring at Dean, who was staring at everyone in the room. The day Dean climbed his way out of a coffin after 4 months, this chick had voices in her head that told her about it. She knew Castiel was the one that did it. 

"You got the girl. Good, let's go." Out of nowhere, Ruby was coming up the stairs behind the boys. Anna panicked and was trying to run away and hide behind you all at the same time. 

"Her face! Behind you! It's horrible!" Her grip on your harm would leave bruises later and her fingernails were cutting into your skin.

Holding one hand out to Anna and the other out to Ruby, Sam tried to keep the situation under control. "It's okay. She's here to help."

"Yeah, don't be so sure." Hearing the trepidation in your voice, Anna clawed in deeper.

She didn't acknowledge you or the boys. She was staring right at the shaking girl behind you. "We have to hurry."

Dean stepped between you and Ruby, effectively blocking Anna from having to see her. "Why? It's pretty convenient, ya know? Showing up right when we find the girl with some big wig on your tail."

"There's a demon's coming - for her. We can fight later, Dean."

Curling against you, nearly climbing up your back, Anna whispered against your ear. "Don't believe her. She's a demon, I can see her face."

Turning your head slightly, you could keep an eye on Ruby and speak quietly and try to calm Anna down. "I know she is, but she sent us to find you. She says she wants to help. We won't let anything happen to you."

"I didn't bring him here. You did. He followed all of you from the girl's house. We got to go. Now." 

Sam broke ranks and pointed to a statue in the corner. The Virgin Mother was bleeding from her eyes. The dormant Catholic in you was ready to bolt, to hell with everybody else.

When Ruby spoke again, she was genuinely frightened. "It's too late. He's here."

Dean pushed you and Anna into a closet and told you to stay put before shutting the door. You could see out of a small crack in the wood while Anna hid her face in her hands and leaned against your chest.

Sam pulled out a flask of holy water but Ruby put her hand on his wrist, stopping him. "No, Sam, you got to pull him right away."

"Whoa, hold on a sec." You could see the worry twisted with disgust on the fraction of Dean's face you could see.

"Now's not the time to bellyache about Sam going darkside. He does his thing, he exorcises that demon, or we die."

Thudding foot falls landed on the wooden attic floor, heavier than they should have been for a human. Anna had started silently crying and all you could to soothe her was rub small circles on her back with the flat of your hand. Leaning back a little, you could see Sam's hand reach out and curl into a claw. There was no noise, no smoke billowing out the window. His hand relaxed and coiled again. Still nothing.

"That tickles. You don't have the juice to take me on, Sam." That voice was like ice in your veins. Dean looked scared. You hadn't seen him that scared since the hell hound burst through the door to kill him that night.

With a flick of his wrist, the man sent Sam flying until he hit a wall and landed on the floor outside the closet door. Anna flinched, but kept silent. Your heartbeat was so loud in your ears, she must have been able to feel it against her forehead. 

Dean went after the man with Ruby's knife, but he was quickly losing the hand to hand battle to the demon. A shout escaped you when Ruby yanked the door open and pulled you and Anna out of the closet.

"Hello again, Dean." That voice again. "Come on. Don't you recognize me? Oh, I forgot -- I'm wearing a pediatrician. But we were so close... in Hell."

"Alastair." Your big brave hunter sounded like a little boy.

Sam had snatched Ruby's knife from the floor and ran towards Alastair, plunging it into him. Nothing, absolutely nothing. "You're gonna have to try a whole lot harder than that, son."

"I've got them. Trust me and go, Sam!" Ruby wrapped both arms around you and Anna. The last thing you saw was your Winchesters jumping through that large stained glass window Anna had drawn so perfectly. 

**********  
There was just a big 'woosh' of air and everything went black for a second. Ruby's arms peeled away and you risked opening your eyes. The three of you were standing between trees on a roadside. The Impala was parked outside a motel across the street. "I've got to take her, _____. Alistair's going to be looking for the three of you to find her. Call me and I'll meet up with you." In a blink of an eye, she was gone.

Quickly crossing the road in a half crouched position, looking both ways for...you didn't know what. The parking lot was wet and the air was cold enough to see your breath. There was only one room with a light on and you made a bee line for it. Pounding on the door only twice before it was wrenched open, you'd never been so happy to see Sam. He grunted in pain when you jumped up and clung to his neck. He turned and closed the door with you still hanging from him while Dean came out of the bathroom. His left arm was hanging at a grotesque angle from his sleeve. That's when you noticed the blood on Sam's arm. "You got hurt!"

"We did, sweetheart. Where were you?" You were already grabbing your first aid kit from your bag that the guys must have carried in. 

"I don't know. I have no fucking clue. Ruby grabbed us, then I was in the woods across the street. Sit. Both of you. I need to look at this."

Dean sat on the bed, cradling that arm. "Take Sam first. He's bleeding." You eased the big man into the chair and adjusted the lampshade so you could see better. "Where's Anna, _____?"

"With Ruby. She said Alistair would be watching the three of us to try and find her." With a quick tug you were able to rip the cotton sleeve away from his arm. He winced when you pressed around the wound. "Speaking of Alistair. Seemed like you two were old friends. Anything you want to tell us." Sam stared at Dean, waiting for an answer while you laid out the suture kit.

"I have a dislocated shoulder over here. Can we have truth or dare later? Please? Do you trust Ruby with Anna, _____?"

The sub-dermal layer of stitches were done and you moved on to the outer layer. "I have to. She got us out of there, right? Where's the knife?" Both of them cleared their throats and said nothing. "Ok, you lost the magic knife, huh? Nice. Scary demon coming for us and you've lost the knife. Dean, you're gonna have to let S-" "No. He's not going to do that. Understand me?" At that you took pause. "Hmmm. Yes, sir. Sorry to question your authority, sir." Sam's stitches lined up nice, the wound would heal quickly. You wouldn't look at him, but you could feel Dean's eyes watching you, waiting for a reaction. "Sam, can you finish your dressing? I gotta wash my hands." You didn't wait for an answer before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door. Hot water and soap scrubbed away the blood on your hands. When you switched to cold to rinse, you just left your hands under the water, hanging your head and counting to 20. At 21, you lifted your eyes and looked in the mirror. 'Do you understand me?' Fuck him! Gently opening the door and finding them in the same position you'd left them in, except now they looked at you expectantly. Reminding yourself to breathe and take one step at a time. "Dean, honey, any numbness or coldness in your finger tips?" He swallowed hard and shook his head. "Stand up, lean on the chair." Sam moved away from the table quick a as a flash and ended up in the doorway of the bathroom. Right hand on the chair, left hanging limply from his body, Dean cleared his throat and flinched a little when you palpitated the joint to see what you were working with. "Hey, _____, you gonna warn me? Give me a count of threEEEE!" You'd popped the shoulder in place without saying a word. His eyes were watering and he grunted/groaned/whined in pain. You clapped him on the back and turned to get a beer. "Yeah....about that. I do what I want, when I want. You understand ME? I don't answer to you..." You pointed to Sam who's hands were palms out to you. "...or you. Don't talk to me like that again. Especially about hunts. As far as the work is concerned, we're partners. Three ways. That's us. Anything personal, we're equals. Don't make me feel less than." Dean was holding that right arm tight to the side of his body. "Ok." It seemed he'd just remembered who he'd said that to. "When I'm done with this beer I'll check your arm again and make sure your nails pink up. Until, we hear from Ruby, we ain't got shit to do." Sam spoke quietly from behind you. "You wanna take a shower first, _____? I'll let you know if she calls." To be honest, it broke your heart a little when he was sweet, because he WAS sweet. He was just making really, really bad choices right now. It was like he was addicted to something Ruby had. Something he couldn't get anywhere else. "Yeah. That sounds fantastic, honestly. Dean? You pink?" "As punch. And you're right, won't happen again." He gave a one sided shrug that would have been cute if you weren't so pissed. "I know. I know. We're all keyed up right now. Hurry up and wait." ********** Why was it when you wanted a double it was a single and if you wanted a single...only fucking doubles. Tonight all you wanted was your own God damn bed. Oh no. No, no, nononono. One bed, no couch. Dean had a shoulder that had just been reset. You just couldn't, in good faith, put Sam on the floor if Dean was in your bed. Not again. There was something up with him. Something big. "Sammy, come sit next to me." He plopped down and pulled up his sleeve for you to check his stitches. "No, baby. Just talk to me, ok? There's something with you and Ruby you aren't telling me." His big shoulders hunched in defeat. You tucked a bit of hair behind his ear and used his chin to make him look at you. "Just tell me." For the next hour, Sam told the truth. Dean sat at the table quietly, letting him talk. You didn't interrupt him once. Not even when he got more detailed about them sleeping together. His brother did, though. "Hey. I don't think that's what she meant by 'tell me'." "It's ok, Dean. But yeah. All you've given me so far is her being manipulative, and we knew that. What else is there?" He went on to tell about chasing down Lilith and trying to take her out himself. It was the same little girl, but the demons were holding her, not possessing her. He told Dean what he'd already told you, about Ruby saving him. There was soft knock at the door followed by a female calling out. "Housekeeping." All three of you rolled your eyes in unison, but it was Dean that spoke what you were all thinking. "Not now!" The woman on the other side of the door called out again. "Sir, I've got clean towels." "You may as well get it, honey. I got blood on the others." He stomped to the door, still holding his arm. As soon as he cracked it, she pushed her way in. Dean looked personally insulted by her presence. "Couldn't you just leave 'em at the door?" She still pushed past him and went right to Sam. She pushed a small sheet of paper into his hand. "I'm at this address." He was completely confused and looked at her like she had an arm growing out of her forehead. "I'm sorry. What?" "Go now. Go through the bathroom window, don't stop, don't take your car, don't pass go. There are demons in the hallway and in the parking lot." "Ruby?" She shifted her eyes to you and looked more than a little displeased that you were on the bed with him. "Okay, yes, so I'm possessing this maid for a hot minute. Sue me." Apparently she just shifted meat suits when she felt the need. "What about --" He almost looked sad, like he'd lost something that he needed. Something he couldn't be with out. "Coma girl? Slowly rotting on the floor back at the cabin with Anna, so I've got to hurry back. See you when you get there. Go!"

Grabbing what you could, it was a mad dash to get things together. Dean boosted you out the window. It was a tight squeeze for you, and Dean had to maneuver that injured shoulder to get out. Sam followed, long legs askew. Running full out to Baby, Sam told you to search the address for directions.


	31. Demons and Angels

The cabin was small, but not nearly tucked away enough for your taste. It was at the end of a dirt road, but the only about a mile back or so. The rumble of the heavy car moved between secluding trees and underbrush. Exiting, all three of you closed the doors quietly. No one could be trusted. You were hardly trusting Sam at the moment. However, you had faith in Dean, and somehow he always found trust in Sam. That would have to do for now.

Guns drawn and crouched low, you took turns getting to the door. Dean signaled you to the door and silently counted to three before signalling you to knock. There was a Winchester on either side of you, taking aim at the door, when Ruby opened it.

"Glad you could make it." She stepped aside and let you all in. She looked a little to pompous for your taste, but slapping that smirk off her face when she looked at Sam would have to wait.

"Anna, are you okay?" She was sitting in a corner with her knees drawn up to her nose, but stood and hurried to hug you when you said her name. 

"Yeah. I think so. Ruby's not like other demons. She saved my life." There was an entire narrative about to erupt from your face about how Anna needed to be wary of Ruby's motives and how she couldn't be trusted entirely, but Dean spoke before you could.

"Yeah, I hear she does that. I guess I... You know." Was he actually defending her? He was talking to her now, he wasn't doing it for Anna's benefit. "I guess I owe you for... Sam. And I just wanted... you know..."

"Don't strain yourself." She couldn't just take a thank you for what it was, unspoken or not.

"Okay, then. Is the moment over?" Ruby nodded curtly to him. "Good, 'cause that was awkward." You gave him a half smile when he quickly looked at you before staring at his feet. Dean was a proud man, to a fault. That took everything he'd had to say. 

"Hey, Sam, you think it'd be safe to make a quick call, just to tell my parents I'm okay? They must be completely freaked." There was a fifty pound stone that settled in your gut when Anna asked about her parents. Flashes of their bodies, dead open eyes staring at the ceiling played in your head. The smell of death came rolling back, you could almost taste the rot in your mouth.

Sam's brows furrowed and the corners of his mouth turned down. "Uh..." He was going to be of no help. 

"What?" Anna spoke so softly that you knew she knew what was coming. Placing your hand on her shoulder and turning her to you, the nurse 'We did everything to save them, I'm sorry' brain kicked in. Like riding a bike.

"Anna, we went to your parent's house trying to find you. We were too late. I'm sorry. The demons looking for you got there first."

Wide eyes stuck out like deep caverns against her alabaster skin that was some how growing more pain. "What about them?"

"I'm sorry, Anna. They're gone. There was nothing we could do." As usual, you left out gory details. 

"No, they're not..." Denial

"Yeah, sugar. They are. I'm a nurse, I checked." Technically, you didn't have to 'check', but she didn't need to know that.

"Why is this happening to me?" Panic was closing in, and that was natural. It was all part of the process.

"We don't know. That's why we're here. To help in anyway we can."

"They're coming." Confused by her matter of fact manner, you looked to Ruby. She knew if the demons were coming. Why hadn't she said anything?

Dean was across the room in two steps. "Back room." His tone meant all business. As fast as you tried to move, he still ended up pushing the two of you along. One finger against your lips, you closed the door and went back to the main room with everyone else.

"Where's the knife?" Ruby looked to each of you in turn waiting for an answer. You damn sure weren't going to say anything. After a beat of no response she got the hint. "You're kidding."

"Hey, don't look at me." Abort, Dean! No time to argue. Sam look at his brother with bitch face level two, mild annoyance.

"Great. Just peachy. Impeccable timing, guys, really."

"Hey, Ruby. Now is not the time to fucking argue." Like an explanation to your statement, the front door rattled violently and busted open.

Castiel and another man you assumed was an angel walked through the shattered door. Where Cas had a very open, kind face, the other man's face was closed and angry. Even his body posture said he was a dick.

Dean looked relieved to see them. "Please tell me you're here to help. We've been having demon issues all day."

"Well, I can see that." He jutted his chin at Ruby. "You want to explain why you have that stain in the room?"

"We're here for Anna." You had sudden relief that the angel you knew said that.

"No one's talking to you Uriel." Dean knows him? "Cas? Here for her like... here for her?"

"Stop talking. Give her to us." This guy, Uriel was a real cock knob.

Anna felt like your charge. You were compelled to protect her. "Are you gonna help her?"

"No, she has to die." The fifty pound stone was back. Why would an angel want to kill a human? That's not what Sunday school taught you. That's not what the nuns said.

"You want Anna? You need to tell me why?" Trauma nurse mode. When confronted, aggressors usually backed down. With one hand he shoved you out of the way, stumbling before falling to the ground. 

"Whoa, whoa, whoa." Dean was trying to getting some semblance of control of the chaos. "Okay, I know she's wiretapping your angel chats or whatever, but it's no reason to gank her."

"Don't worry. I'll kill her gentle." You mentally corrected yourself. Uriel was a smug cock knob. You stood to full height and pulled out the gun tucked in your shoulder holster under your jacket. 

"You're some heartless sons of bitches, you know that?" Dean had himself positioned between them and the door to the back room.

"As a matter of fact, we are. And?" Castiel? Castiel had said that. What was happening?!

"And?" Sam was taking this as a personal affront. "Anna's an innocent girl."

"She is far from innocent." Cas was losing his mind or he'd been playing you both the whole time.

"What's that supposed to mean? The fuck is wrong with you?"

Uriel spun on you and to be honest, the look on his face made you want to shit your pants. "It means she's worse than this abomination Sam's been screwing. Now give us the girl."

"Sorry. Get yourself another one. Try JDate." 

'Dammit, Dean. Roll back the snark. Jokes are not going to work here.' You hoped your words would be heard in his mind and he'd listen. This was only getting worse.

"Who's gonna stop us? You two? This demon whore? Or the Winchester's bitch?" With that you and Ruby were thrown against a wall, your head cracking on a window frame. Your vision clouded then tunneled. You fought to not pass out. 

Dean attacked Uriel. Going head to head and toe to toe. He was losing his second fight in as many days.

"Cas, stop...please." Your voice sounded far away, like an echo from another room.

Castiel touched Sam's forehead, the way he did Bobby's that night in the barn. Sam crumbled to the floor with out a sound.

"I've been waiting for this." Uriel leered at Dean. Like a piece of meat he wanted to devour.

There was a blinding light that you though was coming from the head trauma, but with it Castiel and Uriel vanished. Silence and calm settled in the room.

"What the fuck was that?" The older brother chased you as you staggered to the back room you'd pushed Anna into.

Opening the door, Anna sat calmly, hands and arms covered in blood. Ruby and Sam pulled DEAN gets into a back room and finds ANNA with her hands and arms covered in her own blood.

You pulled your shirt over your head and put pressure on the wounds. They were superficial, but still bleeding. If you could get them to stop, she wouldn't need stitches. "Anna! Anna, sugar. What have you done?" She was sitting in front of a mirror with a symbol drawn in her own blood.

"Are they -- are they gone?" How was this sweet girl wanted by such evil? How could anyone or anything want her dead?

"Did you kill them?" Dean's expression was unreadable. Hope filled with anguish.

"No. I sent them away... far away."

"You want to tell me how, sugar?"

She was staring at your hands squeezing around her wrists. "That just popped in my head. I don't know how I did it. I just did it."


	32. Daddy Issues

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Dear Readers,
> 
> Your kudos and comments give me life. I can't believe over 800 people have given this ramble a peek.  
> I've wondered how far I'll take this. I have an idea for an ending point. But then again, I have ideas to insert the character into the story further. Input on that would be appreciated.
> 
> I hope you enjoy what I've done so far.

The decision to go to Bobby's was a no brainer. The panic room was the only place to keep Anna safe until everyone could figure out what the hell was going on. Bobby was working his channels and setting up support for when you got there. It was all hands on deck. This was larger than anything any of you could imagine. 

Anna was asleep with her head on your lap in the back seat. Her wrists had stopped bleeding, the cuts weren't too deep. Sitting behind Dean let you sneak looks at Sam. There was something he wasn't telling you. Yes, he seemed to have spilled his guts, but he still held back a bit. He was just staring out the window, saying nothing. It was gonna take some time, but you needed to crack him. 

"Dean? You ok?" Trying to keep quiet, your voice came out deeper than you expected. "What are you thinking about?"

"I think Anna's getting more interesting by the second. I just don't know how big this is gonna get and I'm worried."

"Yeah, I agree. And what did they mean by 'she's not innocent'? I haven't seen a bit of evil in her yet." Even now, she looked like an angel while she slept. One arm was curled around your knees and the other was tucked under her chin. She was so peaceful, not stirring when you tucked a bit of hair behind her ear. Dean was watching you in the mirror and smiled a little. Crooked and knowing. Yeah, you were digging her and the promise you'd made months ago popped in your head. That was when you realized what he was grinning about. You needed to steer him back to the business at hand. "It seems like they want her bad, and not just 'cause of the angel radio thing. I mean, that blood spell -- Some serious crap, honey."

"Something's going on with her. Maybe see what you can find out?" Sam's voice was quiet too. Nobody wanted to wake her while you talked about her. "What do you think you can do?"

"Anna may have sent the angels to the outfield, but, sooner or later, they're gonna be back. We got to get ourselves safe now. We can figure it when we get to Bobby's. Let her rest. This might be rough on her." Dean being the voice of reason, you and Sam fell in line.

**********  
Down in the panic room, the safest place in the world for Anna, she sat patiently in a char. Just waiting for someone to do something. "Anna, these are iron walls drenched in salt. Demons can't even touch the joint." Dean looked peacock proud to deliver this information. Ruby, on the other hand, was standing and waiting outside the open door. "Which I find racist, by the way."  
You'd promised Sam you'd be nice. And you were REALLY trying! Ok, no you weren't. "Write your congressman." She shot you a snotty smile that you returned with equal distain.  
"Here." She literally LEERED at Dean. Emerald jealously reared up in your gut.  
"Hex bags?" In his hands he held three little tied up bundles. Two more were in her other hand.  
"Extra-crunchy. They'll hide us from angels, demons, all comers." Fuck! Why did she have to do something nice? If she could just be consistently cunty....  
Anna was only comfortable if you were close. You'd caught each other staring a couple times and you couldn't help but think her stares were lingering a little too long. Scolding yourself internally for flirting with the girl being chased by heaven and hell, you took the two hex bags Dean put in your hand. "Thanks, Ruby." God, her name was like vomit in your throat. Not even vomit, but like when you burp and almost vomit...a verp. The burn that won't go away from the bile. Blech. "Don't lose this, sweet-pea. So, what's playing on angel radio? Anything useful?" "It's quiet. Dead silence." That couldn't be good.  
"Good." Hands out to his sides with sarcasm, that was your Dean. "That's not troubling at all." He walked over and leaned against a counter behind you, pulling you to lean against him. "Quit making eyes at the damsel in distress" His face was buried in your neck. "I've been watching you two. She digs you, too."  
Thank Moses in assless chaps Anna started talking again. "We're in trouble, huh? You guys are scared?" Lie and try to make her 'feel better' or tell the truth so she could prepare herself.  
"Nah." Thank you, Dean. Lie. And lie and lie and lie.  
Sam's heavy, clunking on the wooden stairs announced Sam before he called out. "Hey, Dean!" Making his way into the room, he motioned for Dean to follow him upstairs. "You stay here. Keep an eye on her?" "No. Just in the stairway. She's ok here. Aren't you, Anna? Ruby can watch her, earn her keep." "Ugh! Yeah, I'll babysit." There's the bitch you'd come to hate! ********** Upstairs in the dining room, you were having a pow wow. "Where's Bobby? Does anyone know?" He'd been available by phone, but wasn't home. Catching Sam on the conversation was a little levity in the face of utter terror everyone was feeling.  
"Uh, The Dominican. He said we break anything, we buy it." He'd said just that. Like a dad finding out his kids were crashing at his place.  
He's working a job, or? Sam was so fucking cute. Asking questions like the kid Bobby knew he was. Dean did a shiver that rocked his whole body. "God, I hope so. Otherwise, he's at Hedonism in a banana hammock and a trucker cap."  
Now it was Sammy's turn to shiver. "Now that's seared in my brain. Thanks, jerk."  
"Bitch." "All right, all right. What did you find on Anna?" Ugh. These brothers could make you want to eat your own face. Your tone must have told them you were done fucking around. There had to be some link, somewhere. And the three of you were saddled with finding it.  
"Uh, not much. Pretty benign if you ask me. Good kid, good grades, good home life."  
"Riveting." Dean's face changed when you raised your eyebrow at him. If he wasn't convinced you were serious before, he was now.  
Thankfully, Sam ignored the snark and kept going. "Yeah. But there is something here in the report. Turns out this latest psych episode wasn't her first.  
"No? Whatcha got?" With just a little encouragement, Sam kept going.  
"When she was 2 1/2, she'd get hysterical any time her dad got close. She was convinced that he wasn't her real daddy."  
That caught you completely off guard. "She was just a baby. Where would she even get those words?" "I dunno. But the medical records say that she never said who she thought her real dad way. She just kept repeating that this real father of hers was mad. Very mad -- like wanted-to-kill-her mad."  
"Kind of heavy for a 2-year-old." Dean pushed the whiskey bottle across the table to you. A shot sounded like a really good idea. He could see you were getting overwhelmed by the whole thing. "Sweetheart, you wanna go back down and check on her? We can handle this." It was a tempting offer. But you needed to know more and Sam wasn't done. "I'm ok, honey, but thank you." Sam nodded at you and kept going. "Well, she saw a kid's shrink, got better, and grew up normal."  
"Until now. So, what's she hiding?" You pulled the file from Sam to see if you could find something he missed. You about came out of your skin when you heard her voice in the doorway.  
"Why don't you just ask me to my face?"  
Fucking Ruby! She was leaning against the door jam next to Anna. One job, she was given one job. You cautiously approached Anna, not wanting to trigger anything. Dean spoke up from the table. Obviously annoyed with Ruby, too. "Nice job watching her."  
With just a shrug, the demon hell spawn dismissed everyone. "I'm watching her."  
SAM  
You brought Anna over to a couch and sat her next to you. Turning your body to face her, you took her hand and watched her face carefully. "No, you're right, Anna. Is there anything you want to tell us?" She bristled at your touch and tensed at your question. "About what?"  
"The angels said you were guilty of something. Why would they say that?"  
She pinned you with accusing eyes and pulled her hand from yours. "You tell me. Tell me why my life has been leveled... Why my parents are dead. I don't know. I swear. I would give anything to know."  
Sam came and squatted in front of her. His presence was soft and caring. That was the Sam you knew. "Okay. Then let's find out."  
Her chin started to quiver and tears were filling her eyes. "How?" The word was hollow. Like she had no hope. ********** Dean squeezed you hard in a hug and promised he'd be safe and back soon. There really was only one person who could help. You could only hope she'd be willing to come. Once back inside, you sat near Anna, but not to close. "We're gonna figure it out, ok? We just need to keep you safe until we do. Can we go downstairs again? Just till Dean gets back, ok?" She didn't answer, just stood and headed for the stairs. Sam and Ruby fell in line behind you as you followed. ********* Heavy footsteps on the stairs let you know Dean was back. Even before he called out his presence. "We're here!"  
Sam met them at the doorway to the safe room and helped her step over the threshold "Pamela, hey!"  
"Sam?" She was reaching out to him, kinda waiving her hands. He stepped even closer to her, letting her hands touch his face and shoulders."It's me. it's Sam... I'm right here."  
"Oh. Know how I can tell?" She reached around and gripped his butt. "That perky little ass of yours. You could bounce a nickel off that thing. Of course I know it's you, grumpy. Same way I know that's a demon, and that poor girl's Anna and that you've been eyeing my rack." The last comment was for Dean. "And there's your girl. Still running with these two?"  
"Wouldn't want to be anywhere else. How you doin, pretty lady?" "I'm good. Enough with the reunion. Hey, Anna. How are you? I'm Pamela."  
With a meek voice she greeted the woman in the sunglasses. "Hi." "Dean filled me in on what's been going on. I'm excited to help."  
"Oh. That's nice of you." She kept getting sweeter and sweeter. Deep in your gut, you knew this was about to go sideways. Pamela was gonna dig and poke and get to what was ailing her.  
"Oh, well, not really. Any chance I can dick over an angel, I'm taking it. They stole something from me." She pulled off her sunglasses, revealing white eyes. "Demon-y, I know. But they're just plastic. Good for business. Makes me look extra-psychic, don't you think?" She chuckled, breaking the tension. "Now...how about you tell me what your deal is? Hmm? Don't you worry.  
********** Anna was laying on the cot in the panic room. She asked for you to be close, but Pamela made you stay behind her. Ruby was just outside the doorway. Dean and Sam flanked her. No one spoke but Pamela and Anna. Quiet and still, your body buzzed with anxiety. Pamela's voice was soft and soothing. "Nice and relaxed. Now, I'm going to count down from five to zero. When we're at zero, you'll be in a deep state of hypnosis. As I count down, just go deeper and deeper, okay? 5... 4... 3... 2... 1. Deep sleep. Deep sleep. Every muscle calm and relaxed. Can you hear me?"  
"I can hear you." Her body seemed to melt into the thin padding of the cot. "Now, Anna, tell me... How can you hear the angels? How did you work that spell?"  
"I don't know. I just did."  
"Your father... What's his name?"  
Dean and Sam shifted at the door. Letting out a breath you didn't know you were holding, you focused on the girl, willing her to give the information you needed to help her. "Rich Milton."  
"All right. But I want you to look further back... When you were very young... Just a couple of years old."  
"I don't want to." Here we go, this is it.  
"It'll be okay. Anna, just one look -- that's all we need."  
"No." She wasn't defiant, just pleading. "What's your dad's name? Your real dad. Why is he angry at you?" Pamela's voice was a little more firm. Encouraging, but firm.  
"No. No! No." She screamed out and repeated 'no' over and over. "Calm down." Pamela was trying to regain control.  
Anna was screaming in terror now. "He's gonna kill me!"  
"Anna, you're safe. We're here to help you." Your feet were shifting. You'd been the one to give Anna comfort since you found her. It felt like you were allowing her to suffer. With one more scream, the lights in the around her shattered, sending sparks over the three of you. Sam and Dean started approaching, but Pamela held out a hand in their direction, stopping them. "Calm down, Anna. Just listen to my voice." She was still screaming and began arching up on the bed. "He's gonna kill me!"  
"It's all right, Anna." Everything was spiraling fast. Eyes were shifting, not knowing what to do. Dean started walking to Anna again, but she waived her arm and he flew across the room. Even Ruby was shocked. She was just a girl. How could she do that? "Wake in 1, 2, 3, 4, 5. Anna... Anna? You all right?" Pamela's voice had gone from soothing to consoling. Anna was very matter of fact. Sat up on the cot and smiled at the woman who couldn't see it. "Thank you, Pamela. That helps a lot. I remember now."  
Sam asked the question everyone was afraid to ask. "Remember what?" "Who I am." After her statement, there was an eerie silence in the room. There was shuffling in the corner as Dean tried to stand up. "I'll bite. Who are you?"  
"I'm an angel." That was the last thing you expected. 


	33. Chasing Grace

Everyone had retired to the library. You and Sam were passing books back and forth, trying to find something, ANYTHING in the lore. There was nothing, zilch, nada. It was enough to make you tear your hair out. Pushing the chair out so fast it almost knocked over, you made your way to the kitchen. "I need a beer."

Anna grabbed your wrist as you walked by. "Don't be afraid, I'm not like the others." She squeezed a little before letting you go.

"I don't find that very reassuring." Glaring at Ruby over your shoulder, it surprised you when Pamela agreed with her.

"So..." Anna's voice took on a calming tone. Softly changing the subject. "Castiel, Uriel -- they're the ones that came for me?"

"You know them?" Sam perked up at her question. No one had told her the angels names.

"We were kind of in the same foxhole."

"So, what, were they like your bosses or something?" Dean had appeared next to you with the beer you'd forgotten to go get.

"Try the other way around." That was frikkin impressive! For some reason, you'd figured all the angels answered to God. But I chick in charge of those douche bags? Hell yes!

"Look at you." Anna smiled up at you when you complimented her. Her smile had changed though. Not as innocent as it had been. Almost...suggestive?

Dean was trying to connect all of the new dots and how the characters roles had changed. Gesturing with his beer like he had a flowchart, he asked point blank. "But now they want to kill you?"

"Orders are orders. I'm sure I have a death sentence on my head." She physically pulled you down to sit on the arm of the chair she'd taken up residence in.

"Why?" Sam had his chin in his hand like this was the most interesting thing he'd ever heard.

"I disobeyed... which, for us, is about the worst thing you can do. I fell." Fell? From heaven? From grace?

"Meaning?" You were almost afraid to hear the answer to your own question.

"She fell to earth, became human." Pamela and her insight could be creepy.

"Wait a minute. I don't understand. So, angels can just become human?" Dean's arms were out to his side like this was the most ludicrous thing he'd ever heard."

"It kind of hurts. Try cutting your kidney out with a butter knife. That kind of hurt. I ripped out my grace." She did. She fell from grace. "My grace. It's... energy. Hacked it out and fell. My mother, Amy, couldn't get pregnant. Always called me her little miracle. She had no idea how right she was."

"So, you just forgot that you were God's little Power Ranger?" Your Dean. Sigh, what a wordsmith.

"The older I got, the longer I was human, yeah."

"Like a repressed memory?" Anna nodded up at you and sat back resting her hand on your knee. Dean's eyebrows raised with curiosity. Clearing his throat and picking at the label on his beer bottle, he acted like he didn't see it happen when you looked in his direction. 

"I don't think you all appreciate how completely screwed we are." Leave it to Ruby to bring reality crashing back down.

"Ruby's right. Heaven wants me dead."

"And Hell just wants her. A flesh-and-blood angel that you can question, torture, that bleeds. Sister, you're the Stanley Cup. And sooner or later, Heaven or Hell, they're gonna find you."

"I know, Ruby. And that's why I'm gonna get it back. I've got to get my grace back."

"So, what, you're just gonna take some divine bong hit, and, shazam, you're Roma Downey?"

"Something like that, Dean."

"All right." Green eyes sparkled when he leaned forward and put his beer on the table. "I like this plan. So, where's this grace of yours?"

"Lost track. I was falling about 10,000 miles per hour at the time."

"Wait. You mean falling, like, literally?" Sam had perked up again. This was tangible. This made sense to him.

"Yes."

"Like the way a human eye can see? Like a comet, maybe, or a meteor?"

"Why do you ask?" With that, Anna crossed the room and joined Sam in quiet conversation. Dean came over and took Anna's place in the chair, hand on your knee and all. 

"So..." He smirked up at you and winked.

"Hey, you two. I'm blind, not deaf. And the sexual tension in this room is stupid. Save it for after you take me home? I need to go, Green Eyes. This much angel shit has got me on edge. I don't need to have anything else to do with these bastards."

You really couldn't blame her. Her first run in with an angel had stolen her sight. And the one who did it had a habit of popping in when he felt the need. 

"Honey, go ahead. I'm gonna go work with Sam and see if we can narrow this shit show down."

"Really? You trust her with me? She's a menace." 

"Shut up, Dean. You'll be fine. Thanks, _____. I appreciate you." After big hugs and kisses, the two of them were pulling out onto the main road outside Bobby's property. 

**********

Hours later, you and Sam were surrounded by books and old magazines."

"Here, I think I found it. In march '85, a meteorite vanished in the night sky over northwestern Ohio. It was sighted nine months before Anna was born, and she was born in that part of Ohio."

"You're pretty buff for a nerd." Ruby may have been talking to Sam, but she was looking right at you.

He turned the book around so you could read it. "Look, I think it was Anna and here, same time -- another meteor over Kentucky."

Everything was coming together and clicking into place. "And that's her grace?"

He shrugged like he didn't know, but his eyes lit up and he smiled enough to pop the dimple. "Might be."

The demon in the cute brunette meat suit was hovering over your shoulder, and it pissed you off enough that you couldn't return Sam's smile. Her voice curled your upper lip into a look of disgust "All right. That just narrows it down to an entire state."

Turning around to look right at her, you were almost nose to nose. "Look, it's a start. And could you back up? The smell of sulfur reminds me of eating too many eggs."

"Guys... I'm sorry." She'd backed up and had her hands in her front pockets.

"For what? Because I have a list of things you need to be sorry for, Ruby."

"Well, for bringing you this mess. If I had known, I would have kept my trap shut."

"Yeah, well, we're in it now. We'll muddle through." You were answering for everyone. She could sweet talk her way in and out of things with him, but it wouldn't work with you.

"Not this time, _____. You do not want to get between these two armies. It's Godzilla and Mothra. If one side doesn't get us, the other one will."

Standing and pushing your chair back with your knees, it made Ruby take a step back when you turned on her. "So, what do you want to do? Dump Anna and run? Forget it. Look, I know the angels freak you out. I know you're scared of them."

"Forget the angels. It's Alastair I'm scared of."

"Alastair? Why is everyone so freaked out by him? He's just a demon, right? How is it that nothing 'demon killing' works on him? What are you not telling us, Ruby?"

"He's practically the grand inquisitor downstairs. Picasso with a razor."

"Ok, that does sound ominous. Sam, you deal with this. I'm gonna check on Anna." She was sleeping on the couch, in the other room, where you'd left her.

"Look, you should pull him out and throw him back in the pit... if you weren't so out of shape."

"Ruby..." His voice trailed off like he was afraid she'd say too much, so you stopped on the other side of the wall, just out of site. 

"No, don't 'Ruby' me. You know your abilities -- you're getting flabby." His 'abilities'. More like the freaky shit he was doing with her help.

"Yeah, so how do I tone up?" Holding your breath, you waited for her to answer. This could be it. Be everything that was making him act like she was his dealer and couldn't get enough of what she was selling.

"You know how. You know what you got to do."

"No, I'm not doing that anymore." Doing what, Sam?! Just say it. Just this one time.

"Sam..." She was cooing at him and you could just imagine her tiptoeing against him and running her hands up and over YOUR Sam's chest. If it wasn't for her, you could have what you were missing so much. The 'us' that was three instead of the 'us' that was you and Dean with a side of Sam.

"I said no." Yeah! No means no, ya bitch!

"Well, then you better pray that Anna gets her groove back, or we're all dead." What the fuck did she hold over him?

Anna stirred and rolled over on the couch, stealing your attention away. For a few moments, you just stood and stared at the way the moonlight made her hair look almost maroon.


	34. Guilt and Chocolate Cake

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Holy Crap I'm back! 
> 
> If you remember, my MC brother went down on his bike an almost a year ago. I'm pleased to say he's walking again. Even after all this time, the doctors are fighting to save his kidney and part of his bowel. 
> 
> I feel like I'm ready to dive back in...so here we go.

The house had gotten quiet by the time Baby rumbled back into the junk yard. Anna was still sleeping on the couch and Ruby was thumbing through a lore book while Sam snored softly in a chair. Grabbing a couple of beers on your way out, the screen door shut softly behind you as you went down the stairs to where he'd parked far from the house.

"Hey, honey. Pamela get home okay?" He started at bit at your voice, but happily took the beer you offered to him.

"Yeah. She said she was sorry. It's just after last time, she, uh... This is just a little too rich for her blood." His heavy arm slung over your shoulders and you rested your head against him when Anna seemed to simply appear next to you. 

"I don't blame her. You guys should do the same." She hoisted herself up to sit on the hood of the car next to you. She reached over and brushed a lock away from your face in an almost familiar action.

"Well, we're not that smart." You half expected her to insist to Dean that she needed to do this alone, but he kept talking. "Can I ask you something, Anna? What do they want me for? Why did the angels save me?" His voice strained almost to cracking on the last sentence. 

"I'm sorry. The angels aren't talking about it. And it was after I fell." The weight of his arm got a little heavier across your back. Was he feeling defeat?

"That's another question. Why would you fall? Why would you want to be one of us?" You had been meaning to ask her about this, but hadn't found the right time. 

"You don't mean that, _____."

"I don't? A bunch of -- of miserable bastards... Eating, crapping, confused, afraid. It just doesn't seem like a life worth coveting."

"I don't know. There's loyalty... forgiveness... love." The curve of her lower lip cast a shadow on her chin that stood out against her starkly pale skin.

"You forgot pain and betrayal."

"Chocolate cake." The two of you shared a smile over that one. Chocolate cake IS good.

"There's guilt." Sweet Dean. He walked through this world riddled with guilt. Almost bent with the weight of it.

"Sex."

"Yeah, you got me there." Anna laughed at both of you agreeing to that in unison.

"I mean it, guys. Every emotion, even the bad ones... It's why I fell. It's why... why I'd give anything not to have to go back. Anything."

"Feelings are overrated, if you ask me." Even after the laughter, Dean's voice betrayed the bravado.

"Beats being an angel." Why was this so bad? It seemed like a peaceful gig. You had to know why.

"How's that possible? You guys are powerful and perfect. You don't doubt yourselves or God or anything."

Narrowing her eyes and staring out into the dark she showed her longing to feel. "Perfect... Like a marble statue. Cold... no choice... only obedience. Dean, do you know how many angels have actually seen God? Seen his face?"

He shrugged just a wee bit. "All of you?"

"Four angels. Four. And I'm not one of them."

"Anna, I grew up Catholic. You're saying four? That's it? That's not what the statues say, or the art. I mean, well, how do you even know that there is a God?"

After glancing at you, she stared down at her feet. "We have to take it on faith... Just like the church taught you. But, for us, we're killed if we don't have it."

"I don't understand..." Dean wasn't a man of faith, but he was smart. Scary smart, but even he couldn't make sense of this.

"I was stationed on earth 2,000 years. Just... watching... silent... invisible... out on the road... sick for home... waiting on orders from an unknowable father I can't begin to understand. So don't tell me that --"

Dean's chuckle confused you both. Girls pouring her angelic guts out and he chooses NOW to lighten the mood. 

"Honey! Stop it..."What is so funny? What?"

"Nothing. Sorry. It's just...I can relate." And in ways he could. His father wasn't going to win any awards, but he did make these boys they are today.

The tension was thick and uncomfortable with unspoken details. Sam appeared out of the shadows, a welcome distraction. Kinda. 

"Hey, guys."

"Please, Sam. Say you found something we can use." All you wanted was to get Anna what she needed to live the life she wanted.

**********

Holding court, among open books and notes, the taller of the brothers was holding court. Ruby stood behind Sam, hand on his shoulder. Anna had wiggled her butt until she was between you and Dean. 

"Union, Kentucky. Found some accounts of a local miracle."

Dean's eyebrows raised and his hands that has been testing on his knees went palms up, waiting for something he could use.

Sam looked at the three of you, waiting for more. "Yeah. So, in '85, there was an empty field outside of town. Six months later, there was a full-grown oak. They say it looks a century old at least."

"Anna, what do you think?"

She kinda shrugged before tossing that almost maroon hair over her shoulder. 'The grace. Where it hit, it could have done something like that, easy."

"So grace ground zero -- it's not destruction? It's..."

There was a mix of pride and peace on her face. "Pure creation."

**********

Dean had decided on driving through the night. Of course, he had you right next to him, left hand on his thigh. The way it tensed and moved as he used the pedals had you day dreaming. It had been a minute since you'd had the privacy to be intimate with him. Those thighs that lifted you to wrap your legs around his waist. The way they held you up against a wall or pumped into you until you begged him to stop.

Sam was in your right, and Ruby be damned you were having dirty thoughts about him too. With hands clasped in his lap, you watched the way his fingers interlaced, twitching with nervousness. Placing your right-hand on his thigh, mirroring the hand on Dean's, your hand snaked to his and moved into the space between his palms. The motions were lurid and suggestive. You needed your boys. To be surrounded by Winchester again. 

Dean looked up in the rear view and laughed a little longer than he should have.

Ruby piled up, seeming none the eiser to what you were doing to Sam. "What's so funny, Dean?"

"Nothing. It's just an angel and a demon riding in the backseat. It's like the setup to a bad joke... or a Penthouse Forum letter.

"Dude... Reality... Porn." If you didn't love him so much...

"No, sweetheart. This is what you call reality."

*********

As promised, he drove all night. At some point he must have encouraged you to roll away from him. You were curled into Sam with his long, powerful arms wrapped around you. Ruby be dammed.

The impala had stopped in a beautiful oak grove and without a word, was making a beeline for one of the trees, with you close behind.

"Anna, It's beautiful."

"It's where the grace touched down. I can feel it."

Dean took Anna by her shoulders and kinda squatted to look in her eyes. "You ready to do this?"

She glanced at the three of you standing there, then back to Dean. "Not really, but I've got to."

Sam was trying to be supportive, but it came out more like frustration. "Anna, what are we even looking for?"

Without a word, she put a hand on the tree trunk.  
"It doesn't matter. It's not here. Not anymore. Someone took it."

**********

After another all night drive, this time, cuddled up to Sam, ruby could suck it, Dean finally stopped at an old barn. Everyone needed to regroup. It was a fruitless trip, two days wasted.

"We still got the hex bags. I say we head back to the panic room."

Dann you, Ruby. Dann you.for making sense. "What, forever?"

"I'm just thinking out loud! Fuck, gimme a break. You're really good at being a bitch."

"Oh, you call that thinking?"

Sam to the fucking rescue. "Hey! Hey, hey, hey. Stop it."

Ruby had been quiet for the most part. She had had enough and was starting to panic. "Anna's grace is gone. You understand? She can't angel up. She can't protect us. We can't fight Heaven and Hell. One side maybe, but not both. Not at once." 

"Um... guys? The angels are talking again. It's weird... Like a recording... a loop. It says, "Dean Winchester gives us Anna by midnight, or..."

That was enough to scare everyone, but it was you who asked the dreaded question."Or what?"

"...or we hurl him back to damnation."

"Nope. Not happening again. I'm not losing you, Dean. You're the only true Thing I have. Anna, I love you to bits. But if it comes down to..."

Sam saw the anxiety boiling up in side you. He felt guilty that he was part of what would make you feel alone. He just hoped that changing the subject would help. "Anna.. Do you know of any weapon that works on an angel?"

"To what? To kill them?" Sam nodded small enouragements to the girl.

Dean has you wrapped against his chest while you sobbed. "Just turn her over to them, honey. I can't ...can't lose you. Why you? Castiel said there were bigger plans for you. She can't be it. She can't."

Anna heard every word you said. Her eyes brimmed with unshead tears. "Nothing we could get to... Not right now."

Nothing that could save them both. The choice was easy.

Dean's mind was racing. If there was a way to save them both, he'd find it. "Okay, wait, wait. I say we call Bobby. We get him back from hedonism." Nice straw you're grasping at.

Sam was over the hero complex and he was watching your state very closely. "Dean, what's he gonna tell us that we don't already know?"

"I don't know, but we got to think of something!" 

**********

In the dark, Dean is studying a book over Baby while you held a flash light for him to read by.

A snap of twigs in the brush got your attention. Anna was timid approaching you. Still stinging from your words. "Hey, pretty girl. Holding up okay?"

Her hands wound their way inside your jacket and suddenly she was pressed against you from neck to groin. "I'm trying. A little scared, I guess. So, um... Dean... I just wanted to thank you."

"For what?" She snuggled in even closer. The swell of her breast fit right below yours 

"Everything." Her face turned up to yours. "You guys -- you didn't have to help me." But you hadn't. You were ready to sacrifice the girl to save your Dean.

"Hey, let's can the "thanks for trying" speech, you know? Participation trophies suck ass." Oh, good one. Chicks dying at midnight and he's cracking jokes.

"I don't know. Maybe I don't deserve to be saved. She couldn't stand the thought of being with out you, and no one would miss me."

He didn't want anyone to feel like that, he's felt it enough in his life. Until you. "Don't talk like that."

"I disobeyed. Lucifer disobeyed. It's our murder one, and I knew it. Maybe I've got to pay."  
"Yeah, well, we've all done things we got to pay for."  
"I got to tell you something. You're not gonna like it."  
"Okay. what?"  
"About a week ago, I heard the angels talking... About you... What you did in Hell. Dean, I know. It wasn't your fault. You should forgive yourself".  
She knew. She knew why he called out at night. She knew why he refused to sleep. She knew why you woke up, chest covered in tears he didn't know he'd shed. "Anna, I don't w-want to, uh... I don't want to... I can't talk about that." "I know. But when you can, you have people that want to help. You are not alone. This woman here, loves you with every part of herself. And your brother, he can't breathe when you're in pain.That's all I'm trying to say." Before you could process what she said, her hand snuck around to the back of your shirt, under the hem. Chilly hands had grown warm inside your jacket. Lifting up to her toes, she kissed your lips. Everything you dig about kissing a woman came rushing back. The soft skin around her mouth. The softness of her jaw when you cradelled her face. The tiny sighs when you gathered her hair. She felt like a girl. She smelled like a girl. She broke away slowly, leaving you wanting more. It was Dean that broke the silence and connection the two of you were feeling. "What was that for?"  
"You know... Our last night on earth... All that."  
"You're stealing my best line to seduce my girl." "I'm stealing it to seduce both of you."


	35. Chapter 35

INT. IMPALA - NIGHT  
Ready for love by Bad Company is playing while DEAN and ANNA make love.  
INT. BARN - NIGHT  
SAM is asleep over an open book as RUBY leaves.  
EXT. CROSSROAD - NIGHT  
RUBY burns her hex bag.  
ALASTAIR  
Hello, Ruby.  
RUBY  
Alastair.  
ALASTAIR  
I have to say, I'm surprised to find you out in the open like this.  
RUBY  
Yeah? Desperate times.  
ALASTAIR  
That they are. You looking for this? [ takes out Ruby's knife ] Your gawky human friend gave it to me.  
RUBY  
Keep it. I just came to talk.  
ALASTAIR  
About what? About how a demon is protecting an angel? We really must revoke your membership.  
RUBY  
Look, I know I'm not employee of the month, but this -- I never wanted to get in the middle of this.  
ALASTAIR  
Why are you here, Ruby?  
RUBY  
I'll give you the angel.  
ALASTAIR  
Will you? And in return?  
RUBY  
I walk away. Me and the Winchester boys, both of them. This angel business is none of our business.  
ALASTAIR  
Hmm. You know...I'd always heard that you were a devious, cowardly little slut. You don't disappoint.  
RUBY  
So, what do you say?  
ALASTAIR  
It's interesting... Prudent.  
Two demons appear and grab RUBY from behind.  
ALASTAIR  
But, uh... Let me make you a... counteroffer.  
INT. BARN - NIGHT  
URIEL  
Look at that. It's so cute when monkeys wear clothes.  
DEAN  
I'm dreaming, aren't I?  
URIEL  
It's the only way we could chat... since you're hiding like cowards.  
DEAN  
Don't normally see you off leash. Where's your boss?  
URIEL  
Castiel? Oh, he, uh... He's not here. See, he has this weakness. He likes you. Time's up, boy. We want the girl.  
DEAN  
Wouldn't try that if I were you. See, she got her grace back. Full-blown angel now.  
URIEL  
That would be a neat trick, considering... [ takes out a necklace ] ...I have her grace right here. We can't let Hell get their hooks into her.  
DEAN  
Well, then why don't you just give her back her angel juice?  
URIEL  
She committed a serious crime.  
DEAN  
What? Thinking for herself?  
URIEL  
This is our business, not yours. She's not even human... Not technically.  
DEAN  
Yeah, well, I guess I just like being a pain in the pooper.  
URIEL  
No. There's more. You cut yourself a slice of... angel food cake. Didn't you? Huh? You did.  
DEAN  
What do you care? You're junkless down there, right? Like a Ken doll?  
URIEL  
Ooh. Well, it's your last chance. Give us the girl, or --  
DEAN  
Or what? What, you're gonna toss me back in the hole? You're bluffing.  
URIEL  
Try me. This is a whole lot bigger than the plans we got for you, Dean. You can be replaced.  
DEAN  
What the hell? Go ahead and do it.  
URIEL  
You're just crazy enough to go, aren't you?  
DEAN  
What can I say? I don't break easy.  
URIEL  
Oh, yes... you do. You just got to know where to apply the right pressure.  
INT. OLD BATHROOM - NIGHT  
RUBY is tied to some kind of dentist chair, ALASTAIR is torturing her with her knife.  
ALASTAIR  
You know the problem with your generation? Instant gratification. It's all now, now, now. No patience, no craftsmanship. But I do have to say... This knife of yours... It's an exquisite piece. You must tell me where you found it. You know... I haven't been up here since Poland '43. Truth is, I loathe it. It's chilly. No stink of blood or sizzle of flesh or the wet flap of flayed skin. I don't know how you stand it. So, the sooner you cooperate, the sooner I can finish up with this ghastly angel business and return home to my studies. But no rush. Let's take our time... Relish the moment. Now, I'm going to remove this, but don't you go smoking out of that meat. You won't get very far.  
RUBY  
Oh!  
ALASTAIR  
Now you tell me where that angel is.  
RUBY  
No.  
ALASTAIR  
No?  
RUBY  
No. I tell you, you kill me. But I'll show you.  
INT. BARN - DAY  
SAM  
I don't know, man. Where's Ruby?  
DEAN  
Hey, she's your Hell buddy.  
DEAN is drinking from his flask.  
ANNA  
Little early for that, isn't it?  
DEAN  
It's 2 a.m. somewhere.  
ANNA  
You okay?  
DEAN  
Yeah, of course.  
The doors open with a blast and CASTIEL and URIEL enter.  
CASTIEL  
Hello, Anna. It's good to see you.  
SAM  
How? How did you find us? [ pause ] Dean?  
DEAN  
[to ANNA] I'm sorry.  
SAM  
Why?  
ANNA  
Because they gave him a choice. They either kill me... or kill you. I know how their minds work.  
ANNA kisses DEAN goodbye.  
ANNA  
You did the best you could. I forgive you. Okay. No more tricks. No more running. I'm ready.

ACT FOUR

 

INT. BARN - DAY  
CASTIEL  
I'm sorry.  
ANNA  
No. You're not. Not really. You don't know the feeling.  
CASTIEL  
Still, we have a history. It's just --  
ANNA  
Orders are orders. I know. Just make it quick.  
ALASTAIR, a bleeding RUBY and another demon appear.  
ALASTAIR  
Don't you touch a hair on that poor girl's head.  
URIEL  
How dare you come in this room... you pussing sore?  
ALASTAIR  
Name-calling. That hurt my feelings... You sanctimonious, fanatical prick.  
CASTIEL  
Turn around and walk away now.  
ALASTAIR  
Sure. Just give us the girl. We'll make sure she gets punished good and proper.  
CASTIEL  
You know who we are and what we will do. I won't say it again. Leave now... or we lay you to waste.  
ALASTAIR  
Think I'll take my chances.  
Angels and demons begin to fight. CASTIEL tries to exorcise ALASTAIR with his hand with no result.  
ALASTAIR  
Sorry, kiddo. Why don't you go run to daddy?  
URIEL exorcises a demon.  
DEMON  
Aaaaahhhh!  
ALASTAIR begins to exorcise CASTIEL.  
ALASTAIR  
Potestas inferna, me confirma. Potestas inferna, me confirma. Potestas inferma, me confirma!  
DEAN hits ALASTAIR with a crowbar.  
ALASTAIR  
Dean, Dean, Dean... I am so disappointed. You had such promise.  
ALASTAIR attacks DEAN and SAM. ANNA takes her grace from URIEL while he is killing the other demon.  
URIEL  
No!  
ANNA breaks the pendant releasing the grace. White light flows into her mouth.  
ANNA  
Shut your eyes. Shut your eyes! Shut your eyes!  
Bright light comes out from ANNA's body and makes ALASTAIR disappear, leaving behind RUBY's knife.  
DEAN  
Well, what are you guys waiting for? Go get Anna. Unless, of course, you're scared.  
URIEL  
This isn't over.  
DEAN  
Oh, it looks over to me, junkless.  
CASTIEL and URIEL disappear.  
SAM  
You okay?  
RUBY  
Not so much.  
DEAN  
What took you so long to get here?  
RUBY  
Sorry I'm late with the demon delivery. I was only being tortured.  
DEAN  
I got to hand it to you, Sammy. Bringing them all together all at once -- angels and demons. It was a damn good plan.  
SAM  
Yeah, well, when you got Godzilla and Mothra on your ass, best to get out of their way and let them fight.  
DEAN  
Yeah, now you're just bragging.  
SAM  
So, I guess she's some big-time angel now, huh? She must be happy... Wherever she is.  
DEAN  
I doubt it.

ACT FIVE

EXT. ROADSIDE - DAY  
SAM is sitting on the hood of the Impala with a beer, and DEAN is leaning against the side of the car near him.  
DEAN  
I can't believe we made it out of there.  
SAM  
Again.  
DEAN holds out his bottle and SAM clinks it.  
DEAN  
I know you heard him.  
SAM  
Who?  
DEAN  
Alastair. What he said... about how I had promise.  
SAM  
I heard him.  
DEAN  
You're not curious?  
SAM  
Dean, I'm damn curious. But you're not talking about Hell, and I'm not pushing.  
DEAN  
It wasn't four months, you know.  
SAM  
What?  
DEAN  
It was four months up here, but down there... I don't know. Time's different. It was more like 40 years.  
SAM  
My God.  
DEAN  
They, uh... They sliced and carved and tore at me in ways that you... Until there was nothing left. And then, suddenly... I would be whole again... like magic... just so they could start in all over. And Alastair... at the end of every day... every one... he would come over. And he would make me an offer. To take me off the rack... if I put souls on... if I started the torturing. And every day, I told him to stick it where the sun shines. For 30 years, I told him. But then I couldn't do it anymore, Sammy. I couldn't. And I got off that rack. God help me, I got right off it, and I started ripping them apart. I lost count of how many souls. [ a tear rolls down his cheek ] The -- the things that I did to them.  
SAM  
Dean... Dean, look, you held out for 30 years. That's longer than anyone would have.  
DEAN  
[ crying ] How I feel... This... inside me... I wish I couldn't feel anything, Sammy. I wish I couldn't feel a damn thing.  
Category: Transcripts  



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